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According to Popular Mechanics:

1. Patch a radiator hose
2. Protect your computer
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized
4. Frame a wall
5. Retouch digital photos
6. Back up a trailer
7. Build a campfire
8. Fix a dead outlet
9. Navigate with a map and compass
10. Use a torque wrench
11. Sharpen a knife
12. Perform CPR
13. Fillet a fish
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
15. Get a car unstuck
16. Back up data
17. Paint a room
18. Mix concrete
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
20. Change oil and filter
21. Hook up an HDTV
22. Bleed brakes
23. Paddle a canoe
24. Fix a bike flat
25. Extend your wireless network


I think I've actually done all of these except #3 and #12 .

#26. Put the lid down

Any one of these activeties would make my landlord veeerrryyy angry.

Point a shotgun at the head  of the person  who made this list... and tell him to get married and rewrite it!

Now that is funny!   :thumbup:
I think I could do maybe half the things on the list, but the only shotgun I ever held was my Dad's... against his express orders !!   :teddyr:

27. Train a women how to operate the toilet lid. ^ up v down ^ up v down

I've done 16 out of those 25. I must be a wimp. :teddyr:

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein

And this is a useful skill, how?

For whence he came, and here at last.
A sonnet I say or I'll kick your ass.
For he was, but not alone.
My friends I call on the cell phone.
Hark! I say, you must wait a minute.
For my friend to arrive and join in it.
Tis a sonnet I write, true and real.
Is over now, you get the idea.
And off I go into the mist.
This thing to do, is off the list.

22 of 25...not bad

And as for you, Mr. Cheeze...The girlies just LOOOOOVE a poem or song written for them.
Consider a sonnet as a means to perpetuate the species

Meh, I would say a man should be able to:

1) Slaughter a chicken with his bare hands
2) Command respect through terror and destruction
3) Destroy all monsters
4) Play a trumpet so well it can kill 50 people
5) Devour the hungry
6) Command a cloud of locusts
7) Operate two chainsaws at once
8) Know how to graft various weaponry into his arm
9) Turn a group of thirty emo kids into cold-blooded assassins
10) Rebuild Tokyo in a week after a kaiju invasion
11) Learn to put acid into foods and disguise the taste and smell, then serve it to his arch nemesis
12) Walk into Harlem with a $5 bill and walk out two days later a millionaire with a harem of at least 25 women (hookers and crackheads do indeed count)
13) Invent a remote that can make annoying celebrities permanently disappear
14) Punch holes in space and time with his fist, and then close them up whenever he wants
15) Beat Bokosuka Wars every time he plays it; or beat Smash TV without losing a life
16) Turn all household items into sex toys, and vice versa
17) Walk briskly and casually amongst zombies and not be noticed
18) Command an alien ship
19) Install a plasma turret above his domicile
20) Watch Pay it Forward and not cry
21) Have a presence so ominous that theme music plays where ever he goes
22) Use alchemy to turn vegetables into jerky
23) Use the flesh of his fallen enemies to make household pets
24) Observe, repair, regulate, and upgrade a nuclear reactor on his own
25) Drink a bear without opening the bottle

 Good stuff,Joe!  :thumbup:

  Once you get married...be prepared!

  1.Know which alchol you can drink with the least 'reek' factor...(mix vodka in coffee....)
   2.Learn to nod your head and respond to conversation when the wify is nagging...all the time blocking out everything she is saying while watching TV out the corner of your eye.
   3.Find a good hiding spot for your Hustler mags.
    4. Fake enjoying the chick fliks she'll insist you watch with her.
    5. Stay out of her way...and pick your words carefully when it's "that time of the month".
    6. Eat her "first time" recipes...and pretend " it's good! REALLY!''.
    7. Change a diaper in the wee hours of the morning.
    8. Walk through stores for hours without b***hing about it.
    9.Be broke all the time.
    10. Eyeball hot chicks without being obvious.
    11. Treat her cats nice...even when you want to drop kick the little basterd for puking on your favorite chair.
    12. Convince her that the crappy,low budget horror flik you want to watch  is " a classic! ReallY!"
     13. Love her  regardless of all else.

That's a great list RC.  Love the one about eyeballing hot chicks.  I once had a professor ask me why I always had a pair of sunglasses on my head, even when it was raining.  I let him know that I use them to keep my wife from knowing that I'm looking at all the hot chicks when we are in a public place.

Also the one about telling the wife that the awful film is a "classic!" doesn't work for me anymore.  She wised up to that one a few years ago. 

Karma! Btw #10 won't work, we ALWAYS know what youre doing with our peripheral vision ;-)
And #12 can be easily accomplished by laying down offerings of candlelight, chocolate and a footrub. For that we'd watch anything

Of course i'd watch that crap without all the perks

Susan aren't you considered an honorary guy on this board anyhow?   :wink:

#10 is usually pulled off with a nice dark pair of sun glasses.  Problem with us guys is we can't ever just take a peek. 

 :bouncegiggle: 

Ah, yes indeed!  I've gotten lucky enough that a few of my past girlfriends didn't need convincing for #12.  Although there was one... but we don't speak of her anymore, no no no...

Does anybody else ever get freaked out when they walk through a door clearly marked "MEN", only to find that there aren't any urinals, & then start wondering whether or not they may have misread the sign on the door?

Or have you ever gone to use the restroom at a Wendy's, looked at the picture on the door, & thought to yourself, "Thank God I can read"?

In lieu of that, I'd like to open a restaurant with utterly ambiguous words on the restrooms.

Schlekagacks and Opeloodles

You can figure out for yourself which is which.

I once went to a truckstop in oklahoma (on the border where all the porn video stores are) and there were condom machines in the ladies room.

Btw why is that such a big deal? You don't have a urinal at home

Actually, when we buy another house and I redo one of the bathrooms, I intend to install a stainless steel trough with a backsplash that runs the entire length of one wall.

and i guarantee the wife will leave all cleaning duties to you.  :smile:

But, will it be filled with Ice?

If I come over, can I p**s in it too?   :wink:
Oh please please please, can I?

----------------------------------------------------------

Actually, I have to admit that the original list posted here is complete crap.

Fix a dead outlet.
Bleed brakes.

Mix concrete!!!???

Who the hell made up this list?

---------------------------------------------

That was the intent behind a large trough in the bathroom.  On movie night, when everyone needs to drain the lizard, we can stop the movie, everybody goes at once, and get back to watching "The Monster that Challenged the World."

so you'll all be sharing the same urinal in your private bathroom at home? hmm

Why even have a urinal? If you've got a bucket you won't even have to leave the sofa

You ever seen four or five guys try to go in the same bucket at the same time?  It ain't pretty.

 Back in about 1980, when I got my first apartment, I used to chew tobbaco. Not that puny Skoal stuff...crap like Redman and Beechnut...or even plug like Brown Mule or Spark Plug. I had bought an old copper spitoon from the flea market. My freinds (who also chewed...I guess it was a 'cool' thing to do at the time-this is Michigan,after all) would watch Tv and drink and I would sit the spitoon in the middle of the room. Yes...I had carpet. Needless to say...my landlord asn't too happy with me when it came time to boot my ass out...  :buggedout:

Or, you could always use an empty 2 liter bottle.

I'm guessing you've cleaned up after men at least a few times in your life, and I'm wondering why on earth you think that men who can't hit the toilet with it's large bright white opening could hit a f*&^$ing bucket?

Seriously, that should have been on the original list, being able to actually hit the toilet with your stream.  If you're that dinky, sit down and p**s, will ya?

Well sometimes Snivelly, the stream just goes astray.

We can't help it.   :wink:

Don't mind me, I'd been scrubbing bathrooms all day.  Makes a person mean.

Also you forget about the drips as well.

A little poem that my dad used to tell me when I was a wee lil duffer.
"You can shake
and you can dance
but those last few drops
go in your pants."

I used to drink at a pub called the fox and firkin.  The bathrooms were marked "foxes" and"firkins"

And on the subject of urinals, in the practice locker room at Washington State University (The one used by the football team) the shower had urinals in there.   Faintly disturbing that was. 
Frankly, I'd like a home urinal, it just would make life easier all around.   Hittiing a bucket while laying on the couch sounds very difficult and hard on the carpet. 


-Ed

More often than not, the toilet is the most comfortable seat in the house.  Followed very closely by your favorite recliner.
My though on the issue is to hollow out the bottom of the recliner, run proper plumbing through said hole and combine the two favorite rooms in a man's house.
One would never have to leave the seat. 

And it would justify falling asleep on the can.  Anyone who's ever been in the military can sympathize with that one

Well, isn't that a bit redundant?










(Come on! You guys KNOW you've done it!)

The only ones that I have done are 2, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 23, and 25.  I am not good with auto parts so I leave that to the pros. I know how to save someone from a capsized boat, but I don't go boating any more.

17 out of 25, if I'm generous. I'm a little weak on car repair stuff, and some of the high tech things I haven't done but I could learn probably, hooking up HDTV for one.

OTOH, stuff like cleaning a bolt action rifle, I'm an old hand at. When this list was discussed on one of the morning radio shows, most of the wacky morning crew didn't know what one was.

And never mind a trough to p**s in, I went to a high school football game, an couple of weeks ago, and they still had a sloped depression in the concreteabout three inches lower than the floor, with a preforated pipe running along the wall above it witha constant stream to carry the urine away. The last trough I remembver seeing was in the Supper Club in Auburn, AL, probably the second or third worst bathroom I've ever been in.

 Hmmm...lemme see if I be a MAN!

 1.Patch a radiator hose- Yes. I can do that.
 2. Protect your computer-Yes. If someone touchs my computer,I have a baseball bat which I WILL use!
 3.Rescue a boater who has capsized-HA!!! Done it!!! I took a flat bottom boat down the Paw Paw river about 20 years ago...I got drunk and dumped it...and I not only waded to shore...but I fished my bottle of booze out of the weeds!
 4. Frame a wall- No...but I DID frame my big brother as a kid for some candy I nabbed outta the candy drawer.( He beat my ass later.)
 5. Retouch digatal photos- Heh! Easy! Gimme a Sharpie!
 6. Back up a trailer- that's a trick question. What kind of trailer? A boat trailer? House trailer? Movie trailer???
 7. Build a campfire- Duh! Get some garbage and stuff,pour gas on it, and flik your Bic! TA DA! Fire!
.8.Fix a dead outlet- again easy! Cover it with duct tape!
 9. Navigate with a map and compass-Geez...who needs a map or compass? I can navigate here,to youtube,to yahoo mail...no  sweat!
 10. Use a torque wrench-well...I would LIKE to use a drunk wench!
 11.Sharpen a knife- that...I can actually do!
 12. Perform CPR- nooo...but I like CCR.
 13. Fillet a fish-I'm from Michigan...Of course I can fillet a fish. But ...I can't tuna fish. (yes...that was lame...)
 14. Manuever a car out of a skid-Done it-and ran right into a tree!
 15. Get a car unstuck-Again...in Michigan-that's a NEED TO skill.
 16. Back up data-sure! Look it up!
 17. Paint a Room- Yes. My dad was a house painter.
 18. Mix concrete- I actually have done this.
 19. Clean a bolt action -rifle- Yup!
 20. Change oil and filter-Yes. I change the oil in the  fry pan,and the filter in the coffee  pot before each use!
 22. Bleed Brakes- Did I mention that I can clean a gun? and filet a fish?
  23. Paddle a canoe- Yes! I can also tip them over,and wade to shore!
  24. Fix a bike flat- of course-It's called Fix-a Flat! Actually yes...I usta get lotsa flats on my bicyle as a kid.
  25. Extend your wireless network-  I can  fix a bike flat!
 
 

1. Patch a radiator hose - Probably not - I could try, but I'd probably cock it up.
2. Protect your computer - Hell yes, what I lack in automotive skills, I make up in sheer geekiness.
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized - As a Coastguard, I'd bloody well hope so!
4. Frame a wall - What, as in for a crime it didn't commit?
5. Retouch digital photos - Of course I can... we all need a little help now and then. ;)
6. Back up a trailer - Never tried, never want to.
7. Build a campfire - As a veteran of several Reading Festivals, I can indeed.
8. Fix a dead outlet - Probably, although I'm loathe to try in case I blow myself sky high.
9. Navigate with a map and compass - Once again, as a Search and Rescue professional, I'd hope I can!
10. Use a torque wrench - Yep, although I don't own one.
11. Sharpen a knife - Indeed I do. Cutting fresh bread with a blunt knife is an exercise in finger loss.
12. Perform CPR - I can indeed - I worked as a lifeguard for two years, and didn't get to do it once.
13. Fillet a fish - Probably, but I've never tried.
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid - I hope I'll never have to find out, but I reckon so.
15. Get a car unstuck - Done it - took 15 men to get the 4x4 out of mud up to its axles, but we did it.
16. Back up data - I hope so, or I bought that external HDD for nothing.
17. Paint a room - Erm... roller... paint... surely that's not too difficult?
18. Mix concrete - Not being a member of the mafia or a builder, I doubt I will ever need to.
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - Not being American, I doubt I will ever need to. ;)
20. Change oil and filter - Never had cause to, as that's covered by the service.
21. Hook up an HDTV - Been there, done that.
22. Bleed brakes - Having not had cause to make anyone's death look like an accident, no...
23. Paddle a canoe - Tried, failed, got wet.
24. Fix a bike flat - I don't ride bikes, therefore I have no need to.
25. Extend your wireless network Could do if I wanted to, I guess. Maybe if I wanted to make it easier for the guy down the street to steal my connection.



Some new ones:

26. Switch off during conversation yet still appear interested and add input
27. Understand the 'Offside' rule in at least three different sports
28. Be able to grasp the basic plot of any film/television show (within reason) after watching less than 20 minutes. (Handy when the other half asks "Who's that/Why did she do that/What's that for?" and expects you to know despite having watched it just as long as you)
29. Lie on the spot. Instantly and believably
30. Get at least to the first boss on any arcade game at the first time of asking
31. Bowl a minimum score of 150
32. [English/Aussie only] Bowl overarm in cricket with any degree of accuracy (try it - harder than it seems)
33. Be able to haggle successfully
34. Teach a dog tricks
35. Tie at least 4 different knots

Of all the old topics I could have resurrected, I chose this one. (I almost resurrected one about farts).

1. Patch a radiator hose:  Never tried.
2. Protect your computer:  Yup!  Nobody has stolen it yet! 
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized:  never saw a boater who had capsized.
4. Frame a wall:  I tried but the evidence didn't hold up
5. Retouch digital photos:  Easily
6. Back up a trailer:  Did it all the time in the army
7. Build a campfire:  Did it all the time in the Boy Scouts
8. Fix a dead outlet:  never had one.
9. Navigate with a map and compass:  ... Well, I passed map readers course in the Army.  i cheated, but still....
10. Use a torque wrench:  Yup
11. Sharpen a knife:  Easily
12. Perform CPR:  used to be able to do it but that was years ago
13. Fillet a fish:  again years ago.  I've forgotten since then
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid:  Depends on what you mean by "Maneuver"
15. Get a car unstuck:  Oh yes... and I've also nearly killed myself doing it!
16. Back up data:  yeah
17. Paint a room:  yup
18. Mix concrete:  Once
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle years ago
20. Change oil and filter:  No.  I've never tried this one
21. Hook up an HDTV:  Don't have one
22. Bleed brakes:  I've absolutely murdered my brakes once
23. Paddle a canoe:  did it
24. Fix a bike flat:  All the time in highschool
25. Extend your wireless network:  Don't have a woreless network

 :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:

1. Patch a radiator hose - never done this but I think I could figure it out if I had to.
2. Protect your computer - yup
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized - never had this situation come up but I like to think I could do this.
4. Frame a wall - never tried it, could probably figure it out
5. Retouch digital photos - yup
6. Back up a trailer - done this a few times, but it rarely turned out well.
7. Build a campfire - yup, lots of times
8. Fix a dead outlet - yup
9. Navigate with a map and compass - Never been good with a map and I never learned to use a compass.
10. Use a torque wrench - yup
11. Sharpen a knife - yup
12. Perform CPR - thankfully this situation has never come up IRL but if it ever does, I have had the training.
13. Fillet a fish - nope. 
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid - yup.
15. Get a car unstuck - yup
16. Back up data - yup
17. Paint a room - yup
18. Mix concrete - yup
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - nope (not a gun person)
20. Change oil and filter - never done it but I could prob figure it out if I had to
21. Hook up an HDTV - yup
22. Bleed brakes - nope
23. Paddle a canoe - yup
24. Fix a bike flat - yup
25. Extend your wireless network - nope

OK, let's see . . .

