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I need a live beaver by March 19th. I live by the Missippi river, so i guess that would be a good place to look, but how does one CAPTURE one of the little buggers? Please help!

I'm biting my lip... funniest thread title EVER!  Sorry I can't help.

drive a nice car and buy some jewerly

Well you try to grab the beaver by the tail. Then start swinging it into a pendulum motion so it start to relax. Finally you swing it against a tree or another hard object.

EDIT: Is this a joke thread?!? Man am I a moron!

No, this is NOT a joke, you goons. I REALLY need to be able to capture a beaver by March 19th. It's for a music show.

wow, not even a titter for my response....it's been an uphill climb here lately.

anyway, found this, it might help:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2063957_trap-beavers.html

Perhaps go to a bar, get chatting and don't be afraid to flirt. Dress well, smell good, be funny and be confident!  :wink:

...And KYGOTC remember, if do catch a beaver, make sure you're wearing protection.

does one ever really CATCH a beaver? 

I haven't. It's always the beavers that seem to catch me.  :teddyr:

touche!

 :buggedout: :buggedout: :buggedout: +  :teddyr: :teddyr:

Hmm...I would be talking to wildlife rehab people (start at your local SPCA? - they should be able to point you in the right direction?)- or a zoo - about 'hiring' an animal for a small donation (or even free publicity?).  If you are hoping to do it at no/minimal cost, you would need at least a live trap and the advice/expertise of someone who is versed in using one.  Maybe someone who has a wildlife/pest removal business: they usually have live traps to use for clients who insist on being humane.  Depending where you are, the wild ones don't spend much time out in the cold this time of year - that makes it difficult.  And as an animal lover, I personally think that it would be far kinder/more humane to use a beaver who is at least partially accustomed to humans, crowds, noise and lights etc.  The less stress on the animal, the more cooperative the beastie is likely to be.

not many threads have made me stare in a "Car Accident" fashion.  This one wins

(http://cautoservice.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/BUCKY_BEAVER.80173617_std.png)
-Ed

This thread reminded me of a line by Jeff Foxworthy, "If you ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver...you might be a redneck." So guard your nipples when trying to catch one.

Oh...oh, dear.

I stuff all the beavers I've ever known to capacity. 

Side note, those little dudes have some teeth.  Be prepared for rabies shots just in case. 

If I had to catch a beaver, I would make one of those traps from the cartoons with a giant box propped up with a stick that has a rope tied to it, put some food under the box, grab the other end of the rope and wait patiently hiding behind a bush for a beaver to come.  I would also wear oven mitts and bring a giant comforter to wrap him up in.

I would also like to add that I am not a hunter and have only been able to catch cats with the above trick.

I thought they were small critter's like a chinchilal with a tail.  Then I saw one and they are the size of a medium dog and way 40 pounds.  Not to be messed with!

http://www.beaversww.org/beaver.html
Beware...naked beaver shots!  Heee

Man, I wish i had some tranquilizer. But thats a hunt all its own. Maybe I can just RENT one. Im always up for a challange, but getting bit would suck. or at least the hospical bill would.

I think that I'm finally done laughing over the title of this thread.   That took a while.

Beavers are fairly large and strong critters.  They also go for the water and their nests pretty quickly if they feel threatened. 

Your best best to catch one alive is probably a large steel trap placed along one of their trails they use often near the water's edge.  The bad part about that is going to be renting or buying a trap, checking it daily, and dealing with the damage if somebody decides you are just a jerk environmental killer after a beaver.

Tranquilizing a smaller animal like a beaver is not a feasible option.  There's a couple of reasons for that.

I guess you could try to actively catch a beaver with a net, but they are pretty big, and you cannot exactly lure them with pieces of bread.  Beavers really do eat trees and plants.  Maybe if there is somewhere that the beavers are used to people you might be able to get close enough to put a net on one.  Of course, your next issue will be dealing with a very angry beaver you have netted.  Netting something that isn't a fish is not something for the timid (or even not so timid).

You need a live beaver for a music show?  I think your best bet might be getting a stuffed beaver and putting one of those dancing Santa dolls inside of it. 

Okay now that I think about that that does sound creepy... Alright let me explain, that really is the advice from the US Army's old version of their survival manuel. That really was their advice for catching a beaver! However since he wants one alive I wouldn't recomend the hole bashing his brains on a tree thing!

 :bouncegiggle: :teddyr:

Bugger the Oscars: I think we should give KYGOTC the award for Thread Title of The Year. :smile:

 :thumbup:  Good idea.

As for the 'other' variety: I hear they rent those too but I would not call that a 'good idea'.

That's another thing that tourists coming to SA for the Soccer World Cup are complaining about ~ rental costs: nothing to do with accomodation.  :wink:

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

You could try getting teeth like these:  :buggedout:

(http://5g8.net/uploader/12652700128149_Image005.jpg)

 :bouncegiggle: Oh man, I think I just wet myself!

I remember when I was that age, setting deadlines to get a beaver.

