Badmovies.org Forum

Life is all about lessons.  This is what I have learned in my 41 years on this planet:

1.  There is no bad situation that can't be made better by the judicious and generous application of coffee

2.  Not all guys like sex  (I know, it was a shock to me too)

3.  People who are supposed to love you can fsck you over just as easily as a stranger, and probably will do more often.

4.  Idiocy and superficiality will always triumph over worthiness and common sense (just look at Paris Hilton)

5.  Any movie made from a Stephen King novel will always be badly done.

6.  Creme brulee is da shiznit

7.  Depression can always be lifted by listening to any Tori Amos or Crowded House/Neil Finn song.

8.  The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead

9.  Cows don't give chocolate milk

10.  Racism is illogical because we're all pink on the inside and black in the darkness

Anybody else want to share their nuggets of wisdom?

Users are losers.

In the great game between the genders, women will always emerge victorious, for they have the dual advantage of being the opponent - and the goal.


All male behavior is motivated by three factors, separately or in combination -
Stupidity (the "Hey Yall Look At This!" Gene)
Competitiveness - (Dave Barry's "Noogie" gene)
Hormones - the "Hubba Hubba" gene

I agree with 1 ~ 4 and 6 ~ 10, KB.  :wink:

However, Mary Lambert's Pet Sematary proved that Stephen King can translate well to the screen. I still get cold shudders thinking of Brad Greenquist staggering around with his brains hanging out.  :buggedout: :buggedout:

Something my dad used to say. Supposedly it's by Georges Clemenceau:

"L'homme qui n'a pas été anarchiste à seize ans est un imbécile. Mais c'en est un autre, s'il l'est encore à quarante."

Translation (app.):

"He, who is not an anarchist at the age of 16, is an idiot. He, who is still at the age of 40, also."

Few nuggets...
1.) There are several money pits in the world.  Weddings, certain holidays, etc.
2.) The human gene pool is getting muddy.   Aka, many people are overally fertile who probably shouldn't be for the good of human kind.
3.) Old ladies strategically plan their day around mine so they can be in front of me everywhere. 
4.) Get your live together and enjoy single life to the fullest before you get married and/or have kids.
5.) Eating healthy isn't too hard if you know what you're eating. 

 :smile:

Stephen King in his book "IT" says it better than I can:

Never go after the awesome looking girl - she's insane.  Instead, try for her slightly less good looking, but still hot friend.

The size of a person's mouth is inversely proportional to the size of their brain.

You do not need to learn your multiplication tables.  I minored in math and still don't know them.

People have different life experiences, which leads to them having different opinions of things.  You'll never get them all to agree with you.  It's actually rather interesting to learn about people and the lives they've lead.  It enriches life.

People who are of above average intelligence rarely feel the need to point it out to anyone.  On the other hand, stupid people quit often feel the need to point out how stupid other people are in comparison to themselves.  The general rule is that people tend to despise in others what they see in themselves.

If everyone agrees on something, there's probably no actual thinking going on.  Automatically disagreeing with everything doesn't take much thought either.

Thanks for the heads up Trevor.  I'll see if I can get a copy of that and watch it.  :thumbup:

The old adage that men are only after one thing is untrue. Men are actually after two and a half things.

1. Worrying never solves problems, solution solves problems.

2. It's better to buy a quality product once than a cheap product 10 times. (You get what you pay for.)

3. Always agree with your wife even when she's wrong. (Then do what you were going to do anyway, see #4)

4. It's easier to get forgiveness, than to get permission.

5. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. (Live within your means.)

6. Common sense is not so common.

7. Unless you are perfect, do not expect perfection.

8. Never do anything for anyone else, less than you'd do it for yourself. (Speaking of work quality.)

9. If you bite off more than you can chew, you will choke. (Know your limitation.)

10. Question everything.

11. Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

12. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, then odds are it's a duck.

13. Excuses are like a**holes, everyones got on and they all stink.

14. Your fate and your future is in the mirror.

15. Trust your first instinct, it's seldom wrong.

Two pieces of advice from a friend of mine who died at age 101 -

1.  Don't let your yearnings exceed your earnings.
2.  Save for a rainy day, but don't spend it all the first time it rains!

1. Just because they're related to you does not mean they are entitled to be part of your life.

Yes, I don't get along with my siblings.

2. People suck.

...or an organism that assimilated a duck so that it could perfectly mimic a migrating waterfowl.

Environmentalism is just recycled Nazism and Communism.

Might also be a witch. How much does it weigh?

What I've learned: Quoting movies is usually funnier to the quoter than the listener.  :lookingup:

If God meant for us all to be thin, then why is it that the fattening stuff tastes so much better than the healthy stuff?

"Scientific Studies" are seldom very scientific. We need to admit that we know very little about what makes one person live to 100 while another dies at 65. Take reasonable care of yourself, stay active, and don't worry about trying to achieve the high score; Methuselah set the record at 969, and his reward was that he died in Noah's flood. You don't win prizes for living an extra couple of years, especially if those years are joyless because you spent them eating tofurkey and washing it down with Metamucil shakes.

If you don't eat fatty food, you can add 4 years up to your life...




Who wants to live to be 176 anyway?

Here are a couple bits of wisdom that have had a large influence on me:
1) You should live your life in such a way that you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.  (Will Rogers)
2) Never be afraid to try something new, if it doesn't kill ya, it'll make ya fat.  (my dad)

Hey, I didn't make these up, but I agree with most of 'em.


What I've learned as I've matured----

-- I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
a***oles.

-- I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspision, not proof, to destroy it.

-- I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

-- I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

-- I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are
more screwed up than you think.

-- I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're
finished.

-- I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.

-- I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is
at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of  money to
take its place.

-- I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.

-- I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken
from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

-- I've learned to say "F--- 'em if they can't take a joke" in 3
languages.



I would also like to post some life's little truths.

1. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

2. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

4. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

5. I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point
involved.

6. Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to
you anyway.

7. I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

8. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
"Thyroid problem?"

9. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting wool
socks for Christmas!

10. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.

11. Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, regular price, get one flea..."

12. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.

13. I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.

14. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal'?

15. I see your IQ test results were negative. .

16. Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while
driving.

17. When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a
half.

18. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
won't either.

19. If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would
have only had ten disciples!

20. The most valuable thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.

21. I have learned, from experience, there is little difference in wives
so you might as well keep the first.

22. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and craphead's.

23. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.

24. Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven
different languages.

25. Women should not have children after 35. Really 35 children are
enough.

26. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $3.00 at bowling alleys.

27. No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

28. How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss
America?

"We used to believe that not everything is possible. Today, thanks to nuclear physics, we know that everything is possible."

Scrooge McDuck


(Does anyone know the exact citation? The above is a rough translation from a German edition of the Barks comic about the philosopher's stone.)