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Aladdin had one, and he rubbed his.


 :buggedout: (A magic lamp; what the hell did you think I meant?)  :tongueout:


The magical item popularized by the Arabian Nights stories; how many of us have, at some point in our lives, wondered about what we might wish for if we had a magic lamp?

Often, though, a magic lamp turns out to be a double edged sword. The wish itself, though granted, may bring unforeseen consequences.


I propose sort of a game.

One of you rub your's (the lamp!!!) and make a wish.

Then, another comes along and makes the wish go wrong.


Wishful thinking, huh? :teddyr:

 My baloney has a first name...it's don't mess with my Genie,Man!

I wish for the name of the publicly-traded stock which will show the largest percentage gain in stock price within the next five years.

Easy enough; check this space in four years, 364 days, and I'll tell you.  :teddyr:

*Rubs lamp*

I wish to own a patent for a technology that would force Microsoft to pay me $10,000,000 to lease.

Unfortunately, the new technology becomes so widespread that, being in the hands of Microsoft, it violates the antitrust laws and Microsoft is forced to break up the division controlling that technology.

Unknown to you, Microsoft had a provision written into the lease that declares it a lease to own.

Being that the antitrust violations, however, occurred under your ownership, you have accrued $11,000,000 in fines while Microsoft has transferred ownership of the technology to an unknown entity on a privately owned island outside of jurisdiction. You read this last part off of a newspaper you were using to stuff in your jacket after having all of your property confiscated by the government.



I always knew you were full of boloney. :tongueout:

*rubs it*

(the lamp!!!)

Okay, wiseass, let's just say that mine involves Pam Grier, and she's dressed as Coffy.


Now ruin that for me. :twirl:

She's 86 years old.

Andrew beat me to it, but I worked so hard on this that I'll post it anyway.



The police show up at your door, serving you with a restraining order. It seems that Pam Grier's lawyer read the board and that the "wish" you posted was enough to have you labelled as a cyber stalker. When you tried to protest, you were arrested. At the trial, Pam Grier, dressed as Coffy, arrives with a man who calls himself RCMerchant. The grin on his face is both manic and seemingly permanent. As the judge declares your sentence, Coffy puts her arm around RCMerchant and you can clearly read her lips: "You can't have none of this, sucka." You are jailed and spend the rest of your life as a registered sex offender.

*Rubs Lamp*

I wish I had the self discipline to write a best-selling novel.

Pam would look good at any age; even Trekgeezer's age. :teddyr:



Turns out that the genie understood it as you need to to be disciplined while writing a novel.

You find it difficult to explain to the lady he sent, dressed in leather and high heels and carrying a whip, that you can't write with your hands tied.

Going through all the events that pass from here, well, wouldn't be very appropriate. Let's just say that the indecent exposure charge from you running down the street trying to get away from her, plus additional assault charges from...uh...poking people along your way, has made it difficult for you to write due to the lack of light in solitary; though, I think Bubba likes you.


*Rubs Lamp*

I wish for something to be at least a good 12. :teddyr:

You decide what it is, and ruin it for me.

PAM GRIER will be 59 years old on May 26...  :teddyr:

For me, it would probably be like that episode of The Weird Al Show in which I'd wanna know everything their is to know about everything, only to end up feeling a lot stupider for it.

And the genie turns you into a 17 year old...











...girl.

 :teddyr:

Yes.  A bit of a "Sextette" joke in my reference.  I still imagine that Pam Grier at 86 might not be too attractive to me at my present age.  Pretty woman for sure, but "Sextette" actually damaged part of my brain.

Sure, blame it on "Sextette". :lookingup:

Y'know, that just might work.
I've alway wanted to try the whole huffing & screeching thing as a form of getting in the final word.

I wish for a purse full of $50 bills that never runs out. 

Failing that, I'll have my 23 yo figure back, thank you.

Or a romantic date with either Robert Beltran or Vincent D'Onofrio.

But I'll settle for a year's worth of daily piano lessons with Tori Amos.

Please don't ruin my fantasies, they're all I've got left!  :bluesad:

 :smile: [trevor rubs lamp]

Please: would this wish come true? Someone please tell my beloved ex President Robert Mugabe the following:

You. Have. Lost. The. Election. Deal. With. It.  :tongueout:

Hearing the news, Mugabe decides his way to deal with it is to sieze power through a military coup and install a dictatorship with himself as the supreme leader for life.

Sorry if I brought the room down.  That may be too close to reality to work as humor.

[rubs lamp]

When I mutter the magic phrase under my breath, the woman (or women) I designate will be struck with an irresistible urge to seek an uninhibited, uncommitted one night stand with me.

I think we forgot Menard here.  Turns out to be a 12 year old girl.  And Menard gets a good 12 years in prison.


Mine:  I rub lamp and wish for the power of flight.

Maybe I'd wish for the comprehension necessary to understand some of those high brow euro art flicks, like La Belle Noiseuse, possession, or the earlier works of Nastasja Kinski, so that I'd have something else to talk about besides the full frontal nudity.

Not that there's anything wrong with me being a guy, it's just that I've met women who like these movies (no, really), and obviously for reasons other than Nastasja Kinski's nature walk.

The genie grants your wish. You take a mighty leap into the air, flying high into the sky. You enjoy yourself immensely, and begin your descent. As you near the ground, however, you realize you can't seem to slow down, having not asked for the ability to land safely along with the gift of flight. Your funeral service is lovely, and you are much lamented, but, unfortunately, you are in no condition to enjoy it yourself.

*Rubs Lamp*

I wish for a nice, tasty, healthy turkey sandwich.

Except that Vincent looks and acts like he did in MEN IN BLACK!  :buggedout:

Pfffft.  Everyone's a hater *lol*

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

Which must explain Chakotay...  :tongueout:

Except said turkey sandwich elicits an outcry from a nearby "Save the Turkeys. They got feelings too" protest and they mob you, your sandwich trampled in the dirt.

Rubs Lamp. I wish for said genie to gain freedom from his imprisonment in the bottle and to be able to live a normal life. So O.K. I admit it I stole this whole idea from "The X-Files".  :bouncegiggle:

You got it!   :thumbup:

Hey,  Chakotay!   :thumbup:  =   +karma... For the sake of you not misconstruing me, I am a shameless fan of "VOYAGER" and always resented Janeway's apparent distraction if not direct interest in Chakotay.   :wink: 

Except "normal" for a genie happens to be killing, or at least maiming, mortals. That's why they're imprisoned in bottles and enjoy twisting wishes. He starts with you.

After tricking him back into the lamp and then rubbing it, I wish for a classic: a hundred more wishes.

Except that the genie distinctly heard "swishes" and so 100 skirts (empty) fall on you.  Nothing dangerous, but if you don't pick them up you'll get a littering ticket.

Rubs lamp, asks for a 1933 Duesenberg

(http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/8933/33duesenbergsjbx8.th.jpg) (http://img227.imageshack.us/my.php?image=33duesenbergsjbx8.jpg)

Hmmm...
Rub the lamp a little with my thumb...
Rub it a little more...
Pull my greasy shop rag out of my pocket & rub it some more...
Tare off some paper towel & dip it in Tarn-Ex...
Start to dig at the lamp with my thumbnail...

Genie pops out- "All right! All right! I'll clean it up so you can get a few bucks for it! Sheesh!"

Initially I thought they would make a good match, especially when they were exiled to that planet because of the disease they contracted.  She's a strong woman and only he would be able to deal with her without her losing respect for him.

But when Seven of Nine came along, I realised she was a much better match for him.  I could totally see them being in love.  Chakotay is smart enough and strong enough for Seven's sensibilities.  But he's quite a sexy guy and he'd teach her about human side of things very well.

Lucky cow.   :smile:

You get in your car, and get in an accident. How original.

*Rubs Lamp* I wish I was God!

Except for you're the god off a group of cannibals who believe by eating you they can gain immortality.  :buggedout:

Rubs lamp. I wish they'd bring back drive-in movies, at least near where I live.

Poof, they do.  Except that when you're in the backseat with your honey, she gets pregnant and now you're "Waiting for the end of time."

rubs lamp:  I wish for one night of wild, passionate love making with Jessica Alba (pre-pregnancy)

Wish granted.

Unfortunately, you realise too late that she's really a whiney needy stalker and no matter what you do, you can't get rid of her.   :teddyr:

Been there, done that, only she wasn't Jessica Alba.  If I'm going to have a whiny needy stalker, I want her to at least be hot.

Uhhh...
I, uhhhmmm...

I want an excuse!

A real one; One that'll actually hold up in court!

*POOF* The genie grants your wish with a time-proven excuse: "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

I wish for inexhaustible energy; the next couple of days might kill me otherwise. I'm going to be veeeerrrrrry tired by Sunday if my wish isn't granted (lots of physical work to do).

Naw, that's evidence, rendered immaterial by circumstance, thus becoming an alibi suggesting that I didn't do anything, which people accuse me of all the time.

What I need is some sort of motivating situation resulting in forethought on the part of the represented party, prior to said malice, thus lending some form of legally recognized justification to the action, on my part, in question.

Umm, "The cat was already on fire. I was just trying to put it out"?

No, I'm thinking something more along the lines of "Well, I was just driving down the street, and this tree jumped right out in the middle of the road and bit my car."

The genie, staying with the theme of the thread, gives you an excuse that will 'stand-up' in court, even if nothing else will as he has granted you erectile dysfunction.

"That man was pointing at me in the most vulgar manner."

"That's impossible ma'am."

 :teddyr:

*poof*

The genie says "Pardon me, I had Mexican on the way here". :hot:


*poof*

The genie turns you into flubber; the original, not the singing and dancing kind. You now have inexhaustible energy, but find it strange that you are spending your life in a school locker stuck to the bottom of some kid's shoe.