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My final Martian Movie Madness review is John Carpenter's terrible adaptation of "Assault on Precinct 13."  Natasha Henstridge and Ice Cube battle body-piercing Uruk-Hai punk mimes on Mars.

Heh!  Good one!    :thumbup:
I'd been looking foward to this review for awhile.

Yes, I actually paid to see this in the theater back in 2001.  I also dragged along my girlfriend at the time and subjected her to it.
As we were walking out of the theater, I seem to remember her saying something like, "That movie was retarded!" and a woman in front of us overheard her, turned around and said, "Yeah it was!"
For some reason, I actually liked it...and still like it for how cheesy it is in spots.

Ash, if you have not seen it, check out Carpenter's original "Assault on Precinct 13."  It's the same story, but I think it is heads and tails above "Ghosts of Mars." 

Yeeks, someone else who liked it.  I think that pushes the number of people I know that like "Ghosts" up to, er, 4.  "Assault" was great. Tarantino should not have made a remake.  At least they are not remaking "The Thing", oh wait.  Crap.

I'm also guilty of enjoying this one...yet I feel no guilt!

Well, according to imdb, it's a prequel to the original. It could be good.

Though we will know ahead of time that everyone but one character who can fly a helicopter, someone else, and a dog will die horribly. At least in that movie. Still, potential, if that's the way they go with it.

I'm also a bit of a fan of Ghosts. It's so TERRIBLY cheesy! I also find it amusing that it's one of the few movies that Jason Statam is in where he does not 1) drive a car and 2) kick someone's ass via a ridiculous martial art's sequence.

Any genre films with Clea DuVall in them are ok. in my booklet.

Egh...I remember this piece of crap of a movie.

I remember at the end of the movie, Ice Cube looks at the camera as to say "Damn we're badass"

No you're not.

Jack- you're right, I forgot.  Rumors are that "The Thing" sequel/prequel will be based on the Norwegian base.  And I totally forgot that was Jason Statam, this was before all his hyperkinetic movies.  I also agree with Daft about Clea Duvall, very cute.

Well, if I remember correctly, the "plot" didn't include any spirits, it was about a rage-inducing micro-organism. No, it doesn't add much more credibility...

I really enjoyed this one. Cheese and body-art galore... Believe it or not, my wife didn't break up with me after I made her watch this thing. Twice.  :teddyr:

I guess it says something about my taste in movies that I actually consider this a "good" movie  :teddyr:  Yes, all the criticisms are well founded, it's completely cheesy, but I still pop it in the DVD player once a year or so.  It's fun. 

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :teddyr: :buggedout:  :thumbup:

I agree, Andrew: that is a great movie indeed. I told my Dad to see it when it came on TV here about ten years ago. He phoned me the next morning to tell me that he liked it but something was bothering him. He said that he felt he'd seen something like it before and he could have sworn that John Wayne was in it. I told him that John Carpenter had allegedly based this film on Howard Hawks' Rio Bravo ~ problemo solved.  :teddyr:

I saw Ghosts of Mars back when it originally was in theaters. I've regretted ever going to see that piece of crap.

The only movie IMO that Carpenter has made in the last 16 years was In the Mouth of Madness.

That's pretty sad because IMO from Assault on Precinct 13 to They Live Carpenter could do no wrong.

Ah, yes...another flick where all the characters work to survive is for nothing...how fun... :thumbdown:

I'm with you about Crapenter's "Village of the Damned", on par with "Escape From LA" when it comes to spectacular suckiness. For a guy who once directed "The Fog", Carpenter sure has been squeaking out some trite crap. Please, John- stop making movies. I love your older films, but your creative jucies have run dry.

Cle Duvall's character was really pretty and tough. She was even cool when she lost her head. Wish she'd have gotten up with Joanna Cassidy's character before they died.

I don't know why, but I laughed way more than I should have at that.

This movie is one of those that I kind of regret having paid for because of how bad it was, and yet I still felt that it was not a complete waste, because it was at least entertaining, albeit incredibly stupid. Also, the part where Ice Cube walks in with chromed submachineguns made me laugh uncontrollably.

Most hilarious moments:

The girl's initial "fight" with Ice Cube. Rivals the fish clubbing from Tank Girl.

Ordering a guy to open a door and THEN telling him about the dying man's ominous warning to never ever open it.

The crowd of pursuing monsters magically disappearing while the characters have a lengthy conversation about something unrelated.

"Yay we barely escaped. NOW TURN THIS TRAIN AROUND!"