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July 18, 2019, 08:52:35 AM
626162 Posts in 48454 Topics by 6584 Members
Latest Member: BerangerG Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Reader Comments  |  Elves « previous next »
Pages: [1] 2
Author Topic: Elves  (Read 36139 times)
David Emery
« on: January 13, 1999, 06:42:59 PM »

I agree...this movie sucked big time. The premise sounds so promising and lets you down really hard. Killer Elves = great! Killer Elf that runs around not doing much of anything while the Nazis shoot everyone = not so great. This movie's only half-decent quality lies in Grizzly Adams; the kind of guy you'd want for a grandfather. This movie would have been hilarious if he raised his voice once in a while.
NetFrog Alpha
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 1999, 11:33:45 AM »

Incest, nazi conspiracies, killer elves, Grizzly Adams... why? There are just some things out there that defy reason. Watch it if you're in the mood for something stupid-yet-still-takes-itself-way-too-seriously.
Dan Haggerty Jr.
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2002, 06:34:58 PM »

Elves good...dan haggerty good....santa loves oral....good...ELVES...good...FIRE BAD!!! Pops, ya did a good job.
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 1999, 08:29:44 AM »

I´m afraid, that creators of this movie donť know european mythology enough... All Liósalfar in alfheimr must be very furious ´bout that.
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2000, 04:42:28 PM »

This film stunk up my VCR worse than any other horror movie i've ever watched. and as implied in the review, there was only one elf! It should have been called "Nazis!"
peter johnson
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2000, 11:18:16 PM »

The same director -- Jeff Mandel -- who made this used a lot of the same people in another bad film: ROBOC.H.I.C.  How a bad movie site such as this can find things like "Barn of the Blood Llama" & not do something on ROBOC.H.I.C. is beyond me.  I was in that film -- I play Gimp, the Satan's Onion.  Burt (Batman tv's Robin)Ward, Kathy Shower, Jack Carter, Phil(Firesign Theatre)Proctor, & a few other familiar faces.  Please review Robochic!!  It is just MADE for your site!  1990 from AIP.  Find it now!
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

I saw this in high school, and I ahve never recovered. The version I saw did have boobage.  Kirsten's mom in the tub just before she does the electric boogaloo. THis movie inspires me to seek funding for films starring my old toys. Look for STRETCH ARMSTRONG VS> HE MAN SANS HEAD. SUMMER 2002.
marta serrat
« Reply #7 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

Hi. I'm from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and I would like more things about the director Jeff Mandel. Jeffery Mandel is the same?
Marta Serrat
Brian McGuire
« Reply #8 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

This film should have been called "The Making of Chris Graham". Young Willy the eventual elf slayer is a good friend of mine and just the other night as we were walking through a small video rental shop in Aurora, Nebraska he said "hey guys I'm in this movie!". Since Chris is such an honest guy, sometimes too honest, we belived him completly and paid the three dollars to rent it. I think this movie is one of the best comedies I've ever seen, especially due to the budding comedic genious of Chris Graham. It has some of the most choice lines in a comedy I've ever seen "Oral, Santa said oral!". "How many teeth ya got?" blam hits him in the face "How many teeth ya got now?". Then the guy quickly shoves something into his mouth and spits out shaving cream. But one of the best parts is when Chris insists that it was a "f***ing ninja troll" then as the adults leave he calmly goes back to bed believing that the adults were right and it was just his cat. Awesome comdey, awful horror flick.  
Super Saiyan Goku
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2001, 06:44:32 PM »

Killer elves?! whats next?! Banshee Choirs?
« Reply #10 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

This movie could have quite possibly been the worst movie of all time had it not been for one of america's most gifted actors, Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty. One of my favorite parts of the movie is right after Mogoo so finely describes as "jumping out of the car like a badass" He then see's a man who could have quite possibly been a concerned citizen. Does Haggerty tell him about his accident Nooo.....
He uses his Keen wit to get straight to the point and asks " YOU some sorta NAZI!!!" then punches him in the face before he answered because he used his grizzled abilty to already figure that one out. For God Sakes , he hit the man so hard foam erupted from his mouth. I love this man!! By the way, Did he die at the end?
« Reply #11 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

When is the sequel coming out??  They very masterfully set it up at the end with embryo-elf.  I'll tell you what probably happened: some stuffed shirt Hollywood yes-man dropped the hatchet on the sequel so the could fund some Gen-X TV-remake piece of crap like Scooby Doo.

