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Yesterday I'm changing the bag on the vacuum cleaner.  There's this piece of cardboard that fits tightly over the tube from the vacuum.  So I'm pulling on it pretty hard.  Finally comes loose, my hand keeps moving, quickly compressing the bag.  Poof!  And I watch as an entire month's worth of vacuum cleaner dust descends slowly over the kitchen.

Last Sunday my wife finds an ad in the paper for a restaurant serving "AUCE Shrimp" and "AUCE Chicken"  We puzzled over that until yesterday.  What the hell is "auce"?  Some sort of Italian thing?  Finally figured it out.  All U Can Eat.

C'mon, fess up, I'm not the only one who does this sort of crap.  :teddyr:

Can't think of anything recent off the top of my skull. Don't get me wrong, I do stupid stuff all the time, but nothing memorable as of late.

Back in December I was hanging my framed original Re-Animator poster and we don't have a step ladder so I had to use this little wooden chair we have. I put it on an uneven surface half on a piece of carpet, half on the bare wood floor. I knew it was a little wobbly and I could've avoided it if I'd just been smart enough to pull the chair over 4 inches, but I went up anyway. I panicked a little when it started to wobble, dropped the poster (wasn't damaged), and quickly hopped off the chair... and landed on a big Inhumanoids action figure from the late-80s. If you've ever seen an Inhumanoids figure, the one I fell on was the skeleton dinosaur creature with big pointy feet. It's like a foot and a half tall and built of solid plastic, so instead of it snapping under my weight, the claws on it's feet tore a 6 inch gash through the bottom of my right foot. I'm a diabetic, so I had to stay off of my foot for two weeks before it healed enough that I could put any pressure on it, complete with crutches so I could leave bed. I also had to cancel my Christmas trip to visit my friends and my family upstate. All because I was too stupid to move the damn chair 4 inches to the left...  :lookingup:

I was preparing a 16 mm film print (yes, we still have those things here) for a client the other day who wanted it transferred to digital tape. I had to force the can open ~ this was a film that they donated to us years back and I don't think that they ever opened it ~ with a screwdriver and once I had the reel on the editing bench, I pulled some of the film out so I could check it while winding it through and also for some slack to wind the film through the table.

Bad idea. To pull the film out of the reel, I mean.  :buggedout:

The film came apart in my hands! The only print and here I am sitting with snapped splices. Luckily, I do know how to repair a print if it breaks: two hours later and much splicing and swearing later, the print was ready. :tongueout:

I work as a baker.

A few nights ago, I had pulled a hot rack out of the oven and shoved it aside so I could push in the next one.  After I had pushed in the new rack, I backed up to close the oven door ... right into the hot rack I had just pulled out.  I burned my left arm pretty badly.  Furious, I swirled around to grab the hot rack and push it out of the way ... with my bare hands.

Not my best moment.

Attacked by bald faced hornets (actually a species of yellowjacket) on our front step.  I went offensive against them.  Getting stung, and the species likes to go for your face, I managed to crash off the steps in the middle of the melee.  I lost a lot of skin off my legs because I was in shorts and the steps are concrete.

Then, lying on the ground, another stung me and I grabbed it, smashing it onto the concrete steps so hard I broke my watch and scraped up my wrist.  That was the last of the attackers; the rest were smashed, dead, out of action.

Not done yet.  I was a bit upset.

Grabbed the broom, went after the nest.  Stung again, but the nest was destroyed and the big female who started the nest dead.  I went inside to clean my wounds with soap and slam down some Jack Daniels before falling asleep on the couch while trying to watch "Maneater of Hydra."  Katie gets home after working late, finds me on the couch covered in blood, freaks out and wakes me up to find out what happened.

I was a little grumpy about being woken up.

A few months ago I returned to work after being off for three weeks for recovery from a re-constrictive flap procedure that I had back in January.  Before I returned to work I was given a chance to transfer to another department so I did, since I got tired of telling the same people the same thing on the phone, day in and day out. 

Anyways, at my new desk I have storage above my desk.  I had something stored in one of the shelves above my desk.  Anyways I went to reach for it one day (I was sitting) and I felt this pull that caused some slight pain.  I got home, took off my wound dressing and found that part of where my scar was split open.  Not my best moment, but the only thing to come out of that was that I found that I had a severe infection in where my surgery site was.

 

Andrew, your story killed me. Just the vision of you out for revenge against the bees was enough to make my day.  :bouncegiggle:

I suffer from the revenge curse too, even against inanimate objects.  In the past, I've been the kind of guy who will hit his head on something and then proceed to give the object a good slap only to hurt my hand more.  In my older age, I've been trying to think clearly when I do hit my head on something in order to avoid damaging any other parts of me.

Lately nothing comes to mind but give me about a few days.  My wife had a good one a few weeks back.  She asked me about the POW/MIA bumper stickers but pronounced it "powmia" instead of letter abbreviated.  Its been a running joke since then when I see them with her in the car.

Dumb things I've done ... lately not to many but if I had a dollar for every dumb thing I've done I'd be very rich.

One of the dumbest things I've done that stands out and alcohol wasn't involved. Was several years ago I got up one morning half asleep I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, instead of grabbing the toothpaste I grabbed the diaper cream ... I might say it has a vile minty flavor.

Oh recently I was in the shop and I was blowing the dirt and sawdust out with the leaf blower, a guy called my name and I turned to see and as I turned I had forgotten I had a open box full of shipping peanuts, well you guessed it I hit the box of peanuts with a industrial 250 mph leaf blower and they went everywhere ... and this was no small box of them either. They laughed, I cussed but at least they helped get them up ... they repeating the entire time "Man you should have seen those thing flying around and the look on your face!" my reply "Shut the **** up." Thank goodness for ShopVacs. I'm still finding peanuts a mouth later.

Another stupid thing I was moving a big rock with a small front end loader, I knew the rock was right at the limit of the loader. I got the rock, lifted it (barely) and hit a small bump the loader tilted forward taking the rear wheels off the ground and the bucket hit the ground leaving the tail end up in the air. This loader was only a 2 wheel drive, so there I was rear wheels 6 feet off the ground and it wasn't going back down. so I tried the hydraulics to loader the bucket hoping it would put the wheels on the ground but do to the angle they would only just touch the ground and not get any traction, so I'm there trying to drive, bouncing up and down, got a couple of guy to bounce up and down and finally got it to grab to ground enough to get it unstuck ... needless to say I got a larger loader to move the rock.

Hehe!  Hilarious story Andrew!

I can just picture it all happening in slow motion.  Your arms flailing wildly and then falling down.  You swinging the broom like crazy in slow motion and the whole time, this music is playing loudly...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF7_PhB9coo

 :teddyr:

I got up Saturday morning with a hangover, and walked directly into the wall. Next thing I remember, I was laying about 6 feet around the corner, with an angry looking goose egg on my right forehead. Later that night, I was eating licorice, finished it, and lit a cigarette. My cell phone rang, so I grabbed the cigarete with my left hand and answered the phone with my right. As I was talking, I went for a bite of licorice and burned my lower lip with the cherry of the cigarette.

-Sunday and Monday, I did not injure myself-

Yesterday, I was helping a staff member put a very spastic client back into his wheelchair. Client had a muscle spasm (he had previously been relaxed and easy to work with), and his wrist shot up into my nads so hard that I was momentarily on tiptoes. Minutes later, I walked to a shelf to get his arm straps, dropped one, and put another goose egg in the middle of my forehead by way of said shelf when I bent down to pick up the strap.

This isn't an unusual week for me at all. I think it must have something to do with physics. I'm 5-7, 142 lbs, but when I'm indoors, I have all the grace and agility of a break dancing elephant. I generally break a few ribs and/or toes every year. Everyone that knows me, knows that this will happen eventually, and usually just wince a little when it does. A couple of co workers just automatically go into my office and get my rib tape (like you would unceremoniously get a Band Aid for a kid) to  start the wrapping process. My wife has noted that I now tend to walk in public with my right shoulder forward, apparently to create a smaller profile to lessen the chances of bumping into objects.

One last; My best.

Around the first of the year at work, the phone was ringing in the reception area. No one was there to answer it, so I jumped up to get it from te other side of the chest high counter. I was laying across the counter on my belly talking on the phone, when I felt myself starting to slowly slip backwards. I raised my feet up toward the middle of my back to compensate. That wasn't working, so in a last ditch effort to save myself, my left hand shot out to grab the opposite edge of the reception desk and I ended up sliding down, feets-up, hooking my right side ribs on the edge of the counter with a crispity-crunch, ending up on the floor with a phone in one hand, and a big sheet of the desk calendar in the other. And another broken rib or two.

The injury list goes on and on...

Hmmmm  . . . I went to Wal Mart today to buy a battery for my riding mower and picked up some other stuff while I was in there.  Rolled the buggy out to the car and loaded the stuff in it and drove home . . . leaving the battery in the buggy in the parking lot.

That sucks man.


I could seriously see that happening.  Nice description on your victory over the queen and your wife's surprise at seeing her bloodstained husband asleep on the couch.



A while ago, I must've been seven at the most.  My sister dared me to eat a bte of her chapstick.  I asked if it was toxic.  Need I say more.

It kind of balaces out though because later in the trip she reffered to a field with a bunch of dark brown bushes in it as a field of cows.

years ago, a couple of friends and myself got our first place right out of highschool. one day, the kitchen sink clogged, so my friend nate put a little bucket underneath the catch, took the pipe segment out, and started cleaning it. for some reason, he picked up bucket he'd left underneath, which had a bit of water in it, and poured it right down the same sink.

it was a classic genius moment.

Once I was using a box cutter to open something and had a moment of idiocy where I was making a pulling motion towards me rather than away from me. Well, my hand slipped and I hit myself in the face with the box cutter blade, about an inch from my eye. I didn't cut my skin where the blade hit, but I wonder what would have happened if the blade had hit the eye rather than forehead. Stupid.

short selling oil.  I figured it couldn't go higher than 122.00  oops

Not making light of your accident, but I think we can all agree that 4 inches will get you into trouble every time. :teddyr:




Uh, hillbilly, now there is a wonderful invention called hornet and wasp spray that you can use from a safe distance.

I think a variation of a Jeff Foxworthy routine would aptly apply here:

If you see a hornet's nest and going into hand-to-hand combat with them is your first thought; you might be a jarhead.

 :tongueout: