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We all get stupid questions at work, or hell, we even ask stupid questions.  It's a part of human living; sad but true.  Post any stupid questions you've heard, said, or even new ones that come up. 

1. A guy once walked up to me with a tank top in my department and asked, "Will this fit an 11-year-old?"  I asked him, "What size is he?"  He responded, "I don't know.  He's 11." 

2. While checking out at a hotel with my parents, a guy walked in and asked, "How much is your complimentary breakfast?"

3. Someone once called our store and asked what the phone number was.  They weren't joking.

4. My girlfriend works at a Subway, and she says she gets a fair number of people who ask for "a Veggie Delight with turkey on it." 

5. One of my niece's friends once said that white people came from America.

6. I'm guilty of this one... I once tried to order a vanilla shake with chocolate syrup in it.  The waitress said, "Okay... so a chocolate shake?"  I felt pretty stupid, but we all had a good laugh.

7. The final one, a person once stated on GameFAQs that Chrono Trigger was a "Pokemon ripoff." 

The only thing I can think of off-hand, is when my mom's boyfriend wanted to make cheese on toast. He was stood next to me, put the toast in the toaster then said; "Err, when do I put the cheese in?"  :lookingup:

When asked who Paul Revere was, My niece answered with "He was the guy that said 'The Jewish are coming'". My wife promptly corrected her with "It was 'The Russians are Coming' that he said". .

My wife actually said "It's about 60 miles, so if you go 60 miles an hour, it will take you about 20 minutes to get there". I guess she sucks at history AND math.

I had a worker tell me he shouldn't be in prison for MURDER, it should be MANSLAUGHTER, , he said "The gun accidentally went off when I was beating my wife with it"

I was at a gas station when a customer that was trying to use the ATM went up to the counter and asked what the PIN was for the card she had in her hand. The clerk said "It's your card, don't you know", to which she replied "It's not my card, I just found it on the ground"

When I was at the NCO academy during a formal dinner, one of the Cadre told the students that if they drank MORE they wouldn't have to pee as often. Some of them believed it, , one ended up peeing himself.

I had a squad member SWEAR that if a white girl got pregnant by a black man, , that EVERY baby she has after that, no matter who the father is, would be black. I dug and dug for an explanation and couldn't get anything remotely intelligent.

I once ordered a vegetarian calzone at a restaurant. I also ordered an appetizer plate of calamari. They told me they couldn't serve me Calamari because I was a vegetarian. I told them I wasn't a vegetarian, I just like vegetable calzone, to which they replied that they couldn't serve me a vegetarian calzone unless I was a vegetarian. I have since come to the conclusion they just didn't want my money.

ooh another! Once my mom wanted her boyfriend to be nice to the cat and stroke it, as she brought the cat to him he said; "Eeee, no, he's got his fingers out dead loud!"

A girl my mom works with, once said that she doesn't like going to the bathroom because; "When I go to wash my hands, a shark might come out of the tap"  :buggedout:

It does sound healthier than just ordering a turkey sub, even if it's the same thing. Myself, I used to order the Garden Patty sub years ago, and ask for bacon on it. I admit I was being a smartass the first time, but it actually tasted really good.

I was once at Six Flags waiting in a short line for a ride right before it closed so no one else was allowed in line.  One kid kept on trying to sneak in (unsuccessfully) when I shouted, "YOU ARE PERSISTENT!!"  The dumbass girl standing next to me, we were both in the eighth grade by the way*, and asked me, "What does persistent mean?"

*That's just a field trip that every kid in the eighth grade in  the school district I was in got to go on.

Every time I go into the "Everything is $1" store, I hear someone ask how much something is.

I suggested to the clerk to tell them it's "A buck, two, ninty-eight". Let them figure it out.

The amount of times a client has asked me to "just put that film onto DVD for me" boggles my mind. FYI: we can't: there is a thing called copyright.

I get a little  :hatred: if someone asks me "You can't perhaps help me" or "You don't have their number?" My usual reply is "If you already know I can't help you, why do you ask me?"

I worked for a well known pharmacy retail chain back in college and had a barrage of idiotic questions. 

1.) A woman wanted to know what cough medicine she should give a 12 year old, I said ask the pharmacist.  She said, "Oh you have a pharmacy here".

2.) People who would call up on Christmas morning and say, "Oh hi you're open?"  Even when I answered the phone "Hi we're open 9-5 today how can I help you". 

Theres more I can't think of now.  After I graduated, I swore I'd never work retail again.  Too much exposure to the idiocy of the common public. 

LOL, I'm guilty of that.  You call up the place to find out if they're open, and somebody answers the phone so obviously they are.  So, um, whaddya do then?  :teddyr:

My wife works at this little boutique in the mall.  Her boss bought a new computer for the place, and was proudly explaining how it had all the latest security software:  anti-virus, anti-trojan horse, anti-spam, etc.  My wife had a hard time keeping a straight face, considering that computer isn't hooked up to the internet.

I used to work with this woman who was always asking me what time it was.  There was a clock right there on the wall.  She also would refer to the small sized floppy disks as a "hard disk" because they were, well, hard.  As you can imagine, this led to some confusion.

We had a Management Information Systems coordinator working there.  She asked me "If you want to loosen a screw, do you turn it left or right?"  I think I told her that all of her screws were already loose.

Some employee called me up to ask where the "Q" was on the keyboard.  Apparently he had been searching for it for quite some time.

I was in Quick Trip and there was this old lady in there.  She wanted to pay for her gas.  The clerk explained to her that her husband was still pumping the gas, so she couldn't tell her how much it would be until he was done.  This was apparently beyond the little old lady's ability to comprehend, so she stood there, literally in a rage, until her husband came in and got the whole thing straightened out.

I was in a Kentucky Fried Chicken, and some woman was demanding to know why the Extra Crispy cost a few cents more than the Original Recipe.  Of course the employee didn't know.  This went on for some time, as the rest of us customers stood there in line waiting. 

 :bouncegiggle: HAHAH, Oh that is priceless!

I agree.  :teddyr: :bouncegiggle:

I have this special lady in my life (I've known her for almost two decades now) and I always buy her roses, lingerie and shoes at least twice a month. No funny business: she likes these things and I like buying them for her. She's my best female friend and like a sister to me.  :smile:

When I buy her gifts like this, the shop assistants will always ask "Is this for you?" like (a) I wear stuff like that and (b) in such a size. If I get asked that about lingerie, I always look at the bra (or whatever it is) push out my chest, grab my manboobs and say "Nahh, not my size." :teddyr:

Good one!

My girlfriend is a vegetarian. A usual conversation in a restaurant, at a buffet, etc is like this:

Girlfriend: Is there meat in this?
Service: No.
Girlfirend: What are these tiny specks in it?
Service: Bacon.

or

Girlfriend: I want something without meat, I'm vegetarian.
Service: Oh (to be said solicitously, like to someone with a mortal disease)! Hmm. How about sausage, can you eat that?

To most people over here, at least in somewhat rural areas, a vegetarian won't eat big chunks of blood-dripping meat, but everything where you can't actually see it's from a once live animal is OK. (Although I've been at student parties where people would say: Eeew, steaks, I couldn't eat those, it looks like dead animal. I like bologna.)

I can see where they're coming from. When I was little, I used to be much the same way. Hamburgers, for example, might have been made from lesser meat, more fat, more gristle, etc. than steak, but it was all ground up and blended into a nice, homogenous mixture that looked good, tasted good and was easy to chew. It wasn't so much that I didn't want it to look like an animal as that I couldn't stand to have any visible fat, gristle, connective tissue, etc.

Mind you, I grew out of that and I enjoy a good steak now and then. I also discovered that part of the reason I didn't like roasts growing up was that my parents bought cheap cuts and my mother cooked them more efficiently than well. I got served a fair bit of tough, bland meat as a kid. These days, I pride myself on being able to cook a good roast - like mother didn't make.

That's why I think we can all learn something from Jeffrey Dahmer...

(http://a.bebo.com/app-image/6901244303/5411656627/PROFILE/i.yaquiz.com/img/q/u/08/05/28/Jeffrey_Dahmer.jpg)

Same here.  According to my mom, if a steak is even slightly pink in the middle "It's still raw", and needs to be left in for another 5 or preferably 10 minutes, until it attains the texture of shoe leather.

Er, I do that. Just because they're answering the phones doesn't mean their door is open. And often the question is "how long are you open" and the answer is "we close in five minutes" or "we closed 15 minutes ago".


Well, I admit I probably wouldn't ask the question in that case.


Er, I do that too. But only to my wife, and only to irritate her. She already knows I'm a smartass.

I was in a motorcycle shop looking at helmets when a kid about 10 or so had just picked one out for himself. His mother said "There, that should keep you from breaking you neck". I thought that was funny.

