Information Exchange => Submitted Reader Reviews => Topic started by: Inferno on January 10, 2008, 11:00:24 PM

Title: Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster
Post by: Inferno on January 10, 2008, 11:00:24 PM
I know the bossman already Capsule Reviewed this, but it's one of my favorite Godzilla movies and I felt it needed a bit more attention than what was given. Please note, this'll be one of those whole Synopsis type of reviews, so do bear with me.

Frankly, I don't know if I'll do it again. Making small sentances about a movie for each part that goes on is a bit tedious. Still, I did the best I can so I'd prefer constructive criticism.

Ghidorah, The Three Headed Monster
Rated:PG, most likely
3 slimes
Copyright Company and Date: TohoCo. 1964(Japan)/1965(U.S.)
Submitted by Inferno

Godzilla- Everyone's favorite giant radioactive flame-spewing lizard.
Rodan- World's biggest Pteranodon that flies at the speed of sound.
Mothra- A freaking huge mealworm that is worshipped by islanders with no life whatsoever.
King Ghidorah, A.k.a. Ghidrah- Giant space dragon that is born from a meteor and shoots lightning from its mouths.
Shindo-The human hero of this movie.A cop who gets assigned to protect the princess then gets shafted by her after saving her life 3 times over
Princess Salno- Princess of a small country that gets possessed by an alien somehow. Fortells the coming of Ghidorah.
Naoko-Sister of Shindo,Reporter. Befriends the Princess and Mothra's Fairies. Other than that, pretty much useless.
Mothra's Fairies- Tiny tiny women who can communicate with Mothra by way of singing.
Murai-Geologist who leads a team to study Ghidorah's meteor.
The Assassins- 4 guys who dress like American Mobsters, lead by the All-Too-Imposing force of SUNGLASSES MAN! They get smashed by rockslides.


When a multitude of rocks are in the area, Godzilla will constantly throw those instead of using his ray beam.
Kaiju invented volleyball.
Kaiju can communicate with one another no matter what sort of stupid noise they make.
A grown Japanese man is almost the same height as a 5 year old Japanese boy.
Meteors are sporadically magnetic,grow and can hatch evil space dragons.
Global warming is a sign of Armageddon.
Martian women are hot.
Never leave princesses alone on airplanes. They are liable to jump out at a moments notice.
Giant Mealworms are the Gods of happiness.
Blue Whales can jump out of the water like dolphins.
Rodan can act like a giant parrot sometimes.

Opening Credits- See the monsters fight before the movie even starts! Hot Damn!
8:48- There WHAT is?!
15:42- Behold the magic of dubbing! She says the words a second before and AFTER her mouth shuts!
28:03- He just GAVE you the drink! Why did you ask for it again?!
31:36- Godzilla hasn't even shown up yet! Wtf are they going on about?
33:18 to 33:25- It's a sad day when you have to mirror the footage you just shot a second before.
40:56- What the hell kind of noise is that for guns to make?!
42:21- Godzilla's on the docks!
42:44- No, wait, he's still in the water......
48:00- If she just named the monster, how the hell do they know it's called "Ghidrah?!" Word does travel fast in Japan...
1:15:30- You had her in your sights! How the hell did you miss?!
1:17:31- Godzilla hates being shot in the crotch.


Naoko:"Did you say Brainwaves? Oh now really, there's no such thing as brainwaves!"
UFO Enthusiast: "Look young lady there's a lot you need to learn about many things besides brainwaves.Strange and terrible things!"

Princess: "Good people of earth, I call your attention to the ever expanding universe. It is time for the people of earth to awaken
to their responsibilites as one of the peoples of space!"
Person in crowd: "ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL!?!Why don't you do a striptease for us!"

Show Host 1: "You're almost the same height you know!" *comparing the size of a boy to his co-host*
Show Host 2: "Cut it out will ya? You're on camera!"

Naoko: "Shindo! Give me the key or I'm calling the police!"
Shindo: "Oh you stupid....You forget I AM the police!"

Naoko: "Hey Shindo, what did you find out about her?"
Shindo: "Only that she's a martian!"

Shindo: "Aaaugh. These monsters are as stupid as human beings!"


Note: This is a review of the American Version, as, in my opinion, is a hell of a lot funnier.

