Badmovies.org Forum

If you had a chance to make your own B-film what would you call it and what would it be about?

Pretend I was a studio executive that gave you a paultry $20,000 just to see what you could do.

It'd most likely be about Zombies but I wouldn't mind doing a giant monster movie like Godzilla. I can't really think of any names because I haven't thought of the movie's plot yet.

I would just make one about the making of a bad movie. Having been involved, to an extent, with a local production, what was going on behind the production was much more entertaining than the production itself.

I have a few original script ideals. One of them truely great and if I get the chance it will be done. Naturally I can't reveal my scripts contents as the main one is going to be a good one. All I can say is it's and odd film about the social impact of some very strange visitors.



Post Edited (01-10-05 20:13)

I remember my 20 minutes short b-movie, I made about a year ago.

Not Another Stupid Dinosaur Movie


The KGB is trying to take over the world using dinosaurs, and I have to stop them. They created a new species of dinosaurs called DINO-MITE. They are bird-like, and have bombs inside of them. "They can fly over fences, and into our own backyards." The whole highlight of the film was when I found out that my bestfriend was a General from Russia, and he was heading the whole project. I got fed to a T-rex that was roaming outside my house, and he got a call from President Bush, and he said he is sending Eric Roberts to save the day.

Than the ending credits roll up, and it turns out its only a movie. But was it? In the last shot, we see one of the dinosaurs masterbating to porn on the Internet.

All this cost 99 cents, because of some green transparent paper we had to use to cover the camera lens for the POV of the dinosaurs. All the other stuff (dinosaur puppets, cameras, video tape, etc. we had in our homes). And we did this all on one or two takes, in 8 hours.

Like Scott, I have a cool sci-fi/spiritual idea for a story but I hate to say to much until I get something written

I'd like to make an alien/space movie, but without any human characters at all, just aliens. I doubt it could be done for $20,000 though.

Scott wrote:

> All I can say is it's an odd film about the social
> impact of some very strange visitors.
>

You mean Fearless Freep and daveblackeye15 can have a social impact? ( :

Absolutely

Yea, Sci-Fi tends to be an expensive genre, but then again you have such films as MISSLE TO THE MOON and ANGRY RED PLANET. : )

A Bic lighter makes a great rocketship ( :

I got a lot of comic book ideas, I think I'd rather do a comic book series instead of a movie for 20,000 why?

1) No CGI or puppets for any mutants or monsters. This way everything sort of blends together.

2) More time. With a movie you can have three hours at most most of the time but with a comic book you can have a lot more time to explain things.

3) Comic books rule as bad ass as movies.

Gimme 20,000 dollars I'll make a comic book for you!

I have ideas that I think are good but like Scott I'd rather not risk someone stealing them (sorry.)

If I had $20,000 to make something, I would go with a practical script, one that doesn't require as much strain on your budget. A truly inspired idea is great, but if you can't do it on that little amount of money... it doesn't matter.

I wrote my first draft of a script a while ago called "It's Supernatural, Bob." The plot goes like this:

"What, exactly, would happen if you and four friends (plus one stranger) came face to face with a miffed +18 level Necromancer in the woods."

Nothing to original, but I'm positive I could do it on that budget.

Ironically, my scifi/spiritual idea wouldn't need any special effects or much in the way of settings

For B-films, I'd probably remake really bad stuff like "The Creeping Terror", so at least I could be sure that I could improve on the original. Maybe I'd change just enough that I wouldn't have to pay whoever owns the rights.

I don't know if this would be B or not, but I read this Fritz Leiber novella awhile ago that I think would make a good movie, and I have a pretty good idea of how I'd like to see it done. I'm thinking Rutger Hauer (sp?) as the hero, Molly Ringwald as the heroine. Peter Laurie (sp?) would be perfect as the semi-evil guy, if he were still alive. I think there were about six more bad guys, I think it'd be kind of cool to have the Lone Gunmen from the X-Files play three of them. There's a sadistic female ringleader too, it might be cool to cast a porn star or something (she should be able to do "thoroghly enjoying a depraved act"). Probably mimes or something for most of the smaller parts. I'd want to go pretty close to the book, but definitely leave out the dream sequence, and go with the more downbeat ending the author set up but didn't do (He set it up so well in the story that it would have seemed redundant if it had actually ended that way, so I think the happy ending worked really well in the book). It'd be a little Matrixy, but not overly, might use some similar incidental music (BAAAA...naaaaa). If I had enough money, I'd want to hire the special effects people that made that commercial where the people are calmly walking around with huge car wrecks going on inches away from them, I think it was an insurance commercial.

http://davemunger.blogspot.com

Well, I think this one could be done for under $20,000:

In a small town somewhere in Arizona or New Mexico or somewhere else that there's a lot of desert, an annoying geeky guy in the eighth grade at a school has a crush on the prettiest girl in the class. In his class is an obnoxious geeky girl who would actually be pretty except that she has dyed her long lovely red hair pitch black and chopped it short and is dressing in really ugly clothes on the dubious theory that she's a man-hating feminist. In fact, she secretly has a crush on the popular beefy athletic guy who--unlike the "dumb jock" stereotype usually so common in these things, actually is as nice as he appears to be, and is rather smart. (In fact, he's the head of the class.)

The geeky guy is always fantasizing about surviving a nuclear holocaust (or some such) along with the prettiest girl in the class (who, of course, never has the time of day for him) because with nobody else around, she'd have to notice him, right? Meanwhile everybody, including the geeky girl, thinks he's a total loser, which he is, really. The geeky guy has a rather atrocious family, which is why he's always sneaking off to his favorite hideout: a fallout shelter someone built and buried on his family's  property back in the 1950s. This is where he keeps all of the trashy sci-fi novels which fuel his fantasies.

As for the geeky girl, she's always talking in feminist jargon about how everything a man ever does is oppressive even while she's always looking love-sick around the athletic guy. Everybody thinks she's full of herself, and the geeky guy thinks she's stuck up, a hypocrite, and a phony, all of which is an accurate enough assessment of her, too.  Her idea of a good time is hanging out in the library  all by herself pretending to read stuff by the likes of Margaret Sanger and Patricia Ireland when in fact, she's reading trashy romance novels.

One day, the teacher assigns this geeky guy and gal to a joint science fair project. They're angry that they've been assigned to work with each other and they can't agree on a subject and neither one takes this project seriously anyway. Finally, the guy agrees to let the girl do her subject for this project (a study on how guys are always oppressing the girls, starting with her own lab partner as an example) in return for having her do all the work as well.

Since they're in a small town, he and she pretend to be "working together" by having her come over to his place to pretend to read her radical feminist nonsense there while he catches up on his latest  sci-fi paperback. (Since he's embarrassed to be around her at all and neither of them wants their families to know about this stupid assignment, he sees little recourse but to let her use his hideout for this.)

One day, as the two are doing their usual "work" in the shelter, an atomic blast instantly vaporises the town. For this, we have the cheesy effect  from The Day After in which we show a few people, including the prettiest girl and the athletic guy (who, of course, were also assigned to a science fair project together) freezing in the middle of their ordinary everyday activities, and the screen glowing red, then yellow, and then white.

The guy and the girl, being safe underground, feel a tremor from the shock wave, and emerge from the shelter to find a wasteland (represented by some stock footage of a demolished house with the field from the boy's own house and a bunch of smoldering desert plants superimposed). As it so happens, this nuke was an air burst, so most of the radiation involved has pretty much dissipated already.  (Besides, the nuke was aimed at a major city, and their town's vaporization was merely collateral damage from this.)

The two have pathetically little food (mostly just candy from the guy's stash) and one half of a bottle of water between them. They also have no transportation, since the blast destroyed all of the cars and trucks in town too, of course. Fortunately for them, though, a guy dying of radiation sickness in his pickup truck rolls into view on the road leading out of town, and promptly veers off to coast on the shoulder as he expires, leaving them a vehicle that they can use, though neither one knows much about how to drive it.

From there, they set out to look for food, water, and other basic stuff, finding that everywhere they go, everyone is already dead. No explanation presents itself for why the nukes got fired after the Cold War was over, and they get no communications from anyone else; as far as they can tell, the whole world may very well have been wiped out.

From here, the whole story is basically about how, as they continue down the road to one thoroughly abandoned gas station after another, they have to learn to get along with each other while getting over the loss of the people they knew, especially the prettiest girl and the handsome athlete. I'm thinking this involves a lot of talk about how, if they've survived, somebody else must have, and why they haven't found anybody else yet.

In the face of this dusty post-apocalyptic reality, the girl finds that she can't go on dying her hair black, and has to dump her stupid and impractical ugly clothing for something more practical and pleasant-looking. As for the guy, he discovers that his fantasy is no fun at all with this obnoxious geek girl taking the place of the prettiest girl in the class, and has to learn to love the one girl he really can't stand who also can't stand him, because they really may be the last couple on the planet for all they can tell, and the world needs to be repopulated.

Eventually they find a greener land, and though everybody there is dead too, the land is fertile and there's a nice farm house standing in it where they can live, so they settle down together in a kind of unofficial marriage. With some adjustments, in other words, they get to have a more down-to-earth version of what nearly every enthusiast for post-apocalyptic schlock fantasizes about. The end.

The great money-saver about this film idea is that it's basically a road-trip sequence in which all you need to do for footage is convince a random crowd of people at a few places to clear out temporarily for the filming, leaving their vehicles and so forth in place for the scene. The shelter can be a simple set, with the entrance being a mobile prop. With a little friendly persuasion, a school classroom and a house could be borrowed for all of the stuff that goes on in the town in this story, and you don't ever have to explain most of the dubious science in this flick. You can hire a bunch of no-name actors for the cast, and after a little filming for the first parts, send them on their way while you continue to employ only the boy and the girl. All of this plus the cut-rate catering ("Will that be for here or to go?") comes to your total bill, which I think could be kept under $20,000 if you were really careful with your budget.

So, what do you think? Do I have a good B-movie idea?

I've always like ghost stories, so I'd like to do a good old fashioned ghost story.  Maybe Yet Another Haunted House Movie, and I'd call it something really lame like "What was that Noise?" or "Noises in the Walls" or "It came from the Walls."

I'd shoot entirely on location (no expensive sets to build). Effects would be noises off camera, things falling over, etc.  I'd play some off the characters fear (did they really hear a noise? was that book really moved from where it was last night?).

The characters would be 'teens or early twenties' but actors in their forties who don't even look young.  I'd work off a minimal script and allow the actors to improvise as much as possible.  We'd work with one camera most of the time, and use mostly old fashioned camera cheats rather than glitzy modern effects.

>So, what do you think? Do I have a good B-movie idea?

I'd watch it. :)

For a movie that might actually be possible for $20,000, I was thinking of a cross between Death Wish/The Exterminator and Darkman. The star and his wife are expecting their first child and working to renovate a store when they get caught in the middle of the mob trying to buy up all the businesses in the area. When they won't sell, a couple of thugs ambush them, tie them up in the store and set fire to it. The wife dies and the star is badly burned, but escapes.

He recovers, but is left horribly scarred. He dons a mask, puts on body armor under a long coat, arms himself with some large caliber weapons and goes out each night to clean up the city, while trying to get to those responsible for killing his wife. He ends up becoming sort of a hero to the people of the city, although the police want him stopped.

In the end, he finds and kills the guy who gave the orders, but gets mortally wounded in the process. He tells the cop who's been chasing him not to call for an ambulance, and dies.

Not terribly original, I know, but I picture it as being darker and more realistic than most movies of this type. No super-human stunts, or A-Team style gadgets, just a guy in body armor blowing away the bad guys.

Hey Menard, what sort of stuff happened on set?  I'm actually trying to plan a short film which is a mock-behind the scenes documentary on a dodgy student B-grade horror flick.  I've been trying to come up with situations and things which happen, but I keep falling short of the mark.

I did a short film last year that could possibly be classed as a B-Movie called 'The Pat and Giggles story'.  It was about a toy clown which seduces a friend of mine into killing his two best friends.  It was a sort of animation; freeze frames mostly, with footage that was edited to look like it was drawn.  The clown was a creepy toy clown that a friend of mine found in his garage and was slightly singed from fire.  I just added some evil looking eyebrows and there you have it: one very scary clown [you wind the back and its head moves and it plays a song]

I have also toyed with the idea of doing a graphic novel of some kind.  I personally cannot draw very well but I know two excellent and very skilled artists who would be more than willing to help.

$20,000 can really go a long way depending on what you are doing.  Since I'm converting to Australian dollars, I also get a bit more cash on top of that!! Haha!

It's really a decision to make a really good quality short film or a really bad quality feature length.

Both are excellent options, but both require good plot and writing to pull off properly.

dean wrote:

>
> Hey Menard, what sort of stuff happened on set?  I'm actually
> trying to plan a short film which is a mock-behind the scenes
> documentary on a dodgy student B-grade horror flick.  I've been
> trying to come up with situations and things which happen, but
> I keep falling short of the mark.
>

Interesting things that happen while making a low budget movie, in this case a near zero budget horror movie (they had a budget, of sorts, but the decision to buy a camera rather than rent one, have t-shirts made before any taping had been done, and regular pizza parties re-adjusted their budget priorities), happen on the set and especially among the egos and politicing of those involved with the production.


One of the most obvious problems most noticeable to the viewer an sometimes picked up too late by an unfortunate editor (remember the line, " don't worry, they'll fix it in editing") is continuity, or the lack thereof. The cause of problems with continuity is usually poor organization. Too many trying to make a low budget movie try to schedule scenes as they get to them or try to do too much at once; such as shooting every scene that takes place at a location all at once. Although economical of time constaints, many of them do not have the foresight to see problems with the continuity.


Of course not scheduling a shoot well can cause problems with the continuity. In one instance early in the production, the crew was shooting a group of scenes that take place in the same day (and taking way, way too long to do it). They had to resume shooting on another day which was something like two weeks later. During this time, one of the actors who had two scenes, one of which was shot on the previous shoot, had shaved off his beard. What you end up with is an actor in two scenes taking place in the same day, one with and one without a beard.


One of the major problems that plagued the production was audio. Despite constant advice from someone who more than knew what he was doing, a bunch of beginners thought they knew better. Since there were so many problems with the audio, I will list them seperately:

1) Background noise: No matter how many times they were told to record the background as a seperate track, they constantly tried to use one mike for their audio. Hence, whenever the camera position changes, the audio level drastically changes because there is no constant.

2) During the time they discovered what a boom mike was (borrowed), the mike operator apparently did not know to move the mike according to whom is speaking. The end result was scenes where one actor could be distinctly heard while the other was barely audible, if at all.

3) It does on occasion seem to help if someone checks to make certain that the mike is actually plugged in.

4) There are other problems too numerous to mention with audio, including feedback issues, not using a proper mixing board and over amplifying the background music (again a proper mixer would have helped). Despite film/video quality, acting aside, one of the biggest dead giveaways that mark a production as low budget is poor audio.


One of the standards in obtaining a film or video image is to get the best possible image you can. When dealing with digital video, you would hope someone would understand that they do not need to gel the lights when they can accomplish this in editing. Of course they did not understand this or that using gels on the lights, particularly as dark as they chose, not only reduces their available light but also affects their color balance. Of course this is trivial compared to them reading the light before they added the gels. This unfortunately yeilds scenes that are almost black.


The director of this movie liked to believe that fog was creative. If you are Lucio Fulci or know what you are doing, this can be true. Fog on a sunny day is not necessarily creative. If you use a fog machine and use a fan for wind effect, it is a good idea to use them from the same side. If your fog machine is not available and you decide to use smoke devices instead, it is not a good idea to do this indoors as near suffocating your actors will not endear them to you well.


Even the big studios do this: shooting winter scenes in July is not a good idea, particularly when actors pass out from the heat.


There was a particular scene they wanted to do, which was a newscast. Since their only qualified consultant worked at a television station, the director was told, specifically, that he could bring an actor to do the scene at an actual newsdesk. The director was also told that they needed to be precise on the timeframe so as not to disrupt the operations of the station.

On the day of the shoot, the director shows up with twenty cast and crew, plus friends, to both do the shoot and show off the station. Several of the cast and crew wandered off on their own and had to be rounded up. After the chaos was brought to an end, the director was never again permitted use of any of the facilities.


One of the biggest problems they had was in-fighting. This was largely due to the extreme length of time shooting the movie, over 14 months. Camera operators were constantly changing, and since the director frequently left the responsibility for the shoot in the hands of the crew, styles and consistency varied. Producers involved with the production also split off and tried to do their own thing with others.


A lot of my knowledge of the production is from second hand information as I had to leave before production began due to illness. My friend I had involved with the production as a consultant regularly called to thank me (sarcastically) for getting him involved with these people. Since my information comes from different sources, some may well be embellished, but I don't care since it is still entertaining.


Coming up with ideas for what could go wrong behind the scenes should not be too difficult. Just consider the possibilities of where errors can occur. Such as with poor audio that calls for the use of loops, but someone inadvertantly mixes the loops with the wrong actors or scenes. There are of course costume and set mishaps as well creative differences leading to feuds or outright fights.


Good Luck

Another one I remembered.

Since this movie made good use of Karo blood, some of the outdoor scenes shot during the heat of the summer would result in actors being quite uncomfortably assaulted by insects.

; ) I like the way you think... Please do make another rubber monster movie if you ever do get the chance. I would love to see it.

Dude, I wish that there was some way that you could stream that. I'll bet you'd get a ton of laughs.

Then get writing my man... I'd be interested in checking it out.

Kind of sound like the begining to a joke. I'm just dying to know the punch line. ; )

Hey, that's pretty creative. I wonder why no one has ever thought of that before.

Ever seen an independent called: "Terrarium?" It's actually pretty cool. Not great but none the less interesting...

Wow, that would be one heck of a movie to put together.

Thanks Menard, that contains many a good hint!

Sounds like it was one hell of a shoot.  I guess you can thank your lucky stars that you got sick [I guess a blessing in disguise of some sorts]

It vaguely reminds me of the shoot for my Pat and Giggles movie in which two of the three actors were severly hungover from the night before, and I had only a vague script.  We all sort of just went with the flow, filmed for one day in which the lighting got really bad [since parts were outdoors] due to a thunderstorm, and then just got a few shots here and there to make up the rest the next day.

But thankfully this was one case of ''we'll get fix it in post'' since it turned out much better than the piece of crap I thought it was going to be at the time.

So thanks!

A Kaiju flick starring ...MECHAKONG!
Takes place in the Toho universe, but concintrates on the U.S. Version of G-force.
Kong is a Marine Corp machine who kicks ass and takes names...though od corse,everyone wonders about takeing on Godzilla.
New monsters, new cast, new wepons.
Mechakong with a big ass rifle, a shield, and a battleax.

New for the summer of 07.

So, kind of like Punisher with a more ambiguous ending? I guess I could see that, although getting the fancy guns for the movie might cut significantly into your budget. Also, you might try playing around with the details a bit: guys who are buying up the businesses in the area are fine, but a "protection"  racket might make more sense in a low-income area building like the kind you're likely to be able to get for a $20,000 flick. Most of the burning would have to happen offscreen, since the equipment for simulating a burning house and a burning man probably costs a bundle, so you might try a vandalism-and-brutal-beating scenario instead.

The part about bringing down the villain in a big fight at the end makes me think of a little area in which my memory misled me when I was trying to figure out the name of a movie which turned out to be Dudes. I thought I'd remembered that the movie had a teenage kid and his pal trying to avenge his murdered parents, but the movie Dudes actually has two punkish friends trying to avenge the murder of the third member of their trio.

I think the plot would work just fine the way I misrecalled it, though: the adventures of a teenager out to get revenge on the guy who murdered his parents would be great, especially if he were a little too young to have a license to drive, and had to get through one "grown-up" situation after another on a lot of bluffing and quick thinking.

I only just now read Menard's very lengthy posts on this topic, and find I have surprisingly little to add --
I had occasion to be rewriting my resume recently, so that it fits neatly on the back of my headshot, and I currently claim association with an odd -- and I do mean odd -- 27 films, though the actual count must be nearer to 50 once you bring in the misfires, the partially-shot, the absolute disasters, etc. etc. etc, ad infinum . . .
What I would add to Menard's observations is LEARN FROM OTHERS' MISTAKES!!  There are a number of books out there on shooting low-budget/no-budget pictures, and most of the ones I've picked up have at least SOMETHING you can take away from the reading.
Making a film is a lesson in fundamental Murphology:  If it can go wrong, it will.  Never assume that anything is going to work as planned.  
Rehearsals before you actually get on set and roll film are an extravagant waste of time and resources.  
Once you're ready to shoot a scene, it may or may not help to do a single "dry" run to see if the camera can get it all -- "Do it once for camera" -- , but otherwise point and shoot!  You may never get another chance.
Someone must be in charge.  This someone's word must be law, right or wrong.  
As in Formal Logic, however, be very aware of the fallacious Appeal to Authority, eg:  Just because someone has some experience as a film writer, grip, producer, etc., this does not preclude their being an idiot director.
If the someone in charge shows him or herself to be an idiot and not know what they're doing early on, leave as soon as good manners allow.  Jump ship.  Run!!  DO NOT under any circumstance attempt to either a)  Take over and direct the shoot yourself or b)  Stick around and hope you can salvage something from the project.  Remember the old joke about teaching a pig to sing:  Don't.  It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
I had a very painful association with an Old Hollywood guy who had written for many a TV Western & wanted to direct a murder/cops/kidnapping thing.  He understood nothing about lighting a shot or remote sound.  Menard's notes on the booming errors here brought that all back.  Thanks Menard.  Jerk . . .
Karo blood syrup tastes godawful, and nothing you add to it will change that fact.  Consider this before storyboarding those great Hammer Horror shots of the victim or vampire gooshing blood from their mouths.  See Menard's notes on flys as well.
However, I think of another old joke:  This guy is sitting in a bar when another guy comes in & sits down next to him.  The new guy is covered in cuts and bruises and is bleeding & his clothes smell like hell.  "What happened to you?"  "Well, you see, I work for the circus.  My job is to go into the lion cages & clean up the lion crap.  However, the lions hate me & claw & bite me whenever I try to do my job."  "My God, ,man!  That sounds like the worst job on Earth!!  Why don't you quit?"  "What?!  And give up Showbiz?!?!"
. . . ain't none of us going to give it up, once we get bit.  As dat all dere is . . .
peter johnson/denny crane

peter johnson wrote:


>
> Someone must be in charge.  This someone's word must be law,
> right or wrong.  
>

That is an excellent point, which I failed to make as I was pointing out things that went wrong with a shoot. However, a good bit of what went wrong with the shoot is directly attributeable to the fact that the director was trying to delegate responsibility rather than taking the reins. There is no problem with delegation of responsibility if the people to whom you delegate actually know what they are doing and they are still following a strong lead. Neither was the case in this shoot.

Of course, as they got their feet wet, and he began to see that he needed to take charge, things began to pull together; just before they fell apart again. In letting his crew have independence and then trying to take that away, some fell away from the project.

I constantly heard reports back from the consultant (who was constantly ignored) that the director needs to take charge,; these people don't know what they are doing. My reply was, " Neither does the director."

The lack of taking charge at the outset brought about several members of the crew splitting off due to creative differences or outright feuds.

It is truly a darn shame that they chose to ignore the advise of a consultant who works in video production every day because some of them owned a camcorder or read a book and thought they knew better (yes, that was a little mean).

Tons of zombies. With guitars. And random battlemechs and wire-fu fights between humans and zombies.

And it'd be called "Ghandi The Jesuit."

There is a legend in Springfield, MO, about this family who owned a very beautiful mansion and farm outside town. They slowly went mad. A son committed suicide and the two sister lived to be quite old but never married. They eventually hire an albino to work for them. At night he patroled the road up to the mansion with an axe. I see this as a cross between GHASTLY ONES and WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?.

With $20,000 I'd try to make the goriest action/comedy flick where I destroy a whole army of mimes, gawths, and wangsters. It would be like Cannibal the Musical meets Braindead.  I'm making a movie kinda like this now though with a budget of like $25 so far, if anyone wants to download it, here it is http://www.crudedude.100megs32.com/untitled.zip Man, if I had $20,000 I wouldn't have to use a pine cone covered with fake blood as a heart.

$20,000 would mean that it would have to be 20min. long, based on the still-current industry standard of about $1000 a minute for 16mm, so it would have to be a short.
I would want to shoot in actual 16mm film, because I don't care who says what about digital video, digital video looks like video tape, and film still looks like film.
It would be a Hammer ripoff, pure and simple, about a young couple who has a picnic near a local cemetary -- with maesoleums -- at night because her beau is an astronomy freak & he wishes to watch the stars (It's a period piece, of course -- 1880's or 1890's -- plenty of houses to use around here of that era.  Also lots of coustumes available from local theatre companies.).  So, she gets bit during the outing & there is a sad funeral for her passing.  Of course, one of the locals isn't fooled & knows what she is to become -- either an avuncular Van Helsing/Cushing character or an elder clergyman.  He tries to persuade the beau that his beauty is the Undead, but of course beau don't listen.  He returns to the cemetary to look at the stars again & encounters his love, who invites him into her maesoleum (Suitably diaphronous gownage here -- have to shoot on a warm evening -- need nubile young actress willing to show cleavage).  As she is ready to strike, avuncular fellow appears & stakage occurs.  Much gooshing of blood.  Shocked beau allows self to be comforted by former lover's sister.  The end.  Original vampire still around -- oooh!  A sequel!!
All atmospherics & fog.  Fangwork by local dentist for film credit.  Show at all local festivals.
peter johnson/denny crane

Have you seen "The Independent" with Jerry Stiller?   If not, it sounds like it would be right up your alley.

>"$20,000 would mean that it would have to be 20min. long, based on the still-current industry standard of about $1000 a minute for 16mm, so it would have to be a short."

I'd use a mini dv camcorder, quality is cool with those things, that would save thousands of dollars, although the hypothetical studio executive might not approve

dudeman wrote:

> >"$20,000 would mean that it would have to be 20min. long,
> based on the still-current industry standard of about $1000 a
> minute for 16mm, so it would have to be a short."
>
> I'd use a mini dv camcorder, quality is cool with those things,
> that would save thousands of dollars, although the hypothetical
> studio executive might not approve

Digital Video is inexpensive compared to 16mm (okay, outright cheap when compared to it). What Peter was pointing out is that video looks like video and film looks like film and the difference is quite distinguishable. I myself would work with digital video for a straight to video objective. If I had concerns for showing the work on a screen, then 16mm is far superior to digital video for it has greater image quality.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE was shot in 16mm, and we can see what kind of quality they obtained. Of course it did not hurt, except in poorly lit scenes, that they used 25 speed film which gave them excellent image quality

Peter & Menard;

Man, it sounds like you guys both had your share of bad experiences on the set.

None of those things have happened to me so far and I thank God for that.

Then again, most of us know what were doing and neither of us have egos the size of Texas.

Perhaps we can work together someday, who knows?

I'm not an A-hole and I don't bite but I do flatulate alot. ; )

Dear Mr. Nads --
Flatulation is an actual positive in Producers, especially if possible by mouth --
You know, it is a funny thing:  Yes, the experiences -- some -- have been not so good, but many of the experiences have also been the best ever, especially when it all falls together -- it is that glimmer of hope that keeps one in it, I think.  And hey, in ROBOCHIC, I got to work with one of my all-time heroes:  Phil Proctor.  He can tell showbiz horror stories that can straighten your pubic hair, yet he still does it too.
You do vat cha gotta do -- dis is showbiz!!
peter johnson/denny crane

The first time I was involved with a video project was in 1981. We shot a full length movie on 3/4 inch video. The writer/director/main cameraman was very organized and divided the scenes into locations for the shoot. The majority of the dialogue was improvised with some guidance (since the movie was about a rock band and most of the players were members of a rock band, you really didn't need to tell them how to act like themselves). The shoot was completed in two weekends without incident. We continued doing small video projects with a few basic guidelines: adapt your script to your locations (work with what you have); and use guidelines for improvised dialogue (if you give a non-actor dialogue to read, that's how it comes off; if you tell them what you want and let them be themselves, you can get acceptable and good performances). Of course it did not hurt that the director/cameraman was also a band member who developed a habit of always checking equipment for functionality (a habit he took with him as a director/producer in public television). Another standard we followed was whoever's project we were doing was in charge period. Many of the things that plagued the production to which I have refered in a previous post was: lack of someone being in charge; poor organization; trying to shoot above their capabilities; trying to get people to act above their capabilities (no coaching what-so-ever); and presuming they knew what they were doing. When we made videos, it was usually a short subject done with no budget in as short an amount of time as possible (trying to get people to commit to a project becomes increasingly difficult if it is drug out too long). Frequently, though, we were shooting for public access broadcast or just for fun (we were experimenters not professionals). Since my time now is very constricted, I have not been able to do any projects. With luck, we may be able to get together for another project within the next year, but it is me who is preventing that from happening at present.

Wow Peter, you worked on ROBOCHIC? That's pretty cool...

What's the most bizarre or grim tale that Mr. Proctor has shared with you?

Most of Proctor's horror stories involve things like turning down a job in order to keep yourself free for a really good project that was promised to you & then having new producers come on board at the last minute who don't want you, so instead of 2 great jobs to choose from you get nothing.  Last minute changes that cut you from the project after you've already moved out to the location shoot site.  Dipwad casting agents that don't know who you are & treat you like you've never done anything in the business before.
If you subscribe to Planet Proctor -- see www.firesigntheatre.com for link -- he sometimes shares tales of Bad Showbiz -- his own and others -- along with the usual gags & puns & funny stuff.
Hey, even if nothing else happens, I did do that project -- I have to remember that!
peter johnson/denny crane

Interesting ideas on this board. How about this:

GENRE: Dinosaur movie
NAME: Dinosaur Carnage
PLOT:
A group of scientists and documentary makers fly to an island to study the flora and fauna growing there. Because the island is an old military base, there are some old buildings, a landing strip, and a lot of old junk (Think the Midway Islands, but bigger). Anyway, as they are collecting samples of the flora and fauna, not far from the landing strip, a group of people with rifles burst out of the trees. They say they are searching for a small plane full of tourists that went missing over the area. the people aren't wild and haggared - these "rescuers" look like they've just landed. They have.

Suddenly the scientists hear their pilot screaming. Rushing back to the helicopter, they find that something has ripped it apart. A few metres away, a group of three Allosaurs are fighting over his remains. When they notice the people, they give chase.

So, over the course of the film, a bloodbath ensues. Dinos eat some people. People kill some dinos. Thats it. Although I am keeping hush about the ending, I can tell you that I have already done thi. It was a Lego Animation. But I had to delete it because of file space on the computer.

CHARACTERS:

SCIENTISTS:
Dr. Mosley
Dr. Anna
Dr. Gennaro

FILM MAKERS:
Daniel
Shaun
Brian
Louise

RESCUE TEAM:
Calmer
Mabel
John
Kirdel
Richards
Jake

DINOSAURS:
Allosaurus (x3)
Dienonychus (x4)
Stegosaurus (x2)
T-Rex (x1)
Carnotaurus (x1)

MOMENTS TO LOOK FOR:

-T-Rex VS Allosaurus

-Dienonychus feeding frenzy

-Kirdel killed by Stegosaurus

-Allosaurus chase


What do you think? I could do this for $20,000 if I did it in Lego.

"Name's Ash. (Cocks shotgun) Housewares."

I'd make a kung-fu spy movie that would be really, really confusing and would be basically people with hand-held cameras running around - to create that "Blair" witch style thing - then I'd spend the rest of the money on a crappy CGI explosion.

And I'd use a female actress to parody Alias -- every scene would have some "pretty" girl quivvering her lips, looking worried and running off screen.

Then, every now and again a fight would break out against Ninjas, ex-CIA killers and a guy who looks like Steven Seagal but in a fat suit.

It'd be a jokey-film parodying every spy/kung-fu action movie;

Plot;
--------
THE BREIFCASE
The plot would be that the hero is carrying a briefcase that cannot be opened by the carrier - he is not allowed to open it, he doesn't know what it is - and what's worse, everybody is out to kill him - there's a billion dollar contract out on his head - everybody wants him dead - even his family -- all because he's carrying a briefcase that is meant to be worth billions on the black market....

He is constantly fighting until he realises he's carrying a thermo-nuclear briefcase, the first of its kind - ultra-powerful - he's become the ultimate terrorist - at the president's bidding.

The hero confronts the President in the white house and they have a really big fight on the scale on Drunken Master II.
----------

That's it.

Sounds something like the plot of the old Phil Harris song,  "The Thing" in which a guy runs around trying to give away some unspecified object that no one wants, but which he thinks is pretty neat. (It ends with St. Peter telling him to "Get out of here with that *** and take it down below!") I think it would be better for your movie to end similarly: the President actually doesn't know anything about all this, doesn't want any suitcase nukes, and won't let the guy into the White House either. Of course, the whole thing sounds something like Jackie Chan's "First Strike" movie any way you play it.

I think the traditional whatsit in a briefcase plot device comes from some Dashiel Hammet novel with a color in the name. Kind of inspired Repo Man also.

They used the briefcase device on an episode of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

More on my thoughts of "The Briefcase"...

THE IDEA
------------------
I didn't know that -- thanks for that Menard -- I thought of it some years ago when I saw Run Lola Run...

I thought wouldn't it be cool to mix Run Lola Run with Blair Witch and create a spy film where its very very fast paced, with techno music and lots of fighting.

THE FIGHTS
--------------------
Remember that ultra hyperkinetic fight in Police Story 2 where Chan is fighting more and more hoods in the Playground -   I wanted every fight to be at that pace.    Of course it'd be REALLY expensive... but it'd be worth it.

THE TWIST
--------------------
I wanted the ending to be brutal too - for example, the hero dies in the end or something happens which means that all the struggle was for nothing, except perhaps he fell in love or something, which I guess is some reward, especally if you've just DESTROYED the world!  *laughs*  

THE PRESIDENT
---------------------------
I'm not sure about the fight with the president - I always wanted to have a fight sequence that would go beyond anything -- could you ever really fight the President - what if he was in a white suit and used every utensil in the Oval Office, including the Red Phone, the swords or the American Flag?   I think it'd be kinda cool  -- who is the terrorist?  Is it the president or is the hero?

Maybe I could make it into a Total Recall-like thing -- the hero can't remember who he is or thinks he's somebody else -- when right at the end there's a twist -- yep, HE'S the terrorist, you've been watching the terrorist all along...  *hee hee*

THE ACTUAL CONTENTS OF THE BRIEFCASE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not sure about the thermo-nuclear warhead -- It sounds too obvious -- I thought maybe;

1) It's a nuke
     -- pro: good idea  con: its too obvious.
2) It's the guys soul  
     -- pro: cool.  
     -  con: sounds like it was nicked from Pulp Fiction's briefcase thing
3) It's the presidents soul
     - Same as above
4) It's a chemical or other WMD warhead (ie: Its a "enthic" bomb)
     - pro: good idea
      -con:  a what?  too obvious
5) It has no contents
     -  pro: huh?
     - con: huh?
6) It has lots of gold, money, drugs, spy secrets, code to nukes, etc.
     - too boring
7) Religious Item to with the secrets of God, Christ or Budda.
8) It holds all known fighting styles in a book
9) It has infinite treasure
10) It is a gateway to somewhere (hell)

It was just an idea... sorry!

I still think it's a pretty good idea, albeit a good idea for a comedy. Aside from the things you mentioned, I think you could play the story so that everyone eventually figures it out, but the viewer still never finds out what was in the briefcase.

President: Oh! So that's what those guys had you carrying around.

Hero: Now please, Mr. President, I don't want it anymore. Nobody wants it, and I can't just dump it anywhere. You take it.

President: Like hell! This thing could wreck the whole nation. Get out of here, and don't come back until you've gotten rid of it.

Hero: But it's dangerous!

President: Well, you should have thought of that before you accepted your mission. Men, chain that briefcase to his hand again and escort him to the door. Here's an official pardon I've written out to him for breaking into the White House. If he tries to break in again, deport him to Tanzania.

Secret Service: But sir, Australia's our ally!

President: Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that. Deport him to Belgium, then.

Hilarious -- I like that idea...  I think I'll pitch the idea to my friend who makes movies, at least I think he does.

I thought of a good one. A directe to video -tense, erotic, thriller- with lots of T&A.
It would be called - Au Pair (sequels could have titles like "Au Pair: Lethal Panties; Au Pair: Vengeful Aereolae; Au Pair: Deadly Spankings). Every actress in it has to be totally doable, so they'd probably all be pretty close to the same age, although the characters would range from JV cheerleader to married woman with teenage daughter and one line or gray hair symbolizing that she's older, to bitter, unexplainably dateless (super hot) spinster.
Cast should include:
Shannon Tweed
Shannen Dougherty
Madchen Amick
Amanda Donahue
Someone Alicia Silverstone-like

Follow formula pretty closely for the movies where a baby sitter or something wigs out. Opens with a fantasy scene of a teenage girl telling her boyfriend that she's pregnant, then they get married and ride off on a unicorn. Cut to her telling her boyfreind in real life, he beats her up, she miscarries, and stabs him to death with a knitting needle (she was knitting little booties). Then she goes on the lam.

Then show the family that the viewers are supposed to relate to. If there's anyone out there known as "the poor man's Tom Selleck" that's who should play Dad. Failing that, just some handsome fellow with weird eyebrows. He's having a middlife crisis, but he needn't neccessarily look it. Neglecting his hot wife who feels ugly now because of that and her one gray hair. She's probably having one of those chatroom affairs in order to feel pretty again or something. Teenage daughter played by someone old enough to be shown naked in sexual situations incessantly. Probably she should be pretty naughty, possibly enough for it to be a big problem for the family so that they're considering some drastic solution, like Outward Bound. Son, generic boy of about ten. Establish their problems and then present Dad's brilliant solution - hire an au pair (so his wife won't have as much stress, they'll have time to work on their relationship, etc). It's the crazy girl from the begining, with her hair different enough that you can tell she's still undercover from being on the lam.

Au pair girl (older than the daughter, more like college age) is already somewhat out of touch with reality, has convinced herself that her boyfriend died heroically defending her from a shadowy attacker that caused the miscarriage, and that that's who she's in hiding from (I'm not married to that part). She's really good at whatever it is that Au Pair's do, and the little boy has a crush on her. Mother and daughter probably really like her at first too. Pretty quickly she's making little observations about what a good mother she'd make, eventually becomes critical of the Mother (especially as a wife, if she was married to that guy, she'd be more attentive, etc). Then she starts actively coming between the couple with deliberate little sabotage manuvers, like she misplaces messages so that the wife will be p**sed off, and arrainges for them to find out stuff that was supposed to be secret, like the online stuff, and maybe Dad's porn stash or something. Not until after they really trust her though.

Main function of the male characters is to call female characters on the phone, which they invarriably answer naked. Whenever they get a phone call it's right in the middle of a bubble bath, shower, naked yoga/arobics, or just staring at themselves in a full length mirror playing with a feather. I'd do that every day if I was  a chick.

In the middle part, the couple becomes estranged, one of them moves out, maybe it's even a full-blown separation. Au pair starts acting weirder, insisting the boy call her Mommy, staring at shiny, shininy knives, etc. Maybe there's even a strange nude incident with the boy that could be kind of a nod to the French farce "Get Out Your Hankercheifs". She could even recite a whole synopsis of that movie as a joke or an example of all her confused yearnings or whatever. She confesses a bunch of stuff to someone (possibly Amanda Donohue as a lesbian dominatrix by night/ teacher at the daughter's school by day) who then starts blackmailing her. But not for money, heh-heh. Teenage daughter becomes suspicious.

Now just coast for awhile, put in lots of scenes of women naked for no particular reason or washing a care in daisy dukes. Probably room for one catfight in this part. There should be several of these in the movie, with every remotely plausible paring of daughter-teacher, au pair/mother, etc. but not too close together. Squeeze one in as early as possible, maybe in the flashback (dead boyfriend could have had a sister that caught her killing him?), then put the rest of them near the end. One could be a dream sequence, if it's something that wouldn't make sense in the storyline itself. Might find room for irrelevant subplot about one of the teenage daughter's naughty little freinds being a secret pornstar or something.

Daughter finds out about au pair being wanted for murder around the same time that she has an altercation with the blackmailer where she ends up killing her, then totally spinning out into a psychotic delusion where she can have the perfect life if she kills the mother and takes her place. Somehow this leads to her kidnapping the little boy, maybe part of a plan to kill the mother later on (he's bait?). Smacks the kid around whenever he dosen't play along with the fantasy where she's the mom. No one believes the daughter, who ends up in hot pursuit. Cop pulls crazy au pair over, at this point she's probably half convinced herself that she's someone else, everything is OK, the kid is hers, anyway, she ends up killing the cop somehow and stuffing him in the trunk. Then maybe she gets to where the Mom is and does something that puts her into an indeterminate state of death/unconciousness (hits her on the head, chokes her, or shoots her with the cop's gun). Daughter catches up to her someplace with a lot of people (maybe a wet t-shirt contest or a costume party where all the women are dressed as topless Cleopatra or translucent-latex-uniform nurse. Big suspenseful climax where the daughter tries to convince everybody that the au pair is a murderer, but she seems like the crazy one. Just as it looks like au pair might get away, someone finds the dead cop in her trunk. Maybe he wasn't quite dead, or maybe it's got something to do with the kid, I forgot about him.

Probably then there's an epilogue where you see that the mother's really alive, the couple's reconciled, and au pair is in a chick prison or psych ward.

Holy crap, I forgot the part where she seduces the Dad, and the Mom walks in on them. That's when they officially become estranged.

Did you say that you wanted to be a world famous logger Dave?

Maybe I misread that.  (:

Dave, about using your real name...

Welcome to the club, buddy.

We are going to have to give a name to that club. (:

My name really is Jack Corbett, you know. How about this for a name:


THE BREAKFAST CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, Jack and Dave are members of The Breakfast Club.

Hey Dave. That was not my suggestion.

Hahahahahahahahahaha, HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have to watch it in English. It's our term topic. We're up to just after Claire helps Allison (s**t, I remember the names...)




Uh-oh.

You do of course realize that when you remember the names of the characters in a movie, that is a sign that you like it.

heh...heh..heh

No, it's because I have the Empire movie Almanac and I know why everyone was on detention.


By the way, hwo brought the flare gun? Can't really remember.

Probably Judd Nelson's character.

Since I didn't like the movie, I don't remember the character's name.

hahahahahahahahahaha

Would you PLEASE stop my technique of putting the not-quite-yet-patented "Hahahahaha' and the end of your posts?!

hahahahahahahahahahahaha


Is that better?

f**kEEENG PRICK!!! Look ad you NOW ah?! Yur a MESS!!! I like SCARFACE!!! FECK OOF!!!





I am a little angry now.

Serenity now. Serentity now. Serenity now, Insanity later.

Oh. Okay then, well

KOOCHIE MOMMA!!! KOOCHIE MOMMA!!!

Uhh....give me a while to actually translate that.

Wasn't "Poison Ivy" something like that? I seem to recall a preview for it which indicated it was a story in which a girl's new friend at high school starts trying to seduce her dad and take over the family. I also recall there was some higher-budget movie in which a woman loses her husband to suicide after a bunch of women slap him with sexual harassment suits, and decides to get revenge on one of those women by becoming a nanny in her home, seducing her husband, and taking over her family.  It's 5:00 in the morning, so I may not have all of my titles right., but hasn't this story already been done?

I suppose you can always try doing things again; after all, that's some of what makes B-movies B-movies. Still, what I always liked about them is how they often try original and maybe stupid stuff no one else ever thinks to use. If the result is hideous, at least you can laugh about the reviews it gets, and if the result is great, you've got another cult film you can share with your buddies.

Some of the flicks mentioned in the reviews, I notice, seem based on dreams or nightmares that don't really ever form into a coherent plot (which is why the movie made from them is so laughably inconsistent); that one about children causing anyone who touches them to start burning from the inside out, for example. You've got to admit, that's some nightmarish imagery, even if it doesn't make for much of a story.

Here's a little nightmare I had as a child that I've never been able to make into a story: I dreamed a bunch of witches cursed my town and let loose a plague of "sparks," little glowing wrinkled things like raisins that tumbled around on the ground like little bits of gravel in a high wind, seeking prey. In my dream, anyone these "sparks" touched would eventually become a "spark" himself, slowly sickening and shriveling up. Worse, no one had any way to destroy the nasty things or cure the shriveling sickness, and the only protection I had was an enchanted blanket one of the "traitor" witches had given me that served as a kind of repellent. I dreamed that putting this blanket up on the door of my family's house kept out the "sparks" and kept us safe, but there was nothing we could do for anyone else.

The nightmare had no ending, and I'm not sure it would have had any even if I hadn't woken up. But man, wouldn't that make for a creepy story if I could think of a plot to go with it!

Maybe the plot to a movie about "Sparks" could mainly be filling in the backstory, like the people wouldn't know what had caused it, so in the middle of trying to survive, they keep finding clues about who's fault it is. Could be some twists, like it's really all the fault of one of the good guys, etc. Then again, that might only get you through the first third of the movie. Second third, maybe people start fighting over the blanket, stealing it, lynching whoever stole it, etc. Last third of the movie, one or two probably failed attempts to lift the curse, then resignation and despair, the end.

There were TONS of movies like Au Pair made in the 80s, probably there's even been one with that title. I don't know if Maddchen Amick was in any though. The main joke there was trying to follow the formula really closely, and the only 'original' part was pushing the T&A angle over the top. There was at least one sequel to "Poison Ivy", and I think it was one of the ones where it's more of a remake than a sequel. I think the other movie you mentioned was called something like "The Nanny" and starred Rebbecca DeMornay around the apex of her carreer. Creepy moment in that one: Someone catches her breastfeeding the baby (someone elses, that is). I think the grandaddy of this subgenre was "Summer Girl" with the girl who played the French exchange student in "Better Off Dead".

Maybe I just thought of a movie quote to use as a signature:

"He puts his testicles all over me... Like ze octopus."

>By the way, hwo brought the flare gun? Can't really remember.

Anthony Michael Hall's character. It went off in his locker, destroying the lamp he made in shop class, which is why he was in detention.

>I also recall there was some higher-budget movie in which a woman loses her
>husband to suicide after a bunch of women slap him with sexual harassment
>suits, and decides to get revenge on one of those women by becoming a nanny
>in her home, seducing her husband, and taking over her family.

That was The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, starring Rebecca DeMornay as the psycho nanny.

Thanks for that. We finished watching it today.


"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

Yes, "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle," that's what the movie was. For some reason, it just fell right out of my head.

As I say, I'm not really sure what I could do with that nightmare. It wasn't recurrent or anything like that one Alex Proyas had that inspired his "Dark City" film, so there's no more material forthcoming. As I recall, the whole plague of "sparks" was just a curse from witches who hated us all and wanted us to suffer, so it'd be hard to blame the affair on anyone but them, and they weren't in the rest of the nightmare.

The part that especially made no sense was the "traitor" witch who gave me that blanket, since I don't believe there is such a thing as good magic or a good witch. The mystery was not who's to blame, but why did a being that I would always identify as an evil creature betray her own kind to do me good in a dream? Evil people are always betraying each other, but not usually to do anyone but themselves any good. It's sort of as if Satan himself were suddenly to do something kind and altruistic; it's totally irrational.

And if a movie made from that were as bad as my dream, there wouldn't be many people left to fight over anything, the way people were getting turned into sparks right and left.  I dreamed we were hearing on the radio about the sparks and how they were spreading through the nation and no one knew what to do about them. It's the kind of story that's already despairing at the beginning, so I'm guessing it would be a "starts bad/ends worse" kind of film, if anything.

Whats up its been a very long time since I posted here.Me and some of my friends have already talked about making a zombie movie, and have even written a script.
The movie would be called "Nick the kick vs The karate zombies". It would a zombie slash, comedy slash,Kung-fu flick. It would be about four friends who wake up one day to find their town has been taken over by the undead. All four friends are adept in karate and they realise that they must save the city from the zombies.
They go to their sensai were they find out that an old student who began using a forbbiden art of karate, involing raising the dead, was killed 8 years ago by the sensai in a duel.Now the old student has come back for revenge and its up to the four friends to stop him and save the town.
The movie would take after the old zombie and kung-fu flicks of old, with alot of comedy.