As you know, part of the house I live in is an airBNB and my landlords visited me this morning to ask me to keep an eye on the unit below mine which until recently, was occupied by a much older couple. When I asked where they were, my landlady told me that the man had left as his wife - who was apparently very sickly - had died in her sleep early on Thursday morning.
Someone died. In my house. Right underneath me. No one asked me for help with anything. I would have called my landlords and gotten medical assistance pronto or whatever was needed. :bluesad:
It doesn't matter that I didn't know the lady: I didn't know my neighbours' maid and she came to me for help a while back because she was feeling ill. We got an ambulance for her and she got to the hospital but unfortunately, she died that same day. I at least tried to help. :bluesad:
This situation's left me feeling very, very empty, sad and I don't know what to do or say anymore. :bluesad:
Don't think too hard on it. If you'd known you would have stepped in and if you'd have been asked you'd have been right there. It's sad but this would still have come to pass whether you were one floor up or a hundred miles away. It's just one of those tragedies that make up life. Your stress can't change what occurred but it can bring you down for no good reason, so try not to let this awful thing get to you, it's not your fault in any way.
brother, there was nothing you could have done, since she died in her sleep. try to think of that as a peaceful thing, okay? and ER is right, you stressing yourself out when there was nothing you could have done isn't good for you. you are NOT at fault in any way.
I appreciate your feelings on this matter, but you can't let it eat you up. You have too much going on in your life to watch over everybody. You can only take care of you in times like this. That same exact thing happened with me (neighbor below), though I wasn't asked to watch their house. I've also had deaths happen near me at the hospital where I work. It happens, but you must keep living for yourself.
You take too much on your shoulders, my friend. You've done nothing wrong. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
Quote from: ER on February 29, 2020, 06:49:47 PM
Don't think too hard on it. If you'd known you would have stepped in and if you'd have been asked you'd have been right there. It's sad but this would still have come to pass whether you were one floor up or a hundred miles away. It's just one of those tragedies that make up life. Your stress can't change what occurred but it can bring you down for no good reason, so try not to let this awful thing get to you, it's not your fault in any way.
Hugs and thanks: it actually feels like I'm responsible in some way but I know it's stupid to think that way.
Quote from: chefzombie on March 01, 2020, 12:17:26 AM
brother, there was nothing you could have done, since she died in her sleep. try to think of that as a peaceful thing, okay? and ER is right, you stressing yourself out when there was nothing you could have done isn't good for you. you are NOT at fault in any way.
I've actually been in quite a funk since yesterday morning: I just cannot get it out of my head that the person did not come to me for help which would have been given and right quickly too.
Quote from: retrorussell on March 01, 2020, 01:50:28 AM
I appreciate your feelings on this matter, but you can't let it eat you up. You have too much going on in your life to watch over everybody. You can only take care of you in times like this. That same exact thing happened with me (neighbor below), though I wasn't asked to watch their house. I've also had deaths happen near me at the hospital where I work. It happens, but you must keep living for yourself.
Thanks Brother Russell: I just feel like crap warmed up and then run over.
Quote from: Rev. Powell on March 01, 2020, 10:23:38 AM
You take too much on your shoulders, my friend. You've done nothing wrong. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
Thanks Rev.
She might've felt better that evening than she had in weeks. Weird, but it seems to happen that way fairly often. ER & Chefzombie are right.
I don't really have any words of encouragement. Death is just weird, incomprehensible. I'm praying for you & them. Hope you feel better soon. I know that's not enough, but this is hard to talk about.
Quote from: Trevor on March 01, 2020, 12:23:57 PM
Quote from: chefzombie on March 01, 2020, 12:17:26 AM
brother, there was nothing you could have done, since she died in her sleep. try to think of that as a peaceful thing, okay? and ER is right, you stressing yourself out when there was nothing you could have done isn't good for you. you are NOT at fault in any way.
I've actually been in quite a funk since yesterday morning: I just cannot get it out of my head that the person did not come to me for help which would have been given and right quickly too.
sweetheart, PLEASE listen to me. because i've BEEN where you are now. there was NO WAY to ask you for help, because at the time they didn't know they needed it. she didn't know she would die in her sleep, neither did her husband. so there was no need to ask for help. sometimes death decided to show up in a quiet peaceful way, and not put you through major trauma while you die, and THAT is what happened.
when i was 11, my grandmother died during a conversation with me, and for a few minutes, i just thought she had nodded off, which was fairly normal at that time of day. when i DID realize she wasn't breathing, i called for help, and the people at the hospital across the street came within 3 minutes. but she was gone. and she passed in peace, no pain, no trauma, she just..passed over the bridge. and so did your neighbor.
PLEASE don't put yourself through the guilt i felt for years, okay? i didn't earn that guilt, and neither did you. neither of us could have changed anything, it just...is what it is. and we couldn't have stopped it. please don't hurt yourself like i did.
Quote from: pacman000 on March 01, 2020, 12:33:30 PM
She might've felt better that evening than she had in weeks. Weird, but it seems to happen that way fairly often. ER & Chefzombie are right.
I don't really have any words of encouragement. Death is just weird, incomprehensible. I'm praying for you & them. Hope you feel better soon. I know that's not enough, but this is hard to talk about.
Thanks, Paccie.
Quote from: chefzombie on March 01, 2020, 11:53:04 PM
sweetheart, PLEASE listen to me. because i've BEEN where you are now. there was NO WAY to ask you for help, because at the time they didn't know they needed it. she didn't know she would die in her sleep, neither did her husband. so there was no need to ask for help. sometimes death decided to show up in a quiet peaceful way, and not put you through major trauma while you die, and THAT is what happened.
when i was 11, my grandmother died during a conversation with me, and for a few minutes, i just thought she had nodded off, which was fairly normal at that time of day. when i DID realize she wasn't breathing, i called for help, and the people at the hospital across the street came within 3 minutes. but she was gone. and she passed in peace, no pain, no trauma, she just..passed over the bridge. and so did your neighbor.
PLEASE don't put yourself through the guilt i felt for years, okay? i didn't earn that guilt, and neither did you. neither of us could have changed anything, it just...is what it is. and we couldn't have stopped it. please don't hurt yourself like i did.
Thanks, sis: I just wish that I could have helped with something afterwards but my landlords took care of everything and I do mean everything. They contacted a funeral company (and paid for it!) as well as a company which does post mortem cleanings so within three hours, all done.
I have had serious issues with my landlords as from last year but they have gained a bit of respect from me for assisting the man in his time of need.
that was really good of them. :cheers:
Quote from: chefzombie on March 02, 2020, 02:50:38 PM
that was really good of them. :cheers:
Considering what they did to me last year -
breaking down my garden flat while I was still in it - I was surprised at this.
There is always a lesson to learn. Be glad for what's good and hang in there, bud, we all must!
Quote from: Allhallowsday on March 02, 2020, 11:52:21 PM
There is always a lesson to learn. Be glad for what's good and hang in there, bud, we all must!
Thanks AHD: I spoke to my landlady about this yesterday and told her how bad I felt about the situation. Not so much that someone had passed but that I couldn't assist with anything. She just told me not to worry about it as there was nothing I could have done.
yup, that DID suck. how are you liking the new flat now that you've been in it awhile?
The fact that you care so much is just more evidence that you are a person of strong character. :cheers:
Quote from: chefzombie on March 03, 2020, 04:31:36 PM
yup, that DID suck. how are you liking the new flat now that you've been in it awhile?
9 months already - moved in here in June - and I hate it, seriously. If it wasn't that the rent was reasonable (about $300 a month plus water and lights) I would have left here last year. :tongueout:
:bluesad:
Quote from: The Burgomaster on March 03, 2020, 05:36:36 PM
The fact that you care so much is just more evidence that you are a person of strong character. :cheers:
Aww....thanks :thumbup:
Quote from: chefzombie on March 04, 2020, 12:24:05 AM
:bluesad:
Don't worry, my contract is up for renewal in August so my landlords will be getting a little shock this year. They take it for granted that I will renew year to year but I don't think I'm going to.
good for you! take your time and start looking NOW. it's quite possible you could find a place that's headed for a short term remodel and put in a deposit so you can move in in august.
Quote from: chefzombie on March 05, 2020, 05:29:39 PM
good for you! take your time and start looking NOW. it's quite possible you could find a place that's headed for a short term remodel and put in a deposit so you can move in in august.
Thanks Sister: there's this place in Pretoria near my work that looks nice and looks as though it could use a tenant. Garden upkeep will be hell, though. :wink:
(https://images.hamodia.com/hamod-uploads/2016/03/for.jpg)
:bouncegiggle:
lots of room for collections, lol!
Quote from: chefzombie on March 06, 2020, 04:26:47 PM
:bouncegiggle:
lots of room for collections, lol!
:teddyr: :teddyr:
I should add that those are the Union Buildings which sit on a hill overlooking Pretoria: the
backside sorry the seat of government as far as legislation goes in SA. :teddyr:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Buildings#Laws_governing_the_buildings (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Union_Buildings#Laws_governing_the_buildings)
Our offices are in the gardens to the right of that pic.
it's a lovely place, albeit a bit...uumm..prisonish.