In all seriousness, Newt is right. If there's some kind of wildlife rescue or rehabilitation centre in your area, you might be able to get a relatively tame beaver, and somebody who knows how to handle it. (Oh boy, does that sound bad :teddyr:) Try looking for an organization that has live animals available for school appearances. It's going to cost you something, but it's the best way to go. The animal is used to captivity and used to being around people.

Don't mess with wild animals. They don't like being confined and they're not used to people - and these ones have teeth that can chew through wood. Besides not being safe for you, the animal is likely to be scared, defensive and not willing to behave the way you want it to, especially with a lot of people and noise around. And you really have to ask whether scaring the living crap out of a live animal for your entertainment is really what you want to do. Look for a tame one, or find a substitute.

The fact that I know you took this picture JUST for this thread is funny enough. :bouncegiggle:

Ok, lemmie xplain why I need this thing:
A few years back, some of my friends created this music show that showcased local bands and we had it in this guys basement. At the first show, there were only TWO bands thaT played: The Bad Cells and Atomic Beaver. they decided to name the show after the two bands' names combined, and the Bad Beaver was born. Weve been having shows ever since.

THIS time I've been cursed with trhe task of bringing a live beaver to the show, which now kinda sounds like a dumb idea. see, me and my friends are FULL of dumb  ideas, which usualy land us in the hospital or getting banned for life from Chuckie Cheese. But this just seems impractical. It'll pe all over the guys basement, and if we keep it outside, it's probobly not gunna get along with the guy's dogs. So, i dunno what Im gunna do. I hate leting people down, and its good to have crazy thngs happen at this show, but this just seems like too much of a hastle. Idunno. I think I need to talk to those guys an' see if we can figure out an alternative.

KYGOTC, in all seriousness, I suggest you sit these guys down and calmly and rationally explain why this is a terrible idea, and think up an alternative plan.  

Maybe you could just use a picture of a beaver?    :buggedout:

Or dress up a dog, assuming it's a cooperative one. Heck, just pin a big, flat tail to the back of your own pants and tell them the beaver asked you to cover for him.

Or bring tails for everybody, and have t-shirts that say I GOT TAIL AT BAD BEAVER.

aw.. Poor beaver!  I don't think a little beaver would really enjoy being taken out of his happy little habitat and subjected to a loud scary concert, when he should be building dams and doing other cute lil beaver things.

Why don't you just dress up like a beaver? strip naked, glue hair all over yourself, jam some chiclets on your front teeth and tie a tennis racket around your waist.. and then be bad - there! a bad beaver!

 

jeez, if i had a nickel...."i need a beaver or i'm going to die!"  oh brother   :)

lol, girl....you have some freaky fetishes...  :)  (not a BAD thing...its always the quiet ones!)

......i guess there are beavers to rent out there.

...we are not posting pictures of beavers on this forum are we?  andy would never allow it.....OH BEAVERS beavers....the animals that love wood...gotcha

I've got wood if any beavers want any  :wink:

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :thumbup:

KYGOTC, it's a bad idea as Paquita has pointed out.  Frankly, it's a dumb idea.  Leave the poor creatures alone. 

You guys make it sound like im gunna FILET it or something. (which actually sounds like a decent idea. Ive never eaten a bever before! but i need this one LIVE this time). Were gunnalet it go once the show is over! That is IF we manage to catch one to begin with.

My tip would be flowers, and chocolate, and take them to a movie or something.




I'm sorry.
But it was so obvious.

Hur, hur.
KYGOTC said that he has never eaten beaver before.

Just taking it out of its home and taking it somewhere loud, busy and unfamiliar is going to scare the living crap out of any wild animal. It might not be physical harm, but it's cruel. And doing it just for a cheap laugh is, frankly, appalling.

But if you ever do get a chance to eat a beaver, make sure it's been washed first, and a little grooming doesn't hurt either. :teddyr: (I really had to fight the urge to use the :twirl: smiley)

I wouldn't mess with a live beaver if I were you. They are pretty big, tough little critters.

This thread is going downhill fast....
1) "Why don't you just dress up like a beaver? strip naked, glue hair all over yourself, jam some chiclets on your front teeth and tie a tennis racket around your waist.. and then be bad - there! a bad beaver!"   I got as far as tennis racket and the wold imagination took over, I am SO GLAD you put in the "Around your Waist" bit. 

2) I have never eaten a beaver before.   Nuff Said

As AndyC has also pointed out, it's a dumb idea and CRUEL.

I still think my idea about dressing up like a beaver is awesome..  you can take the credit for it, I won't tell.

I know this beaver is well andtruly beaten, but....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySvjaz0Xbgg

Once you catch it, give the wittle guy a hug fwor mee!
They like that, why else are they so darn cute?

I'd say find a taxidermist and see if you can borrow/rent a, um, stuffed and mounted, um beaver. Hahahahahahaha!!!! Sorry (wipes the spewed Dr Pepper off his monitor).

Either that, or get an old live trap that is beat up and useless, cut a beaver-sized hole in it, and claim you had a live beaver, but it gnawed its way out of the cage and may be loose in the room. Then, you can go around with something furry and brush it up against people's (read: ladies') legs and have fun scaring them.

But I'm with the others who think that a live beaver is a really bad idea. All the noise and confusion could very well kill it.

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: