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Is there a type of tried and tested x infinity b-movie hook that you can't stand? A plot line that you wish the genre could do without? Stories that make you get out a magnifying glass in a vain attempt to find any link to horror or science fiction?

I've got three big ones that chew at my brain:

Killer Weather/Other Movies - lightning, snow, waves, quakes, floods, the whole lot. There's no enemy to fight, no danger to avert, nothing. "Mack, there's a cyclone heading for the town at 55 mph and we can't stop it." "You go out and try to warn people. Meantime, I'll stay here at the station with the bit actors and get into an awkward situation with the lead female role." They aren't fun, they aren't interesting, they just plain aren't.

Killer Insect Movies - "But why? Giant killer insects are cool!" Yes, giant killer insects are cool, as long as they're giant. These aren't. A swarm of mosquitoes, ahh!, A swarm of killer bees, ahh! A swarm of fire ants, ahh! Get the general picture? Just like the last one, this isn't a movie, it's a news event, albeit a fake, directed one.

Giant Snake Movies - I love giant snake movies! Sinister, emotionless, scaly killers that can digest the better part of a small cast in under the first hour. Yet unbelievably, just like a nymphomaniac, they can get boring if there are too much of them. "We need your giant snake to kill our giant snake." That was the last time it was fun (aside from Komodo VS Cobra). After that you're just better off evacuating the base and opening the doors so that the snake will crawl out into the Antarctic weather and freeze to death. I don't really count Basilisk: The Serpent King because that was obviously a Wyvern and it was just a big dumb monster picture (the BEST kind). Other than that, giant snakes may need a break for a good shedding before they make another appearance.

So, how about you? Another round for the table.

Devil movies.  They just never seem to work.

Movies in which the monster only has a cameo, and/or is too easily defeated.  If the monster is going to be mostly offscreen for 2/3-3/4 of the movie, it better not just show up to get killed.

Serial killer movies that can't decide whether they want to be a horror flick or a mystery movie. The kind that spend their entire runtime emphasizing one disagreeable twerp or angry victim, only for the killer to wind up being somebody that had no mention other than a rather transparent cameo somewhere in the middle of the movie.

Reminds me of The Bone Collector.

I haven't seen that one, but I was thinking along the lines of Too Scared to Scream or Nail Gun Massacre.

I never really liked "Evil Child Movies". Because it always the same. Mom/Dad get hurt mysteriously and their son/daughter is like 9 years old is watching them with dead eyes and no facial expression.

If I can give you away to a orphanage or beat you physically with a swtich your not scary. :tongueout:

Not to be argumentative, but I immediately thought of a tiny insect swarm thang that WAS scary and entertaining:  The tiny insect swarm episode of "The X-Files" -- I'm not fannish enough to have the episode name memorized --
And, dang it, I do too love giant snake bad movies -- Okay, I can see your point that maybe there are just too many of them -- I feel the same way about zombie movies -- but I've really never seen a bad giant snake movie that didn't give me some cheap thrills and great laughs -- I own quite a few, with their terrible terrible CGI that makes the snake float over the ground instead of actually crawling!!  No, I still love that sort of Cheepniz --
Aside from zombie movies -- too many of them/tired of them/Sean of the Dead really has the last word -- I get fed up with the Ominous Book convention.  You know:  Someone finds an old book or old something or other & reads aloud from it & All Hell Breaks Loose!!  "Night of The Demon" and Hammer's "The Devil Rides Out" do it well -- 99% of the other films I see try this fail boringly . . .
peter johnson/denny wait!  don't read that aloud!!  aaaaaiiiieeee!!!!! . . .

"You musn't read from the book!"

I agree that giant snakes are still entertaining, at least to a degree, but I'm not excited by the idea of them as much as I once was.

As for argumentative, that's the whole point of forums :tongueout:

I never have liked giant snake movies either, I despised Anaconda and everything made since has just been a bad knock-off.

I'm sick of watching movies that rip off the plot of Jaws, just set in a different locale.  Every monster or anomalous animal movie I've caught on Sci-Fi lately has been like this, such as Maneater or Eye of the Beast. 

