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November 21, 2018, 07:51:58 AM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 121565 times)
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 1950
Posts: 12059


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #765 on: September 05, 2018, 06:25:34 PM »

I saw a sign at IHOP that said:  "We serve breakfast any time!"
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
The waiter took my order, and I waited an hour.  Finally I said: "Where is my French Toast?"
He said; "Don't you remember?  I served it to you 520 years ago."

Well played.
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 455
Posts: 3330



« Reply #766 on: September 06, 2018, 03:15:21 AM »

Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I canít be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because Iím not dead yet!'
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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
Trevor
Doctor of Zombology
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South African Film Activist and Chief Troublemaker


WWW
« Reply #767 on: September 06, 2018, 03:34:29 AM »

Why did Trevor cross the road?
a. To get to the other side for the underwear clearance sale. No fool he.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
b. It was lunchtime at Trevor's house, and all the birds and the bees would be there.
c. Trevor was on vacation.
d. It wanted to see where Trevor went, for it was sure to follow.
e. Trevor was on strike.
f. It was Trevor's day off from crossing the road.
g. Trevor's alarm failed to go off, and he was late.
h. Since it was paid in chickenfeed, it was cheaper to use a chicken.

Anymore?


 Thumbup TeddyR TeddyR
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Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 455
Posts: 3330



« Reply #768 on: September 06, 2018, 04:56:39 AM »

Why is the IRS going after Stormy Daniels?


Because she didn't declare all her "gross" income
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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
El Misfit
[Insert witty here]
B-Movie Kraken
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Posts: 11835


Hi there!


« Reply #769 on: September 12, 2018, 11:26:30 PM »

A man got trampled by some horses and was taken to a hospital. His condition has been listed as stable.
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yeah no.
Svengoolie 3
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Karma: 104
Posts: 2378



« Reply #770 on: September 13, 2018, 02:40:08 PM »

Hollywood is making a new version of 'the exorcist'. It'sIt's about a woman desperately seeking Satan's help to get a Catholic priest out of her son.
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Hydra Dominatus!
ER
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The world becomes a dream....


« Reply #771 on: September 13, 2018, 02:46:58 PM »

Hollywood is making a new version of 'the exorcist'. It'sIt's about a woman desperately seeking Satan's help to get a Catholic priest out of her son.

Dude...really? Child molestation as humor?
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"If I should meet thee after long years,

How shall I greet thee? With silence, and tears."

--Lord Byron
Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 455
Posts: 3330



« Reply #772 on: September 19, 2018, 02:09:48 PM »

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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1950
Posts: 12059


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #773 on: September 19, 2018, 04:54:46 PM »

So I had this dream last night that me, AHD, Trevor, and Dark Alex were going to a B movie convention.
On the way there, the car swerved off a road and suddenly all three of us were standing before the pearly gates.

Slowly, they swung open, and a deep, booming voice said: "WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!  DO WHAT YOU WANT, GO WHERE YOU WILL, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT STEP ON A DUCK!!"

So we entered and wandered around, and after not encountering anyone else, we decided to split up and see if we could find where all the people were.
After a while I rounded a corner, and here came AHD handcuffed to the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I mean, this woman fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!  I said: "Dude - What happened to you??"
    AHD replied: "I stepped on a duck."

A while later I ran across Trevor, and he was handcuffed to the ugly woman's even uglier sister.  This woman was ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road!  "What happened?" I said.
 
Trevor replied:  "I stepped on a duck!"

By this point I was spending more time looking for ducks than I was looking for other people!! After a while, though, I ran into Dark Alex.  He was handcuffed to Scarlett Johansen!  I looked at him in shock and said: "What happened??"

And she said:  "I stepped on a duck."   BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 104
Posts: 2378



« Reply #774 on: September 19, 2018, 09:02:48 PM »

https://taskandpurpose.com/hoth-crash-air-force-investigation/
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Hydra Dominatus!
Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #775 on: September 26, 2018, 10:06:59 PM »


How is YOKO ONO like a spider?  She also lives off of dead beetles... 
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If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 455
Posts: 3330



« Reply #776 on: October 04, 2018, 05:14:00 PM »

I tried eating Wookie once.

It was Chewie.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2018, 02:24:35 PM by Dark Alex » Logged

There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
Dark Alex
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 455
Posts: 3330



« Reply #777 on: October 06, 2018, 03:37:11 AM »

Was asked if I wanted to play Battleships today.

To be honest its a game that I find very hit or miss.
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There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1950
Posts: 12059


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #778 on: October 06, 2018, 06:54:00 AM »

What's brown and bubbly and taps on the glass?
A hamster in a microwave!
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Svengoolie 3
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 104
Posts: 2378



« Reply #779 on: October 06, 2018, 02:12:27 PM »

I was in a traffic jam yesterday when a man tapped on my window and told me that terrorists had kidnapped Donald trump and we've  demanding 10 billion in ransom or  they were going to fill a swimming pool with gasoline,  throw him in it and set it on fire.  He asked me if I'd donate anything to help.

I told him they could out me down for 2 gallons.
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Hydra Dominatus!
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