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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: Kester Pelagius on May 02, 2008, 12:42:52 PM



Title: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on May 02, 2008, 12:42:52 PM
There is no stopping the leviathan cycle of assembly line Hollywood remakes either on the big or small screen.  So, if you could control what Hollywood produced, what five movies/series would you like to see get the remake treatment?  What spin (if any) would you put on the story/plot?  CGI or old school SFX?

I know what I'd do.  I like SF so my five would lean toward that genre.  You can see outlines of my five movies/series here (http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-qzcELew6frWBZspks_7SsnUuv9VNTUA-?cq=1&p=345).  If the link to the old Mise-en-scene Crypt blog doesn't work try the new one, here (http://kester-pelagius.u.yuku.com/blog/post/id/751/t/Hollywood-Remakes-If-you-can-39-t-beat-them-join-them-.html).  (You'll have a chuckle at my top two.)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: CheezeFlixz on May 02, 2008, 01:17:55 PM
You first link is dead ...

As for movies ...

I'm note a big fan of remaking classics, with that said ...

1. Patton (Schaffner 1970) and this time use the correct equipment from the correct country and time period.
2. Birth of a Nation (D.W. Griffith 1915) Just a great film, would love to see the epic remade.
3. Metropolis (F. Lang 1927) This would be cool with modern effects, piece the missing parts.
4. Napoléon (Grance 1927) I do not think these version has ever been remade.
5. Ben Hur (Wyler 1959) Give this one the Gladiator treatment.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Allhallowsday on May 02, 2008, 02:56:52 PM
I'm note a big fan of remaking classics, with that said ...
2. Birth of a Nation (D.W. Griffith 1915) Just a great film, would love to see the epic remade.
I like the BEN HUR idea.  I will say that BIRTH OF A NATION is an important film, but great - ly boring.   (Hey, I don't have unrealistic expectations for 1915.)  It does, however, contain many of the ugliest racist images and BS history to ever "grace" the silver screen. 

Kester, on the old SCIFILM board, I had started a thread about good remakes (JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING, INVADERS FROM MARS)  Tough to think of 5, but as I'm prone to do, and right outta my a**:
FORBIDDEN PLANET
SPARTACUS
SHADOW OF A DOUBT
(yes, a TV remake was done)
Universal's FRANKENSTEIN
THE OLD DARK HOUSE


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: CheezeFlixz on May 02, 2008, 03:33:46 PM
I'm note a big fan of remaking classics, with that said ...
2. Birth of a Nation (D.W. Griffith 1915) Just a great film, would love to see the epic remade.
I like the BEN HUR idea.  I will say that BIRTH OF A NATION is an important film, but great - ly boring.   (Hey, I don't have unrealistic expectations for 1915.)  It does, however, contain many of the ugliest racist images and BS history to ever "grace" the silver screen.   

That's why it needs to be remade, it was rather boring, it was 3 hours long after all. I'd like to see it in one of them new fancy soundies.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AnubisVonMojo on May 02, 2008, 08:13:48 PM
I agree that sci-fi flicks are the top contenders because they're the most dependent on special effects and could use a new polish. As such, my five would probably read like this:

-The Brain From Planet Arous (as directed by David Cronenberg and with a new name)
-Fiend Without a Face
-Terrornauts (keep the base concept but fix everything else)
-The Giant Claw
-Warning From Space (a powerful movie if you get rid of the people in giant starfish costumes...)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: HappyGilmore on May 02, 2008, 09:46:15 PM
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians- It's got a mix of Sci-Fi and comedy, plus it's relatively obscure enough that it's not gonna live up to people's expectations of the original.  Add Steve Carell in as Dropo and it's a hit.

Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.

Fright Night I'd go old school Special effects on this, not computer stuff.

Nosferatu- I'd give it a whirl, possibly.



Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: LilCerberus on May 03, 2008, 01:13:21 AM
Deep Throat
First, I think I'd give it a plot, some sort of story, perhaps with a little more emphasis on overcoming one's disabilities.

Next, I'd make an honest effort to find actresses who can actually act, and ones that aren't uglier than than my dog's derrière.

Finally, I'd turn the whole thing into a musical, like they did with Little Shop of Horrors, or The Producers.

Yeah, I'd probably have to tone it down a bit, but there are times that I just can't help thinking that Harry Reams was way too good for this material.

And whose crazy idea was it to associate Nixon with this movie? I mean, patriotism is brought up once or twice, but I don't see how that's a reference to politics, at least not partisanship.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AnubisVonMojo on May 03, 2008, 06:31:51 AM
Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.

Gil, what about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with Bobby De Niro as the monster and Kenneth Branagh as the delirious doctor (and director)? Shifting into SAT analogy mode, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was to embryonic fluid as Dead Alive was to gore: excessive and extremely icky.

Nosferatu- I'd give it a whirl, possibly.

Another one that was remade, back in '79 courtesy of Werner Herzog and starring Klaus "freaky deaky" Kinski as Count Graf "happy feet" Orlok... err, I mean, Count Dracula. I always liked the original myself because there was something enjoyable creepy about being unable to hear any of the characters speak and the way the shadows worked with the grainy, aged film.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: RCMerchant on May 03, 2008, 06:58:29 AM
DEEP THROAT?  :bouncegiggle: I give you karma, sir!


I would like to see remade...
Reginold LeBorg 's the BLACK SLEEP aka DR.CADMAN'S SECRET(1955)-the All star horror film  with Basil Rathbone as Dr.Cadman,and Tor Johnson,Lon Jr.,Bela,John Carridine,and a few other ood ball goons.
As for the cast...

For those not famliar with the film...here's the trailer-
 http://youtube.com/watch?v=shc2zzu6jv0

Dr.Cadman (Basil Rathbone role) -Who else but Herbert West himself,Jeffery Coombs?
His assistant,Dr.Rumsey-Bruce Campbell!!!
Mungo (Lon Chaney Jr. Role)-Sid Haig
Bohemund (the John Carradine role) David Carradine!
Casmir (the Bela Lugosi role)-Robert DeNiro. Why...I dunno. It amuses me. This is my movie fantasy,right?
Curry (the Tor Johnson role)-Arnold Shwatzneggar! I would LOVE to see him with his head shaved,his eyes rolled back in his head,and acting like a raving idiot!
The Melty faced mutant guy(George Sawaya role)-Micheal Berryman! He NEEDS to be in more films! I just love him!
The patchy hair girl (Sally Yarnell role) Britney Spears.It amuses me.

Make it super-bloody and outrageous,in the RE-ANIMATOR sense. Get Sam Raimi back on track away from super hero s**t and into EVIL DEAD mode!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: The Burgomaster on May 03, 2008, 07:22:54 AM
How about Fantastic Voyage?
 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Allhallowsday on May 03, 2008, 10:59:16 AM
Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.
Gil, what about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with Bobby De Niro as the monster and Kenneth Branagh as the delirious doctor (and director)? Shifting into SAT analogy mode, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was to embryonic fluid as Dead Alive was to gore: excessive and extremely icky.
Well, I think Happy and I meant recreating JAMES WHALE's 1931 version, y'know, same story, same makeup... (as I'm sure you know it's far from MARY SHELLEY.)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: HappyGilmore on May 03, 2008, 11:54:22 AM
Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.

Gil, what about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with Bobby De Niro as the monster and Kenneth Branagh as the delirious doctor (and director)? Shifting into SAT analogy mode, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was to embryonic fluid as Dead Alive was to gore: excessive and extremely icky.

Nosferatu- I'd give it a whirl, possibly.

Another one that was remade, back in '79 courtesy of Werner Herzog and starring Klaus "freaky deaky" Kinski as Count Graf "happy feet" Orlok... err, I mean, Count Dracula. I always liked the original myself because there was something enjoyable creepy about being unable to hear any of the characters speak and the way the shadows worked with the grainy, aged film.
I'm aware of the DeNiro one.  Doesn't necessarily mean I like it.

As far as Nosferatu, didn't know it was remade, actually. 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AnubisVonMojo on May 03, 2008, 12:36:32 PM
Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.
Gil, what about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with Bobby De Niro as the monster and Kenneth Branagh as the delirious doctor (and director)? Shifting into SAT analogy mode, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was to embryonic fluid as Dead Alive was to gore: excessive and extremely icky.
Well, I think Happy and I meant recreating JAMES WHALE's 1931 version, y'know, same story, same makeup... (as I'm sure you know it's far from MARY SHELLEY.)

Oh, sorry guys, took it too literally. When Happy said that the other Universal Monsters had been remade, I immediately thought about the source material rather than the movies themselves. Speaking of which though, has there been a Creature From the Black Lagoon remake? I kinda want to say that I'd like to see that remade too, except that the costume for the monster is just so eternally cool that I figure I'd be disappointed with whatever else they could come up with.  :tongueout:

And Happy, check out the Nosferatu remake if you get a chance. It doesn't get the best feedback from critics, but it's got this certain surreal German bizarreness to it and Kinski's performance feels especially dirty and diseased.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Bonehead-XL on May 03, 2008, 07:07:53 PM
First off, one of my dream projects as a amateur screenwriter/director is a epic remake of The Mole People. I first envisioned such a thing a few years back as this very complex metaphor for class relations and racism. It would also probably be ridiculously violent and feature mole man sex.

Another one I've always wanted to do was another verison of The Phantom of the Opera. Yeah, yeah, I know we've seen countless verison of this story over the years but maybe three out of the thirty-some adaptation (That would be the Chany verison, "Phantom of the Paradise," and "Midnight Song") are really worth anything. I'd go back to the original novel, first off, and also drawl some material from the various different verison over the years. (A lot of them had good ideas but didn't gel over all.) My main goal would be to undo all the damage the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical has done to the character and remind people that this is a horror story first off, then a tradegy, and maybe a romance fourth or fifth down that list.

As much as I adore all the Sleepaway Camp movies, all the eighties slasher being remade has made me think about a remake. (Hey, better a fan do it then some inept Hollywood producer.) The verison I've envisioned would really get into the psychology of the character of Angela and be an original story that takes elements from all three previous films.

Ichi the Killer is a movie I had a lot of problems with: the overdone plot, the emphisis on violence towards women, and a wildly uneven tone. But the stuff that was good in that movie was awesome. An American remake that ironed the plot down to just the important stuff, uped the violence even further into a wild, comic book style, cut out all the unnesscery raping and beating, and had an honest to God ending could be the "Pulp Fiction" for a new generation. A new title would probably be needed too.

As for my final choice, I'd go with Xtro. The original was so bizarre and went off in so many different angles but the root idea has a lot of power to it. (That being, a young child realizes his father isn't what he's always admired him to be) There's two directions you could go in, straighten the story up some and turn it into a more personable, David Cronenberg-type body horror flick, or go even further with the weirdness, and create a dream-like, obscure metaphor for the feelings at the center of the story.   

I'd also like to see remakes of The Brain That Wouldn't Die, Billy Jack, and The Car.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: LilCerberus on May 03, 2008, 11:04:46 PM
I think maybe I'd start by catering to the Direct to Video crowd, with all the cardboard sets, bad CGI, cheesy midi muzak, and good looking women who can't act.

My first five remakes would be five different versions of The Most Dangerous Game.

The first version would be a pretentiously faithful adaptation of Richard Connell's original short story, sticking way too close to the source material, with lots of long drawn out scenes of Rainsford & Zaroff wondering around in a poorly textured CGI jungle.

The second version would be a modernized, more socially relevant retelling of the story. I'd make it a sort of road movie, about a flaky jerk who's trying to get his two boneheaded kids from a lower class suburb in New Jersey to their grandma's in Boston.

The third version would be set in the future, in outer space. This time, I'd make the protagonist a woman.. who looks good in a bikini... who's just escaped from prison... with a friend, who also looks good in a bikini, and they crash on a planet, where they encounter Zaroff and another castaway, who also looks good in a bikini... and Zaroff would be chasing them around in their bikinis, and they find a stash of really, really huge guns... and The Cramps would write a song about it!

The fourth version would be set in the desert, in a post apocalyptic future, in which Zaroff would be some sort of warlord, and Rainsford would have a really cool car.

Finally, the fifth version would be a slob humored, gross out comedy musical in which Zaroff would be a cannibal, and it would have lots of homophobic humor, as well as numerous references to previous versions of the same movie.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AndyC on May 04, 2008, 04:28:19 AM
Plan 9 from Outer Space would actually work pretty well in today's market. Use modern effects for the spaceships, have armies of the undead rising from the grave and running amok in various states of decomposition, and accompany the 'solaranite' speech with a visual simulation of the device in action. Could be a very cool movie.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: RCMerchant on May 04, 2008, 06:05:18 AM
I think maybe I'd start by catering to the Direct to Video crowd, with all the cardboard sets, bad CGI, cheesy midi muzak, and good looking women who can't act.

My first five remakes would be five different versions of The Most Dangerous Game.

The first version would be a pretentiously faithful adaptation of Richard Connell's original short story, sticking way too close to the source material, with lots of long drawn out scenes of Rainsford & Zaroff wondering around in a poorly textured CGI jungle.

The second version would be a modernized, more socially relevant retelling of the story. I'd make it a sort of road movie, about a flaky jerk who's trying to get his two boneheaded kids from a lower class suburb in New Jersey to their grandma's in Boston.

The third version would be set in the future, in outer space. This time, I'd make the protagonist a woman.. who looks good in a bikini... who's just escaped from prison... with a friend, who also looks good in a bikini, and they crash on a planet, where they encounter Zaroff and another castaway, who also looks good in a bikini... and Zaroff would be chasing them around in their bikinis, and they find a stash of really, really huge guns... and The Cramps would write a song about it!

The fourth version would be set in the desert, in a post apocalyptic future, in which Zaroff would be some sort of warlord, and Rainsford would have a really cool car.

Finally, the fifth version would be a slob humored, gross out comedy musical in which Zaroff would be a cannibal, and it would have lots of homophobic humor, as well as numerous references to previous versions of the same movie.

GIVE THIS MAN A CAMERA!!!!  :bouncegiggle: :thumbup: :cheers:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: HappyGilmore on May 04, 2008, 11:31:11 AM
Frankenstein- Always liked it, myself.  Every other classic Universal monster seems to be remade, yet this isn't touched.
Gil, what about Mary Shelley's Frankenstein with Bobby De Niro as the monster and Kenneth Branagh as the delirious doctor (and director)? Shifting into SAT analogy mode, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was to embryonic fluid as Dead Alive was to gore: excessive and extremely icky.
Well, I think Happy and I meant recreating JAMES WHALE's 1931 version, y'know, same story, same makeup... (as I'm sure you know it's far from MARY SHELLEY.)

Oh, sorry guys, took it too literally. When Happy said that the other Universal Monsters had been remade, I immediately thought about the source material rather than the movies themselves. Speaking of which though, has there been a Creature From the Black Lagoon remake? I kinda want to say that I'd like to see that remade too, except that the costume for the monster is just so eternally cool that I figure I'd be disappointed with whatever else they could come up with.  :tongueout:

And Happy, check out the Nosferatu remake if you get a chance. It doesn't get the best feedback from critics, but it's got this certain surreal German bizarreness to it and Kinski's performance feels especially dirty and diseased.
Creature isn't completed yet, but apparently the script is good to go.  There was a delay because of the writers strike, and the remake of The Crazies is taking a high priority.  Once that's done filming they're looking to do the Creature remake for a possible summer release of next year.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: darthchicken on May 04, 2008, 08:55:54 PM
Plan 9 from Outer Space would actually work pretty well in today's market. Use modern effects for the spaceships, have armies of the undead rising from the grave and running amok in various states of decomposition, and accompany the 'solaranite' speech with a visual simulation of the device in action. Could be a very cool movie.

I agree with that, Plan 9 would be a fun remake to watch.

Also, I think a remake of Escape From New York would be pretty sweet. They're already doing The Warriors, which sounds cool, except they're using actual gangs, instead of cool ones like The Baseball Furies. Also, a remake of 20 Million Miles to Earth would be sweet.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on May 05, 2008, 08:37:47 AM
A musical version of Deep Throat?  Now that's entertainment!

Nosferatu's been done, twice if you include SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE.  Fright Night might be interesting but it's entire charm was in the fact it was a homage movie.  I think a lot of the subtext would be lost on contemporary audiences which means a major re-envisioning would have to be done to make it relevent to modern audiences, especially to the character of "Peter Vincent".  However, speaking of vampire movies, a remake of Twins of Evil (http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-qzcELew6frWBZspks_7SsnUuv9VNTUA-?cq=1&l=26&u=30&mx=37&lmt=5&p=71)..

(http://img350.imageshack.us/img350/3473/twinsposter18rb.jpg)

Yes starring the Olsen twins.  It would be the first entry in a
re-envisioned Karnstein trilogy.  (If that link doesn't work I've re-posted the article to my new blog here (http://kester-pelagius.u.yuku.com/blog/post/id/752).)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Dr. Whom on May 05, 2008, 09:35:24 AM

Speaking of which though, has there been a Creature From the Black Lagoon remake? I kinda want to say that I'd like to see that remade too, except that the costume for the monster is just so eternally cool that I figure I'd be disappointed with whatever else they could come up with.  :tongueout:




It is in the works

http://www.darkhorizons.com/news08/080504a.php


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: lester1/2jr on May 05, 2008, 10:37:44 AM
Bloody Pit of Horror remake starring Jim carrey as the Crimson Executioner


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: DistantJ on May 05, 2008, 11:33:27 AM
+Karma for a great idea for a topic.

Five movies I'd pick for the next 5 remakes.....

Friday the 13th, so that Jason could join Leatherface and Mikey Myers in the slasher remakes. However, while I'd give the movie the title of Friday the 13th, I'd go for a reimagined Jason story which uses the original Friday the 13th as backstory, as opposed to retelling the Pamela story.

Dracula, as I often say, still needs a movie to truly live up to his original story. Francis Ford Coppola created some great visuals with his movie but turned it into a sappy romance for some reason, and the previous Dracula movies have become very dated. I don't even want to mention Dracula 2000 and it's sequel... Judas Escariot? Bollocks! It'd be nice to see a Dracula movie which is able to create the atmosphere from the book and tell the story in a reasonably loyal way.

Hellraiser is, in my opinion, a very, very flawed movie, with a really good theme behind it. This is why I would love to see a remake, which would do everything right, rather than more straight-to-video sequels.

Suspiria is another movie I'd like to see remade, but I'd be very picky about how it was done. The colourful look would have to be recreated perfectly and the Goblin musical theme would have to be recreated, too. With some modern effects and acting done in the first take, with no dubbing or unnatural dialogue, and a slightly better strucutred story, it could be brilliant.

The Guyver stars a superhero with a really amazing backstory who is also famous for the gratuitous gore featured in the animation it is based on. The movie (known as Mutronics in Europe) is a really fun Power Ranger-esque cheese-fest and it's sequel is a testiment to just how good B-Movies can be, but a modern day, decent budget Guyver with a thoughtful script and more of the original story adapted, retaining the original gore level, could be just spectacular.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: asimpson2006 on May 05, 2008, 02:28:40 PM
Here are mine (May be less than four):

Lawnmower Man: With current technology the VR scenes and some of the death scenes could be visually stunning.

Clash of the Titans - If done right, it would be amazing to see.

Soylent Green - I really don't know why I think this, I just think it would be good.




Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: LilCerberus on May 05, 2008, 03:12:10 PM
I've always envisioned a big budget remake of The Complete Truth About De-Evolution

With Patric Stewart as General Boy
Jimmy Fallon as Boojie Boy
James Gandolfini as Daddy Knowitall
Dr. Phil McGraw as Rod Rooter
And I think it would be strangely fitting to cast Brittany Spears or Paris Hilton as Donut Rooter
and whoever the heck the silicon queen du jour is for Spazz Attack

With
Phil Collins as Mark
Ringo Starr as Alan
Les Claypoole as Jerry
Joe Walsh as Bob 1
George Thorogood as Bob 2

and they'd do a cover of Iron Man


Title: Be careful what you wish for...
Post by: Kester Pelagius on May 06, 2008, 05:33:54 PM
A Hellraiser remake is apparently in the works.  Fan reaction seems mixed.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887261/

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/saw-director-cutting-into-hellraiser-franchise


A Clash of the Titans re-make was also announced but, last I checked, there was hardly any news out there about the project.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800320/

http://kester-pelagius.u.yuku.com/blog/post/id/741/t/CLASH-OF-THE-TITANS-.html  (Great mock-up poster, ain't it?  :wink: )

There was also talk of a Conan and Red Sonja remake, but those seem to have fallen through, as did the John Carter of Mars movie.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Killer Bees on May 06, 2008, 09:32:17 PM
In no particular order (with mild spoilerage):

1.  Independence Day 2:  I'd like to see how they rebuilt everything and what the technology from the alien ships would do to our society.

2.  Gozilla 2:  What happened to the baby left at the end of the first one?  And can we make Godzilla actually look like Gozilla this time?

3.  Tron 2:  I enjoyed the first one, but with all the CGI out now, it could be something completely awesome.

4.  The Hulk 2.  And for God's sake - SOME PLEASE KEEP ANG LEE THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS ONE!!!!!!

5.  Ultraviolet.  It was complete s**te and needs a complete makeover, script, CGI, everything.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AndyC on May 06, 2008, 10:32:14 PM
1.  Independence Day 2:  I'd like to see how they rebuilt everything and what the technology from the alien ships would do to our society.

When I saw Independence Day the first time, I remember wondering if somebody would get rich off the salvage rights to all that scrap metal.

Technologically, I was pretty certain Apple would dominate the future, since Macs are compatible with alien technology.


Title: Re: Be careful what you wish for...
Post by: HarlotBug3 on May 07, 2008, 04:27:48 PM
A Hellraiser remake is apparently in the works.  Fan reaction seems mixed.

[url]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887261/[/url]

[url]http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/saw-director-cutting-into-hellraiser-franchise[/url]


A Clash of the Titans re-make was also announced but, last I checked, there was hardly any news out there about the project.

[url]http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800320/[/url]

[url]http://kester-pelagius.u.yuku.com/blog/post/id/741/t/CLASH-OF-THE-TITANS-.html [/url] (Great mock-up poster, ain't it?  :wink: )

There was also talk of a Conan and Red Sonja remake, but those seem to have fallen through, as did the John Carter of Mars movie.


Damn, I was hoping I would be the one to give Hellraiser the sequel it deserves, so much potential wasted. Technically I'd want to remake Hellraiser II, as the idea of hell as something separate from the typical afterlife versions fascinates me.

Clash of the Titans will be either great or an unforgivable affront, but I'm hopefull. On a recent revisit I realized that the acting/dialogue was hammy at best, so there's no need to worry about 'ruining' anything there.

Much the same with either of the Governator Barbarian movies.

Great Topic Btw.

5= Idiocracy will be remade as a documentary rather than a comedy and will receive 10x the promotion of any global warming piece.
4= Star Wars will be remade with a 8mm projector of the Robot Chicken and Family Guy specials using GL's ass as a screen as it is raped by a variety of toy lightsabers. Either that or have him remake the Mark Hamel ones from the bottom up. I'd put it to a national vote.
3= Alan Moore will get full creative control over a remake. He can take his pick from his own material or that of any other.
2= Q The Winged Serpent will make the big G and Cloverfield look like Reptilicus.
1= Them will make 8 Legged Freaks look like...8 Legged Freaks.







Title: Re: Be careful what you wish for...
Post by: Kester Pelagius on May 07, 2008, 07:24:21 PM
Damn, I was hoping I would be the one to give Hellraiser the sequel it deserves, so much potential wasted. Technically I'd want to remake Hellraiser II, as the idea of hell as something separate from the typical afterlife versions fascinates me.

I don't think it was really supposed to be Hell, per se, but rather a labyrinthian limbo or an otherdimensional purgatory.  OTOH wasn't mentioned made of it being ruled over by Leviathan?  That would make it an abyss.  Hmmm.

Okay.  Now I have find time to re-watch the movie.


Clash of the Titans will be either great or an unforgivable affront, but I'm hopefull.

Ditto.

As for Conan.  They need to just start from scratch.  I don't care what they do so long as they A) Don't dumb it down by pandering to the PG-13 crowd; B) Choose to either do a faithful adaptations of either the novels or, failing that, Savage Sword.  Plenty of source material for a franchise to work with there.

5= Idiocracy will be remade as a documentary rather than a comedy and will receive 10x the promotion of any global warming piece.

Having only recently seen this in the last year I have to admit I felt it would have been a much better movie if, instead of doing this as a silly dumbed down comedy, they made it a either the a gritty, intelligent, no punches pulled dramady that the movie wanted to be.  Either that or an in-your-face, politically incorrect, spoof of the genre.   With lots of nudity.  :wink:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: WingedSerpent on May 07, 2008, 08:37:32 PM
I'm in charge?  All movies contain the line "WingedSerpent is awsome" Ha! I kid.

It conqured the world.  We'll give the killer turnip a bio-mechanical H.R. Geiger make over.

Devil Girl from Mars.  We need an actress with exotic looks and a figure for tight leather outfits.  I want to say Angelina Jolie because she has great...uhmmm..eyes, but she's a little overplayed right now.

Teen Age Strangler:  Give it a Fast and Furious tone "He didn't still no bike neither. I did" will be the hottest selling t-shirt. 

Dunwitch Horror: I'm still waiitng for a Lovecraft move done right.

Finally, done in 300 style Frank Millar-esque action is Wild Women of Wongo.  Why Wild Women of Wongo? Becasue I like saying Wild Women of Wongo.  It's fun.

 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Inyarear on May 09, 2008, 12:33:19 AM
1. Double Dragon
This version will have a real martial arts expert playing Billy and Jimmy (or twin martial arts experts if the talent agency can find them) and will involve Billy going up against Black Dragon's gangs of cloned thugs in a rather noirish post-nuclear L.A. on a quest to rescue his girlfriend Marion from Jimmy as in the famous Nintendo game. No stupid amulets, no brightly-colored clothes (since dark blue and dark red uniforms will do just fine); it's just Billy and his skill and his wits against a world full of blue-collar thugs armed with blunt weapons and dynamite. Any "message" or major exposition will be saved for the end when Billy confronts Jimmy.

2. Doom
This is the version in which they really do open a literal gate to Hell... and there's no "they" about 20 minutes into the film, just a lone traumatized space marine fighting for survival against hordes of reanimated former allies and demon-possessed extraterrestrials.

3. The Punisher
In this latest remake, Frank Castle actually acts like the character in the comic books in addition to wearing the trademark pirate flag uniform.

4. Back To The Future
Time to fire up the nostalgia machine! A teched-up internet junkie from our time gets transported back through time to 1984 and has to find his way around the world (without any help from the internet) that his parents inhabited when they were teenagers.

5. The Wizard Of Oz
Unlike the original, this remake will be a lot more like the book and will therefore actually mesh pretty well with the 1985 sequel-without-a-prequel, Return To Oz.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on June 09, 2008, 05:27:45 PM
Dunwitch Horror: I'm still waiitng for a Lovecraft move done right.

That's the problem with cerebral horror, it doesn't translate well to the big screen.  At least not when most scripts are the equivalent of literay cheeze whiz.

My five picks for this month's re-tread consideration are. . .

5. THE INVISIBLE MANIAC - I'd almost forgotten this film existed.  But, if ever there was a low budget schlock fest worthy of getting a re-tread, it's this. Of course I'd crank up the sleaze and make it more of an in-your-face fight-the-power anti-MPAA thing.  Okay, sure, that would mostly be hype.  But either they'll give it a NC-17, thus forcing me to refuse the certificate on political grounds, or not.  If not.  Well the admats will all rant on about how this was the movie the MPAA tried to ban.   :lookingup:

4. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA - This would be a remake of the original, leaning more toward using the story as found in the novelization.  It would be in three parts, each part being roughly an hour long, there would be lots of nudity when the Galactica arrives at the pleasure planet (as hinted at in the book) and starspangled space battles to make Lucas whimper with shame.  No, this wont be made with an eye toward leaving it open ended for a series.  This will be made as a movie movie.

3. THE NEVER ENDING STORY - There was just one problem with the original, as far as a movie supposidly aimed at teen boys this isn't much of a teen boy's fantasy.  That's right I'd keep it real and throw in scantily clad dancing girls, exotic nubile slave girls, monsters to gratuitously slay, and all the stuff that makes purveyors of political correctness burst into flames with rage.  One look at this movie and they'd be. . . :drink:

2. GOR - I've never read the novels.  Don't plan to.  But I'd hire a scapegoat, er, I mean a knowledgable person to direct, perhaps from the fan community, and let them go nuts.  No holds barred.  Nothing but GOR!   :buggedout:

1. CAFE FLESH - Strange PA flick.  Interesting premise.  I'd hire a writer, expand the story to actually have a plot, and populate it with Z-list celebrities like Paris Hilton and, uhm, er. . . maybe have Kathy Griffith in it for comic relief.  Oh, yeah, and that hairy porno dude would have to have a cameo in it.

Comments?



Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Flangepart on June 09, 2008, 06:36:51 PM
BRIDE OF THE MONSTER : With the cast  of RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOS! John Aston as Bela, and Cloony as Tor Johnson! And they play it strate as the Wood cast did. Yee hah!

THE GIANT CLAW! I second that concept. going guano-a-guano aginst Mal Reynolds and Kaylee...I know, forgot their names...

CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA. : With Jim Carry ( Hero) and Tommy Lee Jones (headbadguy)

BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS. : The Jay and Silent Bob version.

THE BEAST FROM 20.000 FATHOMS! : Same monster design, but faster and meaner.








Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: ghouck on June 09, 2008, 06:47:45 PM
1. As much as I like it, I really don't think there is anyone that couldn't make Deathrace 2000 better. If was good, but there just wasn't enough of the good stuff. I imagine it was monetary reasons there were only 6 cars in the race. I would have used around 20 and had them take each other out or show some awesome crashes.

2. I would re-make Caligula, only with more nudity and sex scenes.

That's all I have so far. .
 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AnubisVonMojo on June 09, 2008, 07:16:42 PM
1. As much as I like it, I really don't think there is anyone that couldn't make Deathrace 2000 better. If was good, but there just wasn't enough of the good stuff. I imagine it was monetary reasons there were only 6 cars in the race. I would have used around 20 and had them take each other out or show some awesome crashes.

Given that Deathrace 2000's appeal was never the story but the car violence, after seeing Speed Racer I think the Wachowskis could make a truly memorable 90+ minutes of automotive genocide that fans could be proud of! Crazy car designs, splattered pedestrians, and Frankenstein's infamous hand grenade.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on June 10, 2008, 10:11:28 AM
1. As much as I like it, I really don't think there is anyone that couldn't make Deathrace 2000 better. If was good, but there just wasn't enough of the good stuff. I imagine it was monetary reasons there were only 6 cars in the race. I would have used around 20 and had them take each other out or show some awesome crashes.

Given that Deathrace 2000's appeal was never the story but the car violence, after seeing Speed Racer I think the Wachowskis could make a truly memorable 90+ minutes of automotive genocide that fans could be proud of! Crazy car designs, splattered pedestrians, and Frankenstein's infamous hand grenade.  :teddyr:

Except this is a movie being shat out by the Hollywood system, which means there wont be any "splattered pedestrians".  Last I heard they'd decided to re-imagine DEATHRACE as a arena style combat between prisoners.  Which, in my book, makes them idiots.  DEATHRACE 2000 was a spoof movie about cross country car racing, ala CANONBALL RUN, only set in a over populated future dystopia.  (Can you Say culling of the masses?  I knew you could!)  The current story for DEATHRACE soundS like it's close to plagiarism of THE NEW GLADIATORS.  Which, if memory serves, might have been based on a book.

Of course we know how bad, or good, a movie is can't be fully judged until we actually see it.  Sadly the more I hear about this re-enivisioning the less I care.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Bill C. on June 10, 2008, 10:39:48 AM
First and foremost: I would probably fast-track the long-long-rumored Westworld remake, add some vaguely A.I. us-versus-the-robots stuff to it...and this time there would damn sure be killer fembots.  After that?  God only knows...

The aforementioned Soylent Green remake could be a viable updated "social commentary" piece, turning the food into some sort of power source or so on.

Oh, wait: I would track down Michael Davis (director of Shoot 'Em Up), give him sixty million dollars and the original Shane Black Last Action Hero script, and say "Go nuts."


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: ghouck on June 10, 2008, 11:05:14 PM
How about Fantastic Voyage?
 

A tad off subject, but the cartoon "Sealab 2021" did an episode mocking FV, titled "Craptastic Voyage", and is one of the funniest things I've seen, but, my sense of humor is a bit out there. (It's called "Craptastic Voyage" because among other things that go wrong, they are initially injected in the subject's butt). It's also loaded with Star Wars references. .


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: akiratubo on June 11, 2008, 08:58:23 AM
5)Ready for this? ... Diatron-5.  It was allllllllmost good, IMHO.  It just needs to make a teeny bit more sense and we're all set to go.
http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,106533.0.html (http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,106533.0.html)

4)Another entry (NOT a remake) to the Daimajin series, but they were all petty much the same movie in the first place so it could technically be called a remake.

3)Galaxy Rangers, live-action and as faithful to the cartoon as possible.  I would keep Shia LaBoef, M. Night Shayamalan, Michael Bay, Spielberg, hell just about everyone operating in Hollywood now away from it.  No big name actors, no product placement, no innapropriate songs from whatever group the studio's parent company is promoting, etc.

2)King Kong Escapes.  I wouldn't let Peter Jackson direct it but I want to see his version of Kong vs. Mechanikong, dammit!

1)Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors, not so much a remake as a FINAL episode.  It would be cell-animated, same character designs as in the 80s, same score, with Darrin Baker, Gulio Kukaruguya, and Dan Hennessey reprising Jayce, Saw Boss, and Oon.  It would be the movie that SHOULD have been made back in ''86 before TransFormers tanked at the box office and scuttled it.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Derf on June 11, 2008, 06:17:40 PM
I think maybe I'd start by catering to the Direct to Video crowd, with all the cardboard sets, bad CGI, cheesy midi muzak, and good looking women who can't act.

My first five remakes would be five different versions of The Most Dangerous Game.

The third version would be set in the future, in outer space. This time, I'd make the protagonist a woman.. who looks good in a bikini... who's just escaped from prison... with a friend, who also looks good in a bikini, and they crash on a planet, where they encounter Zaroff and another castaway, who also looks good in a bikini... and Zaroff would be chasing them around in their bikinis, and they find a stash of really, really huge guns... and The Cramps would write a song about it!



Late to the game, I know, but this one's been done: Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0093991/) (1987).

I am not a fan of remakes (thus my lateness to this thread), but occasionally I'd love to see some updated effects in some films. Movies like The Tingler would benefit, but I'd make sure to retain the elements of suspense over the storyline and not turn it into just another effects fest. Theatre of Blood could be another fun remake, and that one would benefit (sort of) by going more for the effects-fest style.

I might even consider remaking something like Monster Squad, with a real effects budget and some more gore (go for a full R-rated movie rather than a PG). It might not play to the intended audience (adolescent boys), but then, today, it just might.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: indianasmith on June 11, 2008, 06:29:27 PM
A huge, R-rated version of GONE WITH THE WIND with state of the art combat scenes, cameos by all the major historical figures of the civil war, and maybe a love scene between Rhett and Scarlett!!

And some zombies!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: ghouck on June 11, 2008, 09:15:52 PM
Oh, yeah, and that hairy porno dude would have to have a cameo in it.

Comments?

You mean Ron "The Ronster" Jeremy? Lol, he should have a cameo in EVERY movie made.

There's a guy I was in the Army with, who claims he and his family met The Ronster in Vegas in the 80's. As a joke, my friend told his mom it was Mario Andretti in order to get her to take a picture with him. He says the picture hangs in the local pub, and EVERYONE in town knows the joke except his Mom.

Anyway, , I've been getting off-subject quite a bit lately. . . must be that A.D.D. thing again. . .


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Doc Daneeka on June 11, 2008, 10:57:58 PM
I wanna be a filmmaker for reals! I wanna make good remakes! :smile:

5. Neon Maniacs - Actually working on a script for this one, naive as it may be. The maniacs aren't quite as incompetant here, they have an origin story, and the thing is set to run about a half-hour longer because I do not instanlty think "sequels + franchise". PM me for more info, too tired to post any more now, just want thousand posts!

4. The Return of Count Yorga - Yes, another naive dream! I want this remake (Incorporating elements of both "Return" and "Vampire") to actually be an eerie prequel to a big-budget vampire film, maybe an overhyped trilogy... For now I want 1000 posts

3. Spookies (not "Twisted Souls", I liked Kreon and Co.) - My plan to make the plot make more sense, get ahold of all previous scripts, keep classic puppetry effects, and make it an actual horror-comedy in this both humorless and scareless world of horror :smile:.

2. Puppet Master (After succesful sequel to cap off series, another naive dream :P) - basically go scene by scene (Adding a few for character development, taking out very few, making it into a straight chiller) with heightened suspense and more creative camerawork.

1. SaW - To prove a point.

-1. Phantasm - Because if I don't some music video director probably will.

I think I had a whole list of movies I want to remake and why around my comp. somewhere, right now I just want my thousand posts!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: LilCerberus on June 16, 2008, 06:07:59 PM
I think maybe I'd start by catering to the Direct to Video crowd, with all the cardboard sets, bad CGI, cheesy midi muzak, and good looking women who can't act.

My first five remakes would be five different versions of The Most Dangerous Game.

The third version would be set in the future, in outer space. This time, I'd make the protagonist a woman.. who looks good in a bikini... who's just escaped from prison... with a friend, who also looks good in a bikini, and they crash on a planet, where they encounter Zaroff and another castaway, who also looks good in a bikini... and Zaroff would be chasing them around in their bikinis, and they find a stash of really, really huge guns... and The Cramps would write a song about it!



Late to the game, I know, but this one's been done: Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity ([url]http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0093991/[/url]) (1987).


Actually, all five of 'em have been done, & more than once.  :tongueout:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Derf on June 16, 2008, 10:47:17 PM
I think maybe I'd start by catering to the Direct to Video crowd, with all the cardboard sets, bad CGI, cheesy midi muzak, and good looking women who can't act.

My first five remakes would be five different versions of The Most Dangerous Game.

The third version would be set in the future, in outer space. This time, I'd make the protagonist a woman.. who looks good in a bikini... who's just escaped from prison... with a friend, who also looks good in a bikini, and they crash on a planet, where they encounter Zaroff and another castaway, who also looks good in a bikini... and Zaroff would be chasing them around in their bikinis, and they find a stash of really, really huge guns... and The Cramps would write a song about it!



Late to the game, I know, but this one's been done: Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity ([url]http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0093991/[/url]) (1987).


Actually, all five of 'em have been done, & more than once.  :tongueout:


I figured. But I own this one.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: LilCerberus on June 23, 2008, 05:49:54 PM
Maybe I could clear out all those incomplete scripts, novels & fan-fics, etc. that I've been accumulating all these years, and use them all in a remake of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947), Every Home Should Have One (1970), The Projectionist (1971), Didn't You Hear... (1983), and UHF (1989).

There are times, commuting makes me imagine I'm either in a Mad Max movie, or the Pinchcliffe Grande Prix.
Some days, whether it's a plastic injection molder, one-color offset press, or a mic mixer, all those buttons & switches tend to make me imagine I'm either in a Star Wars movie, or a James Bond movie.

There's probably dozens of ways you could go with a pathetic loser in a crappy job, and a few half-hearted action skits.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Evan on June 27, 2008, 04:39:03 PM
Overall against remakes but If I were to choose:

5-Not a remake but the Sequel to Buckaroo Banzai where he does indeed fight the World Crime League.

4- Ninja Terminator the musical. What else would america need outside of a Godfrey ho film turned into a musical? With better charactor development, and a mix or martial arts and choreography, this could be a very enjoyable film.

3-The Mechanical Man from 1921. I would love to see this done with a much larger budget but set in the 20's and using the same design for the robots.

2-Raw Meat (or Death Line to others) set in the NY subway system. I would like to focus more on the victims being captured and for the original ending to be kept.

1- Zombies of Mora Tau. Utilizing real underwater sequences with mucho zombies (somewhat like Fulci's Zombie but not all the gore) and still keeping with the voodoo aspect of the film. Also keeping the actors in the film to a generally older age or using not as well known actors for all the roles.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on July 10, 2008, 10:48:46 AM
The Five Picks for July are :

BATTLE QUEEN 2020 - The remake would actually be about a post-apocalyptic warrior woman and have lots of action, thrills, chills, and atomic powered androids, mutant chainsaw hookers, and plague-zombies to kill.  It would basically be the story of Boudica in a Mad Max setting and would star Scarlet Johanson.  Their would also be a evil scantily clad Priestess of Taco Bell (or whatever sponsor we get) played by Lindsay Lohan.

CYBORG - No kick boxing, no faux judo-fu, and van Damme would have a cameo as some unnamed white lab coated guy working in a pre-Apocalypse corporate lab.  The lights would start to blink, the building would shake, and the roof would come down on his head and then the opening titles would scroll.  The rest of the movie would be about survivors of (an unspecified) apocalypse tunneling into this facility, finding the skeletal remains of the mystery man, then accidentally activating the cyborg.   We see the cyborg "born"- naked woman falls out of tube of goo- and the rest of the movie is the exploration of the PA landscape by the cyborg, who would be played by some relatively unknown actress.  Plot?  We don't need no stinking plot!

PANIC IN YEAR ZERO - Updated for the 21st century.

A SOUND OF THUNDER - Remade by someone that actually has a clue. No baboon-raptors or bat-pterodons, no magic butterflies that reset reality by somehow eliminating extinction level events when they get stepped on, no magic McGuffin "time waves" that pop up only when the writer has no clue how to actually move the plot forward by creating an actual plot, and no going back to the same point in time over and over and over and over and over and over to murder a T-rex or allosaur or whatever the frack that thing was supposed to be.

VAMP - Make it a "teen comedy" that's actually funny and populate the strip bar with actresses who actually get naked and have a few real strippers in the flick for, uhm, authenticity.  Yeah, that's it, just keeping it real!   :teddyr:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: JaseSF on July 10, 2008, 06:30:52 PM
THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN: as much as it's kinda sacrilege to think of Hollywood nowadays remaking this classic, there's so much one can do with it....so many adventures one can have the lead have along his journey. Perhaps even explore the world on a microscopic level.

THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN: by the same token, one could view the world from the opposite perspective and look also at the psychological and physical defects of growing uncontrollably large.

THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON: Yet another human being faced with significant change. Here perhaps we could have some type of disease brought about by something in nature instead of radiactive experiments.

THE CRAWLING EYE: update the eye monsters, make them truly Lovecraftian nightmares but keep the film in Black and white, with loads of intense fog and a mostly unseen menace. Could be a blockbuster if cast right.

DOCTOR WHO: THE CYBER DALEKS: The good doctor facing an unforseen nightmarish menace which seems only natural as the Cybermen and Daleks both look to enhance themselves.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Ozzymandias on July 18, 2008, 08:09:48 AM
Ozzymandias speaks: I had to revise my thinking on this one (I'll explain why).

GUNSMOKE:
Matt Dillion: Brad Pitt
Kitty Russell: Julia Roberts
Doc Adams: Dennis Hopper (Few weeks ago I had George Carlin down)
Chester Goode: David Arquette (I had Sean Hayes of Will and Grace here :buggedout:)
Quinten Asper: Adam Beach
Festus Hagen: Larry the Cable Guy

Taking a cue from the Batman films, I think the plot should revolve around a gang of outlaws killing Festus' outlaw brothers and Quinten's parents (these were separate incidents on TV). Matt and Chester try to keep Quint and Festus from taking the law into their own hands.

Throw in cameos by the original Matt and Quint (James Arness and Burt Reynolds) you got a movie.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

 






 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Saucerman on July 18, 2008, 02:36:04 PM
5) as above, I'd do THE CRAWLING EYE as a Lovecraftian nightmare in atmospheric black and white.

4) THEM with hordes of ants moving quickly, as opposed to three barely mobile puppets. 

3) THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE with updated visuals, maintaining the original sleaziness in the scientist's search for a new body for Jan, and with significant input by David Cronenberg -- I could see this being a film fitting with his style and emphasis on the horror existant in corruption of the human body. 

2) THIS ISLAND EARTH done as a period piece, set in the 1950s, instead of updating it to the present day. 

1) A hybridization of ROBOT MONSTER and ATTACK FROM MARS, under the title ROBOT MONSTER.  The film would be set in a movie theater, with the patrons watching a 1950s creature feature very similar to the original ROBOT MONSTER.  Meanwhile, Ro-Man, looking very much like the original though entirely metal, shows up and begins strangling people before falling in love with a female protagonist, and being killed by the hero, who douses it in artificial butter, interfering with its circuits.  Bruce Campbell, Jeffrey Combs, and Mamie van Doren would have cameos as people watching the movie. 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: The Unknown Murderer on July 18, 2008, 04:01:03 PM
BATTLE QUEEN 2020 sounds AMA-ZAZING! I would pay in blood to watch that.

1.) This one was mentioned before, yes, but SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY would be fantastic. My actress picks would be Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba and Megan Fox.

Add George Clooney or Matthew McConaughey as the hunter along with some awesome practical effects for the lizard and robot henchmen, and it's a winner! Seriously though, this movie would make money. It could easily be the Man's Box Office Grosser like Titanic was for the Ladies.

2.) Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman - Paris Hilton in the lead as the spurned multi-millionaire with a cheating boyfriend. It could be misconstrued as a rip-off of Cloverfield, though, considering the crab creatures that keep falling from the sky! Just cast Lindsay Lohan as the cheating boyfriend's scheming girlfriend.

3.) The Killer Shrews - Those carpet wearing dogs were freaky enough...'real' killer shrews would be even better! Populate the island with a Survivor-type reality show and unsuspecting contestants. Could use the reality-show idea in Empire of the Ants or a Food of the Gods remake.

4.) Faster, p***ycat! Kill! Kill! -  Joanie "China" Laurer cast in Tura Zatana's part. She has the chest, but would be terribly freaky if she buffed up again and put those monster biceps to work in giving deserving men the smackdown. Could be hot depending on whether you like your women monstrous.

5.) Food Of The Gods - produced (or shat out, depending on your perception) by Michael Bay, written and directed by Alexandre Aja (to up the violence and gore quotient) with animal effects by WETA Workshop and blood n' guts provided by KNB.



Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on August 25, 2008, 07:29:22 PM
This month I'd like to humbly suggest the following properties for Hollywood to retread, er, remake, uhm bring to the big screen. . .


1. GERRY ANDERSON'S U.F.O. - How can you NOT make a movie of this series?  Hollywood has proven they can produce a decent 70s era movie with MOD fashion (The Spy Who Shagged Me) so the only question is who to cast as Stryker and what "green" material to use for the silver lame uniforms and purple wigs?

2. X-COM: UFO Defense - I mean, seriously, how did Hollywood NOT see the cinematic potential of this video game property?  This would be like a DOOM version of the above, only done well.   :wink:

3. INSEMINOID - Archaeologists on a distant planet encounter strange phenomenon and a female crew member gets abducted by an alien, whereupon she is stripped naked and placed on an examining table and impregnated with unholy alien progeny?  Duuuuude!  :buggedout:

Make it a D-list movie and cast Kathy Griffin as the woman who gets stripped naked and violated on-screen and I'm sure two thirds of the members of SAG would probably bankroll this feature just to see that in glorious color!

4. STAR WARS - With all the damage George has done with prequels and his lame attempt to re-imagine the original with unnecessary CGI additions and to make it so Han didn't shoot first why not just let George pop the blister on his anus and redo the first, er, I men "fourth" episode the way he "really" meant it to look?

5. THE WARS OF GODS AND MEN - Yeah, it's a Zecharia Sitchin book, so not really a remake AFAIK.  But I'd love to see how someone would adapt the theories in this one for the big screen.  Couldn't be any worse that what Hollywood has planned for the remake of Clash of the Titans.


Title: This month, TORTURE PORN re-makes!??
Post by: Kester Pelagius on September 27, 2008, 08:01:30 PM
Too many sci-fi titles in that last list, eh?  Okay, fine, how about we dive into the deep end with some 'torture porn' re-imaginings.  That seems to be the trend.  So have at these to drive the proverbial nail in the coffin of this thread. .

5. HELLRAISER - I know there's been talk of a remake of this but my idea is to jump on the current Hollywood bandwagon of torture porn (as mentioned above) horror movies and just crank the gore and violence up to 11.  Make it so gratuitously visceral that the MPAA refuses it classification even with a NC-17 and has to come up with an entirely new classification to cover the gut wrenching revulsion on display.  Either Christina Ricci or Dakota Fanning will play the part of Kirsty.  Oh, yeah, and Keanu Reeves HAS to be Frank.  His character will get skinned alive and be abused worse than a three legged, one eyed, junkyard dog.  I'm not saying he'll get anally raped by cthulhoid horrors or anything crazy like that but it'll be a vomit inducing spectacle.

4. NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE (21ST Century) - The old AH is fine but it's a product of it's time.   This would be an updating of the tale to better reflect 'modern' college life in all it's gritty, grimy, gang-bang-sorority-orgies tarnished glory.  The  biggest problem would be who to cast as the frat boys.  I'd say stay way from SNL alum and maybe find some young punk comedians who don't have anything to loose by keeping it real.  Too, there should be so much naked flesh on display in this movie that the inevitable 'unrated' DVD release will at least an hour of added footage and dozens upon dozens of "oops" outtakes!

3.  THE TINGLER - Synopsis: When A scientist discovers and captures a creature that lives in every vertebrate and grows visible (in our dimension) when intense emotions "such as fear or sexual arousal" grips its host she discovers far more than she bargained for.  But that's only the beginning.

Like in the original it's a certain pitch of sound that makes the creature flee back to it's original "phased vibrational state" which allows it to coexist with us.  (Think of this as sort of a dark matter critter that’s a parasite on normal folk.)  Lots of room for interesting scenes here, depending on what direction you want to take this, not the least of which might be a fetishistic torture porn route ala Dee Snider's STRANGE LAND.

2. THE ADDAMS FAMILY - I want to see this as it should have been.  Dark.  Morbid.  The sort of movie that fills you with dread and bloodcurdling claustrophobia that makes the lobby seem like a happy day at the beach when you finally exit out the theatre door.  And, like the original strip, this should be an intellectual adult satire.  None of Hollywood's dumbed down PG BS.  This is a black comedy with gloomy characters who live in a weird creaky mansion that may, or may not, be haunted by ethereal spirits; but it most definitely has skeletons in it's closets.  And I don't mean that proverbially.  Oh, yeah, and Uncle Fester isn't the lovable bald fat man, he's going to be a sinister and frightening creep.  Morticia and Gomez will have a bedroom filled with all manner of bizarre medieval S&M torture devices hanging from the ceiling and littering the floor.  Wednesday, well, she's going to be a psychotic rage pixie not some gothic cutie pie.  And as for Pugsley, well, let's just say no neighborhood dog or cat will be safe.  (How DO you think he got that fat, eh?)  In short this movie is going to make TCM look like Fantasia!

1. BLIND BEAST - For a movie made in the late 60s this tale of a blind artist who kidnaps a model then engages in sadomasochistic perversions with her is, by modern torture porn standards, rather tame.  The remake would pull no punches and show every knife cut and every oozing cut and bruise in ghastly clinical detail.  The goal being to have everyone squirming in their seats while they watch this grotesquery of a story unfold.


Title: Re: This month, TORTURE PORN re-makes!??
Post by: AndyC on September 27, 2008, 10:34:31 PM
3.  THE TINGLER - Synopsis: When A scientist discovers and captures a creature that lives in every vertebrate and grows visible (in our dimension) when intense emotions "such as fear or sexual arousal" grips its host she discovers far more than she bargained for.  But that's only the beginning.

Like in the original it's a certain pitch of sound that makes the creature flee back to it's original "phased vibrational state" which allows it to coexist with us.  (Think of this as sort of a dark matter critter that’s a parasite on normal folk.)  Lots of room for interesting scenes here, depending on what direction you want to take this, not the least of which might be a fetishistic torture porn route ala Dee Snider's STRANGE LAND.

I can just imagine a freaky scene where somebody freaks out inside an MRI machine, and for just an instant something becomes visible along the spine. Dramatic music, shocked expressions, etc.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: WingedSerpent on September 28, 2008, 01:09:22 PM
Kronus:  replace the moving tickertoy with some awsome alien-looking machine.  Have it control more than one person so whole cities fall under it's control. 

Village of the Giants-I am kind off surprised this wasn't remade when the teen/sex comedies where big (ha!) a couple years ago.  That's what I thought of it when I first saw it.  This was there version of say Road Trip  Keep in mind when it came out-the mind set of America was very different than what it was today.

Skydivers.  Although I'm a huge fan of the MST3K version of this movie.  This would be an extreme spot movie. 

Prince of Space-get the Warshosh....Wershashki....the Matrix guys to handle this one.

My last movie isn't a remake, but I think they could make a cool movie based of the PS2 game War of the Monsters


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Terf on September 28, 2008, 05:39:15 PM
I wish I had looked at this before making the "Remakes?" thread. Oh well...

Maximum Overdrive - I feel like the "machines/vehicles taking over the world" is a very underused horror idea, basically because I guess it requires a big budget to make it "interesting". I mentioned earlier that I haven't seen the original in entirety, but I do recall the plot from on this site.

In my version, the whole movie wouldn't be focused in just one place; it would be focused in various environments around the US of A, to keep things interesting - A big city (I'm thinking somewhere in CA), desert, middle-of-nowhere West Virginia or Minnesota, Rocky Mountains etc. I'm also thinking it would have to only have vehicles come alive - ALL electrical equipment would be too monumental.

There would be almost NO explanation for why the vehicles form minds of their own and start attacking people; I feel that's the best way to keep people constantly guessing. (I just realized this might make it like a zombie film, only replacing the zombies with cars and trucks and such.) Originally, I had thought a country-wide, very popular wi-fi Onstar-like device would malfunction in one vehicle, and the "virus" would spread, but now I think that would give the film too much of a plot. What do you guys think?

ANYWAYS, the vehicles go crazy, and the movie cuts from one scene to another as the people try to survive in obvious and also interesting ways. (I want this one 18 wheeler to develop a grudge against this one couple and drive like hell through buildings just to try to kill them.) Lots of explosions, too. I don't know if the original one was open-ended or not, but I'd prefer this one not to be.

Probably some details I missed, but whateva. I'll come back later and edit.

Tremors - Instead of in a desert, this one would take place in a mountainous and very snowy, small town region. The main focus would be on a college.

Note: I'm thinking about this in my head as I'm writing, so it might not fit well.
An avalanche uncovers some big ol' worms ?"hibernating"? inside an ancient mountain. The worms, super-p**sed off at being woken up, feast upon people inside a ski lodge (while smashing up the place; the sheriff and deputies come but find no evidence), then head off into the snowy forest to find some warmth. (They end up chilaxing in the college's sewer system; the renovations to it make it quite habitable for the creatures.)

[To be finished later]

I do know that, even though this is focused around a college, I really don't want it to focus too much on the "kids", because they rarely have anything interesting to say and act like jackasses (IMO).  :wink:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: ToyMan on September 29, 2008, 03:14:57 AM
deep red (aka: the hatchet murders)
-
although, f**king with argento's work might be a bad idea. please keep nicholas cage away from this.

halloween III: season of the witch
-
except we just call it "season of the witch", so people won't expect the shape to make an appearance. oh, and tom atkins gets to play the conal cochran part this time around.

basket case
-
can you imagine how good this movie would be with today's special effects and a decent crew behind it?

riki-oh: the story of ricky
-
starring tony jaa, of ong bak and the protector, except we cut out all of the sweet, goofy flashbacks, and improve on all of the poor special effects. ichi the killer fans would eat this up.

-

...and i could only think of four. sorry.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: bladerunnerblues on September 29, 2008, 06:04:47 PM
I am in charge of Hollywood??Okay...
I would  punch the  persons responsible for the remakes of Assault on Precinct 13,The Hitcher,The Fog,Prom Night
in the mouth.
I would have Rob Zombies hair cut,his beard shaved off,his balls removed and his eyes poked out.
I am not a fan of remakes :hatred:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Tim on September 29, 2008, 09:08:37 PM
Them
Monolith Monsters
Island of Terror (Generic name, but the premise of this movie RAWKS!)
The Blob (Yet again...)
War of the Worlds (Only done right this time)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Justy on September 30, 2008, 12:29:02 PM
OK... My top 5 remakes if I were the Shogun of Hollywood... Sho'nuff.

I agree that I am not a big fan of remakes, but there movies which could be brought back, given another chance to get it right or brought back with better special effects.

1. Dune (1984) - This is a movie truly deserving the need to get it right. Length will not be an issue. I will force the Producer and Director to read the books and understand them. The mini-series was accurate but very bland. The movie was great but well... yeah.

2. Twelve Angry Men (1957) - I think that this movie could be brought back with more of an ethnic / gender dynamic added to it. However, even though the jury would not just be men I would retain the title for historical reasons.

3. The Black Hole (1979) - This was a great underrated movie. I'd like to see it with better effects and taken more seriously. You can keep the robots just make them cooler. Keep Maximillian the same big, red devil he is but make him more realistic. Keep the giant fireball scene and definitely keep the ending. That was one the best endings for a film I ever saw.

4. Flash Gordon (1980) - I loved the campy version. It is a classic unto itself, but let's see a more serious version. If I could get Sydow back as Ming that would be great. I want to see a more realistic Mongo, strange races more epic battles. Retain the old sci fi feel to it with the modern effects.

5. The Charge of the Light Brigade (1936) - I'd keep it period (19th century) and make it a serious romance movie with authentic battle scenes. I'd like to see Robert Downey Jr. in the Errol Flynn role, both have that bad boy off camera persona with the distinguished looks. I'd pair him up with a nice up and coming starlett. Again, I'd keep it a 1936 feel, but with better effects and serious writing.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on October 07, 2008, 06:38:54 PM
For October I'd like to nominate the following films and/or TV series for the remake/re-envisioning treatment.  Some of these may have already been nominated.  Some may have impossible casts but, hey, these are MY fantasy picks so deal with it.   :wink: --

5. THUNDAR THE BARBARIAN -- Do I really need to explain why this post-apocalypse Saturday morning cartoon full of wild wahoo wackiness AND fun sword and sorcery silliness is an awesome choice for turning into a live action movie?  I'd film it in two versions: PG-13 for the kiddies and R for the adults with an "Unrated" special edition for DVD release that has twice as many over-the-top and totally unnecessary-but-mindless-fun-to-watch CGI SFX and &tc.

4. DUNGEONS & DRAGONS - I'd make this a movie actually based on the 1st ED era D&D game, but not necessarily one of the extant properties like DRAGONLANCE or FORGOTTEN REALMS.  I'm thinking, since this is October and Halloween is just around the corner, I'd like to see RAVENLOFT, the classic original module, adapted for the big screen.  Yeah, Dungeons & Dragons: Raventloft.

With perhaps two casting requests: 1) Uwe Boll must have a cameo in this as a anonymous unnamed hiker that gets ripped limb from limb before the title scroll.  Not by Strahd but maybe by a pack of wolves or rabid bats. Something fun and unexpected. 2) Paris Hilton must be in this AS A HICK-ABILLY REDNECK CHICK. By which I mean she wears no make-up, wears worn out daisy dukes, a old tattered flannel shirt, and walks around barefoot.  She'll be the stupid girl who steps on a rusty nail.  The scent of her blood will draw in some beasties.  She'll die in fountain of blood and gore while the other cast members run screams.  Yeah, that's it, that's all I want.  Just those two casting/scene caveats.

 :bouncegiggle:

3. INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWO WOMEN IN LOVE -- Adapted from Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love.  This is not a sequel but rather a re-envisioning that turns the original "coming of age" story into an tale about two older women discovering each other.  Starring Today's Hoda Kotb in the role of Evie and Kathie Lee Gifford as Randy.

Synopsis: Evie is a college professor and single mother raising a teenage daughter.  Randy, a divorcee and owner of a automotive garage, is a earthy widow who's been alone for many years.  It's not that she hates men or prefers to be alone it's just that she buried herself in the business once her husband died and hasn't come up for a vacation since.  That is until Evie brings her car into the shop after a fender bender and sparks fly.

2. LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM -- I'll admit it. I liked this oddball little flick.  So much so that I think it should be remade with the eroticism and surrealism cranked way, way up.  This should be weird but fun with moments bordering on sheer visceral horror that, somehow, disturb without being gratuitously gory.  (No torture porn here!)

1. CAFE FLESH -- Starring Sarah Silverman as Lana, with comedian Mario Cantone as Max Melodramatic, and directed by John Waters.  Like the original this will liberally mix sex, satire, and the surreal with a storyline of the absurd about annoying characters addicted to watching sex shows because they can't perform themselves and are just going through the motions of living.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Justy on October 09, 2008, 11:11:03 AM
UKLA! ARIAL! RIIIIDE!!   :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: roscoenadsat on October 11, 2008, 03:21:00 PM
i will never remake a good movie or a classic
Only bad and mediocre, a bit funny ones ...


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Sleepyskull on October 13, 2008, 04:37:38 PM
These would be more like twists on the original than actual remakes:

1. Gremlins: With flying gremlins, cyborg gremlins, and gremlins crossed with insects and spiders.

2. Tales of Terror: It would be done in rotoscoping and have bizarre colors.

3. The Terminator: Done as a musical with lots of cameos by people I like and the Terminator could move super fast as well as having skin that bullets would just bounce off of.

4. A Bucket of Blood: Have Walter Paisley be super tough starting at the very beginning and at the very end have his victims come back to life and try to kill him. However he will escape unharmed and begin a new life in another country in a way that sets up the possiblity for a sequel.

5. Jurassic Park: The only thing I would make different is I would have the dinosaurs become much smarter than humanity in general and their level of smartness and ability to learn would never stop growing. Within a few weeks the smartest human would become only about as intelligent as the dumbest dinosaur. But only if the dinosaur also had brain damage.

 :tongueout: 


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Fishasaurus on October 14, 2008, 05:26:24 PM
1) All 3 of the Creature From The Black Lagoon  features remade with NO CGI, good acting, a great script and many, many, many more Gillmen.  Who win in the end.  Every time.   :twirl:

2) Humanoids From The Deep -- yes, again! -- only GOOD, with horrid onscreen piscatorial date rapes and dreadful carnage as the women under attack fight back -- and sometimes win.

3) Unknown Island,  with MUCH MORE CLAYMATION and dinosaurs that actually eat the WWII flyboys.  Hugh Beaumont's death would be particularly grisly and unenviable.

4) Land Of The Dead, only GOOD, with a much more crushing zom victory and a lot less macho posturing from the living.

5) London Voodoo, MUCH scarier and with a lot more bloodshed.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on October 15, 2008, 02:50:17 PM
i will never remake a good movie or a classic
Only bad and mediocre, a bit funny ones ...

Welcome to the board roscoenadsat!

Not even A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM?  That's a classic.  But, aside from the 68 version, most of the adaptations have been less than great.

As for bad and mediocre. . .  I could see taking something like, FUTURE WAR, and giving it a decent budget and making something of it.  Couldn't possibly be any worse!

Not sure about the "funny ones" as comedy tends to either work or not.  If you have a comedy that doesn't work re-making it wont help.  Now you can maybe recycle the basic premise, but really you're going to need to start from the ground up, IMO.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: roscoenadsat on October 16, 2008, 08:45:11 PM
maybe the incredible shrinking man...
and a "not too funny one" like PAT, and another SNL movie but with different scritp and cast, just that


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: JJ80 on October 28, 2008, 05:27:03 PM
For a slightly older movie remake, the old Bruce Bennett serial "Hawk Of The Wilderness" would make a decent genre-melding blockbuster full of Hoolywood friendly elements. This features a red Indian version of Tarzan called Kioga, a lost Indian tribe with an evil medicine man, endangered scientists, a fake monster, pirates and the obligatory erupting volcano. This could work in an 'Indian Jones' style manner with decent stunt work, well-placed cgi effects but would probably be killed by too much political correctness these days.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on November 11, 2008, 11:27:49 PM
My list of blockbuster remakes for this month is dedicated to Circus_Circus.


 :cheers:

5. GALACTIC GIGOLO - You know that annoying former SNL dude that stars in those ridiculous Gigolo movies?  Well this will star him.  It'll be one of those sad sack "comedies" that poke fun at Hollywood movies ala MEET THE SPARTANS.

4. SLAVE GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY - This time the movie will actually be about slave girls, or rather women abducted by aliens and taken aboard the slaveship INFINITY.  The costumes will be skimpy.  The subtext gorean.  The plot minimal.  Okay, I exaggerate, the plot will be an excuse for nudity. . . AND LOTS OF IT!

3. PRINCESS WARRIOR - This time it will actually be a sci-fi space opera.  Will start about the same but, instead of cheaping out and shifting to guerilla street shots of a lame non-action action dramady the movie will be about a warrior Princess' epic struggles against the evil Empire, er, I mean her evil step sisters machinations to take over the Empire.  Yes, that's right, I'm dressing Cinderella up in sci-fi garb with some Messalina, Messalina undertones.  Should be fun.  Lots of bare flesh and some light torture porn.  I know making this torture porn is selling out but that's what Hollywood and the MPAA seem to be endorsing these days.  So it'll be part FLESH GORDON, part HOSTEL, and a whole lot of ludicrous.

2. HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT 2 - I've always felt this movie needed more nudity, much much much MORE nudity.  So more shower scenes, half naked chicks writhing around in beds, and lesbianism.  Not just sapphic subtext I mean split beavers dripping gore in your face leave nothing to the imagination lesbianism!  So, yeah, I'd pretty much just make this a near direct remake with an eye to correcting those deficiencies.   :teddyr:

1. STAR WARS - Basically boot Lucas in the posterier and hire some intelligent adults to redo the entire series (using the old canon) as an intelligent adult science fantasy.  Sorry kids.  You'll just have to wait to grow up to see it!  Oh, yeah, and there will be no medium-chlorine Anakim the seeker savant messiah bollocks either!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: WilliamWeird1313 on November 12, 2008, 10:05:19 AM
For October I'd like to nominate the following films and/or TV series for the remake/re-envisioning treatment.  Some of these may have already been nominated.  Some may have impossible casts but, hey, these are MY fantasy picks so deal with it.   :wink: --

5. THUNDAR THE BARBARIAN -- Do I really need to explain why this post-apocalypse Saturday morning cartoon full of wild wahoo wackiness AND fun sword and sorcery silliness is an awesome choice for turning into a live action movie?  I'd film it in two versions: PG-13 for the kiddies and R for the adults with an "Unrated" special edition for DVD release that has twice as many over-the-top and totally unnecessary-but-mindless-fun-to-watch CGI SFX and &tc.

4. DUNGEONS & DRAGONS - I'd make this a movie actually based on the 1st ED era D&D game, but not necessarily one of the extant properties like DRAGONLANCE or FORGOTTEN REALMS.  I'm thinking, since this is October and Halloween is just around the corner, I'd like to see RAVENLOFT, the classic original module, adapted for the big screen.  Yeah, Dungeons & Dragons: Raventloft.

With perhaps two casting requests: 1) Uwe Boll must have a cameo in this as a anonymous unnamed hiker that gets ripped limb from limb before the title scroll.  Not by Strahd but maybe by a pack of wolves or rabid bats. Something fun and unexpected. 2) Paris Hilton must be in this AS A HICK-ABILLY REDNECK CHICK. By which I mean she wears no make-up, wears worn out daisy dukes, a old tattered flannel shirt, and walks around barefoot.  She'll be the stupid girl who steps on a rusty nail.  The scent of her blood will draw in some beasties.  She'll die in fountain of blood and gore while the other cast members run screams.  Yeah, that's it, that's all I want.  Just those two casting/scene caveats.

 :bouncegiggle:

3. INCREDIBLY TRUE ADVENTURES OF TWO WOMEN IN LOVE -- Adapted from Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love.  This is not a sequel but rather a re-envisioning that turns the original "coming of age" story into an tale about two older women discovering each other.  Starring Today's Hoda Kotb in the role of Evie and Kathie Lee Gifford as Randy.

Synopsis: Evie is a college professor and single mother raising a teenage daughter.  Randy, a divorcee and owner of a automotive garage, is a earthy widow who's been alone for many years.  It's not that she hates men or prefers to be alone it's just that she buried herself in the business once her husband died and hasn't come up for a vacation since.  That is until Evie brings her car into the shop after a fender bender and sparks fly.

2. LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM -- I'll admit it. I liked this oddball little flick.  So much so that I think it should be remade with the eroticism and surrealism cranked way, way up.  This should be weird but fun with moments bordering on sheer visceral horror that, somehow, disturb without being gratuitously gory.  (No torture porn here!)

1. CAFE FLESH -- Starring Sarah Silverman as Lana, with comedian Mario Cantone as Max Melodramatic, and directed by John Waters.  Like the original this will liberally mix sex, satire, and the surreal with a storyline of the absurd about annoying characters addicted to watching sex shows because they can't perform themselves and are just going through the motions of living.



Sarah Silverman in Cafe Flesh?

Homina homina homina homina.

Excuse me, I have to go touch myself.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Hellwood606 on November 16, 2008, 10:26:30 AM
I don't get it? Why if I was a rich movie producer would I waste my time trying to better some old used up scripts. No, what today's audience is looking for is something new and exciting. It's like that music out there. Now they call it new, but it still sounds like the same old rock-and-roll to me. Oh yes, if I was a rich movie producer in Hollywood right now. I would take my finished and copyrighted sci-fi manuscript, turn down the publisher who is now talking about a book deal for the work. Convert it into a movie script and produce my own sci-fi movie with a running time of three hours. theoretically speaking, it would be the equivalent of five movies in one!!!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on November 20, 2008, 04:27:35 PM
Like Kester Pelagius, I'm quite fond of "Lair of the White Worm," but unlike him I wouldn't like to see it remade, because you cannot top what is over the top in the first place.

What I would like to see is the sequel to the film, which is called "Return of the White Worm," and for which a script supposedly exists. What exactly is in it, I don't know, but the story supposedly revolves around two American reporters, Prince Charles, the British Museum in London, an abandoned tube station that is connected to the museum, and the body of a woman, painted all in blue, which can be found in the basement of the museum.

And, oh yes, I hope the sequel also involves alot of scouts or boy scouts.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on November 24, 2008, 12:38:43 PM
BoyScoutKevin,

If not a remake of LAIR then how about a fresh adaptation of the story?

CARMILLA could also use such treatment.