Any B movie in which the audience is actually ahead of the characters in the film in terms of what is really going on and you have to wait for them to play catch up.

1.) The spooky kid who can sense things.  Ever since Haley Joel Osment things have taken a rather awful ride in this hook.

2.) The shock ending.  I hate when evil is vanquished and yet in the last two minutes one of the survivors are killed and the monster is still alive.


3.) I hate these hooks as well.  Especially when the monster gets headlined in the title of the movie.

The monster or the dangerous thing mentioned in the title either fading into the background in the second half (like the infected people in 28 Days Later), or just being kind of a backdrop for a little soap opera plot all along (Titanic, Pearl Harbor). It's like they're following the old "you can't make a movie about _____, movies are really about human relationships and feelings and stuff" rule a little too slavishly. From what I hear, that's what went wrong with the Transformers movie. Instead of emphasising the essentially human characters of the Autobots, since they're TECHNICALLY not human, the movie has to be about some other people who LITTERALLY are human.

The downbeat ending that feels obligatory, like they're afraid us horror nerds will call them sellouts on all the message boards if any of the main characters survive.

1.  Movies that are just a dream, or all in a character's imagination like in "Godzilla's Revenge," the worst Godzilla film ever (not counting the mis-named Hollywood travesty).

2.  Movies where the monster turns out to be a hoax like in "The Beach Girls and the Monster."

I hate disater movies so count me on the hate for natural disaster movies and swarms of normal size bugs.

A group of teens/students/reform school bait/rehab folks/outward bound group/corporate retreat/friends on a bonding experience/National Guard soldiers/etc. out in nature. it's just an excuse to get another batch of monster/killer chow together, run around, fall down, act scared, and get killed.

The retired expert/best we ever had brought back (often under duress) for one more job. Never gets too rusty to do the job even if he drinks, lets himself go, isn't up on how things have changed, or just doesn't give a damn anymore.

Female vampires/succubi named Lilith, and no one ever picks up on it. More points off if the hero is named Adam, because that's original.

Not a plot hook, but b-movies have really begun to feast on themselves when they all have a character who has seen plenty of b-movies or is a wannabe filmmaker (mini digital camera included for stupid POV shots). I also long ago got sick of real film directors being used for character or place names, it just takes me out of the picture.

NAPH either but: Forrest Ackerman cameos. Go the hell away, it quit being cute decades ago, and you tried to bring Perry Rhodan books to America.

Old as it is, I doubt the group-clusterf--k movie will ever go anywhere since they're just too damn easy to make. I also totally forgot about the ex-hero; there's this "great" Steven Baldwin movie called Active Stealth that falls nicely into that category. It's that kind of b-grade military movie that you just keep watching over and over for no reason that can be explained rationally. On that third point, i know what you mean but i can't remember any of those film names; having a b-movie fanatic in a b-movie is like the old "what do you think, this is a movie?" joke. Not all that funny.

breasts.WHY does a horror movie HAVE to have gratuitous boob shots?or shirtless men?if it isn't a plot point,and it NEVER is,can't we just watch a scary movie????yeah,i'm old and b***hy,i know,but i'll take a great horror movie with no nudity over a mediocre movie with nudity anytime!mind you,i'm hardly a prude,i just don't see the point,you know?and i shouldn't qualify,it's not just horror movies that do this...i guess it's about the money,isn't it?

Karma for you, Waxwork forever! :teddyr: I hear the phrase: "The movie was boring as hell, but at least you can see so and so's joobily-joobs!" a lot when discussing b-movies... ...Honestly, I don't care, Return to Horror High is still of little significance to me and Greg the obvious-stater is still by far the best part of Chopping Mall :smile:

Agreed, I can't begin to express how much the typical neo-B film has desensitized me to breasts in cinema. What?! How can a man say that?! You see something often enough, there's a chance you'll grow bored or used to it- such is the case of the typical breast shot in a B-movie. It becomes an embarrassment to your cinematic pursuits. That's a f--king thing going around eating people, don't stop to take your clothes off, that's just peeling its food for it, which I doubt it even remotely cares about; you're just going to find Ashley's bra and flip-flops in a pile of monster poop anyway. It got to the point where every single time a grinning teen-queen offs her top I'd roll my eyes. "Looks like another one couldn't come up with anything compelling."

