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October 22, 2017, 07:20:47 AM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Birdemic « previous next »
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Author Topic: Birdemic  (Read 383 times)
Derf
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Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« on: May 30, 2017, 09:43:52 PM »

I posted this on Facebook, but it may find a more receptive audience here. It records my experience watching Birdemic today (Warning--spoilers ahead, as if this flick could be spoiled, as rotten as it already is):

I discovered Birdemic on one of my Roku channels. I'm trying to watch it, but it is...painful. Worse than all of the Sharknado movies combined, with a smattering of Waterworld, Ishtar, and Heaven's Gate thrown in. The acting is sub-amateur, the bird effects are less realistic than The Incredible Mr. Limpet, and the story hasn't actually started halfway through the movie. So far, a cigar-store-wooden salesman has managed to pick up a girl-next-door fashion model (who just became a Victoria Secret model). In a scene that shows the writers have never been in an office, he makes a sale for a million dollars, and then his company is bought by Oracle for a billion dollars and his private solar power company gets funded for ten million dollars. It is all because of his great passion for his career, which he shows by saying exactly this, reading it off a cue card off camera.

47 minutes in: The titular birds have finally shown up! They are flying over a long shot of a neighborhood, and then they begin dive-bombing houses, which then burst into superimposed flames! Apparently, these birds found a stash of bird seed mixed with gun powder and would rather suicide bomb the suburbs than appear in this movie.

Our heros bravely manage to fend off an attack by using wire hangers they stole from a motel. Wire hangers! No wire hangers! Luckily, a stranger with a van gives them a ride, and he has automatic weapons! I promise, it's more exciting than playing tiddlywinks (unless you're really good). They just walked into a convenience store carrying their weapons, and, lucky for them the store is deserted and it isn't in Texas. I want to take these guys bird hunting, because they're managing to hit eagles at 200 yards with an uzi! I can't tell if this is supposed to be a huge birdemic, because while stores are empty, traffic is moderate and moving in an orderly manner.

It has been revealed that the birds are infected with bird flu caused by global warming. But don't worry--it isn't the birds we need to worry about (according to a conveniently encountered ornithologist), it's the human species that is killing all life on Earth with their global warming and wars and stuff.

And so our heros set out on an epic mission to save hapless doofuses from bad cgi eagles. Too bad the eagles can just ignore the randomly aimed gunfire whenever it is convenient, so the gun nut with a van and his girlfriend are both killed, leaving the salesman (who is immune to eagle attacks because he is made of wood) and the model (who is too wholesome to die) with a free van and weapons. Oh, and two kids who must be the salesman's illegitimate kids, based on their stiff acting skills.

Another convenience store! Oh, no, gas is $100 a gallon! Take it or leave it, but luckily even though the phones are down, the credit card machine works fine. It is still unclear how widespread the problem is, and there's only 15 minutes of movie left.

And next we meet a guy who lives in a tree house. He hates global warming and all the damage it is doing by allowing insects that kill trees to thrive. He has made it his mission to protect the precious redwoods from greedy loggers and careless campers who start forest fires, but he is powerless against beetles! Again, darn all humans and their global warming creating!

Oh, no, they ran out of gas! What will they do? Here come more eagles! And finally, our heros run out of bullets after only 17,963 shots! Are they doomed?!? No, the eagles all turn around and leave for no reason other than they realized what a crap-fest this movie is and quit. And maybe global warming is over or something. Our heros are now free to take root and grow into tall, proud wooden actors. Hurray!

Wow, that was an experience.
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zombie #1
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Oookaay...


« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2017, 03:17:42 PM »

nice write up. yeah I was very late to the Birdemic fiesta too...only saw it last year.

still not convinced that it isnt a deliberate attempt at a bad movie. on the other hand the director seems 100% for real.
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« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2017, 03:35:35 PM »

Haven't seen it, but I've read up on it. Not really interested in seeing it.

Look the director up on IMDb & you'll see this wasn't his 1st film; this is just the 1st to find a distributor.

Quote
In a scene that shows the writers have never been in an office, he makes a sale for a million dollars, and then his company is bought by Oracle for a billion dollars and his private solar power company gets funded for ten million dollars.
The director actually works (worked?) in software sales, if memory serves. This is wish fulfillment.  Actually it might've been possible...in 1998.  Wink
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Derf
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Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2017, 06:55:11 PM »

Haven't seen it, but I've read up on it. Not really interested in seeing it.




I had read about it, too, and it didn't really seem worth watching. I came across it for free and decided to give it a chance. I found it to more entertaining than the 3rd Sharknado movie (not hard to do). Make no mistake--it is a train wreck of a movie, and I'm amazed it got any kind of release, but it amused me more than bored me, so I can't say I hated it. I'm considering taking on Birdemic 2.
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dean
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« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2017, 02:06:49 AM »

It looks so bad. But it looks like it could be fun with a group of likeminded friends to riff on. Anyone want to chime in as I want to start a more regular movie night thing with friends and it was on my 'so bad but watch' potential list
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javakoala
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« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2017, 07:43:41 AM »

I have attempted to sit through this movie multiple times. I always get to the scene with the four friends in a parking lot talking before the birds start attacking. Don't know why I can't seem to finish it. Maybe I'll give it another try.

Let's be honest. The main theme looped over and over the opening credits would be the Muzak played in Hell.
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bob
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« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2017, 09:32:19 AM »

The sequel is better
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Pacman000
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« Reply #7 on: June 01, 2017, 03:15:33 PM »

The sequel is better
How so?

Less inept?

More inept, in a funny sort of way?

Equally inept, but faster moving/fewer boring parts?
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bob
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« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2017, 03:49:03 PM »

The sequel is better
How so?

Less inept?

More inept, in a funny sort of way?

Equally inept, but faster moving/fewer boring parts?

More inept in a funny way, but you can tell the director is in on the joke due to other things besides birds. Having awful CGI- it moves a bit faster

Pretty much every one in the first one shows up
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