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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Crimson Peak (2015) (spoilers) « previous next »
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Author Topic: Crimson Peak (2015) (spoilers)  (Read 283 times)
akiratubo
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« on: December 08, 2016, 01:23:42 PM »

In the early 1900s, some society girl (she's played by the same chick who was Alice in that Johnny Depp wonderland movie) tries to sell a novel she's written to a publisher.  He won't buy it because she's a woman, and only women read books by women authors, women readers only read romance novels, and her novel isn't a romance novel.  Boo!  Hiss!  Misogyny!

Later, she meets some British guy (the guy who was Loki in The Avengers ... Tom Hiddleston?) who wants her rich father to fund his digging machine.  The father is all like, "No, kiss my ass, Tea Drinker!"  So, Loki proceeds to develop a romance with Alice for absolutely no ulterior motive.

The father has Loki investigated.  What he finds is quite shocking, apparently, because he tells Loki to p**s off or else everyone will find out about his horrible secret, or whatever.  The father is coincidentally murdered right thereafter.  With the old man dead, Loki easily maneuvers Alice into marrying him so that he can plunder her newly inherited fortune.  Er, I mean, with her smothering father dead, Alice is now free to marry the man of her dreams.

They move to his castle back in England, which is pretty much a moldering ruin slowly sinking into the soft clay bog upon which Loki's ancestors idiotically built the thing.  Loki has an insane sister (played by Juggsica Chestain) who doesn't like Alice.  Also, the place is full of ghosts.  And if that weren't bad enough, Alice quickly develops the alarming tendency to puke blood at the slightest provocation.

(spoilers, as if you couldn't figure it out yourself)

Eventually, Alice figures out that Loki has been poisoning her so he can get his grubby hands on all her money.  He and Juggsica are in fact incestuous lovers, and both seem to have made a habit of marrying rich people and bumping them off for their money.  Golly, that puts Alice in quite a pickle.  She has two things going for her: 1) her ex-boyfriend is on his way from America to help her and 2) Loki has decided he's tired of all that murder and incest, so he's thinking of letting her go.  She also has two things working against her: 1) Her ex is almost as useless as Scatman Crothers turned out to be in The Shining and 2) Juggsica is NOT ready to give up her lifestyle of murder and incest, thank you very much.

You know, if I had Jessica Chastain for a sister, I just might be inclined to take up incest and murder for her sake, myself.  Yum.

Anyway, this movie is pretty boring.  You can see everything coming from practically the moment the characters are introduced.  That might have been the point, as I gather this was supposed to be one of those "it's all in the telling" kind of movies.  That can work.  It didn't here.  Maybe if you like the "gothic" style, you'd get more out of it.  I don't like that kind of movie, though.  A bunch of rich people skulking around in dark castle corridors bumping each other off because of something their ancestors did generations ago does nothing for me.  (Unless somebody throws a monster into the mix ... Damn it, del Toro!  You love monsters!  Why didn't you use them when you needed them the most?)  Now, if those damn ghosts had ever actually DONE SOMETHING, that might have redeemed Crimson Peak.  But, they didn't.

The movie does end with a slasher movie chase sequence, though, with a "young girl with a shovel vs. older woman with a knife" climax stolen directly from Friday the 13th no less!  That's worth something.
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clockworkcanary
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« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2016, 09:07:41 AM »

The Wife and I went to see this with a couple of friends and were all severely disappointed (and they are all big fans of the director). As you mentioned, it was so predictable that I literally fell asleep, woke up enough for certain scenes to be verifief on my predictions before falling back asleep. I woke up again as the credits started rolling.

It wasn't even enjoyable in a bad movie kind of way.

We were all Crimson p**sed. lol.
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