Badmovies.org Forum

I thought it might be a fun, and possibly even educational, idea to have a thread where dating advice is given  :cheers:. I'd like to hear your best suggestions for asking a member of the opposite sex to go on a date in the first place (I know I need all the help  :teddyr: I can get so don't think you're alone if that's the case)? Should guys use those corny pick-Up lines? Do gals really go/fall for that? Or do women prefer you to act naturally, as yourself? Do you think it's possible to be too nice, so as to be unattractive to a member of the opposite sex (I've been told this one in the past believe it or not...too good for me, too nice, etc.) So ladies, if you're sick of those corny lines or just feel like sharing some of the more laughable ones used on you, feel free to share and vent your frustrations? Why is it all that matters to most  guys on initial attraction is outer appearance but women tend to look for something deeper or am I imagining that? Share, vent, talk, discuss and all the rest of that jazz.

Since I'm still in college and will be for the foreseeable future, it's easy to "talk shop" with women. I also work at a store with a lot of women and I can release some of my romantic energy by subtly and overtly hitting on them on a nightly basis.

Just ask.  Either they say yes or no.  I'll let the women chime in for corrections as needed, but I think what most females prefer is someone who is not desparate and who can just be themselves.  I don't think women like "a show" or any sort of pretense.


Some do.  I was once in a bar, and enjoyed listening to the couple next to me.  The guy was filling the girl's head full of all kinds of garbage, and it was obvious he was full of crap.  Well, it was obvious to everyone but her.  When he left to get them some more drinks, I leaned over and asked her "you reallly aren't falling for this guy's lies, are you?"  She looked at me like I fouled her cornflakes, and proceeded to spend the rest of the night just ga-ga over that guy.  Sad.  Everyone within earshot was clearly thinking the same thing I was.

But, you have to ask yourself, do you WANT a girl that will fall for that stuff?  Or, do you want someone with self-respect who knows who SHE is?  It depends on what you are looking for.  Again, it's obvious what that guy was looking for.



I think that's a social myth, myself.  I LOT of guys are looking for something "deeper" and a lot of women are looking for cheap thrills.  There's both in both sexes.

But I'm the LAST thing from an expert on the subject.  I've been married a bit over ten years, and I become more convinced daily that I know very, very little about women.   :teddyr:

The stammering, cannot make sensible sentences syndrome happens to me sometimes when I go to ask a woman out, the more attracted to her I am...the worse this tends to be.  Of course usually said woman has no idea I was actually trying to ask her out.  Sometimes I'll just freeze up after "Hello".

My advice consists of three simple words:

Brightly colored plumage.

Don't try to kill her and sell her organs on the black market. Or chase them with a knife.

In addition to brightly colored plumage this is along the same line ... JUST ASK! What she going to do say "NO?" To many fish in the sea ... so just ask. Some girls, women, chicks, babes etc dig an assertive guy, some don't. Be yourself and not some one else and just ask. The last girl I walked up to and said bluntly, "Do you want to go out or not?" I married about 20 years ago and I'm still married to here and I've stayed as blunt and myself everyday, no surprises she knew what she was getting into. (To bad for her huh?)

JUST ASK HER ... simple enough. No lines, no games, no aires, just you.

Make sure ALL your killer rats are dead. I made a mistake last time and I never had a girlfriend again because I was dead.

Just kidding! I've never had a girlfriend. :teddyr:

It cannot be overstated just how good this advice is.  Rich gets a karma bump for this one.   :cheers:

Find a lady you like because you have something incommon, could be anything, then just ask her, she'll either say yes or no, if she says no and you want to ask again later, then do it but don't come on like a stalker, a second no usually means she's not interested, if she says yes then be yourself, I started taking Poogie to crappy movies on our 3rd date, must admit we went to chick flicks, you have to consider her preferences too. You should start out doing stuff you both enjoy and find out more about her likes and dislikes. The important thing though is to be yourself and not surprise her later, also hope she's doing the same for you.

One more thing, on a 1st date it's usually not a good idea to tell her what a huge fan of "Night of the Living Dead" or "Attack of 50 Foot Woman" you are

Dennis, where were you with this nugget of wisdom when I needed it fifteen years ago?  :teddyr:

One of my ex-girlfriends from the early to mid 90's was awesome in that she had the exact same love of cheesy B-movie cinema as I did.

On our first date, she was kind of worn out and said that she just wanted to rent a movie and get some take out chinese food.

the 2 movies she picked out on her own were Evil Dead 2 and Commando.

I knew I she was the one right at the moment.

sadly, she moved away out of state and I wasn't able to move with her.   :hatred:   

 Don't get drunk and throw up.
Don't play music like Slayer or Black Flag.
 Don't watch the kind of movies you like.
 Don't let her see your porno collection.
 

Closing with the line, "That's okay.  :lookingup: At least you didn't hit me" worked well for me once.
Asking about a woman's tattoos, on the other hand, has always been a train wreck.

The porn and throwing up I understand but the Music!?!?! A girl in one of classes loves it! She had a Black Flag patch on her Hoodie and well as many other patch's (Rancid, Gorilla Biscuits) involving punk and hardcore bands like myself. Of course I'm into Punk Rock Girls.

Which reminds me... I have to stalk kill run over with a car...Talk to her.

When is the right time to ask? Or is there such a thing?  What if the lady you're interested in is busy at her job and that's the only place you see her?

I'm not saying I've never asked out women before but I've only had success with women I wasn't attracted to ?! :question:

Age old advice tells you that "Don't Ask, Don't Get" is a time-worn classic.

Though of course there's more to it than that...

Right time to ask?  Well that's always tough to judge if you're not sure.  Blurting it out before you say hello is probably a bad thing.  From what little I understand, if you have a good conversation with someone, get along reasonably well [even if it's just a short time] and end it with 'hey I know this nice place for dinner, would you like to come?' that seems to be a good way of going about it.  If you come across well enough there's no real reason for them to say no I suppose.

But I don't know much: the only serious girlfriend I've had came onto me, so I'm purely lazy when it comes to this stuff...


And yes, bright plumage, baring of chests and a superior set of canines help...

 I guess I'm not very good at dating. The first time I went out with Tara Sue...I was kinda drunk,and I just kinda did the opposite of everything,...I leaned over and gave her a kiss,then I asked her if I could kiss her. Lucky for me she didn't freak out!

  Rich...in NYC punk rock is pretty much commonplace...but in Lawton,here in BF Michigan...they listen to hillbilly junk and radio music. And back in my single days in the 80's,playing Black Flag (real loud,of course) didn't score well with the girls.And of course being s**tfaced 3/4 of the time,and not having cut my hair in five years or so didn't help(along with my mode of dress...tore up clothes with Sharpie artwork covering my filthy jacket...) ahhh...to be young and punk in hicksville...Iactually got hooked on punk while living with my Ma and brothers in NYC in the very early 80's! :thumbup:

I'm sticking with if you like her, ask her.

Don't worry about music, movies, food what ever, just freakin' ask her out. Good to dinner/lunch/brunch make small talk and find out her taste in all of those things then go from there. Be assertive just not obnoxious.

Seems to me we have a few ladies on this board and unless I missed it I don't think they've chimed in as to there thoughts.

Yes I'd love to hear what they have to say. I've sure most have had some guy go goofy over them in embarrassing fashion. Actually I'm not sure I was really accurate when I say not really attracted to, it's more there was no Sparks if you get my drift. With girls I do feel sparks with, it seems I never get the right opportunity to ask them or I don't recognize it when I do. Sometimes I've thought after the fact that perhaps in certain cases, the girl in question had placed herself into a perfect position for me to ask her yet I still didn't do it or even recognize it when she did until after the fact. Doh!

Look her in the eyes.  Not in a creepy, staring contest way, but if you put your main focus a bit lower, you won't get to see them.  Basically, treat her as a person.

You're making it to complicated ...

Sparks? Sometimes you have to build the fire it's not always spontaneous.
Opportunity? Sometimes it knocks, sometimes you have to kick in the door.

Just stop her and say "Listen I like to take you out if you'd like to go, would you?"  If she says "Yes" ... great! If she says "No." move on ... damn son when I was dating we didn't have the internet and the 10 million "Meet women in your area." websites, we had to get out there and hunt them down and drag them back to the cave.

This sounds politically incorrect today ... when I was in the Marines we'd go to a bar and walk up to every female in the place and say ... "Do you want to have sex?" Some would smack you, some would walk off, some would roll their eyes and some would say yes. At the end of the night mission accomplished ... now I'm not say you walk up to her and say that, what I'm saying is JUST ASK HER OUT ... the hell with the "prefect time" make the prefect time. You will never know unless you ask is the point I'm making. The worst thing that could happen is she says "no" and if she does it's not the end of the world, ask somebody else.

Apply this concept as needed ... when I worked for other people I use to ask for a raise regularly, sometimes I got one I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, it I ask and asked and never got one ... I found a new job. Same with anything, JUST ASK and go from there.

Cheezefliz has some good points.

Women like men to be direct with them. (well, most do)
The natural fear of rejection can be hard to overcome, but it'll pass.
I've walked up to a fine-ass chick at a club, struck up a conversation with all of her friends standing right there sizing me up, asked if I could buy her a drink, ended up hanging out and dancing with her and got her number before we left.
I actually went out with her a couple of times after that but it didn't really go anywhere.
We didn't mesh quite right.

But at least I approached her and asked.

You'll often find that when you finally do go up to her, it wasn't as bad as you thought it was gonna be.   :smile:
You've gotta learn to shrug off rejection.

By the way, check out Askmen.com (http://www.askmen.com/dating/index.html)

That link takes you to the Dating & Love section.
I've read most of the articles there and I tell ya, it's some fascinating reading.
That site gives the best advice.
Take a few minutes to check it out and good luck!   :thumbup:

I've got a number of young guys that work for me now and I here there DATING DRAMA stories ... I tell them the same thing, just ask. On more than one occasion I've taken them out for a drink or two and one or two of them were all ga-ga over some girl in the place and were scared stiff to approach them, so I'd get up walk over to the girl and say "See that guy setting over there, he thinks you're (insert read of her personality here) and would really like to talk to you, I'm going to send him over here  is that ok?" If it was, then I'd go grab his collar drag him over introduce them and that's that. Waste you life wondering ... get on with it. About a 2 years ago I did that exact thing and now they are married, if I didn't I doubt they'd ever have met.

The best advise I can give you is be who you are if they like it, great if not, someone else will.

Oh and mention here eyes, hair, fashion, humor, personality stuff like that ... don't say "Damn baby you gotta a fine ass, mind if I dive into those daddy pillows." Not the best approach to take ... save that for later. I've found and I could be wrong a lot of women want to to mention things they don't think a man is looking at, break the stereotype.

Ok gotta get some work done now ... go ask her out. Don't come back until you have!!! LOL

You know in high school and in the service I was scared to death of women and rejection. After getting out of the military a friend set me up with someone and I fell hard, but it didn't last long and I went kinda nuts for a while. When I finally got my head out of my butt, I found that the experience really emboldened me. If I had the slightest interest in someone, I asked them out. 

That's how I met my wife of 25 years, I finally found someone that I could be myself with. So it is good advice to be yourself around the people you date, it culls out the ones you want to stay away from in a hurry.

So you guys are basically saying I should just knuckle up and go for it huh? Well I actually have been noticing two different young women of late. Should I ask them both?

Okay I'm chiming in. My experiences in dating were in Junior High and High School so they're probably different than yours. There was usually a group of us and eventually we'd find out who liked each other as boyfriend and girlfriend rather than just friends. One time this guy asked me if I wanted to go to dinner or the show with him. I'm very, very shy, believe it or not, so when somebody asked me this I was like you, stammering. All of the sudden I didn't know what to say to this guy, he was a good friend and I never expected him to ask me out. I said yes and took it from there, I did act a little different at first, which was due to fear I might do something stupid, he was probably feeling the same way. As time went on (which was about 2 weeks) I found out he was out to get something else, which was very scary to me. He didn't get what he wanted and he no longer asked me out. The next couple of guys would try the same thing. Needless to say I said no a lot of times after that.
The next guy, (get this) I asked him out, more or less, I am married to. My way of asking was through a friend. We had a backwards dance at school, where the girls asked the guys to the dance. She told him that I was going to ask him to the dance and that I was going to call him and might be afraid to ask......which was true.....anyway I called him and before I asked he said "YES". We saw each other every day for 2 years then got married, I was 19 and he was 20......that's pretty young for todays standards.

So you see, in my experiences the guys were out for something other than companionship. I know that all guys are not like the ones I dated. The one I married was and is the perfect guy for me.

What everybody is saying about asking is true.....just ask. You'll be on a high if they say yes and you'll be on a low if they say no...but it all passes and prepares you for the next time. As far as a pick-up line, I think it depends where you are. If it's in a club or bar the girl is probably prepared for a pick-up line of some kind, after all she's probably there to find a guy and has heard pick-up lines before. If it's at work or school I wouldn't use a pick-up line. I would just ask "Would you like to go out some time?"
Should you act natural?.....Yes...as much as possible....she's going to be nervous too.
I think someone telling you that you are too nice or that you're too good for them isn't to put you down or that you're not attractive to them. I think they like you but don't want to hurt you in the long run by bringing you into a life style that doesn't match you.
As far as judging someone by their looks, I think there are women and men who do this. I have seen some really beautiful people who are very ugly after you get to know them and some plain looking people who become very beautiful after you get to know them.
The girl at work...is there any way to get her phone number? Sometimes it's easier if you talk on the phone. That's what Dennis and I did and we ended up going out before the dance date.

Okay, I've chimed in...hope it's at least a little helpful.    :wink:

Correct, use the testicles you were given .... if there are 2 you like ask the one you like better first if she says no, ask the next one, if she says no, ask someone else. Remember at the end of the day, regardless of how HOT she is or what a FREAK she is ... you have to talk to them. So make sure that who you ask is someone you LIKE as a person and not just as a body ... ask any of the long time married people here after the newness and the sex (if any) wears off you have to have something else in common or you are DOOMED!!!
I never used any REAL lines, I'd use really corny lines and deliver them as a joke I will give this next statement a 100% sure far will work ... ready ... you got a pen and paper ... ok ...

Every women I've gone out with went out with me because I made her laugh! Nearly every women I know is attracted to men that make them laugh. You make her laugh and she'll go out with you, because she knows she'll have a good time.

Women correct me if I'm wrong ...

I am telling you that being brightly colored and displaying those colors in a fashion that gets her attention is important.  The other key factor is a loud mating call, something that comes up from the diaphragm and resounds across the pond.

Try these steps:

Move in front of her and go into a full display.  Puff up so you look bigger too.
Sound your call.  Not at her, but into the sky above her and move your neck in and out.
If she turns to face away you are golden.  Go ahead and mount.

I cannot count how many times this worked for me.


(Quite a bit of good advice up above, I am just in a silly mood.)

Worked for me this morning.  Unfortunately it only works on ducks.  If you want a woman you might have to try different tactics.  :)

Seriously though, just be yourself and don't forget that even though she is a girl, she's still a person and not so very different from you.

It works on women who are wearing duck suits.  The trick is having a duck suit on hand to head off any arguments.  Not that many bars will let you in the door if you are carrying a duffle bag with a bunch of yellow feathers sticking out of the opening.

This one boyfriend of my daughter found out she liked Tiger, so he came to pick her up in a Tiger costume, they went out on the date and he wore this costume the whole time.  :bouncegiggle:
And YES.....If you have a sense of humor, use it.  :wink:
(http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p240/denjoy73/100062375B15D.jpg)

I'll tell what works around here, when I can't find my bathrobe, I'm been known to wear my wifes flowerdy pink one with the fuzzy pink trim .... pretty much grosses my daughters outs, but my wife can't keep her paws off me ... I be lookin' steamy hot, goes double if I have the pink fuzzy matching slippers. :wink:

Just don't tell anybody about the thong underneath.   :bouncegiggle:

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'll try and keep some of that in mind.

Which of the following do you think would be best for a first date?

1) Going to McDonald's or other Fast Food Restaurant (actually one of the girls I'm interested in works for one) for a meal.
2) Going shopping at Wal-Mart.
3) A moonlight walk or stroll. Actually it's too cold for that one here. We just got a batch of snow last night.
4) the beach. (again no good for where I live)
5) a skating rink or bowling alley, some sport you can both play.
6) to watch the pro wrestling matches, football game, some other sporting exhibition.
7) dinner and a movie at your place.
8) Dancing at a club.
9)  A fancy restaurant for a meal.
10) Where you'd usually go but just ask her to join you.

NOOOOOOOO!!  Never.  Ever.  ESPECIALLY if she works there.


Nope.  I wouldn't do this.


Grand Idea. DOING something, not watching others, is a better bet to learn about each other and enjoy each other's company.  You are more likely to have positive memories of something like this, even if things don't work out with that particular person.


Probably not, unless you happen to know SHE is really, really into said spectator event.


Not bad, if you are a good cook and you pick movies  you both can enjoy.  For our first date, my wife and I went shooting, then back to her apartment where she cooked lasagna.  After dinner, we watched some really, really bad B horror movies.  We had a great time, a LOT of fun, and I knew when I left her place that we would be married someday.


Can you dance?  If not, forget this.  I don't think many women are overly impressed by going 'dancing' when it means just sitting, dancing by themselves or watching some guy embarrass her.  If you can dance, it's an okay idea.


Not bad, I suppose, but avoid the "I'm trying to impress you" schtick.  Do you usually eat at fancy restaurants?  If not, don't do it for a first date - save it for a special occasion like if she gets a new job, or you anniversary or something.  Really, though, in the end, meals at restaurants don't make lasting memories, usually.


If she's into it, sure.  But if you 'usual' is hanging out with a bunch of loser friends griping about women, talking about whatever, then probably not.

Try not to overthink this so much.  Part of the "be yourself" line everyone is given means follow your instincts and be natural.  If the person you are asking out seems like she would enjoy bowling - go for that.  If she seems the type more into moshing  in the pit, go do that if that's your thing.  My point is don't try to "force" a relationship with some impressive, perfect first date.  Find some common ground, and go from there.

And don't forget your duck suit, no matter what.

1. NO!!!!!!!
2. NO!!!!!!!
3. COLD = close *wink*wink*nudge*nudge*
4. NOPE - later when you know her better.
5. Safe and easy and not hard on the pocket.
6. NO!!!!!! Find out if she is a fan first.
7. OK but cliche'
8. Smoky, noisy, crowded hard to talk and get to know each other.
9. Save fancy for later when you know her, don't want to waste money on a lost cause.
10. Hmm neutral ground is better I think.

In the end I'd go bowling or skating, skating can lead to falling the catching (get my drift) I'm not a bowler but it's safe and some allies have decent quick food. Easy to talk and it's a non threatening environment, she should be comfortable with others around. So go bowling or skating. IMHO.

Honestly I live in a small rural area. I have very few options period. So I'd likely have to wing it and ask her where she'd like to go which I hate doing because it gives her all the power...Still I thought it might be interesting to see the reaction to those I listed above.

 Candy is dandy. :smile: But liquer is quicker. :drink:

The population of the town I grew up in was 641 ... so take her cow tipping.

Actually that may be the population of two-three towns in the area in which I live.  About the only places to go are a very small handful of clubs, 4-5 restaurants and a couple of parks in the summertime.

Dinner is classic: just go to a nice place [doesn't have to be fancy, unless that's all you got.]

As an interesting side note, two friends of mine went to McDonalds for their first date, and thought it was so hilarious [in that stupid tacky way] that they have been together for two or three years.  Though I'm sure she wasn't overly impressed at the time, she had enough of a sense of humour about it to make it work, and they kind of knew each other anyways...

Anyways, going to get a good dinner, and then maybe some nice drinks at a bar seems to be the standard choice for my date-a-holic friend.

So is the advice the others have given, such as going bowling and whatnot.  Depends on the person I suppose...

Just make sure it's something where you have a chance to talk.

This what I would do:

Bring her to a mosh pit. Any type will do Punk, Hardcore, Metal. Note that each has a different style and degree of brutality. When the mosh gets serious throw her in. If she lives it was meant to be, if she dies well it wasn't. If she starts the pit herself marry her. This also works for girls you don't like or want to dump.

If if its a maybe type of thing send her to a mosh with. no one has surivied the ANDRINI MOSH. We mosh till you fight we mosh till you die.

Anyone want to share stories of first dates gone all wrong? Embarrassing places you were asked out? Feel free. After all, we could all use a good laugh or two.

I asked a girl out not long ago, said I'd go wherever she wanted. She suggested hiking. Now this was not exactly thrilling for me, getting my legs scrapped on branches and getting bit by mosquitoes while tramping through the woods doesn't exactly thrill me but it was a chance to get this girl, who I had long been interested in, alone and with fine opportunity to talk to her. We ultimately became friends/acquaintances but found we really had little in common and she already had a boyfriend I soon learned. Not exactly a great first date for me in that case but hey, I did make a new friend.

The first date that never was ...

enter the way back machine to 1979
cue wavy lines and wooie sounds

My best first had a date with a girl but she would not go out with him unless her best friend had a date too for a double date. So I'm suckered into going out on a blind date, his date was HOT I knew of her, however I did not know her friend. Being a wise man an knowing that for some strange reason good looking girls always have a porker as a friend. (Why is this I don't know.) He tried to convince me she'd be HOT too, I was sure, positive she wouldn't be ... so long story short. The night of the date arrived I was reluctant but went to meet them, I had set terms we'd meet at a local club.
WE arrived and walked in and I saw his date talking to some HOT chick and my spirits rose, foolishly thinking that was my blind date. We went in a started talking to them, THEN SUDDENLY the earth trembled and the walls shook and up walked this beast (with a million eyes) covered in zits and thick glasses tipping in and planetary size and said "You must be my date." I made up some language and and said "zooba din ah kag" or something like that and walked away ... followed by my new EX best friend pleading with me to tough it out, that he'd owe me etc and all the things guys say. I kept speaking in my new made up language and left the building being offered money to stay ... suddenly I remembered English and said "Dude, it's not happening, not enough promises, money or booze it going to get me to set with Jumbo the elephant girl in there."
Anyway ... after much pleading and begging I took one for the team and stuck it out as long as I could, then left claiming I had a early work day and had to get some sleep and I'm still friends with the guy some 28 years later and I still remind him that I've never collected on that debt.

(NOTE she wasn't the worst looking women I've ever seen but she was the worst looking women I ever went out with, I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat sometimes. After that some of my friends saw me with her and I just claimed I lost a bet and was paying up.)

Listen to me, and ignore the "just be yourself" cliché. It's a horribly devasting line that people who know nothing about men/women relations always say because they are clueless. Ignore the advice women give to you about dating, because they don't necessarily understand the mechanisms that trigger them more, just because they are women.

Be yourself!?!? It's pointless. When i'm with my parents, i don't act the same way as i do with my buddies, but i'm "myself" in both situations. It's natural to have a facade towards all people, so what does mean to "be yourself" exactly!?!? It's simply a stupid cliché that you can't put to any use.

Heres some random golden tips from me, that you can actually put to use:

1: Have fun. Who want's to be with a person that doesn't enjoy whats going on? If you aren't having fun, she sure as hell isn't going to either.

2: Never shover her with compliments. It reeks of desperation. If you give a compliment, "pull it back" afterwards (in a humorous way, ofcourse).

Say something like
You: "You hair looks really nice today"
Her: "thank you"
You: "Yeah... It's all fluffy and nice. It kind of makes me think of Meat Loaf"

You get the point across that you think she's nice, but also pull back the compliment to spark some emotion in her.
Most women are insecure about their apperance, so tap into that, and exploit it.

3: Be confident. Let this be a mantra for you. Confidence is key. You are an awesome guy, and any girl would be lucky to be with you.Turn the tables around. Instead of men running after the women, let the women run after you. If you are confident, your body will simply reek of sexyness.

4: Smile a lot

5: Avoid getting into the "friend zone". It's damned near impossible to get out of that wretched place. Avoid this by letting her know in what way you are into her. Girls wants to "just be friends" with the poor saps that act to friendly. Don't be friendly, be sexy/dangerous/hilarious.

It's simply another human being. It's not true love, or meant to be, it's just two people acting out their instincts. Don't overcomplicate it.

If she refuses to go on a date with you, think "her loss". It seriously is. Move on, it's not the end of the world. One thing is sure, you won't get any, if you don't try.

Practise this. It will work, i promise. I used to be horrible with women, but started reading about this, and improving myself. Now.... Well... What can i say. I can in no way complain.

If you wan't me to extend this rant, just let me know.

BTW, CheezeFlixz, your post about the date seriously made me laugh out loud. Big karma point for that one!

I disagree that we (all of us) put facades on toward all people - being someone different in one circumstance vs another.  I personally know people for whom that's not true AT ALL.  In my experience, they have been people you can count on when things go to the crapper, like when being shot at.  But oh well.  I guess it is common enough to appear "normal."

You mentioned confidence.  So, why the facade then, if you are confident?

I guess "facade" was the wrong word to use. I'm simply trying to imply, that you put on a different face, to certain situations. Different behaviour is appropriate to different situations.
How can you not be yourself!?!? It's impossible.
I just really have a problem with the "be yourself" line.

The line should be "be the part of yourself that would be most attractive to a woman".
"be yourself" is the kind of advice your grandma, who's only had one man in her life would give you.

The dude is asking for advice, and "be yourself" is simply useless. He has probably been himself up till now, and he isn't satisfied at where he is now. My advice is something you can use in the real world, that actually works (with god as my witness).

Cool, thoughtful and insightful stuff there viktor. Thanks for that.

I'm glad you liked it! Ill write some more then.

Pickup lines: For gods sake, no. In some super rare cases they might work, but it's more clever to simply just ignore them.
It's not the cornyness thats the real problem. Corny can be good. The problem is, that if you use a pickup line, you've established the "i'm after you, and i must prove myself worthy of your attention" relationship, and it's important to get it the other way around. So stop using them for christ sake!

When i need to engage in conversation with a woman, i simply say "hi", and take it from there.It's as simple as that. You can quickly pick up the vibes from her body language by just having a small conversation. Lots of smiling, playing with hair, laughing, youre in! If you sense it's going to lead nowhere, just move on.

Since you are a movie fan, i'd reccomend that you rent the movie "swingers". It's an awesome (albeit, a bit cruel at times) example of how to get chicks.

In your specefic example, i don't know if i would ask her on a date right away. Just try talking to her to begin with, but be sure to break out of the "just friends" category early, by being very flirtatious, so she has an idea of what's going on.

How bad is your stuttering by the way?

Viktor, I think when people are saying 'be yourself' they're more saying don't try to be someone you're not, thinking that's what they're after.

I mean, sure, we all act a little differently around different people, especially family vs friends, but at the core you're still the same person, you just might not swear as much etc etc  :wink:. 

Anyways, the only thing I wouldn't mind asking about is why the hell would you compare a girl's hair to Meat Loaf?? [unless for some reason he's gotten really sexy lately... shudder]

I think it's perfectly fine to just say nice hair and leave it at that eh?

Is meant to be 'negging?' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging#.27Negs.27) [well that's how it's known to me at least]

Basically it's the idea of saying something nice to someone, but in a bad way I suppose, like 'hey your hair is nice, is that a wig?'

A few friends of mine have been struck recently by this practise, and constantly complain about how bad and annoying it is.  I hope that's not what you're talking about, because it just seems kind of pointless to me... You shouldn't have to exploit women's insecurities to pick em up I guess.

Anyways, the rest of what you said is fine, just thought I'd mention that one: I've never seen it work ever, unless they were blind drunk and just plain idiotic [which is fine if that's what you're after, but not my tastes at least]


In the meantime, just go to a dancefloor, do that fishing 'come to me' move and see if it works.  Let me know if it does, because that would just be awesome...  :teddyr:

  Ask her out for pie and coffee,buy her a Kris Kristopherson record,and take her to a off-color Swedish  film....might work...

                          (http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/1072/untitledcs3.png) 
       
                                      I mean..lotsa couples go to see this movie...I..I dunno a lot about movies...but....

Yeah, i'm desbribing "negative hits"

It works. At least it got me this far, and that's good enough for me:

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=53982080&albumID=0&imageID=3963705

RCM, forgot Odgen Nash's update to his own poem.

Candy is dandy.
But liquer is quicker.
Pot is not.

Bumping this up.

Is it just me; or does the girl in most cases already know that you plan to ask her before you ever get around to it? This certainly seems to be the case to me and it always kind of freaks me out...and takes me off my game.

Not that I'm Casanova or anything, but...

Don't invest yourself too much in outcomes, if you can help it.  What I mean is -- if a girl interests you, ask her out, whether she seems to expect it or not. .. and try not to bet all your confidence and feelings on what happens next.   You have no way of knowing what she's truly thinking.  Why worry about it?  One way to show confidence is just to press the mental "delete" button when it comes to second-guessing, and just project yourself as you are (but confidently).   I think Viktor's advice is good.   But second-guessing is worse than worthless -- it's detrimental.

You're asking THIS board for advice on dating? 

Wow...

What the hell, I'll try..

Truth though, I know more about maintaining relationships that starting them.  Lot of good books on that subject, the stuff they say about starting them never quite seemed to work for me, but that's a whole another thread.

So, if you want info about what NOT to do in a relationship, I can give you that... 

Okay, dating... not really sure I can help you there.  Although, I am reminded of a joke.. when you were talking about girls not wanting to date you cause you're nice...

"So, I asked this girl in my English class if she'd go out with me and she said she would, but I was, 'Too nice.' (pause) So, then I slapped her six times and said, 'Friday, then?'"

Strangely enough, guys tend to laugh at that joke more than girls do, but you HAVE to admit, ladies that is a LAME excuse.  That's worse than, "I have to wash my cat that night." 

Course, the worse is, "Yes, I'd LOVE to go out with you tonight. I'll give you a call!"  Then it's 10 pm and you're sitting by phone going, "Okay, I'll give her another ten minutes..."

Like the others have said, the self-confidence thing is a must.. chicks don't usually dig guys who make too many self-depreciating remarks. 

Course, you know, they say that a for a lot of guys who are considered suave and whatnot, they just started ACTING like they were suave, and after a bit, everything else kind of feel into place.  Hugh Hefner for example..

I dunno... the subject just depresses me, think I'll quit now.

Jase this is late in the game but looking at a question you asked earlier in the post about 'what if you work with th woman and she' always busy at her job'. So, solution is ask her if she wants to grab a bite for lunch. Don't make it sound like a date, think of it as testing the waters to see if you really like aachother. Suggest a place you like nearby, if you don't know any than before hand you need to research your work area and see what's good. If you can get her to go out to lunch you're halfway there on an official date. also if she likes the place and has a good time you can ask her again "wanna check out that really good chinese place again?"

The worst place someone ever asked me out was in a dark movie theater during "28 days later". A total stranger sitting next to me in the dark, I can't even remember what he said but i remember telling him i went to movies alone all the time. he left, came back and said "i was trying to actually come on to you'

ICK! Everyone turned around in the row ahead to see. Then he says "My teenage son put me up to this, i'm not good with asking girls out"

Double ick. So his teenage son and his girlfriend is sitting a few seats away watching the whole thing unfold as this guy..in TOTAL DARKNESS leans over to tell me that i have nice eyes as a naked man is running through a desolate city. So he continues to talk to me during the movie asking me what i do..etc. That is also one of my pet peeves, people who talk in the theater. The worst part is he asked for my number aftwarwards which I did not want to give, with his son and everyone standing around it was soo akward to say no so i gave him a fake. Then he had the nerve right then and there to call it so he could put it on his memory.

stalker!

Women do know if a guy is going to ask her out, we have this radar. So you have to give her the option to say no and be fine with it and not make it weird. Sometimes how you reach to the situation can shape her opinion. Also have a cool date idea vs 'wanna go out sometime'. Like "this weekend there's a balloon festival" or better yet, have an idea of what she's interested in and focus on that. If she likes photography take her to a gallery or suggest she bring her camera to the arboretum or something. You can't ask her what she likes, you have to be perceptive. But also don't be afraid to be creative. Usually dates are at a restaurant or a theater. You can't talk in a theater for 2 hours and at a restaurant it can feel akward sometimes so liquor is sometimes required to losen everyone up. Who wants to be sloshed on a first date.

Women like originality sometimes, depends on the woman tho. But if you go on a date with someone where you can talk easily or laugh it makes for a better experience. If you live in a town where there i a lot of attractions or scenic places you're well on your way. But  sometimes taking her to a place where she's likely to be at ease because she's laughing - like miniature golf or Ripley's believe it or not or someplace fun, makes for a more condusive atmosphere. It's a crap shoot, you can't look at rejection as a bad thing. It just means that you guys aren't for eachother anyhow

I'm sorry Susan, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression that night.  :wink:


Anyhow, in all seriousness I think first dates are usually an akward thing.  Almost like starting a new job on the first day.  If you have a sick/dry sense of humor like mine its hard to work into the first date.  Perhaps getting to know the person over the phone or just hanging out in an informal date would break the ice for the big deal.  Either that or take Andrew's plumage advice.  Although when I tried that, I was assaulted by a group of migrating geese.

Side note;  I find women flock around me in the supermarket when I have my son with me.  Why is that?

I think it's the frilly collar and bowl haircut they are drawn too.

Lol...Karma!   :thumbup:

I can count on one hand (and with one finger) the number of times I asked a woman out. Dating for me was a nightmare. I was always too shy and too self conscious when meeting people for the first time to come off as confident. Thank god for the internet (blessed be Al Gore)! Once I could meet women online, it was easy to get to know them through emails and phone calls before mutually agreeing to meet in person. By that point I knew them well enough to be relaxed and halfway charming (ok, more like 30%). Doing things that way scored me lots of...good times. That's how I met Mrs. Shadow. :teddyr:

Truthfully, I'm not sure there's anything that can help me. I just tense up way too easily and that definitely is oft-putting to women who definitely prefer a calm guy who is confident and has his act together. I think I still need to get my act together. It doesn't help that the whole thing doesn't often seem worth the effort to me.

In some circles I would have been called a 'player' in others a 'dog' ... most an SOB.

I never had trouble asking women out and if I asked a girl out in front of her friend and she said "No" ... I'd say "Oh good, I was afraid I was going to lose that bet." then I'd turn to her friend and ask her out. Some times the freind would say yes and if they said no, move on there are more fish in the sea.
It was the old playing the odds things ... that if you went into a bar and started asking every girl in the bar if she wanted to go back to your place and get happy, one of them would say yes. You might have to ask 100 women first  and get slapped a few times, but you'll hit a yes somewhere along the line, it's just the odds. Now granted this was back in the day before you could catch crap that would kill you, pretty much your greatest risk was needing a shot down the road.

I remember when I ask my now wife out the first time, she would even talk to me or look in my general direction, nothing she was a snob. So I, being young and obnoxious (now I'm just old and obnoxious) and very glassy eyed took a bar coaster and wrote my number down on it and stuck it right in her cleavage and said call me when you brave enough ... what the hell I figured the odds if her actually calling was 1 in a million anyway ... and off I went thinking that coaster was already in the trash, ripped up, or fading out with beer bottle sweat. See I knew her sister's and they had told me that she was sick of men, that they are all wimps and pussies and not a one had balls ... this was her words to her sisters, and they knew I was rather bold. And we were in a small town so more or less everyone kinda of knew everyone in a way. So what better way to make a impression on snobbette man hater, good or bad than to be assertive and bossy.
Well me and friend left and went back to the house I was living in and continued to party until about 2AM at about 4AM the phone rang. It was snobbette calling to tell me what a ass I am, a jerk, how rude I was to stick that coaster "between my tits" that she should have decked me right there etc etc ... so I let her get it all out and then said "So when do you want to go out?" "GO OUT? ... why I wouldn't go out with you if you was the last man on earth!" she exclaimed.
Being a wiseass I said "Luckily I'm not the last man on earth so that leave my opinions open, how about next Fri? I'll pick you up at say 7?" She continued to tell me she wasn't going out with me, and that I didn't even know where she lived, and I told told she was going out otherwise she wouldn't have kept my number and that she lived at 103 Chapelwood Ct, I have a phone book I'm not a moron. (Actually her sister told me.)
Long long story less long we talked about 4 hours on the phone until it was about 8AM before we hung up and I had to go to work that afternoon and had to get some sleep. (2nd Shift party lifestyle) She found out I wasn't the obnoxious ass she thought I was and I found out she wasn't the snob I thought she was and we talk many long hours that week and did go out that Fri at 7 and 4 weeks later her lease ran out and she moved in with me and 20 years later I still can't get her snobby ass to leave. And this past August the 5th we'd been married 18 years and I still stick noted in her cleavage when I want to get her attention, they're a little less dramatic now, more along the lines "Don't forget Milk and Bread" 

Yes I am aware that women think I'm a wussy for stating that "not worth the effort" thing. I know they hate that type of thinking.  It's like I said ... I need to get my act together. I need to start believing in myself and recognizing the fact that most women don't deserve a guy like me.  What you did Cheeze was  indeed a ballsy thing to do. Props to you for that.

The alcohol thing isn't an option to get me into gear either although I'm sure many think I need such a boost of some sort. I don't drink. This does tend to make me decidedly unpopular where I live. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. And I don't intend to no matter what.   

How old is your son?  Is he young and cute?  Girls like cute things, so they flock around to see them.  Why do you think I take my s**tzus our for walks in the park all the time, cause I like the exercise?  Hell, no!

Sadly, shi-tzus are friendly, but they're not as outgoing as I'd like.. need a dog that'll home in on cute girls on command and give them the, "Pet me, pet me!" look...  :smile:

If his son is 21 it might explain alot...

Yep hes 21 and buys all my drinks for me as well. 

Actually he's one and a half and he usually gets the "oh he's so cute" thing.  Which means he looks nothing like his father.   :bluesad:  I always joke with my wife whenever I get home from the supermarket on how many numbers I got while I was there.  He knows to smile and wave at all the pretty girls though, its amusing. 

Women are attracted to men with children in public because when they are without the wife it portrays a very nurturing characteristic women want. Women like men who love their kids, not just who father them, and when they do daddy things with their kids it gets them attention. Then they go home and beat their husbands and say "why can't you be more like that? How come you never wanna take little jr out shopping??"

I had my girls out with me not long ago and I don't wear a wedding band do to my work. We were in this store doing school shopping, and this lady was about my age said "Oh it's great to see the single Dad out with the kids!" ... and one of my girls who is a biggest smart ass as I am, looks at me and said in a rather snotty tone right in front of this women "Does Mom know you're single?" Embarrassed the women to death and as  she walked off quickly, I laughed and said "No, don't tell her."

Must be an interesting time around the dinner table in your house.   :teddyr:

Jase, more power to you for not drinking, smoking, and frying neurons.
If it doesn't seem worth it to you, then don't.  Just do something else... like watch reallly bad movies, and wait for Starcraft 2 to be released.  :)

And being a virgin the rest of your life!

 :twirl: KIDDING!!! I kid!  :twirl:

When I was single,I drank like a fish,went to bars,tried to be "cool"...I wound up an alcholic on the balls of my ass. And it did NOTHING but scare women off! I think NOT following the pack will  get you the "right " kinda girl,in the long run...not some two bit bar tramp.
Unless you WANT a 2 bit bar tramp....! :twirl: (sorry...I'm weak...)

I hate the fact that people somewhat expect you to drink if you go out.  They do it here too.

I can have fun without drinking.  If anything, I have one beer, but stick to water/soda.

I never got that, i'm a grown a$$ adult who can decide if i wanna drink. I think it makes the drinkers feel more comfortable for some reason, gives them someone to rag on. I've actually been to parties and decided i didn't want to get smashed so I didn't drink and had people make an entire ordeal out of the fact i wasn't drinking. When i'm drinking i never come down on someone who isn't, in fact i'm the one defending them and telling everyone else to mind their own business. I respect free choice

BUT, it is the social lubricant. I would just be wary of it on first dates. It can make people obnoxious, it can also also make people like eachother who would normally not like eachother more sober. A great first date is one where you don't "have to" drink because you're having enough fun as it is. You can also tell when the date isn't going well one one party suggests to go to a bar and get some drinks. In other words "it really sucks being around you sober, but maybe you'll put out after a few beers"

I pretty much agree with that. 

Although, I can't say much based off of experience.

Yeah it's pretty sad and desperate when a guy actually tries to drug (alcohol is a drug after all) his potential lady friend looking for favors.  Of course it all depends on whether said female minds or not...

In the past women have actually made advances towards me but honestly it kinds of weirded me out when it happened and I couldn't get away from these women fast enough. It didn't help that it occured in public places and in somewhat embarrassing fashion. Sadder still, the women in question were actually very attractive.

I think it depends on the age of the women, I think if they're like mid twenties or older, then that's true, but I now a young man (about twenty) who told me how a lot fo girls lost interest in him as soon they found out he had a son (cute little one year old, too.) 

Granted, maybe it they had SEEN the boy first, rather than just hearing about him, it'd have the opposite effect...

Oh, I thought of another nugget of wisdom I got from the tv series Titus (good show, BTW, look up the DVDS.)  Titus' dad gives him this advice on women...

"Son, you're aiming too high!  When I go into a bar, I don't go for the ten, I got for the six and drink till she's a nine!"

 :twirl: :twirl: :cheers:

As usual, the answers to life's problems can be found in an episode of "King of the Hill".

In one episode, Bobby was broken hearted because his girlfriend broke up with him. His parents tried everything to console him but to no avail. Finally, they turned to Boomhauer,the resident ladie's man, to help Bobby find a new girl. Boomhauer agreed to take Bobby under his wing.

Bobby and Boom drove to a local mall where Boomhauer proceeded to hit on women. Dozens of women. Dozens and dozens of women. Although he was rejected most of the time, he did collect a few numbers. That was his secret;perseverence. AND he did't take it personally when he was rejected. 

I take all my advice from animated sitcoms. That's probably why my wife has tall blue hair and I brake my car with my bare feet.

Did he ever hook up with Con Jr?  I remember an ep where Con Senior bans Bobby from seeing his daughter.  At one point Bobbie goes to the garage to get a ladder so we can climb up to Con Jr's window. He's looking at the ladders (there's three ladders on the wall) when suddenly the light comes on and Hank is standing there in the doorway.  He looks at Bobby, looks at the ladders, looks over at Con Jr's window, and just goes, "I think the six footer out to do it."

Really loved that moment, Hank giving his tacit approval to their relationship.

Haven't the show regular;y in a long time though.. maybe I should look up the DVDS on Netflix...

Oh, BTW, if you're unfamiliar with the show, Con Jr is FEMALE, but for some her dad named her after himself.  (Think we're told once it's because he wanted a boy...)

I think Bobby and Khan did get together eventually.  I don't think they are anymore, but for a bit I think they were. 

I've been trying to watch a bunch of the reruns.  I forgot how good it was.

When I look at most women, I find myself laughing inside. Why? Because more often than not, they remind me of some Hollywood starlet past or present or even more often, of a cartoon or storybook character.  Hmm, should I tell that cashier she reminds me of Peppermint Patty (in a good way) ?

jase, just be sure she's actually a lesbian before you tell her

Hmm, there's nothing cuter than an offended female  :bouncegiggle: .

Doncha hate it when this happens to you as a guy? Makes you want to kick yourself in the arse and say "Be a Man!"

You like a girl. You really like a girl. You approach said girl and try and think of something, anything to say. Your mind goes blank. Panic and sweat begins to take hold. You're searching for something to do, to say. You get that sinking feeling. Then suddenly you realize the chance has passed you by and most often said girl ain't giving you another. Never a good sign when said girl looks embarrassed and seems to want to get rid of you as fast as she can. Sadly the more attracted a man is to a woman, the more likely this seems to happen to him. :bluesad:

Very true.  There's this girl I felt like that about.  We were even friends for the past ten years.  Sadly, she started seeing some guy and hasn't talked to me in a month.

What's really bad is when you like someone and they feel the same way (only neither is sure how the other feels) and when you see each other both of you are so dumb-struck that neither of you can say anything intelligible.

 

Which is great, if you're both into wookiees.  "Aaaaauggggh!"  "Aooorrraauggh!"

(Married fourteen years and aaaaaaaaain't missing the single scene.)

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deXyDI1T8J0

 :question:

Lowered Expectations
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vNk_j3Z18A

I wonder if women hate it when they leave themselves open to be asked out and put out as many signals as they can to try and catch a guy's interest and the guy either doesn't even notice or doesn't act on it....

Actually at 33, nearly 34, I'm now feeling the urges to get out and enjoy myself more than I have in quite as long as I can remember. Sadly the  ladies don't look at me the way they did 10 years ago. I've added a bit of mass around the belly since then and I've had Bells Palsy attacks so my face has a little, almost unnoticeable but it still grates on my conscience and my confidence, slight facial deformity so that when I kiss, my mouth is a bit squish and one eye closes. A major turn-off for the ladies no doubt...

I hate it when a woman seems to be sending out signals & talks about what she (not they) did the past weekend, when she actually does have a boyfriend.  Grrr.

Think they stole that from Mad TV.  (I know, it's a parody of eHarmony commercials, but still, MadTV's been doing a gag about a "Lowered Expectation" dating services since it's started.)