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My cat had been appearing to be ill a few days before Christmas. On Christmas Day, he went downhill rapidly. On December 26, I had to have him put to sleep.

He was staying with my sister. She additionally has a family of 4 staying with her, of which one is a 4 year old girl who had become attached to him; but she was away with her father when this happened.

When I went by my sister's this morning, Olivia, the 4 year old, was lying on the couch downstairs and had said something to me, so I started down the stairs as I heard a voice, her mother's, hollering 'Mickey got married'.

Well, it seems as though she could not explain Mickey dying to Olivia, and told her that he got married and had to go away with his bride.

I just went upstairs instead of saying anything.

Olivia had been questioning the idea of Mickey getting married; she's pretty smart for a 4 year old. Casey, my 14 year old niece, was trying to reinforce it to her and said 'if you don't believe me, ask Robbie'. I told Casey that if Olivia asks me, I'll tell her the truth.

I probably didn't understand death that well when I was a 4 year old, and probably am out of touch with explaining it to one.

I just really don't like the idea of being dishonest and I think Mickey deserves better than to be passed off like that.

My only insight for explaining it would be along the lines of explaining that when animals, like people, get really old (like older than my sister...and that's really old :teddyr:) and things get too hard for them to do, like eating, walking, even resting, they have to go to another place, and will no longer be with us.

What would you say to a 4 year old to explain death?

I remember the day when I asked my mom if everyone has to die. I was about four then, maybe five.   She just answered me plainly.

Just answer plainly, I'd say. 

we live in a culture that is so afraid of the inevitable, and that tries to insulate people from death.   

Kids pick right up on fear and phoniness.  I think that if one is afraid of death and talks around it like that, it just makes it harder for kids than it has to be at all.

Young children are much smarter and a lot stronger than most adults give them credit for. It's always a good idea to just tell them the truth, especially when they ask questions like this, they can handle it.

My sister gave me the death speech when I was four.  She was close to her twenties then.  She said it pretty plain, that everyone had to die.  It helped us at the time that we have a religious family (though I currently am not), and my sister was able to explain it while using buzzwords like "heaven" and "ice cream."  Even still, I was able to accept that people die.  Not long after that, my grandfather passed away. 

I've known about it since around 3 years old: Been a horror fan for a loooooong time and my parents weren't shy about letting me find out for myself (Also being a Sci-Fi fan for a long time, mommy gave me the general gist of where babies came from through "parent's DNA mixing after living together" XD). Though I can't say/remember exactly how I got ahold of the exact concept I predict it was partially explained to me during a gory death scene, where it was clear the victim was not just "going away". XP

Err, sorry if that was a bit morbid... :buggedout:

I myself would not have the guts to try such a risky method on another young child >.> . Menard probably did it pretty well, though I think it would be too emotionally-taxing to mention "getting hard to do things". I think I'd would just say that life does not last forever, and, hopefully after many, many years of being able to experience good things, time runs out, and people die. (However, in some bad cases, unexpected things happen and people die too early.) Let experience take over from there and pray they are ready when it comes along. :bluesad:

You know, it's funny you should mention that, because it reminded me of a bit from this book I read (well, heard, actually, it was on tape) called Believing It All by Marc Parent.  During his tenure as a stay at home dad, he was taking his two boys (one three and the other just about a year old) through the park when they came across a dead squirrel.  The three year old asked what was wrong with the squirrel and the dad first thought to tell him the squirrel was just asleep.  But he quickly dismissed this idea because he knew even a three year old would realize no matter how tired you are, your eyes don't shrivel up like grapes.

So, he said the squirrel was the dead.  And the boy asked what "dead" meant.

The dad said he thought for a bit, trying to think of how he could explain to a three year old a question that was baffled philosophers for years.  Then he remembered the time he took his kids to the doctor and let the boy listen to his heart beat through a stethoscope.  He reminded the boy of this and told him that everyone has a heart beat and when one's heart has said all it's going to say, it's stops, and that person (or animal) dies.  Some people's heart talk for a long time, while others only speak for a short while.

So the boy thought for a bit said, "That squirrel isn't moving... cause it's dead."

And the dad says, "Yes, son, that's right."

The boy paused for a bit and then asked, "Can we kick it?"

You know that all depends on the 4 year old in question. Some kids you can shoot straight with them, others you need to 'hemhawl' around with and yet others need the gentle touch. Figuring out what this 4 year old needs is the hard part ... explaining it is easy.

I remember going to a funeral when I was about 3 or 4, but I grew up on a farm so you learn about death pretty early as it's part of farm life, things die so you can eat and they die of old age or sickness and people die too. So understanding ones passing is simple. Todays kids are to sheltered in my opinion.

 

My twins lost their grandad (my wife's father) when they were four.  We explained about death, I think, even before that, though.  With a large pet population and living near a busy highway, there was never a shortage of learning opportunities at hand.  Being Christians, we did explain it with the perspective of heaven and eternity.  They are 14 now and understand death pretty well.  We just came through kidding season on our goat ranch and lost an unusually high number of little ones.  It's just something that happens, and I think my girls realize that now.

"Thus spake brave Horatius at the gate:
'Death cometh to every man soon or late;'
What  better way for man to die than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers and the temples of his gods?"

I've always loved that poem.

I favor being honest about what happened.  When trying to explain the idea to them try to keep the description simple, and then letting them talk about any emotions that come up.  This is the social worker in but I try to convey to my kids that the emotion that the they experience are normal and appropriate and help them deal with those feelings. 

I think that we spend so much time trying to shield children from unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger etc that many of them never learn how to deal with them in a way that does not involve hiding from those feelings. 

I am not a believer in heaven etc but if that fits your theological beliefs that is a good opportunity to talk about that.  Hope this is helpful.