Badmovies.org Forum

What is the funniest thing you've said today to another person.  My entry for today...

"The Hoff can't die, he's immortal..."

In reaction to a coworker's claim the Hoff is near death. 

I was out in the main office today looking for a glue stick and went over to a corner of the room where three othere guys sit. I asked them if they had any spare and one guy said: "I bet you like to lick things, don't you?"

He then bent over to look in his draw infront of the other two dudes, with his butt crack showing, to which I announced: "yeah, but I'm not licking that!"

I actually haven't spoken since I woke up today, four and a half hours ago.  Pretty funny, huh?

 bah

I dropped my pen in front of my seventh graders today and said:

"Oh, Monkey Nostrils!"

My wife never closes ziploc bags.  She says it's because they're not made for left handed people.  Yeah, she's a little comedian.  I told her that next time she's in the supermarket, she should ask one of the people there if they have any ziploc bags made for left handed people.

I have two films that I had to check the credits for as they are coming out on DVD soon and I have a habit of checking the actual films for credit info, etc.

I was checking Hans en Die Rooinek [Sidney and The Boer] about an hour ago and after winding it carefully through the viewing table, I saw something was wrong. My entire comment was "Oh ******! Why is it ****** backwards?"

Answer: because Trevor forgot to re-wind it first.  :lookingup:

 :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:

To my mom: "Since you keep losing your car keys, wouldn't it easier on you if you just started leaving them inside your car?"


To a ditzy sales clerk: "That's like looking for a virgin in Las Vegas."


To my friend: "If those four leaf clovers are so lucky, why are they dead and pressed inside your wallet?"

(in response to a coworker claiming to be a sex addict, and going into therapy for it) "Well...couldn't you just wear mittens?"

"KGB destroyed Lennon's remains"

I said that after reading out the "Official: KGB destroyed Hitler's remains" CNN story and a silly CNN quiz-blurb regarding Lennon's death.

Tasteless and dumb, maybe. But everybody laughed so it was kind of funny.

I had this conversation with a coworker:

Me: Hey, what's the word?
Her: Hyperbole.
Me: Hyperbole?
Her: Yeah, hyperbole. That seems like a good word. Hyperbole.
Me: Eh. It's not all it's built up to be.

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!

"For crying out loud, no, you are NOT buying him marijuana for Christmas. He's in college, so try to think of some sort of 'green' present. Oh. Well, yeah, but still, you know what I meant."

"He looks like a sex offender with the skull of a goat"

Garrett, stop trying to write on the cat with the chalk.

"Thats becuase you are the product of a fossilized educational system where people focus on becoming experts at 15th century show buckles, but never learn anything useful"

(i was screaming in gibberish)

Not sure if its funny, embarrassing maybe,  I cant believe im going to post it.. :buggedout:

Did you see the size of that dogs butt hole? 

ok, let me explain. It was dark and I was coming back from the store when I saw a women walking her dog. I dont know what kind of dog it was but its tail was sticking straight up in the air and I glanced over and bam! all I could see was this huge dog butt hole.  If its dark and Its so big I can see it.. well, its a freakish thing and not my fault for noticing.  :lookingup:

 :bouncegiggle:

Immitating my mother..."I was your sheets, I see what you've been doing Mark..."

"I do donate to the well being of this family...its called a paycheck."
Myself to my wife
(It was a friendly conversation about me using a gift card on myself for candy and forgetting to get batteries)

God Basket! :bouncegiggle:

I ate at Red Lobster today with the wife and her parents. Her dad was raving about his fish and how good it tasted, so I asked to sample it. It tasted terrible. After spitting it out I proclaimed that my mouth tasted like "I had just gone down on the Little Mermaid." They all seemed to think it was funny, but I was too busy stuffing steak into my mouth in order to remove the taste.

After that word of the day fiasco, my coworker came up with a new word:

"New word of the day: onomatopoeia."
"Well, I can't say I like the sound of that."

"He looks like a jacket potato with teeth"

What the blue dog is that!?

"Why is it so f**king ugly?"

Matt. Damon.

"Today's going to be a great day."

When will I ever learn?  :tongueout:

Man, that stinks like last year's bottled farts.

Blob Blasket!  :bouncegiggle:

OK so it wasn't really me, but my husband accidentally mispronounced Nosferatu as "Nostrilatu".. which, of course, I repeated several times throughout the day.

"He punches a bear to death and throws him into f**king space.  INTO SPACE!"
-explaining Hercules (1983) to someone

"I have no idea who that is, but I know they can probably get the whirly-bobs in the fax to do....things"

"f**k me in a garbage can."

"I've been so erect lately, I've got Morris dancers gathering around my crotch!"

GOD f**kING DAMMIT!!

"So I've been on the pad for 20 minutes..."

"That's the perfect paedo rag for those that want it"

"If they made a bottle of vodka that gave backrubs, you'd never see me again."

And one from Dan: "I shall now fart non-stop."

"Dig Glargg..."  :bluesad:  :tongueout:  :lookingup:

"It's purple and it has his name on it"

D'oh!

"I've got to go take a crap."

the sensation of gas building in my guts goes away.

"Then again, maybe not. I guess I'll just go sit on the toilet and see what happens."

"God, Michael's [my brother] ex-wife smells homeless."

 :buggedout: :buggedout: :buggedout: :buggedout: +  :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

While I was having my cardiac catheterization last week, the cardiologist asked me how I was doing.  I responded, "Great!  They should make this a ride at Disney World."

I don't know if I should laugh at that because it's a serious matter but  :teddyr: :teddyr:

Isn't it amazing how doctors always seem to ask you how you are? My usual reply to mine is if I knew how I was, I wouldn't be here.  :lookingup:

This morning I went to cardiac rehab for the first time.  The nurse said, "Remember, no sex for about a month."  I said, "Thank you.  That's more frequently than I usually get it."

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

Do you think she was coming on to you?  :wink:

Daughter: "That's a little bit funny."

Wife: "What's a little bit funny?"

Me: "This feeling inside."

"He punched me in the ass, because I changed his head".

WAFFLES!

Waffles, Mardi Gras, Voodoo, stale stuff...

Yeah, yeah, we get it. "Funny"  :lookingup:

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

There's a guy I work with and he has pictures up of him and his son in our office. So, I kept cutting all these different people's heads out of magazines and sticking them over his head.

 :buggedout: :buggedout:+  :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:

I was walking through the woods the other day (so its not today... sue me) it was a really beautiful area and my friend dubbed these woods - Narnia -  Promptly after he made his declaration i was slapped in the face by a thorn bush. My response was
" Narnia is like Compton "

"I am so far out to sea on this all I see is plankton"

"Must go poo-age and make sewage!"

 :buggedout: :buggedout: +  :teddyr: :teddyr:

Fiancee's Text: [the kitten] is being annoying.

My text: Punch her.

"Lady Gag Reflex"

Hanana Montana MUST DIE!

"I feel barnstormed by all these retards"

"If I tell you, it won't be a surprise!"

In response to an employee asking if and when we were getting bonuses.