Information Exchange => Reader Comments => Topic started by: David Emery on January 13, 1999, 06:42:59 PM

Title: Elves
Post by: David Emery on January 13, 1999, 06:42:59 PM
I agree...this movie sucked big time. The premise sounds so promising and lets you down really hard. Killer Elves = great! Killer Elf that runs around not doing much of anything while the Nazis shoot everyone = not so great. This movie's only half-decent quality lies in Grizzly Adams; the kind of guy you'd want for a grandfather. This movie would have been hilarious if he raised his voice once in a while.

Title: Elves
Post by: NetFrog Alpha on April 10, 1999, 11:33:45 AM
Incest, nazi conspiracies, killer elves, Grizzly Adams... why? There are just some things out there that defy reason. Watch it if you're in the mood for something stupid-yet-still-takes-itself-way-too-seriously.

Title: Elves
Post by: Dan Haggerty Jr. on August 15, 2002, 06:34:58 PM
Elves good...dan haggerty good....santa loves oral....good...ELVES...good...FIRE BAD!!! Pops, ya did a good job.

Title: Elves
Post by: Legolas on December 19, 1999, 08:29:44 AM
I´m afraid, that creators of this movie donť know european mythology enough... All Liósalfar in alfheimr must be very furious ´bout that.

Title: Elves
Post by: D.A.F on August 24, 2000, 04:42:28 PM
This film stunk up my VCR worse than any other horror movie i've ever watched. and as implied in the review, there was only one elf! It should have been called "Nazis!"

Title: Elves
Post by: peter johnson on September 25, 2000, 11:18:16 PM
The same director -- Jeff Mandel -- who made this used a lot of the same people in another bad film: ROBOC.H.I.C.  How a bad movie site such as this can find things like "Barn of the Blood Llama" & not do something on ROBOC.H.I.C. is beyond me.  I was in that film -- I play Gimp, the Satan's Onion.  Burt (Batman tv's Robin)Ward, Kathy Shower, Jack Carter, Phil(Firesign Theatre)Proctor, & a few other familiar faces.  Please review Robochic!!  It is just MADE for your site!  1990 from AIP.  Find it now!

Title: Elves
Post by: Bizz on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM
I saw this in high school, and I ahve never recovered. The version I saw did have boobage.  Kirsten's mom in the tub just before she does the electric boogaloo. THis movie inspires me to seek funding for films starring my old toys. Look for STRETCH ARMSTRONG VS> HE MAN SANS HEAD. SUMMER 2002.

Title: Elves
Post by: marta serrat on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM
Hi. I'm from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and I would like more things about the director Jeff Mandel. Jeffery Mandel is the same?
Marta Serrat

Title: Elves
Post by: Brian McGuire on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
This film should have been called "The Making of Chris Graham". Young Willy the eventual elf slayer is a good friend of mine and just the other night as we were walking through a small video rental shop in Aurora, Nebraska he said "hey guys I'm in this movie!". Since Chris is such an honest guy, sometimes too honest, we belived him completly and paid the three dollars to rent it. I think this movie is one of the best comedies I've ever seen, especially due to the budding comedic genious of Chris Graham. It has some of the most choice lines in a comedy I've ever seen "Oral, Santa said oral!". "How many teeth ya got?" blam hits him in the face "How many teeth ya got now?". Then the guy quickly shoves something into his mouth and spits out shaving cream. But one of the best parts is when Chris insists that it was a "f***ing ninja troll" then as the adults leave he calmly goes back to bed believing that the adults were right and it was just his cat. Awesome comdey, awful horror flick.  

Title: Elves
Post by: Super Saiyan Goku on November 18, 2001, 06:44:32 PM
Killer elves?! whats next?! Banshee Choirs?

Title: Elves
Post by: Spagoosh on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
This movie could have quite possibly been the worst movie of all time had it not been for one of america's most gifted actors, Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty. One of my favorite parts of the movie is right after Mogoo so finely describes as "jumping out of the car like a badass" He then see's a man who could have quite possibly been a concerned citizen. Does Haggerty tell him about his accident Nooo.....
He uses his Keen wit to get straight to the point and asks " YOU some sorta NAZI!!!" then punches him in the face before he answered because he used his grizzled abilty to already figure that one out. For God Sakes , he hit the man so hard foam erupted from his mouth. I love this man!! By the way, Did he die at the end?

Title: Elves
Post by: Dano on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM
When is the sequel coming out??  They very masterfully set it up at the end with embryo-elf.  I'll tell you what probably happened: some stuffed shirt Hollywood yes-man dropped the hatchet on the sequel so the could fund some Gen-X TV-remake piece of crap like Scooby Doo.

I think the ambiguity of Grizzley Adams' fate (did he die or not) is another aspect of the sequel set-up.

Title: Elves
Post by: Brian McGuire on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
I have so much more to say. For those anticipating the release of "Elves Two: The Fourth Reich", there may be a version released on the internet at or around May 15th as a summer blockbuster. We are currently in the story board phase, as I said I know Willy he and I are awesome friends and media productions majors and know all the fancy digital video editing and s**t . . . and s**t! This second instalment looks to either be the worst horror film of all time, or the greatest comedy ever made. We havn't recieved any official rights, mainly because we can't find anyone who wants to claim this piece of cinematic mastery. I don't think it'll be a problem though, Chris's (Willy) dad was the executive producer. Well, be looking for the sexiness May 15th.          

Title: Elves
Post by: WitchKing on November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM
They really scraped the bottom of the barrell with this one.  Nothing particularly good or even bad enough to be memorable, save the scene where the hateful little brother watches his sister shower with perverse glee then sizes up her rack afterward.  I'm still laughing at that.

Title: Elves
Post by: Jeff Mandel on November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM
I’m finally out of prison and allowed to use the Internet and a computer again after all these years and what is the first thing I see?  Scathing reviews of my films.  (Chris Graham, I hid our negatives well, they were not part of my conviction.  Thanks for the memories.)

Yes.  It is I, JEFF MANDEL!  Jeff Mandel, the DIRECTOR AND CO-WRITER of ELVES!  

(I admit to a vague recollection of another film.  A “Peter” Johnson seems to think it’s ROBO-C.H.I.C.  Could this be?  We may never know the truth.  I do, however, remember a “Mr.” Johnson quite well.  As I recall he was a liar and extremely effeminate. I’m just saying.  (See ROBO-C.H.I.C. for more details.)

It’s a shame I have only now discovered this site.  I’m sure, by now, most of the people writing these comments are long dead.  But there is so much to say…  I will not defend my choices.  However, it is absolutely and completely not my fault that Bob Denver’s son, Patrick, hired to create an entire fleet of elves, showed up looking like Gilligan with only a single elf or that said elf’s cables locked up before we could even get one take in the can, freezing the elf’s countenance in that toothy, madcap grin.  But the grin was appropriate because…ELVES IS A COMEDY.  That’s right.  A comedy.  Sure it may be more funny “peculiar” than funny “ha ha.”  But to me, that’s what’s funny.  In real life I am often criticized because people cannot tell whether I’m joking or being serious.  For example, I am joking right now.  See?  And again here: “This statement is funny.”  But it’s not.  I was only kidding.  See?

Now that’s funny.  

At least Satan gets it.  I think.  And Andrew Bornteger.  I enjoyed the subtle critique and the burning personal pain I felt.  Is that all you got?  And Jeff Carpenter can score my next film anytime he wants. (Actually, does he have any kind of deal?  Does he know of any films shooting in his area that need a script or a director?  Or any position, really, if the money’s there. Please call me.)  

As for the nasty, hurtful, personal attacks of the fans?  They are EXACTLY the kind of response I was hoping for!  I love them!  Just as I love this film!  I made it for me, Jeff Mandel, auteur and aesthete, not you!  You think I care what any of you think?   You can’t hurt me and you can’t hurt my career!  I’ll match my filmmaking skills to anyone anytime anywhere!  I am as proud of ELVES as anything I’ve ever done.  And I stand behind my work 110%!    
--Name Withheld By Request

Title: Elves
Post by: Jeff Mandel on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
Alex and friend,

Yes, to the best of my knowledge, I am me.  I remember your interview very well, I have it transcribed and pasted on my closet door for those days when I feel worthless and like a failure at my chosen profession (which, by the way, is origami.)  Was I in England, then?  It's so hard to recall anything these days.  Oh, I beg your pardon, I see my mistake. Your email address says UK.  

In the free world, which we call America, we spell that with an F at the beginning and a C in between followed by the inevitable "YOU."

I realize it may seem self-destructive for me to hurl invective at my only two living fans in the known universe, but if you live in Great Britain, can you really call that living?  Here in America we call that "suspenders" or "elevator" or something.  

It's true I was violating a court order filming in Colorado so close to a Junior High School, but I never served any time.  Instead, I wound up doing community service as a crossing guard.  Go figure.  In truth, I was just trying to post something amusing and desperately attention-grabbing when Mike, writing from the East Coast in a drunken stupor, jealous that I was able to write anything at all while he has spent the last 15 years trying to buy a ribbon for his typewriter so he can write that novel he's been talking about since high school (or as you say in England, "bullocks.") posted a message so mean-spirited and chilling that I went back into hiding and have only come upon your post from January here in October.  (Which all of a sudden reminds me once again of the January-October romance spawned by the film the likes of which one has an opportunity for but once in a lifetime. If that. [ --Chris Graham, I am older now and can't possibly be as scary as I was.  I promise to stop calling you and hanging up and I will stop mailing you unsigned magazine subscriptions if you would only contact me so I can get a new copy of Elves - maybe even a digital DVD copy?  You must have the original master.  You or the company.  I only ever had two copies and both have stretched and broken from years of freeze-framing on my name in the credit sequence at the end.]  Alex, if Chris Graham ever responds, I will try to get you a copy, too.  Or as you say in England, "PAL.")

And now I have lost the thread of what I am doing here at the computer and yet I continue to type. It's amazing, isn't it?  How my mind works.  Or as they say in England, "public dole."   Is Margaret Thatcher still alive?

With many thanks,
(I am inclined not to leave my actual name.)

Title: Elves
Post by: Mike Griffin on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
So, you're finally out, eh, Jeff-o? Thanks be to Google for letting me catch my first hateful glimpse of your now un-incarcerated b*tch-ass self in this.. this.. what the hell is this place? ""? Well, there is some justice on the planet, I must say.

It's only a matter of time before I REALLY catch up to you, and then we'll review the good old days *together,* real close, you see, and we can discuss how comedy becomes tragedy when a man's flaws overcome his better judgement, like when a nice guy SNAPS and kills his former best friend for, oh, I don't know, a THOUSAND little crimes and one -- make it two, I'd momentarily blocked the memory of dear dead Rachel out of respect for her short life -- TWO big crimes.

A thousand and two crimes, and none was the one you got sent away for. Isn't that just something? You could not only claim innocence like the rest of the yardbirds, but actually mean it, because someone framed you but good. Someone who saw you'd otherwise get away without punishment for what he knew -- screw it, for what _I_ knew -- you were truly responsible for.

I suppose this being a cultie site, and I apologize for any incorrect terminology to the innocent membership, I can best establish my bona fides to those who care to know who the devil I am by looking at the names of the other two co-writers -- not on the slipcase, mind you, Jeff-o managed to have another "memory slip" when he sent out the printing order -- but I'm there in the rolling credits, sure enough. Would that I weren't, but there it is, and there I am.

Your days are numbered, Jeff. What a ridiculous sentence! So trite, so hackneyed, so TRUE, unlike your prison sentence. Remember that dialogue I wrote -- "How many teeth you got?" Cracked me up then. Even funnier now, because I'm SO looking forward to saying it to your doomed face. You no doubt had a little fun writing your comment above -- the old glib Jeff never could resist the taste of his own words, tossed out like gratuitous candy to gather and grow his circle of followers, that hasn't changed, apparently -- but now this site won't be a source of amusement to you anymore.

No, it won't. It's here you learned I'm still alive. And I'm out for your pain, your blood, and your cowardly screams of mercy. Which, by the way, I'll decide upon at the appropriate time. So if things aren't going well for you when that time comes, just scream a little louder. It might work.

"Name Withheld By Request" Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now laugh at this:

-- Your friend,

Title: Elves
Post by: Is that roast beast? on November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM
Whoa whoa whoa!!!

I cant believe this. My friend and I found Elves in the back of our local video shop in norfolk, england, about 10 years agio, rented iot, dubbed over some of the voices with samples from other films, and then obsessed over its warped genius for many years. When the video store closed down we bought the tape off them... I dont know where it is now, but I can guarantee it has been watched many many times.

So is this really Jeff Mandel, director and auteur of Elves? Did you really do jail time? What is the deal here between you and Mike Griffin? Is this just banter? I want facts and I want them now!

Actually Jeff, if this is you... you wont remember this, but about seven or eight years ago I did speak to you on the phone. My mate and I found your name and phone details on the internet and when I called I said "is this Jeff Mandel, director of elves?" You said it was, and I said we were writing a horror fanzine and wanted to interview you for it... not strictly true, but we did kind of intend to do it. It just never happened. We also called Borah Silver (he lived somewhere in California) and chatted to him about the film, he was quite a laugh...

So, if you wouldnt mind posting here what has been going on the past while, any news on cast/crew reunions, sequel hopes, I would be most interested...


"Mystical symbols and Runes? Room 666"

Title: Re: Elves
Post by: kirsten on January 01, 2008, 07:59:00 PM
I stumbled on this site and felt I just had to come to Jeff's defense. I will always remember working on "Elves" as one of the most magical times in my life. I was treated like a queen on the set by the production company and was catered to like a star. Even though I wasn't Jeff's first choice to play Kirsten, I hope I was able to capture the essence of the teen "virgin". Jeff is a brilliant and nurturing director who was always able to explain what he wanted out of the scene, listen to your character's imput,and blend the two to get the best out of the actor.

Jeff, by the way, has been a WORKING writer/director for many years. Not easy to do. So I find it interesting that some of the most critical people haven't actually DONE anything. What is it..."Those who can do, and those who can't"...well...can't.

"Elves" isn't meant to be taken seriously. Just good campy fun. We weren't expecting to be up for an Academy Award. Okay, maybe we were. But I just knew that line where Kirsten plunges the stone into the ground and says "Die you faggot!" was going to keep us out of the running.

For the last reviewer...Haggerty is still working in movies and selling the hell out of his BBQ sauce line. He's the only cast member I've kept in touch with. He was a dream to work with and a really good sport, even when he didn't have to be.

I have grown up a little since then. But I think I still have some Kirsten clothes in my closet. I've shifted into writing/producing, and lately have been developing TV shows and independent film.

All the best,

Title: Re: Elves
Post by: Flu-Bird on September 27, 2009, 12:09:14 AM
Nothing spoils your christmas more then a movie like this as bad as those SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT movies

Title: Re: Elves
Post by: Bruce's Cousin on May 31, 2010, 01:11:09 AM
I noticed that Gary Coleman died today.  Now, you might wonder what the connection between Gary Coleman and Elves?  Well, my late cousin, Bruce Taylor, was a writer/producer for 'Different Strokes.  After hearing about Gary Coleman I googled Bruce Taylor (while I should have been working :tongueout:) just to see what else he had written.  Lo and behold, another site listed Bruce Taylor as one of the writers for the movie 'Elves'. 

Anyway, if any of the perpetrators of Elves ever comes back here, could you tell me if the Bruce Taylor who worked on Elves is the same Bruce who worked on Different Strokes?

Title: Re: Elves
Post by: Felicity on February 26, 2012, 02:22:17 AM
I have a copy of this movie! The performance of Dan Haggerty did indeed help to save the movie. As the down-and-out Mike, he has a melancholy resignation that gives the movie great atmosphere. I just wish his beard didn’t flare out at the ends.

That poor cat.