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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Television  |  THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs « previous next »
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Author Topic: THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs  (Read 162928 times)
Rev. Powell
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« Reply #510 on: January 30, 2016, 08:08:15 PM »

GIRLS TOWN

CROW [as French maitre d']: Sir, I have a table for you and your jailbait.

TOM [as the automated phone recording at the Catholic orphanage]: All of our nuns are currently busy. The last calls will be answered first...

TOM: Paul Anka's beefy security nuns step in!
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"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
sprite75
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« Reply #511 on: January 31, 2016, 09:48:45 PM »

I was watching one of the bonus features - Crow vs. Crow.  That was a panel discussion that featured Bill Corbett, Trace Beaulieu, and Frank Conniff.  They were talking about Charro! and Frank mentioned they came up with this line for Crow;

"Do I smell Elvis?"

I sooooo wish they could've made that episode.  Maybe they should try for it again since they're doing the show again.
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« Reply #512 on: February 04, 2016, 07:35:56 AM »

I was watching one of the bonus features - Crow vs. Crow.  That was a panel discussion that featured Bill Corbett, Trace Beaulieu, and Frank Conniff.  They were talking about Charro! and Frank mentioned they came up with this line for Crow;

"Do I smell Elvis?"

I sooooo wish they could've made that episode.  Maybe they should try for it again since they're doing the show again.

That was on the DVD of The Beatniks: great episode.  Smile
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As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
Rev. Powell
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« Reply #513 on: April 09, 2016, 10:32:58 AM »

SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL

All the memorable riffs revolve around Tab Hunter, a bad guy disguised as a priest.

[Tab first appears]
MIKE: Insert Tab A into B-movie.

[As priest, Tab puts on Frank Sinatra-style hat at jaunty angle]
MIKE (singing): That's why the savior is a tramp!
TOM (singing): She gets too hungry, for trans-substantiate!

[Tab-priest pulls out a gun and takes woman hostage]
TOM: Jeez, ever since Vatican II, these guys!
CROW: All the Church will do is move him to another parish.

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"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
retrorussell
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« Reply #514 on: April 30, 2016, 06:04:44 AM »

THE CHICKEN OF TOMORROW

(at title screen) Tom: The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!

(eggs are frying in a pan) Crow: These are your chickens on drugs.

(camera pans) Narrator: And on large and small farms the search for the perfect chicken goes on.
(Tom) THERE IT IS!  No-wait..

(narrator) Let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
Mike (as narrator): I'm in the incubator now. (muffled voice)

(narrator, as woman is loading eggs in incubator) Good chicks come from good eggs.
Tom: (as worker) Thank you young man!

(narrator) And finally the fully-developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
Tom: Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.

(narrator) Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.
Tom: Yeah, for pervs.

(worker tosses chicks in bins)
Crow: Garage sale.. Goodwill.. save for the kids..

(narrator) One of the most important advances in poultry raising is the trap nest.  The bird can enter the trap nest easily to lay her egg.  But she can't get out again.. until you LET her out.
Mike: There's no point; it's just funny!

(narrator) And this is a good place to point out a few facts about eggs.
Crow: Stop throwing them at my car!

(chicken combs are flopped over their head)
Mike: They're all wearing Rembrandt hats!

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sprite75
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« Reply #515 on: June 20, 2016, 08:39:59 AM »

The Giant Spider Invasion
"I gotta go drain the little buddy, I'll be right back!"
"Packers!  Packers won the Super Bowl!"
"And this movie ramps up the repulsion."
"Got.  Milk."

Manos
"I'm guessing this is the whole reason this movie was made."
"Joel this is gonna turn into a snuff film."

Mitchell
"Eye on the Sammich!  Mitchell!  Heart's pounding!  Mitchell!  Veins clogging!  Mitchell!"
"You know it's about this time in any killling spree that you really ought to turn the gun on yourself.  Turn it, turn it, turn it...."
"Baby oil?!  NOOOOOOOO!"

