Badmovies.org Forum

I have three votes for this shake-your-head-and-wonder-why category:

Godmonster Of Indian Flats
Roller Blade
Carnosaur 3

What films are so lame that they make you question the very fabric of your reality? 

 :hot:

NINJA BACHELOR PARTY  (a true must see for the bad film aficienado)
ISHTAR
FULL MOON OVER BLUE WATER
PONY TROUBLE

Children Of The Living Dead (2001)
Return Of The Boogeyman (1994)
Last House On Hell Street (2002)

There's nothing remotely redeeming about these three.

Carnosaur
Alien Terminator
Killing Time
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
The Thing Below
Smokin' Aces

saw this yesterday and was very disappointed. it's more of a cynical hollywood ego-fest than anything else. shame, cos potentially it could have been very good film, given the storyline/budget etc...I didn't totally hate it though, for some reason. some sections were watchable IMO. mostly the ones with alicia keys in...  :smile:

my choice would be "I Don't Want to Be Born" (1977). this film is so bad it's actually confusing.

New York Minute -- I was paid to screen this and I regret it.
Cat in the Hat -- The Mike Myers movie.  It's is offensively horrible.
2001: A Space Travesty -- There is NOT ONE LAUGH in this piece of crap.

Yeah, I'm with Monsieur Crack on this one. Granted, I think it was an over-casted clusterf*ck of a flick, but it was still entertaining in it's own bloated comic book shoot 'em up fashion. Dig the avatar though crab.  :thumbup:

As for me, anyone who knows me long enough will eventually hear the following come from my mouth followed by a quick and juicy spit to the floor to get their taste out of my mouth:

Night Crawlers - the Polonia Bros. flick I've since deemed "The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen"
Killer Workout - completely needless '80s slasher full of sweaty spandex crotches and unlikable characters
Night Ripper - see "Killer Workout", only remove the sweaty crotches and any aspect of production value and you'll have Night Ripper
Nukie - two lost aliens beat us over the head with the importance of brotherhood and total mind numbing stupidity. Too dark and violent for anyone under 5 and too brain dead and irritating for anyone, well, anyone...
Demonicus - hiking college kids find an evil helmet from a gladiator Halloween costume and kill each other... the only movie to actually make me whimper uncontrollably, probably because I knew this was the official "no turning back" point for Full Moon
Space Odyssey - with all the wackiness going on here I should've liked this movie... but the line between "so bad it's good" and "so bad I'd rather slit my wrists with the DVD than watch it again" is a fine one
Ankle Biters - HOW DO YOU SCREW UP A CONCEPT LIKE MIDGET VAMPIRE BIKERS!?
House of the Dead - three simple words: f*ck Uwe Boll
Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence - a completely worthless German zombie plague movie with horribly dubbed English actors that were apparently trying to be "funny" while doing so... I'm sure I'd hate this pos just as much if it weren't dubbed though
Valentine - I would have preferred to put Scream here for spawning a whole generation of worthless neo-slasher flicks. But, in keeping with the theme though, I'll just stick with the worst of it's bastard offspring instead. This offender is doubly damned for confusing casual bad movie watchers into mistaking it for My Bloody Valentine, when it's not fit to lick the other's unwashed gas mask and gore dripping pick-ax...

Yeah, I'm gonna need to get nice and drunk to re-repress this batch of memories...  :drink:

star slammer
pysched by the 4 D witch
Pink Lady and jeff show

Anacondas:  Hunt for the blood orchid - horribly unlikable characters, so cliched it really needs a new word to describe it, mega-uber-cliched perhaps, utterly annoying comedy relief character who seems to get killed (YAY!!!) but then a minute later it turns out he survived.

Death Tunnel - I hate even a small amount of that MTV-style editing, this entire movie is edited like that, with almost no scene longer than 5 seconds.  No acting, no plot, no reason to exist.

Stick It - I have a new name for pain, and it is watching a 24 year old actress portraying an immature, obnoxious 12 year old.  I'd rather sit through a day long Lizzie McGuire marathon than watch this movie.

 I swear...when I first read this thread,I was going to post PSYCHED By the 4-D WITCH ...but thought-"Nah! Nobody's even heard of it,I'll bet!" Bought it from Something Weird a few years back...I don't even know if I still have it...nor do I care! I could not STAND to view that useless waste of film ever again! GOD AWFUL! I don't even know if strong drugs and massive amounts of alchohol can save this lousy piece 'o' sh!t!

   :buggedout: GAH!!!

* CURSE OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN - I have listed this in several threads within this forum as my choice for worst movie of all time.  Not just cheap and awful . . . but cheap, awful, and BORING.

* REVOLUTION - Al Pacino in the Revolutionary War?????????

* WIRED - The movie about John Belushi based on the book by Bob Woodward.  This movie disappeared from its limited theatrical release within about 1 week.  I rented a VHS copy many years ago and I actually had a headache by the time it was over.

The list goes no and on, by these three are certainly worthy of mention.

Children of the Living Dead.
I Eat your skin.
Alien Warrior.

MD Geist (anime, it's atrocious)
Dead Life - the worst zombie movie ever.  Believe me, that's an accomplishment to be amazed at.

Slapstick (Of Another Kind) (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088134/) - Almost Troll 2 in its level of incompetence, except it is not fun to watch in the slightest.

Hahahaha! Oh man Mofo, why'd you have to bring that up? I remember renting Slapstick of Another Kind for one of the first H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. parties way back in high school under the pretense that everyone just liked to shout out "MARTY FELDMAN!" every time the title was mentioned. I think I pushed any memory of the actual movie out of my mind though. Ah, what the Hell. MARTY FELDMAN!  :bouncegiggle:

Full Frontal (2002)...Do not see this movie!!!!  (It's not a XXX movie, although, if it were it would be a heck of a lot more entertaining).  It's got Julia Roberts, David Hyde Pierce, David Duchovny, Blair Underwood, Terrance Stamp and is directed by Steven Soderbergh but don't be fooled.

This movie only exists to play Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon.  You've been warned!

At first, I was going to simplify it with "Anything by the Polonia Brothers" or "Anything starring Madonna", but then I remembered how I promised myself that I was going to stop obsessing over the ineptitude of the Polonia Brothers & Madonna, so I figured I'd point out a few that I haven't mentioned in a while.

However, after looking over one of my lists, I realized that I've seen so many whacked-out stinkers in my life, that I've lost track.
It's no wonder I'm crazy.

So I guess I'll just narrow it down to what I've seen in the past month (at least, for the first time).
EEGAH!
Super Agente Cobra (in Spanish, no subtitles)
Vampyr (1932)
The Horrors of Spider Island
The first two installments of the Inju Gakuen - Live Action trilogy (in Japanese, no subtitles)
      - I tried to watch the third installment last night, but I caught a cold, meaning I had enough nausea & headaches already.

Baby Geniuses- Kathleen Turner stars in a movie with genius level babies, who walk around pooping, but only talk to each other.

Baby Geniuses 2- Why make this at all?

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain- the fourth of the '3 Ninjas' movies, starring none of the original cast, except for Victor Wong as the grandfather.  Co stars include Jim Varney, Loni Anderson and Hulk Hogan.  Released 9 years ago, it's grossed under $500,000 so far.

RC Merchant-  here is my review of moster a go go / psyched by the 4-d witch  from netflix

Wow!  Really?  I've been giving consideration, lately, to tracking that down and checking it out.  It occurred to me that it came out with a lot of hype surrounding it and then disappeared without a trace.  That's criteria enough to make me look for a particular movie since I seem to find a lot of gems among the crap.  This anti-endorsement and the review I just read at IMDB has only served to "embolden" me.

I need to see this piece of s**t.

If I had to name 3

Mission Impossible 2
Psyched By the 4D Witch
Graveyard (with Jon Mikel Thor)

 oh yeah! any romantic comedy

  theree are hundreds of different ways to evaluate a film.  Honestly, the biggest pieece of s**t in existence is richard grieco's "Tomcat :Dangerous Desires" mercifully not available on DVD hopefully ever.  richard Greico gets injected with this cat...chemical that makes him crazy and a fantastic dancer.  It's just retarded beyond all sensiblity. 

Ah, but so true, so true.

 I'd add anything by Andy Milligan or Don Dohler.
I feel sorta bad about mention Dohler since his movies always seem genuinely heartfelt... and he died fairly recently. 


Here's a particularly painful boil of a movie I'd like to add to this list:

WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005) Timothy Hines version
An almost word-for-world film adaptation of Well's classic novel might seem like a sci-fi fan's wetdream, but after about fifteen minute you'll be craving the C. Thomas Howell version from the same year. It's nearly impossible to exaggerate how mind-numbingly tedious this is and how awful the CGI effects are in Hines' loooong film.

Well, I have a few to add, anyway...

Habitat- The premise, the acting, everything about this movie just makes you hate life!  Yes, it's that bad.  The only upside to this film is the one "sex" scene in it, which had a very idiotic ending to it. 

Batman and Robin- Easily the worst Batman-related thing ever!  Even the Batman colostomy bag would have a better use than this film.  They screwed all the characters up, making Mr. Freeze a mindless musclehead kind of guy who acts like a scientist rather than being calculating and devious, they turned Poison Ivy into a twit rather than seductive, and made Bane into an even bigger no brained musclehead.  I understand they were going for a more 60's Batman approach, but let's not forget that the 60's nearly killed Batman. 

Up From the Depths- Yeah, fine.  Whatever.  Replace Jaws with a muppet.  Just... go with it.

The Demon- This has got to be one of the most godawful, disjointed films I've ever seen.  It felt like the writer wanted to turn it into a giallo film at first, tried to write an uninteresting subplot about some blond that would up taking over the film, forgot to add anymore of a plot and just started filming whatever, had the antagonist just killing whoever, abandoned the giallo plot out of nowhere, then had a final fight scene that was actually pretty cool.  It's just too bad that the first few minutes and that final scene are the bread that makes a very rotten turkey sandwich.

Zombie Chronicles- I think what spurred this movie was a guy and his buddies drinking beers and watching Dawn of the Dead, when one of them said, "Dude, we should make a zombie movie!"  The rest, that includes the lackluster "Tales from the Crypt inspired" plots, is history.  I mean, come on!  When they show you all the cool death scenes during the opening credits, you know the film isn't even remotely worth watching.  On a funny side note, I wound up trading this pile of rubbish in at Hastings.  I paid about $5 for the DVD, and they're trying to sell my used copy for about $7.  I feel bad for the sucker who picks it up.

Backwoods- It felt like a movie someone made for a high school art class.  I made one of those.  It was a comedy about an old man that saw a demon, but every time his grandson came into the shot the demon turned into an inanimate object of some kind.  It made you question whether the old man was crazy, senile, or what.  It was called Manzanilla: A Pale, Dry Spanish Sherry.  We got the title by pointing to the first word in the dictionary.  What I'm getting at is that I have no intention on releasing this film.  My friend and I have toyed with the idea of doing a bigger budget remake and actually marketing that, but beyond that... Anyway, Backwoods is full of crappy humor, lame death scenes, and too many "in" jokes that the creators seemed to share.  Although, the bit with the French guy was kind of funny, especially the girl saying, "Man, my back story sucks!"

Agreed on Zombie Chronicles. It was quite a pain to sit through. There's another bad anthology called Tales From The Grave (2003). It has one halfway decent story but the rest made my brain explode.
I do enjoy The Demon though as it never fails to crack me up. One of my many favorite so-bad-so-good movies.

This reminds me of a movie a friend picked up at a horror con a few years back:

Bone Sickness: I feel bad ripping on these guys because the movie looks like they had a lot of fun making it but the director/writer/star was kind of a dick at the con and it's proof positive that the Bookwalter Shot On Video wave of the 90's may not have been such a good thing.  For every Violent s**t there are five no-budget zombie movies made by hardgore Fulci fans with no concept of storytelling.  When badly made up zombies start walking around, a crack special forces team is called in abd are torn apart almost immediately.  Meanwhile, the doughy morgue worker manages to struggle with one zombie for nearly fifteen minutes.  You can actually see a plot starting to take form before bong hits derailed it.  The end features real car crashes, though. So I guess it has that going for it.

I imagine when I finally tackle some of those home-brewed Pendulum Pictures in the Decrepit Crypt Collection I'll be able to add several pages to this thread.

I have high hopes for SUBURBAN SASQUATCH (2004), which sounds like a bit like a remake/tribute to NIGHT OF THE DEMON (1980), the best bigfoot+gore movie ever!

It seems I'm the only one on the internet who actually found Hines' level of ineptitude strangely entertaining, despite the tree hour runtime. I dunno, I guess it was all the "WTF was he thinking?" moments (kinda' like the revelation of Satakoy's secret affliction in RollerBlade) that somehow kept me mesmerized.

One that I keep forgetting is Point of No Return, the Americanized remake of La Femme Nikita. They took all the human qualities out of the characters, replaced all the suspense with cliches, tacked on a gratuitous happy ending, and that's just scratching the surface.

I understand there's a Special Director's Cut you can get that has even more walking.  :teddyr:

You make a good point: I admit I've watched it all the way through twice.

I understand there are several director's cuts, each one slightly shorter than the others, though just as bad.
I still think The Wizard of Mars has Hines' WOTW beat by a country mile when it comes to long drawn out scenes of walking & irritatingly dull narration.