This movie holds a special place in my heart, mainly because for years I had it taped off the TV from a now defunct TV station
at about 3 in the morning. Upon getting the DVD and watching it again, I find I remember way too much about this movie than most people should.

The film starts out with some U.F.O. enthusiasts waiting for contact from their space bretherin. In their minds, since they have been wasting their nights for a few weeks, they should get some kind of sign from their alien overlords. They do not get a reply and blame it on our heroine, Naoko,because she's an outsider.She insists that she's interested but otherwise doesn't give a damn.
While the enthusiasts are complaining to her, a meteor shower begins, and one of the shooting stars lands nearby in a remote mountain area.

Meanwhile, Shindo is doing paperwork or whatever it is cops do all day when his boss tells him he'll be doing some bodygaurd work for a Princess from some country named Selgina.
No, I've never heard of it either.
Apparently a lone cop is more than enough to gaurd royalty from a band of assassins in Japan back in the 1960's. We then cut to another scene of the princess on her royal airliner or something.
She's being all primp and proper and princessy when she looks out the window after ordering one of her servants to fetch some water.
A bright light shows up (assumed to be a U.F.O.) and it uses some kind of mind control on her. In a spooky voice it tells her to jump ship, it even opens the door for her!
Apparently the assassins planted a bomb on the plane and it blows up as soon as she lets her space buddies pick her up.
Now I'm no expert on planes,but when she opens the door, everything besides her stays in place. Shouldn't there be a sudden JUMP in pressure, sucking tons of stuff out of the door with her?
Ah, whatever.

We then go back to the meteor in the mountains. Meet Professor Murai and his team of random goofballs.
Murai is Naoko's boyfriend but he really doesn't add much to the plot after his whole part with the meteor. His team you can just forget about. They make it to the meteorite and set up camp. Almost immediately the meteor exhibits signs of magnetism as it sucks up their pickaxes like a fat kid with a mikshake.

As Shindo asks why his royal date stood him up at the airport, he is informed the Princess' plane exploded. He laments not being able to gaurd a hot chick like that for about a minute before giving an "oh well" kind of response to it. Naoko meanwhile is given a assignment to go listen to a raving lunatic in the city streets fortelling the end of the world. I guess back in those days any crazy person who babbles on about the end of the world was given news attention. Nowadays we just ignore them and their nice body-size signs.
Suprisingly, the prophet has a freaking HUGE crowd around her. Have these people NOTHING better to do that day? Unsuprisingly to us viewers, the prophet is none other than the possessed Princess,she says she's a martian and that some real bad things are about to go down.

Murai and his team are studying the meteorite and notice their equipment isn't flying towards it anymore, also it's apparently getting bigger.
What they don't talk about is how it has a nice pulsating glow to it. That's a sure sign that some weird crap is going on right there.
One of the team's "Crazy Sh*t is about to happen" meter starts acting up and he pleads to leave the thing be. Capt. Ahab (Murai) has to have his White Whale though and insists they stay.

Shindo arrives home and watches television with his mother and sister. Apparently Japan has this TV show based upon the fascination with Washed Up/Obscure Celebrities and people get to tell the show who they want to see. Kind of like what E! does on a daily basis. Two kids show up and they want to see Mothra. Well the show can't fit a giant freaking bug into the building, but they convienantly have the next best thing: Mothra's singing fairies. For some reason their singing lets people (even the people watching the broadcast on TV!) see their island.
It is a bleak and desolate place where one constantly bows to a giant infant moth for all time.
The song also cryptically states that one has to think happy things at all times, OR ELSE!. Great, huh? Just like Club Med.

I bet some of you wonder what the hell happened to the other worm from Godzilla vs. Mothra. Well the fairies blatantly state that it died somehow.
Way to tramutize the kids for the rest of their lives.Send all therapy bills to Mothra's island.

Anyway, Shindo gets bored watching the tiny singing women and their giant worm and goes to read the paper. He is immediately shocked to see the Princess as the crazy woman his sister reported about.He reports it to his boss, who is rather unimpressed,passing it off as mere likeness.
Shindo does get permission to gaurd her on his own time though.
Unfortunately Selgina reads the same newspaper as Shindo does and they get word of the Princess too. They send out their best men: Sunglasses Man and Three Guys Who Might Be in the Yakuza.

Meanwhile, Shindo picks up a old bum who happens to have the Princess' bracelet. When they ask about it, he says he pulled her from the ocean thinking she was a castaway from part of a wrecked boat. She gave him the bracelet in exchange for some spare clothes and runs off when they get to port.

Hell, I don't care if he saved me either, knowing what that guy looked like, I would haul out of there ASAP too.

Shindo has him look at a few pictures and he gives a positive I.D. on the princess. Shindo's boss asks the million dollar question:
"How in the hell was she the only one to survive a plane explosion?"
Apparently one of the U.F.O. guys from the start of the movie is the top source on this.
He spews some crap about other dimensions and holes in the fabric of space time and we're supposed to believe it.

I would have believed something more simple: She jumped out of the damn plane and into the ocean. I dunno about you, but I'm pretty sure water cushions your fall, and if you know how to swim and you're relatively near a fishing area, well, you're set.

Shindo, Naoko and Murai (on a break from meteorite staring), see the Princess on TV, preaching to hikers at a volcano to make tracks because Rodan's going to show up soon. No one believes her until the Pteranodon busts out of the mountainside, almost on cue.
She then shows up at a ship about to take the fairies back to their desolite little island. The fairies are the only ones to heed the Princess' word about gloom and doom and make tracks before anyone can notice the 2 inch high girls leave suddenly.

Personally, if someone was able to predict Rodan coming out of nowhere within a few seconds of time, I'd stay off that ship too.
The Princess is then picked up by Naoko for some reason; I guess it must be a slow news day when tiny women with giant worms aren't more important than normal sized ones that can predict the future.

Meanwhile, back at Murai's ranch, the meteorite is getting bigger,the magnetism picks up again for no good reason and Murai's team is tired of staring at a glowing rock from space all day long.
Naoko takes the Princess to a hotel to get her cleaned up for a TV report (God knows how long she's been in those clothes) and the assassins spot her. Given that she's been brainwashed, the princess doesn't really give a damn about them. They decide to wait until she's alone to ambush her. The fairies also show up in Naoko's hotel room, saying they believed the Princess, and with good reason. We find out the ship's sailing course heads straight into Godzilla, who promptly blows it up. For those of you keeping score,the Princess is 2-0 with her predictions.

Naoko gets the Princess all prettied up for a TV interview when Shindo comes-a-calling. Naoko goes to meet him in the main lobby and the killers see their chance. They're about to ice the princess when the fairies intervine by TURNING OFF THE LIGHTS! In the confusion, this gives Shindo and Naoko enough time to get upstairs and chase the assassins off.

Afterward,Shindo says the princess needs professional help,so they get her out of there. Lucky thing too, Godzilla just decided to go on his traditional random rampage through town.This time though, he's
constantly p**sed off at Rodan. Seriously, he stares up at the sky angrily, hoping Rodan would swoop down enough to get into heat beam range.
I'm guessing Godzilla is jealous at Rodan's ability to fly.

Meanwhile,the meteorite finally appears to be doing something besides growing and eating pickaxes! It glows and makes small explosion noises before splitting apart,showing off a light sprinkler firework show and spitting a fireball into the air! The fireball becomes Ghidorah, (which by 1960's standards is a pretty good special effect) it wasn't a meteorite after all! It was a cocoon for a giant space dragon!
Yes, the title monster finally appears after about 50 minutes into the movie. It's basically a 3 headed western-style dragon that spits lightning, has the worst flying noise ever and giggles like a schoolgirl for a roar. Seriously, listen to that thing make a noise, it sounds like it's laughing.

Shindo decides to take the Princess to get some therapy to cure her of her "martian-ness".She tells everyone that Ghidorah is here to kick ass and take names, cause frankly thats what he's doing.
They believe her, but still think she should get some rest. Despite the fact Godzilla and Rodan are making their way towards the hospital, noone moves an inch.

Japanese people must be real jaded about Kaiju attacks by now to just ignore that.

The Japanese government laments they now have 3 monsters at once rampaging throughout Japan, they begin to consider nuclear weaponry when Naoko, Murai and the fairies show up. The fairies propose Mothra, Godzilla and Rodan gang up on Ghidorah. The japanese government gives a plan a 'why the hell not, we have no other good ideas' and the fairies sing their little song. Mothra is on the way!
Unfortunately, Naoko blabs the location of the Princess over national airwaves, giving the assassins the location of their target.