"No wait, I'm about to finally reveal who the killer is! Wait, look: breasts! Come back, come back!"

Any film where the rampaging creature is just a normal animal that hasn't been supersized by science or grown unnaturally large on its own. A tiger got loose from a tranport and is killing folks? Yawn. Now, if it was a 20 foot tall tiger...

Re:  The Boob Convention:
Roger Corman once famously stated that he could get any film distributed/make money with any movie wherein the girl popped her top in the first 10min.
* * *
I can't believe I'm breaking with the pack on this issue -- No, if I examine my heart, I must say that a bit of boobage goes a looonnngg way in raising my tolerance bar for a pewy film -- and, yes, like a good 12-year old, I will sit through some pretty rough sludge if the promise of boobage is being held out.  So, I cannot say that this is a B-movie hook that I detest.
On topic:  Did anyone see that teenage vacation movie with Michelle Trachtenberg?  There are several scenes that make fun of the overuse of gratuitous nudity in B films, including an extended hot-tub sequence that is very funny.
peter johnson/denny look at those!!

it's nice to know there are men who agree with me!peter/denny,i get your point too,in some cases it's the ONLY thing that makes a movie watchable for most of its paying audience,lol! i mean no insult,believe me,but it IS true that most newer horror movies are geared towards that exact male audience,the 12 year olds,and the guys who still remember being 12...ONLY in that sense,of course...i know plenty of women who adore 300,just for the male t&a,you know?
zombie

Not to derail this thread further, but I would also throw my hat in for the pro-nudity vote. True, I would rather watch a great movie with no nudity than a mediocre movie with T&A galore, but I still love to watch great movies with T&A galore.

Also, the new crop of teen horror films jump started by Scream did away with most of the nudity, and those are horrible movies without the redeeming quality of naked ladies. That seems to have changed with this new bunch of Hostel clones, but those also aren't very good.

Plot points I don't like. The overuse of incompetent authority figures who either don't believe the main characters or are hostile to them to the point of absurdity. Final jump cuts that show the monster isn't really dead and is ready for a sequel (Final Destination movies excluded). Sassy sidekicks.

As far as boobs are concerned, there's nothing wrong with that!  They can only make a movie better.  I've never seen them make a movie worse, though I'm somewhat more of a leg man myself :wink:   

(If you've seen this comment before, it's not deja vu.  I originally posted it in the wrong thread accidentally.)

Another reason why Waxwork is superior. Inspector Roberts, although having these feelings initially, is eventually brought around to Mark's side when he gets a load of the Waxwork's curator :bouncegiggle:
Oyy, here's a bad one... most of the time the damn sequel shows how the monster survived (sometimes in a totally different than the "jump scene" describes) anyhow!
Describe what you mean by "sassy", if you mean the joke-cracking guy then I like them, it's good to have a raunchy balance for the "surviviing girl/boy type" to interact with! Plus it's usually a big toss-up on whether or not they will survive, so that's a good break from the usual predictability on who will live and die.

Oh and Ghoul, speak for yourself. You aren't a teenager with smothering parents! (Though I agree about the leg) :wink:

How about the recent crop of teen movies in which EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER is a despicable person?  :hot:  Movies like BULLY and HAVOC, where the parents are self-abosrbed, willfully ignorant, whiny baby boomers and their priveleged children consistently go out and embrace the most destructive lifestyles they can find!  Then everybody acts surprised when Junior's antics lead to someone getting killed and their friends all going to jail.

That being said, Anne Hathaway is the ONLY thing that made HAVOC tolerable!  :lookingup:

I am not pro or anti boob.  I won't complain about boobs.  However, if a movie's sole reason to exist is to show nudity I just want to say to the filmmakers, "Say, guys, if I wanted this I could have just watched a porno."

On the other hand, if a movie keeps alllllllmost but not quite fully exposing boobs (teeny bikinis, not panning down during shower scenes, ripped clothing, etc.) that gets on my nerves, too.  Either go all the way with it or move on!

My favorite use of that goes to Monster Man, anybody else seen this genre diamond? The characters are absolutely perfect and the writer must have been a genius, my sides hurt so much!

"You can't kill meeee.... you can't kill meeee...."

I'll cast my vote on the side of boobs as well.  I'll sit through darned near anything if its got really sexy babes in really sexy outfits, and if the really sexy outfits come off, that's just all the better.  Or if the sexy babe in the tight tank top falls in the water, I don't mind a bit.  Or if...well, that's probably enough examples.

Most of my detested plots have already been mentioned, the natural disaster thing that's just an excuse for a sappy melodrama, usually ridden with the most trite of cliches and just for good measure, let's make the science so stupid that it would insult the intelligence of a 9 year old.  The regular-sized insects movie, they just don't work and the swarms of CGI bugs always look silly.  The ex-hero who comes back to save the day, that's just been done to death.  And I absolutely hate any use of a camcorder in a movie.  I liked Blair Witch, but if anyone thinks that they can cash in on that success by having parts of their movie shown through a camcorder POV, complete with the low battery indicator flashing, they're an idiot.

Not really on-topic, but anyone playing with the buttons on the editing machine drives me nuts as well.  Lets have the truck fast-forward down the road, lets add a brown filter to this scene, lets use the grainy film effect on this scene, lets wash out all the colors and turn the contrast way the hell up, and lets edit it together like some extreme attention deficit disorder freak who just drank a thousand cups of coffee.  Those people need to be excised from the film making community, and perhaps from society in general.

To be honest, I love most of the stuff mentioned. Disaster films I have a real weakness for as I will watch even the worst, most laughable drivel based around them. Also who doesn't like scantily clad bodies in a B-move? I thought that was a very common ingredient in nearly every one of them made from the 50s onwards. I can't really think of a B-movie element I detest except perhaps the 90s-2000s practice of unbelievable feminine heroines dressed in ill-fitting battle clothing. but even that I find I still watch.

And well said!
Unkillable monsters. And the death of the entire cast, after you think someone will live...jerk movie. In TREMORS, the humans deserved to live. We need more clever 'monster fodder'. Yea, Burt,Earl and val!

My vote goes to the "indestructible killer" movies.  When I see the killer get shot or stabbed or electrocuted and then open his eyes, reach out, and grab the ankle of the person who shot, stabbed or electrocuted him, I just want to throw a heavy object at the TV (or theater) screen.

Or the corollary, where the characters don't ensure that the killer/monster/chainsaw-wielding maniac is dead. You've already shot him once, shoot him several more times. In the head. Then bludgeon him.

Well, it's not really B-Movies, but I always hated the films that depict "unpopular" girls who, in real life, would have every guy in the freaking school asking them out.  (And yes, that includes the cliqued, "Get rid of the glasses and change her hairstyle and suddenly she's beautiful" s**t that Not Another Teen Movie parodied pretty well.)

I also hate all those "Guy who's too dumb to realize how lucky he is gets a Valuable Life Lesson".  Basically, the It's a Wonderful Life or "Working too hard and neglecting his family" dad films.  For example, take the film Click, got a guy, wonderful wife, two beautiful kids, but he pretty ignores them all the time.  Yeah, I know if MY wife looked like Kate Beckinsale, I'd be spending a lot of time at work.  And so, he has to undergone this whole dramatic cliched journey to realize how much he's taking things for granted.

Hell, I'd like to see them do the same movie with a guy who really DOES have it rough.  A lonely fellow with NO wife, NO kids, and only a few (or ever no) friends.  I love to see an angel take him back to the past only to find that, if the guy had never been born then, well, not much would be different.  (Sort of like that ep of Married With Children.)

Another plot hook I hate, the "See this movie cause it has hot chicks, but it's rated PG-13."  Coyote Ugly is a good example.  Yeah, it's got five nice chicks in it, but let's face it, they're not going to show boobs, so, what's the point?  If the movie had a PLOT that anyone would care about, I could understand, but they're trying to bank the film on T&A when we know there won't be any!
 

On the issue of Boobs we must remember the medium which we are talking about. We are not discussing fine cinema, we're talking about B-Movies. B-Movies for good or for awesome requires a certain level of gratuitous breast activity. Mind you, it's not a requirement. I don't need to see boobs to enjoy a B-Movie flick, it's just a familiar landmark that you learn to recognize.

Talking about Lilith from a few posters back, she's in the movie for your friends or acquaintences who always need to bring up the issue of the apocryphal books of the Bible. Yes, yes, we know, we know.

Let's see what annoys me... yes the "prophecy". The prophecy which speaks of a hero / heroine, who by fullfilling the prophecy can destroy the imbecile forces of evil. It's not like Satan hasn't known about the sword in the old museum that is really artifact brought to Earth by the Archangel Gabriel. You'd think that he'd have done something about that sword say oh, 5000 years ago. In addition, if the forces of good knew how destroy evil all along, why do you have to wait for the shepherd or the hick in his pickup truck to do all these stupid prophesied requirements. Sheesh...

I hate the whole thing where a male and female survive some kind of ordeal and therefore HAVE to end up together! It's like "We survived this! THAT MUST MEAN WE'RE DATING! *makeout*" Sometimes when there's been no hint of any kind of 'romance' between them in the film.

My vote is with Yabbo's about female vampires movie I hate them. I just lost count how many there are it's the same plot lesbian vampire always takes a man's girlfriend he's getting married too or his already wife and turn them into one. Why can't there be a bifemale vampire movie? Those would'nt bore me to death. :lookingup:

How's about when an irreplaceable prototypal android/weapon escapes/is stolen/is destroyed, only for a backup to appear out of nowhere.

REMAKES!!!
 :hatred:

One thing that wrecks a movie for me is when a motley crew of misfits -- or, hey, experts for that matter -- take on the menace and spend more time wisecracking than they do busting butts.

Another is when there's a pitched battle between the hero and the menace, the hero gets knocked unconscious, and the menace just lets him sleep it off  instead of dusting him.

Just once I would like to see all the odious child actors dispatched by the menace -- say, the T. rex in Jurassic Park.  That would have ruled.

Cat People wasn't so bad.  :wink:

I have been watching "B" movies for a while now and I'm willing to put up with a lot of unreasonably stupid plot ideas as long as they're at least semi-believable within the context of the story. There are however some things that drive me crazy. When the military are called in, is it too much to ask for a little authenticity in dress and equipment, also I've never really liked Hollywood weapons that only run out of ammunition when the character carrying it is about to die. I know it's one of the rules of monster movies but just once I'd like to see the gorgeous almost naked girl who knows something is out there, and hears a weird noise, not go out into the dark night armed with only a flashlight and a swiffer brush to fight some slobbering monster. As far as nudity goes I'm not opposed to looking but I find that as I've gotten older there's got to be a reason, however unbelievable, for it, something more than the obvious "If we show some naked babes we'll get an R rating and all the adolescent boys will spend money to see them"
This doesn't add anything to the movie and while I don't mind watching it's not why I choose to view a film. Other than these things there is very little about "B" movies I won't go along with, I even find it not unreasonable that a grasshopper the size of a bus can sneak up on 3 people, helps a lot if one of them is deaf though.

I love the unkillable bad guy. In some cases you're still kept guessing by how many times they're going to do it.


I might be alone in that nothing in particular annoys me too much in b movies. I mean, it's a b movie! As long as it's crazy and not generally dull, I don't care if the annoying geek survives, or the monster wastes time posing - it's all part of the show.

Ozzymandias speaks: A reading of the will or seance on a stormy night in an old mansion with a killer gorilla walking around. I think this is a 1930's poverty row plot line.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

Any menace that can be defeated by a frikkin' ross and holy water is frikkin' pathetic.  I'm looking at you, Freddy Kreuger.

I've got one.  A D-grade has-been celebrity playing him or herself in the movie.  I saw one a while back where Scott Baio played himself.

I suppose that is pathetic, being defeated by the faith of the one who holds the Holy object however.... :smile:
Does MY NAME IS BRUCE count? :question:

No, they're poking fun at this sort of thing.

Just what do you think the "B" in b-movie is for? It's Boob and often cup size too. :buggedout: Now excuse me while I pop in a DD-movie. :wink:

There are certain times when I think that o_O