Badmovies.org Forum

Hello everyone.

I'm a freelance comedy writer and I'm trying to pitch a joke article to Cracked about just plain pathetic movie monsters.

Now I love B movies and classic horror/scifi/fan fiction but I'm no expert. I seek to write a humorous but informed article instead of a second rate uninformed opinion piece that won't do the topic justice. So after checking a hand full of sites I found this site and forum and after checking out some of the posts I decided that this was the best place to get intelligent informed opinions.

in short I just want to know who you think are the most pathetic movie monsters, whether it's a dog with a mask on or a common tomato.

so far the ones I'm thinking of including in the article are:

the killer shrews
the giant gila monster
leeches in attack of the giant leeches
tomatoes in Attack of the killer tomatoes (it's getting remade so I want to do something on the original)
Fungus monster in Bad Channels
Hobgoblins
the woman's head in the brain that wouldn't die


Thank you for your help

Definitely "a real, live GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD" (quoting Andrew) in The Giant Claw...

Also the one in "Creature from the Haunted Sea" (1961)

And what was this movie with the alien where the actors actually had to crawl into to get eaten? Was it some kind of space slug?

Bela Lugosi wrestling with an automated rubber octopus (lacking the engine) is a classic.

hmmm, lemme see...I have to think of some movies that aren't black and white...maybe later

sweet thank you

Are we looking for the worst implementation or the worst ideas?  "The Killer Shrews" might look funny, being dogs wearing carpet remnants, but the idea is actually pretty good.  Ditto on "The Giant Leeches."

There is actually another movie about giant rats called "Deadly Eyes" and that had dachshunds wearing rat disguises.  The killer shrews look funny, but the rat/dachshunds are just amazingly silly.

Frank's suggestion of The Creeping Terror (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/creepterror/) is excellent.

Ditto on The Giant Claw (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/giantclaw/) and "Creature from the Haunted Sea."

"Bride of the Monster" is the film with the awful rubber octopus.

I would add Ro-Man from Robot Monster. (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/robotmonster/)

We're looking thin on newer films, so how about the melted ET from Star Crystal (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/starcrystal/)

Disembodied head?  Go for "They Saved Hitler's Brain."  It's a much worse head.  It barely moves.  I think it might grimace once.

The giant mutant cat that lives inside another cat from Uninvited (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/uninvited/) seems like it might be mandatory.

Same with the VW turned into a giant spider in "Giant Spider Invasion."

The fearsome fanged slugs in Slugs. (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/slugs/)

And who could forget the puppet Satan and his killer rubber starfish demons from Rock n' Roll Nightmare. (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/rrnightmare/)

Leave it to Andrew -- He got all the classic ones --
I would only note, on the "pathetic" side of things, that Hitler's head doesmove and speak while it's being transported in the exploding car.(They Saved You Know Who's Brain)  The actor had to stick his head up through the seat cushion into a bell-jar type affair.  He screams "Mach Schnell!!  Mach Schnell!", which, coincidentally, is all the German we knew as kids when we were playing Army.
peter johnson/denny crane

as far as recent movies go, Horny the Clown from Drive-Thru was really pathetic..i'm ashamed to even mention this movie in the company of friends or strangers...

warning from space,the starfish critters are a riot!and the carrot monster,with beverly garland,what's the title??aarrgghh! i can't think of ot!
the carpet monster from the creeping terror is a definite go!not only do the stars have to crawl in to the mouth to get eaten,but you can see their tennis shoes!
oh! and invasion of the the eye creatures for sure! you can see the zippers,and the turtlenecks,and the tennis shoes!

Torgo from "Manos": The Hands of Fate.   :teddyr:

thank you very much I've got some not-so-serious viewing to do.

if my story article gets run I'll definitely post it up here (and if they let me, plug this site usually they're pretty cool about that stuff.)

I know that the movie was tongue-n-cheek but the movie The Stuff is a good one. Think of The Blob then think of yogurt... combine.

The Triffids from the 62 version of Day of the Triffids were not really the height of 60's sci fi.

And then there is Night of the Lepus. Giant, killer, rabbits.

If you want truly bad monsters, you cannot go wrong with Larry Buchanan films.

Howzabout the paper mache turkey head worn in BLOOD FREAK?
Then there is also....
.The giant moldy carpet monster (supposed to be a giant mutant sheep) in GOD MONSTER from INDIAN FLATS.
.The silly plastic dinosaur in ONE MILLION AC/DC?....

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uVrUYah6dPU

'-the spear goes into the monster-the monster loses his mind!" ...Gaud he'p me... :bluesad:

The guy in a bugsuit, that was supposed to be a forty-foot dinosaur in "It's Alive" has to be the dumbest monster I've ever seen. Probably the only highlight of an otherwise unwatchable snooze-fest, I'd recommend finding a clip off the web, rather than watching the movie.

The collection of plastic toy dinosaurs from "Range Rider & The Calgary Kid" were more impressive.

Curse Of The Swamp Creature had a painfully bad creature. 

I nominate "The Gargon", the silhouette of a lobster from "Teenagers From Outer Space" (O.K film that it is)

Monster from Brainiac has an 18 inch prehensile tongue and pulsating head. 

One word-MONSTURD!!!!

The damn thing looks like one of those Little Debbie Star Crunch snacks.

(http://www.headinjurytheater.com/mturd%20terrible%20costume.jpg)

-Reptilicus

- Sound of Horror, an invisible dinosaur.

- Gingerdead Man.


Nice to see other people from Cracked over here, we should claim this land for PWOT.

The Navy vs. The Night Monsters!!!
The monsters are walking tree stumps -- I kid you not --
Funny I didn't think of that one until now --
peter johnson/denny memory

Man, talking about walking tree stumps, how about Tabonga in "From Hell It Came?"

Since Monsturd was mentioned what about that, uhm, peenar critter from FLESH GORDON 2?

Also don't forget the sciffy original movies.  They have some of the WORST CGI monsters you'll ever see.  IE: Stan Lee's Harpies, Rock Monster, &tc.

EDIT: Did anyone mention the weird looking monster thing-y from the end of CONTAMINATION yet?

Surely Ed Wood fits in here somewhere! I mean, I don't know much about the man, but he's made some of the world's worst movies, right?

I feel that to be complete your list must include the giant locusts from "Beginning of the End".

Why did I know you would choose them?  :bouncegiggle:

Ed Wood does fit in here -- Someone mentioned the rubber octopus from Bride of The Monster, didn't they?
Beginning of The End -- hmmm . . . real live grasshoppers thrown on a photograph of Chicago . . . yep, that's pretty shabby alright!!
And, as Frank Zappa observed, that "rounded off pup-tent affair with teeth around the bottom of it" -- It Conquered the World -- is a pretty sorry critter as well.
peter johnson/denny visible nylon strings . . .

RC, you are most likely finding a use for your latent telepathic abilities.  :smile:

How about the mutant salamanders from Aberration? Another idea is the snow creature from...er, The Snow Creature, a great example of bad monster presentation: walk towards the camera in blurred shadows then back away in blurred shadows while the attack itself is not shown- you can't even make it out clearly on the movie's box art. I'll roll with giant leeches (though being drained by one must suck. Zing!) but there's another invertebrate that might belong up there, the octopus monster of such films as Octopus and Tentacles. Still more could be found in the monster from Creeping Flesh and the thing from The Unnamable (both of which are enjoyable titles nonetheless).

The spiders from The Horrors of Spider Island. Okay, I said it, out of my system.

"The Attack of the Beast Creatures"

Not big, but they attack en masse.


"Zontar: The Thing from Venus"

Larry Buchanan's re-make of It Conquered the World. Goofy, bat-like monster.


Or "It lives By Night"

Or "Night of the Blood Beast"

Or "Attack of the Moon Beast"

This article I wrote a few years back my help. Give the page a moment to load.

THE 20 GOOFIEST MOVIE MONSTERS OF ALL TIME (http://www.foywonder.com/archives/nowff/foy_20goofiestn.html)

That's a great list you put together there, Foywonder :thumbup:, the biggest shock was the #1 spot- unexpected! Loads of laughable monsters, some that I've never even heard of. The rental list gets longer and longer.

One of my favorite BAD movies of all time! How did I forget that goofy spider? Or the goofy spider-man,for that matter?  :bouncegiggle:

OK, I want:

THE CRAB MONSTERS, THE BRAINIAC, THE JELLYFISH MAN, THE CREEPING TERROR, GIANT KILLER RABBITS, THE RO-MAN and THE GIANT CLAW


... I want them now

I like how your list is strictly appearance-driven, Foywonder -- though I do sort of want to see The Creature From The Haunted Sea on there somewhere -- speaking of ping-pong ball eyes --
Also, that's a good picture of the beast from It Conquered The World -- Yep, definitely a keeper -- Got the poster on my wall for that one --
Ugly really is to the bone . . .
peter johnson/denny crane

I'd say they're more like monkey/spiders. I'm pretty sure they had ears and noses, too :lookingup:. I'd still totally display one on my shelf, though.

These are two films that I've been wanting to view. THE NAVY VS THE NIGHT MONSTERS and  FROM HELL IT CAME. Might have seen parts of them as a kid, but won't know till I check them out.

The giant rabbits from Night of the Lepus.  And Octaman!  He slaps his victims to death with his rubbery tentacles.
-Ed

Has no one mentioned the beach ball alien from "Dark Star" yet?