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A prehistoric shark appears in the ocean off the coast of Mexico.  It eats people.  How do you kill a fifty-ton shark that should be, but most emphatically is not, extinct?

It's simply amazing that the mama shark didn't die of costipation!  Who knows what eating a fully functional jet ski does to something's insides!

I think you forgot to mention the absolute worse pick-up line in the history of mankind was used in this movie. 
"But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I... take you home and eat your censored

 Best Bad Movie EVER! That line is freaking hilarious. Hard to believe the guy who plays Captain Jack Harkness on "Torchwood/Dr. Who" would agree to be in crap like this. He's come a long way.

First saw this on Sci fi Channel,     surprise...surprise. :lookingup:

Even at that, the straight to dvdness and bad bad "special effects" was cause for notice.

I let my expectations get too high i guess  :bouncegiggle:

you completely missed commenting on the absolute funniest non-sequitor line of all time :lookingup: - when Ben and Cat are by the truck and Chuck has just left them - Ben says "I'm kinda wired. What do you say we go back to your place and I eat your p***y?"  :bouncegiggle: -- seemed that John Barrowman [now of 'Doctor Who'/'Torchwood' fame as Captain Jack Harkness  :hot: -- at the time an actor struggling to make ends meet who took the job cause it paid] had been asked by the director to ad lib something to get a reaction from the plank of wood who was his costar [apologies to planks of wood who no doubt have more acting ability] - so John ad libbed the line - and she still really didn't react - and John thought well that was that - they'd of course never use that take  :teddyr: -- ummm... guess again - in the DVD the line is there completely intact  :buggedout: - when broadcast on SciFi Channel the line has been dubbed over to "I'm kind of wired. What do you say we go back to your place and watch 'I Love Lucy'?"  :cheers:

Not true, but I did intentionally omit directly addressing it and instead described Ben in the Characters section thusly:
"Ben Carpenter - Women love him for his spontaneous, romantic nature."

That line just comes out of nowhere, which makes it hilariously funny the first time anyone watches the film.

Oh Lordy, is this film bad! I kinda have a soft spot for anything containing ridiculously large sharks tho'. This is somehow worse than the "Megalodon" film and even dare I say, "Shark Zone"  :buggedout: Really funny seeing Barrowman in this too, I think I prefer this to the weird Torchwood and crappy new Dr. Who stuff.

I'm crying out for a decent shark flick, that has a specially made shark and not a CGI/stock mash-up. Deep Blue Sea blew big-time, so there's not been anything decent since Jaws 3-D and that sucked too.  :bluesad:

-Great review Andrew, as expected.  :thumbup: :teddyr:

Ah, man, what's up with this horrible movie!?  I just saw the clip from this film, that's got to be worse special effects I have ever seen!!  I can't stand it...

Ben: "Larger than a Greyhound bus!"

Ahh, yes. But is it bigger than a Battleship?  :teddyr:


Hee hee... sorry, as you can tell from my chosen avatar there may have been some lasting damage from my having been exposed to The Giant Claw.

The shark eating the boat/life raft/jet ski/etc is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I saw this on Sci-fi channel and still remember that stupid effect. God I love bad movies like this.

Sadly, the thing that stood out the most for me is that they had the paleontologist drinking Shasta, when in real life she (or most other scientists I have known) would have been sucking down the booze.  :cheers: Simple rule of thumb: caffeine for computer programmers, alcohol for everyone else.

I've got a really DUMB question... was there ever a Shark Attack One and Two?

Just curious...

Not a dumb question at all, BTM: there was (or should that be were?) a Shark Attack 1 and Shark Attack 2: both very lowwwww budget versions of Deep Blue Sea, they were made in South Africa. When the company that made them got chased out of South Africa by angry creditors, they made Europe (and specifically Barrandov Studios in Bulgaria) their base and made this film there.

Virtual karma to Andrew for the great review!!!  :cheers: :teddyr:

 :teddyr: :bouncegiggle: :teddyr: :bouncegiggle:

Karma for the laugh you just gave me: the film's producers have a reputation for badness where I come from.  :teddyr:

One of my favorite things was the dubbing.  Or at least I assume it was bad dubbing, or maybe they just hired people with speech impediments?  The big corporate boss would put an awkward pause after ever fourth word or so, but there was another guy in the beginning during the shark attack sequence.  And yet another, the janitor who asked the main chick if she wanted a sandwich or something.  Also enjoyed the 20 or so shots of the throttle on the boat being pushed all the way forward, especially since it was obvious that the boat was standing still most of the time  :teddyr:

i thought this was great bad movie i watch it over and over again but maybe thats because my favourite actor and singer is in it the great john barrowman  if your a fan of this man buy it for your jb fix

There have been repeated threads on the chat board over the years wherein this golden turkey has come up -- So many things just wrrrooonnnggg with this "movie" -- Even better, to me, than the raft clip is when the jetski disappears -- You can find clips of that over on YouTube.  Just a laugh-fest all around -- I looovvee this film!!
peter johnson/denny crane

Ahhhhh, the wonderful world of NuImage Films: makes me feel funny all over.  :teddyr:

Must agree...I mean, sharks eat all kinds of crap, but cpme on! That rubber boat has to give it a bowel blockage worthy of Gorgo!
A cheese fest worthy of Sci-Fi channel...not a compliment, mind you...
Andrew, Love your podcasts. Will this cheeselog turn up on the menu?

I'm hoping to start podcasts again soon.  The move threw my flow off.  I don't know about doing a podcast for this one, because describing the stock shark footage swallowing digitally reduced boats, people, and jet skis just doesn't seem like it would be the same.

I was sick with a stomach bug and watched all 3 of these back to back one particular Saturday on Sci-Fi channel.

I'm surprised that didn't make me feel even worse than I already did................

I don't know how long it'll stay there, but the wikipedia page for this film has writer Scott Devine credited as Scott Depoop. LMAO!  :teddyr: :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

I've never seen the second one, but the first has Casper Van Diem in it, so it could have been worse.  There is also Shark Zone, the unofficial part 4.

This film has a proud place in my DVD collection.

Hummm...maybe start with one where the diologue is choice. LATITUDE ZERO makes a good example.( No wonder Cesar Romero got the Joker gig!)
Also, if your honest disbelief comes through when you discribe a scene, then you live up to the old Dave Berry saying..."I am not makeing this up."
BTW, whats the new snail mail address? Got some 'reading material' for ya.

First off, that's nice I gave you a laugh.  It's always nice to know I give a person a laugh now and then.  Second, these guys have a reputation for bad effects?!  Ah man!  There are more horrible movies there with just as bad effects?!  Before this film, the worst special effects came from Jaws 3-D when a completely motionless Jaws (The shark doesn't move a fin to swim through the water! What the!?) smashes through the glass in the control room.  Ugh...

They could package them all together as the Shark Attack Quadrilogy if they ever felt so inclined. Though I'm sure that just while I was typing this they probably just finished parts 5 and 6.

I LOVE the ending of the movie.  Sure, the effects are pretty cheesy during the last attack, but use of the real shark footage was better than any computer generated shark they would come up with.  I keep an eye on the bargin bins for this movie for those scenes alone.  When you buy a terrible film for only five minutes or so, that's a great scene.

A two-man minisub with a side-door airlock? Um, wait...

WORST FINAL LINE EVER.

yay!one of our favorite b movies! i have to edit for my kids, but my daughter who loves sharks laughs so hard at this one.they can't decide if the shark is just big or huge.the ending, where it swallows the villan who and he takes up the whole mouth, but later the shark swallows a raft of people? etc, etc! this studio also reuses the water slide park, the beach, and there is a hot pink float (and the same 2 beach babes!) in at least 2 other movies (maybe 3?). the kids look for the pink water float!
hard to pick but our favorite moment HAS to be the 2 drunk guys who think the parasailing chick and the 'heroes' are waving at them when thye are trying to flag them down!! thanks for reviewing it, badmovies! You rock! :thumbup:

Its a ovious rip off of JAWS but out orgional 40 foot GREAT WHITE SHARK has nothing twoory about from this phonie up-start DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW JABBER JAW SOUNDED LIKE CURLEY OF THE THREE STOOGES

i love film...how bad it is, is all part of the charm...liked your review - felt as thoug i could of written it myself!

you missed out the best bit though...

ben - " im kinda wired y'know...how about i take you home and eat your p***y?"

Not true!  I allude to it in Ben's character description:

Ben Carpenter - Women love him for his spontaneous, romantic nature.

Since when did fiber optics have electromagnetic radiation? I mean, yes, in the fibers they have it, it's called "light", but what possible radiation could be attracting the shark? Well, hard to pick apart the science in a film where a shark changes size so it can swallow a raft whole.