1. Patch a radiator hose - with chewing gum and duct tape, yes!
2. Protect your computer - I got anti-spyware stuff, does that count?
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized - never had the opportunity, but I could do it.  I did swim nekkid across a cove to retrieve my runaway boat once.
4. Frame a wall - Actually did this once!
5. Retouch digital photos - Nope!
6. Back up a trailer - I've gotten pretty good at this.
7. Build a campfire - of course!
8. Fix a dead outlet - No.
9. Navigate with a map and compass - Never had the opportunity to do both at once.
10. Use a torque wrench - Not really.
11. Sharpen a knife - yup
12. Perform CPR -  I have had the training more than once.  Handy tip: The tempo of a human heart is the same as Michael Jackson's THRILLER.
13. Fillet a fish - Yes
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid - Yes
15. Get a car unstuck - TOO MANY TIMES!!!
16. Back up data - On the Cloud, no less!
17. Paint a room - yes
18. Mix concrete - yes
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle - Never owned a rifle, but I know how to do a shotgun.
20. Change oil and filter - That's what EZ LUBE is for.
21. Hook up an HDTV - yes
22. Bleed brakes - No.
23. Paddle a canoe - Yes.
24. Fix a bike flat - Long ago.
25. Extend your wireless network - Call tech support!!!

1. Patch a radiator hose yes
2. Protect your computer yes
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized no
4. Frame a wall ~ I think I did it, but I didn't know it...
5. Retouch digital photos yes 
6. Back up a trailer yes
7. Build a campfire yes
8. Fix a dead outlet no
9. Navigate with a map and compass yes
10. Use a torque wrench yes
11. Sharpen a knife yes
12. Perform CPR yes
13. Fillet a fish yes
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid ~ done it more times than I'd care to remember...
15. Get a car unstuck ... hmmm...
16. Back up data yes
17. Paint a room Who hasn't?
18. Mix concrete Who hasn't?
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle no
20. Change oil and filter yes
21. Hook up an HDTV yes
22. Bleed brakes yes
23. Paddle a canoe Who hasn't paddled a canoe?
24. Fix a bike flat yes
25. Extend your wireless network ... uhm... what's a network?   :teddyr:

Snipe.

Let me think how many my husband can do....

1. Patch a radiator hose no
2. Protect your computer yes
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized no
4. Frame a wall YES!
5. Retouch digital photos shrug
6. Back up a trailer yes
7. Build a campfire yes
8. Fix a dead outlet yes
9. Navigate with a map and compass? he has me for that
10. Use a torque wrench yes
11. Sharpen a knife yes
12. Perform CPR yes
13. Fillet a fish LMAO! Yes, but he'd probbaly rather chew poison ivy
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid no
15. Get a car unstuck yes
16. Back up data yes
17. Paint a room Very well.
18. Mix concrete Like a pro.
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle again, my department
20. Change oil and filter no
21. Hook up an HDTV yes
22. Bleed brakes no
23. Paddle a canoe i guess
24. Fix a bike flat yes
25. Extend your wireless network I have no idea.

Let me think how many my father can do....

1. Patch a radiator hose yes
2. Protect your computer yes
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized yes
4. Frame a wall yes
5. Retouch digital photos yes
6. Back up a trailer yes
7. Build a campfire yes
8. Fix a dead outlet yes
9. Navigate with a map and compass? yes
10. Use a torque wrench yes
11. Sharpen a knife yes
12. Perform CPR yes
13. Fillet a fish yes
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid yes
15. Get a car unstuck yes
16. Back up data yes
17. Paint a room yes
18. Mix concrete yes
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle yes
20. Change oil and filter yes
21. Hook up an HDTV yes
22. Bleed brakes yes
23. Paddle a canoe yes
24. Fix a bike flat yes
25. Extend your wireless network yes

I can still do manly things like falling out of my shoes drunk.
I still smoke roll yer own smokes.
I still p**s standing up.
I'm a man!  :twirl: