Badmovies.org Forum

In the spirit of "Airplane," I have been doing this for a few years.  When a random topic comes up I will use it in the following sentence:

I like my ______ like I like my women:  _______

For example, my friend Gary once used this one on me as we went to the grocery store for ice cream (and nearly caused a wreck):

      I like my ice cream like I like my women:  chocolate and chunky.

Or, yesterday, I said the following:

      I like my cell phones like I like my women:  with rollover minutes and free nights and weekends.

I should have been writing these down over the years.  There have been a couple that left us laughing so hard we were crying.

(Girls, you can join in too - just switch it out as needed.)

I like my Punk music like I like my women: Fast and Incoherent.

I like my Bad movies like I like my women: sucks but entertaining. (Hope thats not to bad) :smile:

I like my DVD's like I like my women:  cheap and used.

I may need to remember not to read some of your responses while drinking.  Rich and Jack, those made me laugh out loud, so loud that Katie asked me what I was laughing at.

I like my books like I like my women: bound and wide open (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

The moment I saw you had posted to this thread the thought that ran through my mind was, "This is not safe."

Anyway...

I like my popcorn like I like my women:  hot and buttery.

I like my Scotch like I like my women: 18 years old with a Sherry wood aftertaste. (http://forums.lowerdecks.com/style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

I like my rock music like I like my women:  under the influence and angry

Beware: it's gonna get worse.
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I like my sundaes like I like my women: stacked, with a cherry (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

I like my women like I like my peanut butter: easy to spread. :teddyr:

I like my DNA like I like my women: chained, in pairs   :smile: :smile:

This is all your fault, Andrew.  Awesomely big mistake.   :cheers:

Here's mine:

Menard likes his Zardoz like he likes his women:   gaping, but stony.

Well, my go to classic was from The Naked Gun 2 1/2.  "I like my coffee like I like my women: black and bitter."

Which was good until I heard the inverse, "I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and in the freezer."  (Don't remember where that one came from.)

Here's a couple I came up with:
I like my cheese like I like my women: pale and veiny.
I like my cheese like I like my women: pleasing to the tongue, but stinky.
I like my government like I like my women: bloated.

Sort of related from the comedian Demetri Martin: "An ex-girlfriend is a lot like an okay movie.  I liked it at the time, but I don't want to see it again."

One more:
I like my women like I like my outer planets: giant and gassy.  (Too specific?)

 :bouncegiggle: :teddyr: Thanks, Andrew. I am a guy who likes older women so:

I like my pizza like I like my women: old, half eaten and wise in the ways of the world.

 :buggedout:

Sorry, I just grossed myself out terribly with that "half-eaten" remark, I don't know where that came from.

 :buggedout:

I like my like my japanese monsters like my women: Big and horny.
I like my Snickers like my turds: packed full of peanuts...and satisfying when eaten!(ARRRGH! PUKE REEETCH! Urhhh...spitspitspit...)

BTW Andrew, great idea for a thread; one which sinks to my level :teddyr:. Let's have more of these.


I like my turtles like I like my women: on their backs and kicking

I like my mozerella sticks like I like my women:  hot and battered.

I like my roof like I like my women: low maintenance and water tight (sorry, leaky women - ew.)

I like my elevator farts like I like my women: silent but deadly (speaking of ew -- ew).

I like my national parks like I like my women: beautiful, clean, with a low price of admission.

I like my cameras like I like my women: easy to use and disposable.

Now, I'd better hope my wife doesn't see any of these.

I like my 2 by 4's like I like my men; long and hard (as in bodies) What did you think? :buggedout:  :bouncegiggle:

Ilike my discussion threads like I like my women funny and irrelevant.

 :bouncegiggle:

Katie has remarked that "Poogie is saucy."

I like my women like I like my golf balls:  small, white, and dimpled.

 :bouncegiggle:







I just hit 700 posts....I think that deserves a cookie.......uuuummm peanut butter.  :thumbup:

I like my cigarettes like I like my women: harsh and unfiltered.

I like my cigars like I like my women: rum-soaked and Cuban.

I like my alien monstrosities like I like my women, scary looking and slimy.
I like my lasagna like I like my Poogie, hot and saucy.
I like my sasquatch like I like my women, tall with big feet.

About Poogie's 2x4 post, although I found it really funny, I detect the influence of Menard, so I just want to thank him for this, er, aahh, well, new side of her that I'm seeing for the first time. :buggedout: :bouncegiggle:
I know he's always happy to help.

I realize that what I'm about to add might not be the best way to introduce myself, but heck, I'm not known for my self-control.

I like my men like I like my TV sets.....easy to turn on, big enough to fill the cabinet, and with an obvious mute button.

I like my favourite classic sci-fi/horror scream queens like I like my women, drop dead gorgeous, more intelligent than you expect and not afraid to scream like bloody hell.

Damn!

Judging from the replies, the girls got bigger balls than the boys.

Now you little boys step aside and I'll move this away from the tame thread you have tried to turn it into and back into the gutters where it belongs.


I like my shirts like I like my women: cuffed and pressed



I like my cars like I like my women: nice headlamps,  nice trunk, and always going down on me



I like my wind damaged trees like I like my women: bent over and rocking



I like my gardens like I like my women: dirty and ready to be plowed




Now try to keep up boys. :tongueout:

Okay, I'll give it a shot.

 I like my pants like I like my women, a tight fit with legs that go all the way up.

Golly, that was really quite enjoyable, I like being naughty, it feels so wonderful.

I like my women just a little on the... trashy si-iiide....

Toothpaste for Dinner had the best answer. (http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/091204/i-like-my-coffee.gif)

i prefer his wife's cartoons, though.

Okay, Menard. I'll sink a bit further.

I like my bars like I like my women: sleazy and full of cheap liquor.

I like my steak like I like my women: dark on the outside, pink and moist in the middle.

I like my soda like I like my women: huge jugs with easy-to-open tops.

I like my internet like I like my women: fast and willing to show me things I never before imagined.

I like my football teams like I like my women: with a great tight end and a good grip on the ball (no fumbling!).



And now I stop, because, while I love bad jokes like these, I really like my wife like I like my woman: smart, beautiful, and still married to me.

I like my convenience stores like I like my women... open for business 24 hours a day.

I like my software like I like my women - gets loaded fast and doesn't require a lot of memory.

I liek my burgers like I like my women naked and juicy

I like my toys like I like my women:  fun to play with and easy to stuff back into my closet.
I like my babies like I like my women:  weak, defenseless, and somebody else's problem.
I like my literature like I like my women:  easily opened and good between the covers.
I like my posters like I like my women:  nice to look at and pinned to the wall.

I like my gummi bears like I like my women: sweet, cuddly and doesn't mind at all if I take a nipple.

I like my golden age movie classics like l like my women,  classy and full of romantic notions.

I hope that you meant nibble and not nipple.   :smile:

I like my lawn like I like my women:  recently trimmed and comfortable to lay on.

I like my remote controls like I like my women:  with lots of buttons to press.

I like my ladders like I like my women:  six feet tall and stable.

 :bouncegiggle: Freudian slip I swear!

I like my living rooms like I like my women; the carpeting better match the drapers.

I like my sushi like I like my women: raw and slimy.

I was so afraid you would take the high road; glad to see you didn't. :teddyr:



I like my donkeys like I like my women: nice asses that need to be rode

(I have no high road) (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

I like my cats like I like my women:  All I have to do is say "here, p***y, p***y"  and she comes.

What was that about a high road?   :teddyr:

I'm wondering if Andrew is regetting having started this thread yet.

If not:


I like my holsters like I like my women: firm, tight, and will take any length  :teddyr:

I like my chainsaws like I like my women: noisy with an interesting vibration.

I like my rodeo bulls like I like my women: horny and one rough ride

He doesn't seem to have come back in, maybe he's a bit leery of what he started here.

I like my men like I like my pizza.....hot, big enough to please the whole crowd, and here in 30 minutes or free.

You know, Menard, my grandparents had a farm.  I used to sit on the fence and watch the pigs wallow in the mud.

No idea why that comes to mind.   :tongueout:

I like my Kleenex like I like my women - good for a quick blow, easily discarded.

Good one. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)


I like my pigs like I like my women: penned and writhing in mud

I like my women like I like my dogs: obedient and on a leash.

In keeping with the pigs theme that seems to be developing:

I like my bacon like I like my women: sizzling and with a salty taste.

Karma point for Jack for that one.  That was vile.

I could have warned you about going anywhere that is "women only."  Ever been in one of their restrooms?  There are weird things on the walls.  It reminds me of the growths found in the areas used as nesting grounds in "Aliens."

Oh, and if you ask them about the weird things on the walls, women will just roll their eyes and walk away.

 I like my lolly-pops like I like my men, tasty and long lasting  :teddyr: See what you guys have done to my shy little self?

I've had a few who tried to make me blush; left them with looks of horror on their faces instead.


When I was in high school (teachers have never forgotten me till this day) I worked on the janitorial staff. One would have thought the boys would be the nastiest, but cleaning the girls bathroom really opened one's eyes. How they accomplished writing inside the toilet bowl, beneath the waterline, I do not know.

I have to speak up here  :teddyr: He's exaggerating about the womens forum  :teddyr: it isn't that bad. But the womens bathrooms, I have to agree, they are the most disgusting places to be in.....And I was always told that the janitors wrote that stuff in the toilets.  :teddyr: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

The High Road:
I like my movies like I like my women: funny, insightful and a pleasure to look at.

The Not-So-High Road:
I like my movies like I like my women: lots of nudity and stupid as hell.

The Pretentious Road:
I like my movies like I like my women: foreign and over five decades old.

The Not-Quite-As-Highbrow-As-The-Other-Three-And-Possibly-Doesn't-Make-Sense Road:
I like my chewing gum like I like my women: jammed up underneath my desk.

I like my McDonald's like I like my women- tasty and only a dollar.

I like my mute button like I like my women- easy to shut up.

 

I like my books like I like my women- leatherbound and spread wide open.

 :teddyr:

Trever lol thats too funny  :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

I like my bows like I like my women, easy to string but with a real heavy pull.

I like my arrows like I like my women, long, well fletched, and easy to nock.

I like my Smith & Wesson like I like my women, easy to use, with a hair trigger.

I like my customers like I like my women, easy to talk to and willing to put a hitch in my giddy up.
(actually had a woman say she wanted to do that to me today :smile:)

I like my women like I like my drum set: you get a work out when you bang them. :teddyr:

For some reason, this one struck me as really funny.  Thank you.

I like my barbecue suace like I like my women sweet and tangy
(not sure if this one makes sense)

I like my Denny's like I like my women: open 24 hours and always ready to make me breakfast.

My apologies up front as I certainly mean no insult or disrespect (gasps of disbelief abound from the board members) but that is not funny.

Certainly the intent of this thread is to be tasteless (what other intent could there be, especially for me) but there is a difference, IMO, between making inferences about a woman permissively/submissively/promiscuously and making inferences about sticking a knife in her. Violent overtones toward a woman certainly was not the intent, nor are inferences about such funny.

I understand that this was just a joke intended to share with us with the best of intentions in mind. If in any way I may have offended you with my reply, it was not intended to do so (it certainly wouldn't be a first for me though :teddyr:). I just wanted to state my feelings about the joke and in no way make it a reflection on you.


Thank You

Obviously I should have included a disclaimer for the more "sensitive" amongst us. Didn't expect such a reaction considering that so many bad movies are slashers that typical involve female victims, especially not from someone who's taken Evil Ernie as their avatar. If you haven't read it yet, you want to stay far far away from "American Psycho", though it is amazing how the movie was directed by a woman... This might explain why my karma points have taken such a hit as of late. Oh well, boo-hoo for me.

It surprised me as well.  Not certain why, but I generally do not watch too many slasher films - so that may have something to do with it.  I can easily view a monster movie and see a bug-eyed creature from Venus that rips people apart with lobster claws and laugh, but a man with a knife comes across as very serious to me.  Oddly, put that same knife into a film like "Switchblade Sisters" and I am fine with it again.  There have to be some reasons behind these changed perceptions - some basis that my mind is using to say, "Oh, that's different."

Over the years, I have offended people a couple of times when I said something that seemed perfectly fine to me.  The difference between my perception of what was said and the recipient was that, in my mind, the concept built around the sentence was completely formed.  The person I was speaking too could not be privy to that; the only thing they could interpret was what I actually said aloud.  As a result, you get those two different meanings.

To get back to the absurdity:

I like my women like I like my electrical outlets, just below my knees and turned on.

Obviously my attempt at trying to be polite and considerate toward another failed miserably. Not only was a veiled and poorly contrived insult levied at me, but the same person tried to bait me; not to mention that they voted me down.

I am still going to be amazingly polite...for me.

Using slasher movies as a reason to justify oneself is a poor and childish excuse. Someone may well like strangulation and rape videos, which may be fine for them, but that does not justify bringing it into a conversation if others don't like it. We cannot, obviously, go through every conversation with a checklist of things not to say just because someone may be offended by it, but we can have the sensibilities to know when we should not go too far.

"Sensitive"? I call it a consideration toward others. I tried to be considerate with you (overly considerate) and you did nothing but spit in my face. A line has been set now; you ever cross that line with me again and you will regret it.

By the way, you have also earned a negative karma from me; that is something I rarely give.

Thank You Menard and Andrew

Whoa kitten, sheath the claws! Looks like someone's taking my posts a little too seriously. If I was going to "spit in you eye", you'd know it my friend. If I want to get offensive I'll get a sh!tload more offensive that pointing out little ironies. No need to take out the glove and challenge me to a duel amigo, I'm not Aaron Burr and you're not Alexander Hamilton. Lighten up. It's a joke kids, if you don't wanna laugh, ignore it. Or, if anybody wants to comment on something I say that might be offensive, there are less "public" ways to show off your sensitivity, so try sending me a personal comment instead of replying to a post. Besides, last I checked, being sensitive was only a bad thing if you made it that way. Hey, I'm sensitive. I shed my tears at the end of Godzilla 1985 and Stranger Than Fiction like everybody else. I'm a modern man, I can admit to it.

Though I'm sure everybody gets the same laugh I do whenever someone forgets they're on the internet and tries to sound threatening with "don't f*ck with me or you won't live to regret it" comments. You get a karma point from me for that one Smiley, enjoy it! :bouncegiggle:

Sometimes it's fun to see someone get a rise like this out of a simple comment (that doesn't include racial slurs or other inflamatory remarks that are always obviously intentional attempts at grabbing attention), but let's give the future readers of this thread a little suspense. I'll drop the posting if everybody takes a chill pill and puts away the disgruntled postman attire... for any postal servants that post on this board, ignore that last comment... also, forget that I said you were "servants", I of course meant to say "independent postal employees who don't do anything they don't want to do".

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lunch with my girlfriend of 8 years who, surprise surprise, I don't stab with knives like ketchup bottles. Seriously though Menard, you might wanna drop Evil Ernie as your representative. The guy kills women and children in violent and gory methods all the time. Don't want anyone digging that tidbit up if you ever get into politics. Also, for future reference, I hold Abraham Lincoln in the highest regard, so if anyone ever makes a joke about him, I'll f*cking kill you... Stay beautiful kids. Love ya. Mean it.  :teddyr:

Disclaimer (obviously I need to put these up now...): the preceeding post was made in the sense that it should be read by a guy with a cheesy mustache who some might mistake for a lounge singer who's always "on", complete with finger snaps and "double guns" hand motions and eye winks. Kinda like Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary or one of those fast talking agent-types in Hollywood movies.

Again with the veiled insults and baiting. You are obviously not stupid, but you do lack a consideration for others just to simply entertain yourself.

The general gist which has kept this forum a place to unwind and freely communicate with others is the ability of one member to tell another if they have gone too far and for that to be taken into consideration.

I have said things for which I apologized (another gasp falls over the board). Even if I didn't think it was insulting, or certainly did not mean it that way, smoothing things over with a fellow board member is more important than my ego (okay, you can all stop gasping now).

This is an open forum. As such, if something comes to a debate over a public post, it needs to be debated in the open, IMO. Using the PM system, to me, is going behind Andrew's back, and the backs of the other board members if it is a subject which does concern all of them. If you want to send me a PM to tell me you love me, or whisper sweet nothings to me (ewwwww) that is fine, but I am not going to debate a public topic through the PM system.

We have taken this thread way off subject. This could have been avoided by someone simply having taken a board member's (OVERLY POLITE!!!) suggestion under consideration, rather than lobbing insults and making up excuses for oneself.

Your belittling remarks have earned you another negative karma. If I can't give it to you today, I will make a note and give it to you tomorrow. Uh...if I forget...be sure to remind me. :tongueout:


I apologize to Andrew and the members of the board for this going off-topic like it has.

I like my batteries like I like my men, long lasting and disposable when finished


muahaha

I like my men like I like my cheesecake......rich, always satisfying, and easy to find right at the grocery store.

Eery six hours princess. Have fun with that!  :teddyr:

I like my produce like I like my women, fresh and locally grown.

I like my corn on the cob like I like my women, hot and best when nibbled.

I like my motorcycles like I like my women, fun to ride on the weekends and loud.

I like my cars like I like my women, easy to drive, with matching headlights and a great looking grille.

You mean like Alyson Hannigan in Date Movie?  :teddyr:

Actually when I posted this I was thinking of something that I believe I saw on the Discovery Channel, of all places,
in a program about the Ford Motor Company. The narrator got to the Ford Edsel, designed by Edsel Ford, and said that the grille on the Edsel was purposely designed to resemble Edsel's favorite part of the female anatomy, I don't know if it's true.
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q122/DENNISDURWARDHAMMOND/TRC1379.jpg)
You decide.

I'm going to change this slightly:

I like my BadMovies.org friends (even if they might disagree sometimes) to be friends and give each other a hug now and then.  

Sorry for the glurge but I just feel that way right now. :smile:

I've enjoyed this thread but have avoided posting to it for fear of being overly lewd (I'm not well known for my tact, as any of you who've seen my site could attest).  But what the heck, I was only planning on living until my death anyway.

I like my coffee like I like my women-in-prison film protagonists:  single-origin and predictable.

I like my cigarettes like I like my women: slow-burning fuse and deadly.

I like my zombies like I like my women: taking things slowly and appreciating a good brain.

I like my men like Tom Savini.  What?!?  That's it.   :teddyr:

All right, here's one with a disclaimer.  All apologies up front, but holding it in is like trying to hold in a sneeze.  I'm still trying to gauge the level of tolerance here, so please, if there are objections do advise and I'll edit it out.
I like my prophets like I like my women:  preachy but full of holes.

This is way off topic, but those edsels are some UGLY cars, especially the grill. And yes it does kinda look like that body part.

I like my sexually uninhibited Arctic bears like I like my women: bi-polar

I like my Oreos like I like my porn actresses: doubled stuffed

Going to resurrect this thread, just because a new one popped up today as Katie was baking cakes.

I like my women like I like my cakes:  full of rum, upside down, and with pineapple on top.

"I like my coffee like I like my women: hot and strong...with a spoon in them."
             - Eddie Izzard

And mine:

I like my horror movies like I like my women: colorful and x-rated

I like my women like I like my vanilla sundaes: white and covered in chocolate syrup

And this is pretty gross, but what the heck:
I like my women like I like my bowel movements: smooth and satisfying

I refuse to post in this thread on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me . . .



if my wife ever reads it! :lookingup:

I like my dog like I like my women ... obedient, panting and on all fours.

I like my women like I like my mouthwash - fresh, interesting to taste and with a little extra zing that gets you moving in the morning.

I like my calling plans like I like my women: 15 cents a minute, but free on nights and weekends.

I like my shrubs like I like my women ... trimmed.

I like my houses like I like my women ... built.

I like my gloves like I like my women ... warm and tight.

Oh I could go on ...

For some reason that I can't explain I find this so funny that I can't stop laughing, but the image it conjours up is so disgusting that I feel like I'll never eat pineapple again. Karma for that.

I like my post-it notes like I like my women: yellow, square and with a little sticky spot.

I like my fireplace like I like my women, warm, comfortable to cuddle up besides and with a real burning fire inside.

I like my women like I like my vans:  sleek on the outside and roomy on the inside.


I was quite proud of that one.  It had Katie giggling for several minutes as well.

Cheryl, our office manager, thinks it's hilarious too, but I'm still not eating pineapples any time in the near future.

I must admit, as silly as it is, but this thread helped me solidify my relationship with my girlyfriend.  We had started going out around the same time this thread began and sent each other messages to this effect early on when we were a bit more comfortable with each other.

Worked a charm I'd say.

She recently sent me a message to this effect the other day, lamenting the fact that our earlier subtly has made way to pure crass; "You're like Berocca, I just want to put you in my mouth and have you erupt on my tongue..."

Considering one of our earlier message were along the line of: "You're like gasoline: you start fires that are hard to put out" you can understand why she is sad about the passing of good word play to just plain dirtiness.  Must be the winter mood.  Makes people lazy.

So in sum, thank you forumites for helping me with the woo and charm!  :smile:

I like my old badmovies.org threads like I like my women, a bit gamy but damn fine in hindsight.

I like spare change like I like my women, loose and available when I need it.

I like my scientific theories like I like my women, well-tested but still willing to prove themselves when push comes to shove.

I like my ice like I like my woman, nice and cool
I like my Melodeath metal like I like my woman: full of melodies and rhythm

Most of my favorites have been covered already, or something close to them at least, but let's see what we can do.

I like my peanut butter like I like my women: Sweet and Chunky

I like my books like I like my women: Leatherbound and thought-provoking

I like my burgers like I like my woman: nice and crispy on the outside, warm and juicy on the inside (beat that Menard! :tongueout:)

The old classic: I like my men like I like my chocolate and coffee: dark and rich.

I like my men like I like my folk metal: melodic and Scandinavian.

I like my women like I like my oysters: clammy

I like my pillows like I like my women: lying in bed and soft in all the right ways.

I've been meaning to add some comments to this discussion, but doing so can only get me into trouble.

I like my women like I like my women: feminine.

Believe I saw that on a tshirt from Tshirthell.com (although they may have gotten it from somewhere else.)

I like my women like I like my oil:  sweet and crude.

I like my cows like I like my women: Skinned, with their meat in the fridge.

   
Re: I like my sandwiches like I like my women: FAT!

I like my bad movie websites like I like my women: Dangerous, unhealthy, yet strangely hypnotic.  :teddyr:

I like my women like I like my women: With female genitalia

I like my museums like I like my women: Free to enter and you learn something new each time.

I like my coffee like I like my women: Hot, wet and full of booze.

I like my dogs like I like my women: Coming at the sound of my voice.

OK, I feel dirty. :lookingup:

I like my milk like I like my women: Nice and smooth

Andy...
I'm so disappointed in you.

 :wink:

I like my cars like I like my women: Always keeping me entertained.