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Title: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Allhallowsday on December 14, 2007, 11:26:43 AM This was emailed to me by a good friend this morning.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE INTERNET THIS YEAR I now must scrub the top of every can I open. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I am not worried about my savings at all, because that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans . I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg... I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: asimpson2006 on December 14, 2007, 11:39:51 AM What I have learned
There are no women on the internet. The men are men, the women are men, and little kids are FBI agents The internet is a series of tubes. The internet closes at 6:00 PM Clearing cache and cookies out will prevent sites from knowing who you are. Cookies gives you viruses. Using History in your browser is an AWESOME way to store your favorite websites. Disabling your firewall, for a second will cause hackers attack your computer like a zombie attacking a live person. It's never your fault it's always somebody elses fault. Disabling Firewalls are not good trouble shooting steps. Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Jack on December 14, 2007, 01:47:11 PM I learned that Symantec's customer service guys in India know about 1/100th as much about computers as I do.
I learned that Cialis, Viagra and penis can be spelled 9,000 different ways. I learned that Africa is full of multimillionaires just waiting to send me money, as soon as I open an account for them. Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Allhallowsday on December 14, 2007, 02:23:39 PM Hey, if you guys wrote those, you're brilliant! (Particularly the one about African multimillionaires...) :teddyr: :thumbup:
My favorite of the ones sent to me: I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle. Though I might like this one best, since I got this one in an email only in the last year or so: I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: raj on December 14, 2007, 03:24:06 PM I learned that there are no dogs on the internet.
Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: RCMerchant on December 14, 2007, 06:27:54 PM Karma,Hallows!!!! Tara Sue...in her infinite innocence (for want of a better word) actually begam corrospndence with one of those african millionaire scam scums...and they began callinig our house ALL the time! I ended up using the most foul language ever imagined...and actually told him I was going to hi-jack a plane and atom bomb his house! :buggedout:
Of course that would be a little difficult.... :lookingup: Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Allhallowsday on December 14, 2007, 07:11:29 PM Karma,Hallows!!!! Tara Sue...in her infinite innocence (for want of a better word) actually begam corrospndence with one of those african millionaire scam scums...and they began callinig our house ALL the time! I ended up using the most foul language ever imagined...and actually told him I was going to hi-jack a plane and atom bomb his house! :buggedout: :bouncegiggle: Sh*t, you should be knocking me... Innocent is right. I hope she learned her lesson...? :buggedout:Of course that would be a little difficult.... :lookingup: Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: flackbait on December 15, 2007, 12:23:22 AM I learned that duct tape can double as a bandage!
Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: CheezeFlixz on December 15, 2007, 01:06:04 AM I'm not worried about getting ripped off from an African banking scam because I've already won 20 million euro's in the EU's email lottery. I know this is true I got an email saying I won, several of them actually. Yep that check should be here any day now.
Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: asimpson2006 on December 15, 2007, 07:16:31 AM I'm not worried about getting ripped off from an African banking scam because I've already won 20 million euro's in the EU's email lottery. I know this is true I got an email saying I won, several of them actually. Yep that check should be here any day now. To make it legit make sure you send them money when you get the check. Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: indianasmith on December 15, 2007, 10:54:45 AM I learned that Barack Obama is a Muslim, undoubtedly an Al Qaeda fifth columnist waiting to destroy our country from within, and that Hillary Clinton was a lawyer for a Black Panther drug dealing murderer when she was still in college . . . .
and that THE GOLDEN COMPASS was actually made by Satan . . . Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Allhallowsday on December 17, 2007, 12:08:59 AM I learned that Barack Obama is a Muslim, undoubtedly an Al Qaeda fifth columnist waiting to destroy our country from within, and that Hillary Clinton was a lawyer for a Black Panther drug dealing murderer when she was still in college . . . . Those are all true... you believe me don't you?? :teddyr: :thumbup:and that THE GOLDEN COMPASS was actually made by Satan . . . Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Susan on December 17, 2007, 08:02:21 AM i learned that armed with a video camera...anybody can become a celebrity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc Although i really like this guy. He picks a monument and dances in public in front of it to appropriate songs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnymIr5vKhQ I also learned that since being on the net since 1992 people are still stupid and forward chain mail that's been floating around since....the 90s! Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Raffine on December 19, 2007, 02:09:03 PM I learned I'm giving myself plastic cancer because I freeze my water bottle.
Title: Re: What I learned from the internet this year !! Post by: Killer Bees on December 23, 2007, 09:17:13 PM I learned I'm giving myself plastic cancer because I freeze my water bottle. Actually you get plastic cancer from reusing the same water bottle over and over. :bouncegiggle: |