Badmovies.org Forum

Recently viewing an episode of The Family Guy got me to pondering what would happen if the characters of Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg and Stewie Griffin were matched in heated battle with, respectively Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie Simpson.

Stewie vs Maggie:  This one is a no-brainer, since Stewie is a diabolical genius-toddler plotting at every turn the demise of his mother with a host of weaponry at his disposal, and Maggie just basically sucks a binky.  I suppose if they pitched stinky diapers at one another, it might be a draw, but since Stewie is quicker and quite a bit craftier, Maggie is toast.
Advantage--Stewie

Meg vs Lisa:  This one isn't even fair, as I suspect Lisa would throw Meg out of the ring with one hand tied behind her back, despite being much younger.  She's tougher, more savvy (she's had to deal with Bart her entire life, after all), and she can blow a mean saxophone.
Advantage-Lisa

Chris vs Bart:  A tough call, this one.  While Chris is stupid, he is much larger than Bart and poses a physical threat.  Bart, on the other hand, is pretty squirrelly and sharp-witted by comparison, and could trip Chis up in a scuffle; unless of course said trip topples Chris on top of his adversary, in which case Bart is history.
Advantage--Bart, as long as he moves out of the way

Lois vs Marge:  Ah, a true match-up.  Both are scrappers and have had to come to the defense of their mates; they both have been in physical challenges and have proven their mettle.  Both are the real brains of their respective broods and can out-think their husbands in the blink of an eye.  I think Marge gets the edge, however, because I suspect she can snap that Bride-of-Frankenstein beehive around like a bullwhip if she had to, and you never know what she might be concealing up there.
Advantage--Marge

Peter vs Homer:  The main event, the Thrilla in Quahog, the Springfield Slugfest.  Both are dolts, though Peter less so.  Bulkwise, they are evenly matched.  Peter has less morals than Homer and is more likely to cheat to defeat, but Homer is just dumb enough to take a licking and not realize he's losing.  Being brainless is to his advantage, he's too stupid to know when to quit.  If the battle went on for an exceedingly long period I give the edge to homer, especially if told that Peter had a  six-pack and a box of doughnuts strapped to his ass and was playing keep-away from Homer.
Advantage--Homer, as long as he believed the beer-and-doughnut ruse

I personally think Lois would win because she REALLY fights.  Watch the one where Peter becomes a feminist.

Also, you left out Homer's trick move.  Wait till they get you stuck, then shout out, "I'm a hemophiliac!"  then when they walk away in pity, get them from behind.

I'd say Brian would take out Santa's Little Helper with ease :)

I have to agree, unless Brian's been on the sauce, that could cause a problem.

Great topic onionhead, you could debate this for months. I think Peter vs Homer would be a tough call. Peter has after all fought and defeated the tough-as-nails Giant Chicken in several brutal slugfests. Homer on the other hand has gone hand-to-hand with the original CIA trained George Bush and once taught Bart the "secret" Simpson move, a sharp kick to the nards. It could really go either way.

Maggie vs, Stewie might not be so clear cut. Stewie is a diabolical genius, but is he an effective diabolical genius? Lois is still plenty alive. He hasn't dominated the world yet, or even Quahog. Plus he has a well documented weakness for musical theater. Maggie on the other hand shot Mr. Burns in cold blood when she was a mere infant, and once used her sharpshooting skills to shoot up the entire Springfield(and possibly Jersey) mafia, when Homer founded Springsheild to replace the police dept.
I'd like to see Homer and Peter in some kind of drunken road movie, maybe a trip to Vegas or somewhere on spring break.

Karma for you.  That would be the best movie EVER!!!

Didn't Maggie also repeatedly beat Homer over the head with a hammer in an episode?  Or was Homer just imagining that?  Been a while since I've seen it.

Maggi hit him once, but it knocked him out.  She later shot him a couple times with a nail gun.

I thought she did hit him.  In that sense, I'd pick Maggie over Stewie.  She doesn't talk, but follows through on her actions.  She also led a group of babies Mission Impossible style through a nursery to get their binky's, so I'd say she's pretty smart.

Oh, yeah forgot about that.

Looking back on it, I kinda like Maggie more now.   :buggedout:

She's kinda funny.