Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
October 21, 2017, 02:46:23 PM
585609 Posts in 45130 Topics by 5976 Members
Latest Member: pyro138
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  NOAH (2014) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: NOAH (2014)  (Read 1541 times)
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1760
Posts: 10823


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« on: August 04, 2014, 12:29:32 AM »

I actually wanted to like this movie.  I knew that many of my fellow evangelical Christians were deeply offended by it,
but at the same time, some of these folks are offended by Barney the Purple Dinosaur - teaches evolution to kids, you
know?  So despite all the negative reviews, I decided to give it a chance and judge for myself.  This evening my wife and
I sat and watched the whole thing.

Good Lord, what a train wreck!

First of all, from a Biblical point of view, it gets so much wrong that it's not even funny.  Noah's sons were all grown men,
and married. The ark was built, not only to save the animals, but to save the decent remnant of humanity.  While the Bible
does say that there were "giants in the earth in those days," it never calls them rock giants, nor does it indicate they were
fallen angels who helped redeem themselves by assisting Noah's construction project.  No stowaways on the ark either.
And Noah was not a psychotic human extinction advocate who tried to murder his own granddaughters, nor was he a kung
fu master eco-warrior!

But let's pretend I'm not a Christian and never read the Biblical account.  How was NOAH as a movie?
Not great.  The title character was unsympathetic, the voice of God was never heard once, the subplot with
King Tubal-Cain made little sense, and the timeline was hard to follow.  Overall, I was simply NOT impressed.
At all.

Maybe EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS will be better.  Christian Bale as Moses?  It's worth a shot.
I want to hear his Batman voice say "Let my people go!!" TeddyR
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Jack
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1130
Posts: 10304



« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2014, 05:55:36 AM »

Yeah as soon as I heard that God was destroying the earth not because humanity was sinful, but because they weren't eco-friendly, I wrote that one off completely.

Hollywood  Lookingup
Logged

The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.

- Paulo Coelho
Flangepart
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 621
Posts: 9327



« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2014, 08:15:01 AM »

yeeps! Sounds like a Riff-fest fit for a bible study.
Logged

"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"
Javakoala
Guest
« Reply #3 on: August 05, 2014, 07:49:41 PM »

Yet, this man sticks by his guns about the glories of SUCKER PUNCH.

That, my friends, is a leap of faith greater than Noah's.   TeddyR

(Sorry, Indy. It's been too long since I gave you flak about your favorite movie. The Debil made me do it!)
Logged
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1760
Posts: 10823


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2014, 10:37:56 PM »

SUCKER PUNCH was more scriptural than this movie!!! LOL

My wife described NOAH as "a SyFy Original Bible Story."  I can't top that!
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Flangepart
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 621
Posts: 9327



« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2014, 08:12:42 AM »

SUCKER PUNCH was more scriptural than this movie!!! LOL

My wife described NOAH as "a SyFy Original Bible Story."  I can't top that!
You need to quote her more often!
Logged

"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"
BoyScoutKevin
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 217
Posts: 4089


« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2014, 03:38:24 PM »

I actually was going to see this, when it came to the theater, but then I changed my mind, and from what is said here, I am glad that I did. Though, I might have liked it a bit more than anyone else here.

I think the problem with this type of film is trying to make a religious film for the masses, when the masses are not that religious, and what you get is "Noah." I think the makers of "Exodus : Gods and Kings" have the better idea, or, from what I understand of the film so far, is to make a film for the religious, then hope it appeals to the mass who are not religious.

And we shall see what we shall see.
Logged
Josso
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 46
Posts: 454



WWW
« Reply #7 on: August 06, 2014, 03:46:27 PM »

I was so bored so quickly, had to turn it off
Logged

indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1760
Posts: 10823


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2014, 04:35:33 PM »

If EXODUS follows the formula that THE TEN COMMANDMENTS and PRINCE OF EGYPT used, it will be successful.
If it goes the path of NOAH, it will probably tank.

It's OK to add a few plot elements as long as you keep the beloved narrative intact and basically unaltered.
Come to think of it, someone needs to tell Peter Jackson that.
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Bushma
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 161
Posts: 1197



« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2014, 10:18:17 PM »

My lesson learned from this movie is this: only evil people eat meat and unless we co-exist with the environment global warming will kill us all.
Logged

This is my awesome signature.  Jealous?
Josso
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 46
Posts: 454



WWW
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2014, 05:17:45 AM »

THIS IS A DARREN ARONOFSKY FILM? I was quite happy to just let this die an obscure death, but sorry, WHAT? I didn't personally like his last two films but at least they weren't painfully bad. What the hell happened, 98-06 he made some of my most standout films ever. I actually had to double check this in the morning on imdb because it's so unbelievable. I had a theory a few years ago that after this film things would get good again (similar to my "every other windows OS is stable" theory) so who knows maybe the trash has peaked and we will get some epic oddity next.
Logged

Flangepart
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 621
Posts: 9327



« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2014, 07:44:00 AM »

Could be. Epic Oddity is what this site is about!
Logged

"Aggressivlly eccentric, and proud of it!"
Ed, Ego and Superego
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 294
Posts: 3012



« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2014, 01:46:11 PM »

Thanks Indy,
 I probably wouldn't take the time to watch this, but now its even lost curiosity value.
-Ed
Logged

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  NOAH (2014) « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.