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* Three grown men can sleep comfortably in a single bed.

* If you rub a file across your head, sawdust will come off.

* If you get shot in the ass, sparks and smoke will come off your pants, but you'll still be able to run down the street.

* Most pies are filled with nothing except whipped cream.

* You can poke someone in the eyes repeatedly without doing any damage.

I'll stop here, but there are probably hundreds of examples we can come up with.

The correct spelling of head is b-o-n-e

The best clam chowder is made with live clams still in the shell

The hooked end of a crowbar works great for cleaning out your sinuses

We're all just victims of circumstance

pulling someone up who is attempting to slide down a firemans pole by their eyelid only hurts for a second then it's okay

Turkey is pronounced "Toy- key"

Listening to a parrot during a murder case proceeding can save the defense a lot of time.

You get better at golf when as your diverts get smaller.

Babies don't like artichokes.

Any discussion about Niagara Falls will be dramatic.

You have to wait through long stories to find out who through those pies.

A paintbrush under the chin can cure panic attacks.

Census taking is very tough work.

A human nose can be pulled and twisted with pliers and suffer no damage.

Tamale filling is under extreme pressure.

Severe facial deformity is not an impediment to a presidential campaign.

Getting stabbed with a pitchfork won't cause serious injury as long as it's in the butt. Similar to the shotgun principle, but with a "twang" sound instead of smoke and sparks.

The correct way to eat a crab is to put it on a large bun, shell and all. It should always be served live.

A parrot flapping its wings inside a roast chicken can still fly normally, and carry the chicken with it.

Machine guns can use carpet tacks as ammo.

If a parrot gets in a roast turkey or goose it will walk around the table,if you put propane in a birthday cake it will explode,if you use a saw on someones head the saw will be ruined,if you take a bath and use balloons to stay afloat dont smoke a big cigar,if you go duck hunting a duck will spit water in your face,you can attract ducks like the pied piper,if indians tie you to a tree a bird with peck you in the head,In the puritant days woman had names like FAITH,HOPE & CHARITY,A stage prop can be used as shelter,gutars can be used as snowshoes,Oil will come out of your water pump,POP GOSE THE WEASEL  will drive curly crazy,If you use a potholder in a cake everybody will be coughing up feathers,If you put a sack of cats in a piano the piano with make meowing sounds when someone plays it,Your foot will still be uninjured after a car is dropped on it,Dont use salami to patch a flat tire,If a guys mouth is full of cement use dynimite,A mallet can be used in place of anastedic,You can take a bath in your clothes

Violence is a great way to resolve conflict amongst friends and family members. Kind of hard to concentrate much on dysfunctional coping mechanisms when you're in physical pain.

Short ugly men are funny but violent!

If you can spell CHRYSANSIMUM correctly a rich lady will give you a job as her secratary,You can get a free car with a deed in the glove compartment,Stool pigeons are pigeons sitting on a stool,You can go on a fox hunt on a donkey and a bicycle,Peeping Tom got hit in the face with a pie,You can have a big hulking henchman and name him ANGEL,You can wack someone over the head with a mace with no harm,If you get on a hospitals PA system everyone in the hospital will hear you sound effects and all

The most fancy and expensive hotel had names like COSTA-PLENTY and were filled with breakible valubles that will get broken,iF YOU PUT GLUE on you pancakes you mouth will get glued shut

Same principle: if you eat a cake decorated with bubble gum (rather than marshmallows) you will cough huge bubbles.

A gun fired at you will only hit you in the rear. There are no bloody wounds afterwards, just smoke.

No matter how short and homely you are the lovely Christine McIntyre will find you adorable.

(http://wpcontent.answers.com/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/a6/Christine_McIntyrePHOTO.jpg/220px-Christine_McIntyrePHOTO.jpg)

If you stick a fork into a newly baked cake it will colapese,Gorlilas like to throw pies,Fillet of sole was from a old boot,If your covered wagon has no horses rig up a sail and wait for a good west wind,How not to build a house,SWINING THE ALPHABETS SONG,If you tilt a pinball game you get wacked over the head with a mallet,

To get someone to climb a telephone pole use a blow tourch, on their rear,When your realy drunk birds can look gigantic,If you drink champagn from the bottle it will come out your ears,When you bonk someone on the head it make a hollow sound,When you squeeze someones nose with a pair of plyers it sounds like the cracking of nuts,When you go ice fishing dont stomp on the ice over the hole you cut or you,ll fall in

Dont go chasing a cat or dog through your restruant waving a meatcleaver,If you leave a bunch of eggs in a over they will hatch,When your stuck on a ship you get beans three times a day,LOOK AT THE GROUSE,LOOK AT THE GROUSE,nazi spies wear lomg johns with little swastkas on them,Donkeys go on sit down strikes

Which just reminded me, that you can turn a meat grinder into a gatling gun, and thereby defeat the villains, by dropping a box of bullets into the grinder and then turning the handle of the grinder.

Werewolves hate trombone music.

There is a market for pens that write under whipped cream.

If you connect the plumbing into the electrical system water will flow from appliances when they are switched on.

And fill the light bulbs until they pop.

Is it culturally and racially insensitive for me to quote the line "This house has sho' gone crazy!" in these modern, progressive times?

Three guys can stand on each others shoulder with a blanket around themselves and look scary, SUNEV is VENUS spelled backwards,If a gorilla gets its finger stuck in a machinegun trigger it was shoot up everything around,A parrot in the next room walking on a table will sound realy scary,A owl can climb in a skull and make it fly around the room,If you hide in a ambulence youll end up at a hospital,Ancent egyptian kings had names like ROOTENTOOTEN and PUTINTAKIT,If you get poked with a swoard you will leak when you drink(it also works for cartoon charatures as well)

Football!!!!!!!

(http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c399/BigDaddy78/862266the-three-stooges-posters.jpg)

There was a Nazi-era German freighter called the SS Schicklgruber.

US Marine Corps bulldogs, trained to attack Hitler on sight, could penetrate German lines and wander around pretty much unnoticed.

If you throw ice cream at football players the whole team and the refaree will chase you down the street,At a wedding its accostomary to take off your boot and hit the groom in the puss with it,Ukilalies are easy to hide under your shirt,Mothballs are good for making people fall down the same like with marbles,If you run head-on with a bull you will knock-out the bull,,When the little bird comes out of the clock you can paint its beak,Some sandwhiches will bite back

Chicken soup is make by straining boiling water from a kettle through a raw chicken and into a bowl. The same chicken can be used many times for this.

You can use a coffee grinder to scramble eggs. Just remember to fry them in at least three large scoops of lard.

Vinegar is good on pancakes.

Chickens can lay hardboiled eggs.

If a clam in your clam chowder steals your cracker use pepper,Theres a place call GOSHSLO(GO SLOW)A duck will bite your nose,To get a baby to luagh stand on your head,General Grubblebum donsnt walk he runs,If you fly your airplane upside down youll fall out,If a person is floating around the skies in a inflated suit use a shotgun to bring them down,