I was in a store once and I decided to buy some antipasta, I asked the girl for a pound of it. She filled a small container and labeled it, , it came to .25 pounds or so. I told her I wanted a pound, , and she rammed a little more in, bringing it to  about .30 or so. I again said I need a full pound and she said "Thsi is a one pound container". .I said "Well then, why won't a full pound fit in it?". She gets frustrated and puts it all in a bigger container, fills it, ,and it comes out to right around a pound. After about 5 minutes of her being confused, she gets her boss to help her figure out why what she calls a 3-pound container of antipasta only rings up as 1 pound. They finally dumped all the antipasta in a BAG, , and weighed it again. The manager took it from them and put it back in the container, labeled it, and handed it to me. I guess he had it figured out. Just for fun I went back and asked for one of those containers full on onion rings, , wich came out at about .10 pounds, , in their 1-pound container. They never did figure it out.

I once went into a pizza joint with a bunch of smaller kids. We got a large pizza and I asked them to cut it into smaller pieces for the smaller kids. The girl stood there for an honest 5 minutes trying to figure out how to charge me more, I'm pretty sure the whole "They're getting twice as many pieces" thing confused her.

There's a place in town (restaraunt) that has free refills on their drinks. I ALWAYS see people, kids and adults alike, tha torder LARGE drinks, , and throw their drink away on the way out. I just don't get it.

A local restaraunt has an apitizer I like, and I asked them for the recipe. They wouldn't give it up no matter who I asked. Once I asked and they said no, so I said "Well just let me see the recipe so I can see if there's anything I'm allergic to in it" (After eating it already, as I had weekly for almost a year). They handed me the recipe, , and I took a picture of it with my digital camera, , saying I needed to take it to my doctor so he can tell me if I was allergic to anything in it. They fell for it. The worst part is that I've not been back since then, as they have gone to crap since then.

My IPS has a monthly traffic cap, mine is at 15Gig a month, and $5 a gig beyond that. Every time I have gone over, they try and sell me the next package up, which bumps it up to 20Gig a month, for $45.00 more per month. Every time I have to explain to them that if I go over that 5Gig, it will only cost me $25.00, and only IF I go over, not every month regardless. I usually leave before the confused looks end.

Well duh. You were trying to get a 24-slice pizza for the price of a 12-slice.  :teddyr:

I just remembered a funny one from years ago. Not so much a dumb comment as a dumb guy. Some friends and I went to a local nightclub. At the time, everyone else was 19 (the legal drinking age here), but my birthday was still a couple of months away. This place was really busy, and nobody seemed to be checking IDs too closely, so I just walked by the doorman and handed him my driver's licence. I looked older than the other guys, the years worked out to 19, and I figured he wouldn't even do the math. He glanced at it, and waved me in.

I got a few steps in the door, and "Wait a minute...come back here."

He took my licence again. He looked at it intently for a good 15 seconds, his lips moving ever so slightly. He called over two other bouncers, and all three examined my identification. To this day, I'm sure I could make out the faint smell of something burning. Finally, the guy says "sorry, I can't let you in."

What the heck, I thought. "You already let me in."

Wherein the guy actually explains to me why I'm not 19 yet.  :buggedout:

So, I didn't get in the bar, but I did confirm my theories about the average intelligence of nightclub bouncers.

Yeah, I remember when I went out one night with the missus when I was 18 and we'd been to a few bars, went to this one place where the guy at the door asked me for ID. I said I didn't have any on me, he says I can't enter. So I asked him how old do you think I am? He's says "26" WTF!? Which means I'm old enough then?? Duh! - The dingbat still didn't let me in.  :hatred:

The funny thing is, all of these idiots are thinking the exact same thing we thought once we attempted to explain it to them.  "What an idiot."  They think they're right, we know we're right, who's on first?  That old chestnut.

A woman I work with describing her new cell phone purchase...

"Oh its great, there are many features and you can hear people youre talking to on it."

My wife when she saw a POW/MIA sticker.

"What does POW/MIA (prounounced pow-me-ah) mean?"