Hellwood606,

Actually that's already what a lot of Hollywood producers do.  They buy/secure the rights to a property then, instead of doing a proper adaptation of the work, take that dusty old script they've had mouldering in their underwear drawer since they were 12 and use it instead.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on December 06, 2008, 06:36:50 PM
BoyScoutKevin,

If not a remake of LAIR then how about a fresh adaptation of the story?

CARMILLA could also use such treatment.


Hellwood606,

Actually that's already what a lot of Hollywood producers do.  They buy/secure the rights to a property then, instead of doing a proper adaptation of the work, take that dusty old script they've had mouldering in their underwear drawer since they were 12 and use it instead.

An adaptation of Bram Stoker's original novel. It might work. The BBC radio has already done a radio adaptation of the book, which sounded promising. I haven't heard it, so I can't comment on it, but it was probably a more "faithful" adaptation than Russell's film. Having read the book and seen the film, the only things Russell kept from the book, was the title and the name Mercy Farm. Everything else was changed. Even the names of the characters.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Rat-Bat-Spider on December 06, 2008, 09:19:31 PM
5. Armand Assante And Sean Young star in the remake of Them! (Sean Young as a giant ant!) Budget: 80 Million

4.Robert Downey Jr. is... El Topo! With Andy Richter as El Topo's naked young son! Budget: 45 Million

3.Kevin Mckidd as J.J. Gittes in Chinatown! Sir Ian Mckellan as Noah Cross! Adrian Brody as Kevin Mckidd's face double in the infamous "nose-cutting" scene for extra nasal details! Budget: 60 Million

2. Samuel L. Jackson as Blacula! In Blacula! "You betta scream, muthaf**ka! 'Cuz I'm gonna drain yo ass dry!" Budget: 52.5 Million

1. MANOS: The Hands of Fate!!!!! Daniel Day-Lewis as The Master! Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt as Michael and Margaret! And (drum-roll please!)... Johnny Depp as Torgo! Big knees will be the hottest fashion breakthrough since the skinny tapered jean! Budget: 300 Million


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on December 06, 2008, 10:02:20 PM
2. Samuel L. Jackson as Blacula! In Blacula! "You betta scream, muthaf**ka! 'Cuz I'm gonna drain yo ass dry!" Budget: 52.5 Million

Yes!

But why stop there.  Let's restart the blaxsploitation genre.

What about a remake of Blackenstein?  Might as well cast a Bride of Blackenstein too!  How about. . . Nia Long as the Bride and Martin Lawrence (if you want to go the comedy route) or Will Smith (if you want to go the big budget vacuous CGI route) as the monster.   Hmm, so that's. .

5. BLACKENSTEIN

4. BRIDE OF BLACKENSTEIN

3. BLACKZILLA - A tongue-in-cheek pseudo-remake of Godzilla but give the monster an afro and instead of having an all Asian cast it's a all Black cast.  This will be totally politically incorrect and have just about every comedian in it you can imagine, with the white actors getting killed off or playing reverse stereotype roles.  Making a special appearance would be Andy Dick; who we see snorting white powder off a stripper's arse just before Blackzilla squishes him underfoot.

2. SUPER FLY - Remake with Samuel L. Jackson starring.

1. BIG DOLL HOUSE - I know BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA is probably the better "blaxsploitation" title but there's something about this one.  Not sure who to cast in it though.  Any suggestions?


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Rat-Bat-Spider on December 07, 2008, 02:42:42 AM
Famke Janssen as Collier (Judy Brown), Drew Barrymore as Alcott (Roberta Collins), and Kelly Rowlands as luscious, leggy Grear (Pam Grier). I love The Big Doll House and all things Corman-sleaze. When it comes to blaxploitation, my three faves are Black Belt Jones (Jim Muthaf**kin' Kelly!), Boss N' word (or just The Boss), and Blackenstein ("To stop this mutha, takes one bad brutha")


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on January 06, 2009, 06:09:55 PM
Here's some movies I'd like to see in the new year because, well, with the economy the way it is they'd make me happy.

5. X-MEN: UNLEASHED - My own title that.  This would the X-Men as it should be, gritty, R-rated, for adults.  It'll be full of blood and guts and gore and hideous mutants oozing puss from blisters and other weeping orifices.  Wolverine's claws would rip and rend with visceral horror and his dialogue will cut deep with scathing four letter blood spurting detail.  When Cyclops uses his power flesh will burble and blister and pop, buildings will burst into flames, children will cry, and women will weep in terror.  When Storm uses her powers it wont be a neat clinical CGI effect added in post we'll break out the wind machines and crank them up to hurricane strength and drench extras in REAL water.  This will be no dumb, watered down, PG-esque live action cartoon fantasy.  This will be a live action graphic novel driven by hardcore plot that pulls no punches, either in restrictions on dialogue or nudity or gore &tc.  Oh, yeah, and Magneto wont be a p#$$y this time!

4. FLESH GORDON - A movie released as a jump-off to a CATV series.  I know, I've mentioned this before, but there's nothing in the original FLESH GORDON that you couldn't do today.  Actually you could go much further!  Just look at Rome or the L-Word.  This is SOOOO doable, and it couldn't possibly be any worse than the abortion sciffy put on the air.

3. CALIGULA - Have I nominated this already?  If not it's past time for a fresh Caligula movie.  Give it the sort of attention LOTR got.  I'd like to see it released theatrically but it the subject matter requires it to run too long release it both theatrically and as a CATV miniseries.

Okay, now something new. .

2. 7th Voyage of Sinbad  - No CGI.  Made with animatronics/puppets.  Update the story, give a bit of an edge, toss in some slave girls, gratuitous "nudity" (flimsy attire, semi-clad, &tc), and basically just have fun.  Sorry kids.  Life is too short and I'm tired of movies getting dumbed down so you'll just have to wait to see this till you're old enough!  ;)

1. ARENA (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/arena/) - Just read the review and tell me this movie is NOT worthy of a update/remake!


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Doggett on January 06, 2009, 06:17:55 PM
1. War of the Worlds...again
2. Superman
3. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes...I've heard they're gonna try this...
4. Beetlejuice
5. Gremlins...All the merchandise would be a film producers wet dream.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Frogger on January 06, 2009, 06:28:01 PM
1. War of the Worlds...again
2. Superman
3. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes...I've heard they're gonna try this...
4. Beetlejuice
5. Gremlins...All the merchandise would be a film producers wet dream.

Nice selection.

I agree with the first but if they rape one of my favorout books again to bring out a s**tty film which can not even follow the f**king story...... (Breaths deeply after the insult that was the last remake)

Superman would be interesting.

Attack of the killer tomatoes. I would be interested in watching the end product hopefully with lots of stupid tomatoes killing scenes.

Bettlejuice I never got into the original but a remake would be interesting.

Gremlins  :cheers: I would not mind perhaps critters or tremors as possible choices.

1. The creeping terror mainly due to the fact I liked the story but with a slightly faster monster and with out the rouge narrator. This film stands a chance.
2. Critters.
3. Blades (A parody of Jaws with better funding and more time would be excellent) Of course it may be a bit out dated.
4. Gamera
5. The planet of the apes. (all 5 films)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Doggett on January 06, 2009, 06:34:43 PM
Blades...BRILLIANT!!!!!! :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: WilliamWeird1313 on January 16, 2009, 12:16:30 PM

Mutant Hunt

I have an idea in my head of how to turn it into a "can't miss" kind of movie. Sorta more like a "reimagining" than a straight remake though. Blade Runner re-imagined as an ultraviolent psychosexual Cronenbergian nightmare.



Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: bladerunnerblues on January 17, 2009, 02:32:31 AM
NO MORE GAWD DAMN REMAKES!!!!I HATE REMAKES.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Kester Pelagius on January 19, 2009, 02:16:15 PM
It occurs to me that the one spoof Hollywood's cookie cutter spoof machine hasn't done yet is REMAKE THE MOVIE.  Of course it will have to have Carmen Electra in it, as most of them do, and perhaps Anna Farris.  As to plot. .

Any ideas?

Of course if Hollywood is going to spoof themselves by making the ultimate spoof movie then we can't leave out National Lampoon so how about. . NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LOONY LAMPOON MOVIE.

The unrated editions of these should be interesting.   :wink:


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Skull on January 19, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Lets talk gold...

1, White Christmas... Remake will be about two soldier budies from the Iraq war and 2 showgirls (Miley Cyrus???), music will be like *High School the Musical* good enough to make Bing Crosby cry... :)

2, Videodrome... Remake will be upgraded that the character will be sticking a DVD's in his chest, the movie will have a ton of CGI effects and less *sexual* content for a PG-13 rating.

3, Ghost... Remake will star Lindsay Lohan, Shia LaBeouf and Rosie O'Donnell... Hmmmmmmm... Can anybody picture the Lindsay Lohan/Rosie O'Donnell sex scene... :)

4, The Ice Pirates... How could this go wrong??? Pirates of the Caribbean meet Star Wars, this will have ton of CGI effects, it'll have so much CGI effects that the actors will not need any makeup... :)

5, Dr. Phibes... It's time to cash in on the success of SAW with a "Torture Porn" story that started it all... Crispin Glover will play Vincent Price's role... :)


Please note I will not be surprised if White Christmas, Ghost and Dr. Phibes will be remade within the next 5 years... :)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Doggett on January 19, 2009, 05:11:59 PM
How long before Jaws...


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Skull on January 19, 2009, 06:00:17 PM
How long before Jaws...

You are talking about the guy that took the guns away from the cops in ET... I'll assume that within 10 years the humans will be tossing cotton balls at the shark, before it's remade... :)

(Nobody will dare to remake a Steven Spielberg movie while he is alive)


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: AndyC on January 19, 2009, 06:30:34 PM
True enough. Guys like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg don't do remakes. They just monkey around with the original movie to try and keep it current. Worse than a remake, if you ask me.


Title: Re: You're in charge of Hollywood, what're the next five blockbuster remakes?
Post by: Doggett on January 22, 2009, 02:38:59 PM
How long before Jaws...

You are talking about the guy that took the guns away from the cops in ET... I'll assume that within 10 years the humans will be tossing cotton balls at the shark, before it's remade... :)

(Nobody will dare to remake a Steven Spielberg movie while he is alive)


Not while he's alive, eh ?

...

Hmm...

*Picks up the phone...dials the secret number..."it's me Doggett, you know what to do"...puts phone down...plans alibi...*