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Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm sitting down with a six pack of Guiness and getting ready to watch Gigli on cable.  Give everyone a review in the morning.

NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a brave one.

Or just nuts.

Well, I crapped out.  Watched about the first half hour, and I couldn't make it past that.  I'll post a quick synopsis of what I did see, tomorrow.

Mwahahhahahaha!!!!

Skaboi Wrote:
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> Well, I crapped out.  Watched about the first half
> hour, and I couldn't make it past that.  I'll post
> a quick synopsis of what I did see, tomorrow.

LMAO....I'm surprised that you didn't just change
the channel during the little intros they have just
before the movies start.

So, I did watch the first 30 minutes or so of the film, counting the commercials.

The film starts off with a monologue during the credits from Affleck (Gigli) about how nobody expects to die, on the day that they die.  The monologue is actually a speech that he is giving to a laundromat owner, before threating to throw him into a dryer and kill him.  You see, the laundromat owner owes money to "Louis", Gigli's boss.

1 Guiness is gone by this point.

The laundromat owner pleads for his life, and tells Gigli that he can give him half of the money.  Gigli agrees and takes the money to Louis who tells him that he's there to knock people around, not make business deals with them.  Louis calls Gigli, "jiggly" numerous times in the coversation.  See, it's pronounced "Geely"...kinda like "really" and apparently the mispronunciation is supposed to be a point of humor throughout the film.  

Louis tells Gigli (god i'm sick of typing that damned name) that he needs to go kidnap a young mentally retarded guy who is family to someone who owes him.  Gigli goes to the special home that the kid lives at, and can't get him to leave.  The kid says he wants to go to The Baywatch, so Gigli tells him they can go watch Baywatch at his place.  The kid refuses, and keeps saying that he wants to go to The Baywatch.  Gigli tells him that they can go there, as long as he leaves with him.

2 Guiness are gone now.

*Note - It doesn't take much to get me a bit inebriated off of alcohol.  After 2 talls glasses of Guiness in about 20 minutes, I was starting to feel good.  This in fact didn't help the film at all.

So, they get in Gigli's car and leave on their trip to The Baywatch, whatever the hell that is.  On their way, Gigli pulls out a flashlight and tells the retarded fellow that it's his Walkie-Talkie.  What?  Wait....you probably don't believe me, right?  Well, it's true: http://www.partytimejoe.com/6604/CIMG0041.JPG  

Well, he tells the young retarded guy that The Baywatch is closed.  He takes him back to his apartment where he can keep him safe until Louis tells him otherwise.  Shortly after they get there, someone rings Gigli's doorbell.  No, someone doesn't "ring his doorbell".  Don't expect me to explain that joke.  You can google it.

Anyway, he answers the door and there is J-Lo looking quite hot.  She tells Gigli that she just moved in to an apartment in the building and needs to use his phone to call the phone company.  Gigli senses that something isn't right after a bit.  He speaks to Louis and Louis tells him that she's there to negotiate with Gigli about the retarded guy situation.

This makes no sense though, being as Louis lambasted Gigli earlier in the film for trying to negotiate with the laundromat owner.  At this point, Ricki (J-Lo) tells Gigli that if he doesn't play nice then she will kill him.  Gigli responds back with this exact quote:

"If by some f**kin' miracle long shot you haven't heard of my reputation let me tell you who the f**k I am! I am the f**kin' Sultan of Slick, Sadie! I am the rule of f**kin' cool! You wanna be a gangster? You wanna be a thug? You sit at my f**kin' feet and gather the pearls that emanate forth from me! Because I'm the f**kin' original, straight-first-foremost, pimp-mack, f**kin hustler, original gangster's gangster!"

That's actual dialogue from the film.

3 Guiness are gone now.

At this point the retarded kid asks Gigli how many cups of spit he thinks we swallow each day.  I couldn't take any more of it past that point.  My God this film was stupid.  Dean and Scott honestly must have Balls Of Steel to go up against this one and win.  Not even the Guiness could help me.

I ended up switching over to American Inventor which was actually pretty damn good.


My recommendation for this one - Only For The Faint Of Heart.  Not even Buddy Cooper could make a film this awful.

A movie must be pretty bad to have to drink while watching it to ease the pain!
I've never seen Gigli.
And I don't intend to.

Oh well, at least you drank good quality beer!
A 6 pack of Guinness runs what?  $8-9 dollars?
You got your money's worth there.

Skaboi...you started to make me relive the pain of seeing that film a few years ago on Starz...I made it a little further than you did but I couldn't make it all the way through. I felt sick watching it...honestly.

Watching it all the way through makes the pain somewhat worthwhile mind you, and besides, after you've seen the first half hour [even including commercials] you are tainted for life, so welcome to the club!

This movie loves it's monologues [since I guess they spent so much on the actors they felt they needed to use them] Every single character, or at least 'big time actor' [from memory] has their own rant.  

An example includes J-Lo threatening some smart-ass kid with some talk about poking his eyes out [there's something in there about injuring him so badly he loses his long term memory I think] and that was particularly entertaining to watch, along with Skaboi's mention of the eloquent Ben Affleck in all his 'I'm a black gangsta watch out' glory.

God I need to watch this again...

I'm calling Guiness abuse on you.  A painful movie like Gigli should have bad, cheap beer.  Save the Guiness for talking to the hot babes.

It's amazing how "Gigli" ruined Michael Mann's career.

And after that one, I STILL cannot take Jennifer Lopez seriously.

How exactly did it ruin Michael Mann's career?  To my knowledge, he had nothing to do with it.  And I honestly don't think the man's career is ruined..did you happen to hear of a small film called Collateral?

Oops, I meant Michael BREST.

My bad.

Caught a couple minutes of this on FX also. It was on commercial television so is was cut up and dubbed in many parts. I'm sure it wasn't the masterpiece than Dean and I know as GIGLI. Some of the dubbing did make me gigli.

Scott...you are F'ed up! It's good to have you back though.

Say, do you think "Dirty Love" is the new "Gigli"?

"Black Sunday";"Sum Of all Fears";"Dr.Strangelove";"Speed";"Fail Safe";"Blown Away";"Gigli"."Name Six Movies About Bombs and One That Was A Bomb!!".* *Thanx and a tip of the Turban to the Late,Great,Still Alive Somewhere Johnny Carson and Carnac the Magnificient!!