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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #516 on: June 25, 2016, 11:52:44 AM »

DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL

[An odd sound effect is dubbed in as a bird swoops by]
CROW: That's a lot of things, but it isn't a bird song.
TOM: I just heard an eagle meow!

Troxartis: Stop them!
MIKE [exasperated by the confusing plot] Stop who from what?

["Potato girl"'s corpse is put on the pyre]
MIKE: Well, I have to say.. she was all-righta!
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
Rev. Powell
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« Reply #517 on: July 09, 2016, 04:01:43 PM »

THE LEECH WOMAN

Malo: You are the one in my dreams of BLOOD!
MIKE: But, everyone's in my dreams of blood, so it's not that big a deal.

[During jungle scenes]

MIKE: Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.

CROW: Stock footage? It's more like stock mileage at this point!
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
Rev. Powell
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B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 2185
Posts: 18089


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


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« Reply #518 on: July 24, 2016, 03:38:43 PM »

THE DEADLY MANTIS

[Jump scare startles two soldiers]
TOM: I peed your pants, I'm not sure how.

[Major puts the moves on love interest]
CROW: Present, tongue!

CROW: But I have a mantis in my pantis!
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
Trevor
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« Reply #519 on: July 26, 2016, 02:57:30 AM »

THE DEADLY MANTIS

[Jump scare startles two soldiers]
TOM: I peed your pants, I'm not sure how.

 BuggedoutBounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
Logged

As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2185
Posts: 18089


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #520 on: July 30, 2016, 04:26:52 PM »

THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE

[Tom's riffs as the two female leads are innocently sleeping in the same bed]

TOM: Do you like Amanda Bearse? Boy, I sure do!

[Artist angrily slashes his portrait of his fiancee]

MIKE: Remember, you fell against a painting of a door.

[The movie's last shot is a freeze frame of the lead actress' ample cleavage]

CROW: The whole movie was leading up to this shot.
MIKE: Brought to you by the Breast Council.
TOM: Buy breasts where you work or bank!
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2185
Posts: 18089


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #521 on: August 06, 2016, 01:13:09 PM »

THE UNDEAD

Hypnotist: When I touch you...
CROW: I think about myself. No no no, that's wrong...

[The hammy Satan laughs]
MIKE: This guy was never in heaven, he was cast out of community theater!

[After long expository speech at end]
MIKE: I have never known more about what isn't going on in this movie.
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
Trevor
South African Film Activist & Troublemaker at Badmovies.org
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1279
Posts: 14524



WWW
« Reply #522 on: August 08, 2016, 06:32:28 AM »

THE UNDEAD

Hypnotist: When I touch you...
CROW: I think about myself. No no no, that's wrong...


 Buggedout BuggedoutBounceGiggle BounceGiggle
Logged

As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
Trevor
South African Film Activist & Troublemaker at Badmovies.org
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1279
Posts: 14524



WWW
« Reply #523 on: August 08, 2016, 06:33:57 AM »

THE KILLER DOGS IN CARPETS SHREWS  Wink

Professor F: Your movie for today's experiment makes even me sick—and I liked Morgan Stewart's Coming HomeWink
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As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2185
Posts: 18089


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #524 on: August 13, 2016, 05:59:27 PM »

TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000

Professor Erling: “Think Bob, throughout human history, what has the first activity of explorers of any new region?”
CROW: "Genocide?"
MIKE: "Slavery?"
TOM: "Diseased-blanket spreading?"

[Actress puts on her bathing suit behind a tree]
MIKE: "Sorry teenage boys of the 50s, this’ll have to do. She’s all there boys, 100% scrawny spinster."

TOM [as air traffic control]: The movie is on hold, T-10 minutes to plot resumption. We have a leak in the narrative and the movie could implode.
TOM [later, as pilot]: Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be returning you to your plot shortly. We hope the delay hasn't caused you to miss connections to other movies.
Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
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