When my daughter was taking swimming lessons at the local high school I would occasionally leave work early and meet her and my wife at the school, I would watch her lessons then we would go across the street to Tastee-Freeze and get something to eat. I would be wearing my work clothes, a bright yellow shirt that had a large (18" x 12") oval logo on the back, a fir tree silhouette with the words Arcadia Lumber Co. underneath this in smaller letters was Sash & Door Dept. A much smaller version of the same shape logo with my name was over my left front pocket, dark blue shorts, high top work boots and to top it all off a yellow baseball cap with brown trim and the Arcadia Lumber Sash & Door Dept. logo on the front. Once while we were sitting at one of the outdoor tables eating a guy walked up behind me and we had this conversation:
him "Excuse me, do you work for Arcadia Lumber ?"
me "Yes I do."
him " How much is 1/2" cdx plywood ?"
me  "I don't know, I'm not at work, I have no way to price anything ."
him "Oh, you work in the sash and door department. "
me "That's right."
him "So how much is a 6' x 4' sliding window, the one with the wood bars on it ?"
me  "I told you I have no way to price things, I'm not at work ."
him "You're pretty rude, I guess you don't want my business ."
I remember this conversation so well because this was one of the few times as an adult I was giving serious consideration to showing the guy how rude I could be, but my wife reminded me that we had somewhere to be (she knows me well) so what I said was "You are absolutely correct I don't want your business ."

I've been in this situation several times before, and my answer after a few times became "Considering I'm not at work and thus not getting paid for this, it can hardly be considered business in the first place"

I remember some time ago that some guy called my cell phone and got a wrong number.  When I informed him of this, he asked, "Are you sure?"

Am I sure?  Oh, I dunno, there might be some other people living in this house and using this phone that I don't know about- OF COURSE I'M ****ING SURE!!!  I told the guy that I had lived in that house since birth, which I had, and that no one ever lived there by the name he was referring.  Bah...

 :teddyr: :bouncegiggle:

Maybe he was coming on to you. "Are you sure I've got the wrong number, or do I have the right number (seductively)?"  :teddyr:

When I worked at Toys R Us, one of the managers once told me that someone called asking what our website address was.

I said, "Well, maybe they couldn't find the backwards 'r' on their keyboard."

Are you sure you were in the right house?  Maybe he meant to call you when you were at someone else's house...

I once got a wierd call on my phone once, some foreign was just asking for Habib or someone like that so I said, "I'm sorry you must have the wrong number," to which he replied, "Who is this!"  Please allow me to forward this call to my a$$.

A woman I work with got into a big discussion the other day with someone else about Brazil being the capital of South America. 

HA! A guy once said to me that Sao Paulo was the capital of North America!  :buggedout:

Sad but true story: I once read about somebody in a college admission office refusing to take somebody's application from New Mexico "because the deadline for foreign admission had already passed".

When I lived in Texas, we had a schoolteacher that lived next door that SWORE that neither Alaska nor Hawaii were states. I eventually asked her to make me a list of the 50 states, and she came back with 49, including Washington DC.

I think it's denial, , if they split Alaska in half and made each half a state, Texas would be the THIRD biggest state.

Yeah, but only until global warming causes Alaska to melt (sorry, old Texas joke).  :twirl:

I worked at a Little Caesar's that was in a K-Mart for a little while.  One night, a fellow ordered a medium cheese pizza.  Nothing else.  I made it while he was out shopping and he came to pick it up.  I rang it up and he was about to pay when he noticed a combo deal on the menu.  It was for a medium one-topping, a two-liter, and a large crazy bread.  He said he wanted that.

I got him a crazy bread and asked him what two-liter he wanted.

"I don't want any two-liter.  I don't want that crazy bread, either.  I just want that combo price."

"Uh, sir, the combo is more than just the pizza.  If you don't want the bread or the two-liter, I'll just ring you up for the pizza."

"No, I want that combo price.  What's the difference in that combo and what I'm ordering?"

"You just want a pizza.  The combo is for a pizza, a two-liter, and crazy bread."

"Well, I don't want any coke or a crazy bread.  Just give me that combo price.  That combo is the same as what I'm ordering."

I told him once again that the combo was more than just a pizza but he insisted on paying the combo price even though he didn't want the coke or the bread.  I charged him the combo price.  If he wanted to pay more money for nothing extra, I figured that was his business.

Haaaaaaah! , , funny, , , not even close to true, , but funny.

And since when has truth factored in to a Texan's opinion of Texas?

Relevant story to the topic: We were on a trip with our church youth group (many years ago; I think Paul was just starting to tour at this point. That's mostly a joke for Indiana) and stopped in at some fast food joint that we had been to a year or two earlier. One of the ditzier girls in the group remembered that we had been there (but not, apparently, exactly how long ago) and remarked, "Wow! We haven't been here since the last time we were here!"