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December 13, 2017, 02:44:38 AM
587765 Posts in 45293 Topics by 6017 Members
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 96275 times)
ER
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The world becomes a dream....


« Reply #660 on: September 28, 2017, 11:37:26 AM »

How'd they know Hugh Hefner was dead?

He went stiff without a viagra.
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"If I should meet thee after long years,

How shall I greet thee? With silence, and tears."

--Lord Byron
javakoala
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Does ANYBODY remember this guy?


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« Reply #661 on: September 28, 2017, 05:07:20 PM »

How'd they know Hugh Hefner was dead?

He went stiff without a viagra.

How long have you been sitting on that one?
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ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 652
Posts: 3849


The world becomes a dream....


« Reply #662 on: September 28, 2017, 06:20:57 PM »

How'd they know Hugh Hefner was dead?

He went stiff without a viagra.

How long have you been sitting on that one?
Shrug, it just came to me.
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"If I should meet thee after long years,

How shall I greet thee? With silence, and tears."

--Lord Byron
AoTFan
Bad Movie Lover
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« Reply #663 on: September 30, 2017, 10:08:42 PM »

Did you know that sometimes teachers make great hookers?  Because you know teachers, they make you do stuff over and over again until you get it right. TeddyR
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El Misfit
Possible sex dungeon mistress
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Hi there!


« Reply #664 on: October 01, 2017, 12:04:49 PM »

Someone broke in to my house and stole my limbo trophy. Just how low can they go?
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yeah no.
AoTFan
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« Reply #665 on: October 11, 2017, 09:04:41 PM »


Why does Harvey Weinstein always cry during sex?

Because of the mace.
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El Misfit
Possible sex dungeon mistress
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Hi there!


« Reply #666 on: October 17, 2017, 08:03:11 PM »

Balloons take up more space relative to their cost than any other products sold in the last century, adjusted for inflation.

Hitler went to a fortuneteller and asked her "On which day will I die?" The seeress assured him that he will die on a Jewish holiday. "Why are you so sure of that?" demanded Hitler. "Any day", she replied, "on which you die will become a Jewish holiday."
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yeah no.
Dark Alex
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Apparently I am very Dark and very Alex.


« Reply #667 on: October 26, 2017, 01:48:06 PM »

I went to see a hypnotists show last night. At one point he had seven guys hypnotised. Then he accidently dropped his mike on his foot and yelled "f**k ME!"

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.
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Having listened to your problems, I have decided I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Trevor
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« Reply #668 on: October 27, 2017, 07:10:42 AM »

I went to see a hypnotists show last night. At one point he had seven guys hypnotised. Then he accidently dropped his mike on his foot and yelled "f**k ME!"

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

LOL: I needed that laugh.  BounceGiggle BounceGiggle

Hopefully they were all hunks  Wink
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As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
Pacman000
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« Reply #669 on: October 27, 2017, 12:06:02 PM »

"Do you always Nickle and Dime everyone?"

"Yes sir; this is a five and ten cent store."
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AoTFan
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« Reply #670 on: November 05, 2017, 12:57:02 AM »

A guy is sitting at a bar in the Penthouse on the 30th floor of a fancy hotel.  A woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, sailor, what cha drinking?"

"Oh, nothing," the guy replies, "Except for this... magic beer!"

"What?" the girl says, incredulous.  "No way!"

"Yes," the guy says, "I'm dead serious.  This beer is MAGIC.  What this." 

The guy downs the rest of his beer, runs over to a nearby window, opens it, jumps out and starts FLYING around.  After about a minute, he comes back in.

"WOW!" says the girl, "That's amazing!  I want to try some of that!"

"Barkeep!" says the man, "Give the lady one of what I'm having."

The barkeep comes over and gives the lady a beer.  She promptly downs it, runs over to the windows,  yells, "Watch me!" and jumps out.

She then promptly falls into the ground below.

The barkeeper sighs heavily and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a***ole when you're drunk!"
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BoyScoutKevin
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« Reply #671 on: November 19, 2017, 02:48:28 PM »

A guy is sitting at a bar in the Penthouse on the 30th floor of a fancy hotel.  A woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, sailor, what cha drinking?"

"Oh, nothing," the guy replies, "Except for this... magic beer!"

"What?" the girl says, incredulous.  "No way!"

"Yes," the guy says, "I'm dead serious.  This beer is MAGIC.  What this." 

The guy downs the rest of his beer, runs over to a nearby window, opens it, jumps out and starts FLYING around.  After about a minute, he comes back in.

"WOW!" says the girl, "That's amazing!  I want to try some of that!"

"Barkeep!" says the man, "Give the lady one of what I'm having."

The barkeep comes over and gives the lady a beer.  She promptly downs it, runs over to the windows,  yells, "Watch me!" and jumps out.

She then promptly falls into the ground below.

The barkeeper sighs heavily and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a***ole when you're drunk!"

I haven't seen it, but from what I read of the reviews so far, the latest "Justice League" would drive anyone to drink, even Superman.
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Rev. Powell
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Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


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« Reply #672 on: November 20, 2017, 08:59:52 AM »

G.W. Bush, Obama and Trump all die and go before God to be judged.

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well", says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good", says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
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"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
AoTFan
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« Reply #673 on: December 02, 2017, 07:37:28 PM »

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."

About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

The guy asks, "Why do you say that?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
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indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #674 on: December 02, 2017, 07:56:17 PM »

Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on the side?


So they can Scandanavian!!  (say it slow)
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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