I think the ambiguity of Grizzley Adams' fate (did he die or not) is another aspect of the sequel set-up.
Brian McGuire
« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

I have so much more to say. For those anticipating the release of "Elves Two: The Fourth Reich", there may be a version released on the internet at or around May 15th as a summer blockbuster. We are currently in the story board phase, as I said I know Willy he and I are awesome friends and media productions majors and know all the fancy digital video editing and s**t . . . and s**t! This second instalment looks to either be the worst horror film of all time, or the greatest comedy ever made. We havn't recieved any official rights, mainly because we can't find anyone who wants to claim this piece of cinematic mastery. I don't think it'll be a problem though, Chris's (Willy) dad was the executive producer. Well, be looking for the sexiness May 15th.          
« Reply #13 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

They really scraped the bottom of the barrell with this one.  Nothing particularly good or even bad enough to be memorable, save the scene where the hateful little brother watches his sister shower with perverse glee then sizes up her rack afterward.  I'm still laughing at that.
Jeff Mandel
« Reply #14 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM »

I’m finally out of prison and allowed to use the Internet and a computer again after all these years and what is the first thing I see?  Scathing reviews of my films.  (Chris Graham, I hid our negatives well, they were not part of my conviction.  Thanks for the memories.)

Yes.  It is I, JEFF MANDEL!  Jeff Mandel, the DIRECTOR AND CO-WRITER of ELVES!  

(I admit to a vague recollection of another film.  A “Peter” Johnson seems to think it’s ROBO-C.H.I.C.  Could this be?  We may never know the truth.  I do, however, remember a “Mr.” Johnson quite well.  As I recall he was a liar and extremely effeminate. I’m just saying.  (See ROBO-C.H.I.C. for more details.)

It’s a shame I have only now discovered this site.  I’m sure, by now, most of the people writing these comments are long dead.  But there is so much to say…  I will not defend my choices.  However, it is absolutely and completely not my fault that Bob Denver’s son, Patrick, hired to create an entire fleet of elves, showed up looking like Gilligan with only a single elf or that said elf’s cables locked up before we could even get one take in the can, freezing the elf’s countenance in that toothy, madcap grin.  But the grin was appropriate because…ELVES IS A COMEDY.  That’s right.  A comedy.  Sure it may be more funny “peculiar” than funny “ha ha.”  But to me, that’s what’s funny.  In real life I am often criticized because people cannot tell whether I’m joking or being serious.  For example, I am joking right now.  See?  And again here: “This statement is funny.”  But it’s not.  I was only kidding.  See?

Now that’s funny.  

At least Satan gets it.  I think.  And Andrew Bornteger.  I enjoyed the subtle critique and the burning personal pain I felt.  Is that all you got?  And Jeff Carpenter can score my next film anytime he wants. (Actually, does he have any kind of deal?  Does he know of any films shooting in his area that need a script or a director?  Or any position, really, if the money’s there. Please call me.)  

As for the nasty, hurtful, personal attacks of the fans?  They are EXACTLY the kind of response I was hoping for!  I love them!  Just as I love this film!  I made it for me, Jeff Mandel, auteur and aesthete, not you!  You think I care what any of you think?   You can’t hurt me and you can’t hurt my career!  I’ll match my filmmaking skills to anyone anytime anywhere!  I am as proud of ELVES as anything I’ve ever done.  And I stand behind my work 110%!    
--Name Withheld By Request
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