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Having finally seen a (mostly) uncut version of Mitchell, I can assure you it isn't nearly as bad as you might think.

We all know the story.  Joe Don IS Mitchell, an unlikeable cop.  John Saxon is an evil attorney who murders a burgler, therefore incurring Mitchell's wrath.  Martin Balsam is some kind of organized crime figure who gets on the wrong side of his own people.  All these plots kind of come together.

Saxon uses his pull to get Joe Don assigned to surveil Balsam and his giant butler, Merlin Olsen.  Balsam, needing a way to protect himself from Golano and his nephew, Mistretta, conspires to either get Mitchell killed (which would get even more cops crawling around him) or get him on his side.

Meanwhile, Mitchell is surprised when high-class hooker Linda Evans begins showing up at his apartment every night.  There's some dialogue here that wasn't in the MST version.

Mitchell: Who sent you?
Evans: It doesn't matter.
Mitchell: Oh.  So ... who sent you?

Eventually, Mitchell learns that John Saxon is the one paying for Linda's services.  When Mitchell refuses to be bought, Saxon attempts to run him over with a dune buggy in the best segment of the entire movie.  Unfortunately, Saxon's dune buggy is a movie dune buggy, so it explodes after hitting a little bump and rolling over.

That out of the way, the plot with Mistretta and Golano can conclude.  Balsam sets up Joe Don to get killed by Mistretta.  However, Mitchell manages to turn the tables and kill the punk Mafioso.

Plot #2 is over, so we can finally resolve Balsam's plot.  Mitchell chases him into the ocean and stages an assault on Balsam's boat and rips off the ending of Key Largo while he's at it.  If you haven't seen Key Largo, watch it and try to tell me a Xerox machine wasn't used to write the climax of Mitchell.

Instead of a conclusion, I'd like to say a few words about the true hero of Mitchell: Benton the Butler, as played by Merlin Olsen.  Throughout the entire movie, Mitchell picks on Benton for no reason other than Mitchell is a jerk.  Benton finally gets his deserved revenge during the boat climax during which he beats Mitchell to a pulp!  I don't know if Joe Don and Merlin Olsen really had a grudge against each other but the joy on Merlin's face when he elbows Joe Don in the nuts is unmistakable.  Whenever Benton was around, the movie was a whole lot better.  Benton, we'll miss ye!

Sounds coool! I think I'll look this one up. Lets see this must be number 189,777. Damn this list of movies to see is getting long. :)

People can say what they will about Joe Don, but there will never be another actor that has that "Baker-esque" quality. He is one of a kind. That said, I never ever want to see the uncut version of the love scene in "Mitchell". To quote Joel and the Bots, "Baby Oil?NO!"'

-Heather