Meanwhile, Godzilla somehow has caught up to Rodan and they begin to fight in very awkward ways. Godzilla batting Rodan at random and Rodan pecking away at Godzilla's head. Rodan's pecking is actually quite effective. It either stuns Godzilla for a bit or at least makes him wonder wtf exactly just happened. Shindo and the doctors, have decided to use shock therapy on the Princess. The assassins
arrive, see this and decide to rack up the volts, hoping to make one crispy Princess. However, their plan is thwarted by the Kaiju's rather silly fight as Rodan PICKS UP GODZILLA AND DROPS HIM ON SOME POWER LINES!
I am not making this up.
By sheer chance of luck, this also cuts electricity to the hospital, leading to another gunfight in the dark with the killers; making them run away again.

Godzilla and Rodan continue to fight as well as play Giant Monster Volleyball with some rocks. Godzilla tosses the rocks at Rodan, Rodan bonks them with his head back to Godzilla, Godzilla punches them back at Rodan. Repeat until not funny anymore. Seriously, I have never seen Godzilla toss more rocks than in this movie. Thankfully Mothra shows up and attempts to get the two to work together to kick some golden dragon ass. Godzilla outright refuses to help humanity because we shoot at him whenever he decides to take a stroll downtown.

Personally, I agree with Godzilla. If the insect world decided to wage war on me every time I accidentally stepped on one of them, I'd be p**sed too.

Either way, Mothra is fed up with both of them and goes to fight Ghidorah on his/her own. During Ghidorah's random blasting of the countryside, a rockslide kills 3 out of the 4 assassins. Guess they didn't have their seatbelts on.
After Mothra gets its butt handed to it by Ghidorah, Godzilla, who realizes how big of a wuss he'd be if a worm stood him up in a fight, goes to beat on Ghidorah.
Rodan decides to just fly around for a while until Ghidorah gives chase to the flying lizard.

During all the fuss of monsters fighting each other, the Princess wanders off somewhere. Probably sick of her present company rambling on like morons.
While Rodan is being chased by Ghidorah, Godzilla follows with Mothra in tow, literally. Godzilla lets Mothra bite his tail while Godzilla drags him/her up the mountain they both just came down. Out of nowhere, Rodan does a quick 180 and slams himself into Ghidorah, knocking them both to the ground while Godzilla and Mothra continue their uphill climb. Rodan is basically a sitting duck, with Ghidorah taking potshots at him until Godzilla starts his rock throwing again.

We find out the Princess is basically climbing down the mountain praying to God that the Kaiju defeat Ghidorah. Since she's all by herself, Sunglasses Man decides to snipe her from across the canyon. Luckily, he's a poor shot and Shindo shows up to shield the Princess. The near-death experience forces the Princess to snap out of her martian state and back to her former self. Still, things look bad for Shindo and the Princess until yet another rockslide caused by the Kaiju finishes off the last assassin.

I'd like to pause for a second to point out how silly his death is. Seriously. It's something you have to watch to believe.

Anyway, the 3 on 1 against Ghidorah goes well. Godzilla basically provides the beatings while Rodan and Mothra team up in a rather silly "Shoot lots of web on the dragon" technique.Personally, I don't know where the bug keeps all of it. I'm guessing we're supposed to believe Mothra's webbing paralyses as well as ties up its foes. Otherwise, Ghidorah just forgets he can tear himself out of it. After a mighty toss by Godzilla and STILL MORE ROCKS, Ghidorah takes off.

Sure, don't kill him or anything. It's not like he'll come back for revenge sometime.

The rest of the human plot goes like this: Princess gets a press conference, thanks Shindo for his help, gives him the cold shoulder, leaves for her country. Seriously, when someone saves your life 3 times over you at least owe him something. She doesn't even give the poor guy a kiss on the cheek or anything.
Stone cold, man. Stone Cold. Just look at his eyes when he sees her plane leave. He's crushed.

Finally, the fairies and Mothra return to their island death trap, leaving Godzilla and Rodan dazed and confused. Much like our viewers.

In all due fairness, I liked this. 4 Monsters on screen at the same time doing monster things. The plot just got dragged down by the human side
of the coin. Ah well. Such is life.

If anyone managed to read all that, give some feedback, please. :smile: