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THE SHAFT
Rated: R
3 slimes
Copyright Company and Date: (?) 2001
Submitted by Fausto


THE CHARACTERS

Jeff - Elevator repairman and desert storm vet, tries to be the voice of reason and sanity despite a series of bizzare events; found hanging from metal cables

Mark - Jeff's friend and co-worker, suspects something is not right at the millenium building and is suspected of being involved in terrorism

Jennifer - Naomi Watts! Sleasy but very hot tabloid reporter, is seeking the story that will win her fame and glory

Kowalski - Jeff's old co-worker, apparently killed himself by blowing up his car with him inside it

Andy and Gary - Security guards who use their occupation to swipe booze and gawk at naked ladies, one gets decapitated

Mr. Milligan - Manager of the millenium building, cares more about money than human safety

Gunter Stienberg - Michael Ironside! Your typical movie mad scientist; worked on a very hush-hush project involving microchips and DNA or some such nonsense, destroyed by his own creation


LESSONS LEARNED

* Giving a machine any sort of intellegence is a lousy idea
* Pregnant women should never use elevators
* Tabloid journalists take anything they are told, no matter how sarcastic, as gospel
* Using blindness as an excuse to cop a feel is not without its perils
* Day care matrons should never smoke and growl obcenities in a german accent
* Government officials need to watch more B-movies


NOTABLE QUOTES

Mark: "I'll be faster than lightning on steroids, okay?"

Boss: "I want 400 words by six and make them juicy."
Jennifer: "I'll pee on them."

Mark: "Have you ever seen two computerchips f***ing?"
Jennifer: "Well...why should we be the only ones who f***?"


THE PLOT

I fear a script intended for production by Troma (The people who released "Killer Condom" in the US) has fallen into the wrong hands. This can be the only logical explanation for why a studio would put big (or at least semi big) budget dollars into a film about a killer elevator. No, you read that right.

Jeff and Mark work as repairmen in New York. Their specialty seems to be fixing elevators, as they are sent out time and again to fix those in a place called the Millenium building (knowing very little about New York, I have no idea if such a place actually exists) which houses various businesses and offices on each of its 102 floors. For some strange reason, the devices seem to be malfunctioning in the most tragic of ways, trapping victims inside, or causing fatal damage to those on the outside. The problem gets major press coverage after patrons of a lamaze class get trapped, resulting in a few premature births. However, instead of directing people towards the stairs until the problem is solved, the manager insists on keeping everything operational.

Meanwhile, a nosy reporter tries to squeeze whatever information she can get out of Mark. She twists his words around in her story, and before he knows it Mark is considered a suspect of terrorism. After a particularly bizzare death, involving a rollerblader being tossed off the top floor despite being on the ground level just seconds before, Jennifer (the reporter) seeks out Mark's help, which he refuses, until seeing a recording of the incident. The two now must figure out what the hell is going on before more deaths occur.

This film actually had a theatrical release, however, it came out just before 9/11, and due to its subject matter, was quickly axed. Interestingly enough, many people feel it seemed to have predicted the attack. Not only do the twin towers appear in at least two shots, but one person mentions the bombing attempt of the twin towers in 1993, and another makes a comment about osama bin laden.

Okay, lets start with the problems: bad dialogue (I've heard worse, but then I've sat through Manos: the hands of fate), convoluted plot, not to mention tons of plotholes, and bad acting (not that the script gives anybody much to work with). On the plus side, there's good special effects, fairly good pacing (its not boring, anyway) and enough of a story to keep the viewer entertained. One slime for entertainment value, one slime for effects, and one slime for Naomi Watts (she's hot, who cares if she can act).

I'll watch anything named after a slang term for the male anatomy.

* People in Washington need to watch more B-movies

Being from Washington, I can say that we watch quite a good number of them.  Or my friends and I do. :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

That was a moderately entertaining movie, one of those I recorded and never got around to watching a second time.  I would have never dreamed it had a theatrical release, it certainly seemed like straight-to-video. 

I did notice the twin towers, reference to the attempted bombing, and osoma and I also noticed that they mentioned something about terrorist using planes as bombs...... I saw all this in this movie which is why I had to look it up to see when it was actually filmed.  Before & after 911 or before.  I am blown away knowing it was filmed before....

I've never seen The Shaft, but I've heard the bad movie is one bad mother... uhm... nevermind.  :lookingup:

fausto, should i assume that you have digital cable, with comcast on-demand services? this movie was in the free movies selection a few weeks ago, and i was so disappointed to see that it wasn't SHAFT.