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Other Topics => Off Topic Discussion => Topic started by: 3mnkids on March 04, 2010, 11:14:20 AM



Title: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: 3mnkids on March 04, 2010, 11:14:20 AM
A topic in the news section got me thinking about the sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me phrase and I was wondering if you guys agree with it.

Do you think its true? I think its a stupid phrase that needs to go away. Words do hurt. Being a red head I was picked on as a kid and got into several physical fights and I can tell you to this day I still remember the ugly names.

I have tried to teach my children not to let name calling bother them. When someone says something to them I always ask.. what did Elenore Roosevelt say? They respond..No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.. But I wonder if they really believe that.   :question:   



Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: AndyC on March 04, 2010, 12:12:01 PM
Words do a lot of damage, whether you're insulted to your face or slandered behind your back.

But the saying itself, I think, is a good reminder to kids to try not to take it seriously, or at least avoid giving a bully the satisfaction of provoking a reaction. But it's pretty black and white with kids. The bully's motives and methods are simple. With adults, it gets more complicated.

With my daughter, we haven't actually used the "sticks and stones" proverb, but we have encountered the issue. Fortunately the kids doing the teasing aren't particularly good at it. They do it to everybody for any reason. Ro came home a while ago, upset that some of the boys were teasing her. When we finally got the story out of her, they were making fun of her red mittens - "Red mitts! Red mitts!" - and she wasn't the only one getting really lame taunts. We got her to see that it had nothing to do with her or her mittens. Some kids will look for anything different they can pick on, and red mittens are a pretty pathetic thing to pick on. It doesn't even make any sense. She's a smart kid, and by the end of our chat, she was laughing at how ridiculous these boys were. Don't think we've had a problem with teasing since.

No doubt these kids will get better at teasing over the next few years, but I don't think Ro's been giving them much satisfaction. And at the rate her sense of humour is developing, she'll probably be able to defend herself more than ably against verbal attacks. A little martial arts training in the next few years, and she'll be all set. Hey, I used to pick on a few girls when I was a kid, but I stayed clear of the one or two who might have been able to kick my ass. :teddyr:


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: Mr. DS on March 04, 2010, 12:15:34 PM
Words hurt, I often feel a mental scar is worse than a physical one.   However, I feel a well placed retort can smack down any rude people who come your way. 


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: The Burgomaster on March 04, 2010, 12:20:46 PM
I ended up with a wonderful wife, a nice career, and I'm generally a happy person.  So screw anyone who made fun of me when I was a kid.  I hope they're all living under a bridge drinking rubbing alcohol. 


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: indianasmith on March 04, 2010, 07:52:42 PM
A much better proverb . . .

"The spoken word, so soon forgot,
By thee, but it has perished not.
In other's hearts 'tis living still
and doing work for good or ill."


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: AndyC on March 04, 2010, 08:09:44 PM
Interestingly enough, the words that have haunted me through the years are usually stupid things I've said. I don't recall very many words coming the other way.

Oh, there was a little chant I used to get all the time:

Campbell's Soup
Makes me poop
Down my leg
And in my boot

Didn't like it at the time, but now it cracks me up. It's brilliant yet stupid as hell at the same time.


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: Jack on March 05, 2010, 08:18:18 AM
I think if you consider the source, pretty much every obnoxious comment can be easily ignored.  It's a skill I've grown quite expert at over the years. 


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: HappyGilmore on March 06, 2010, 09:33:09 PM
Whoever made up that phrase, is dead wrong.

I've been in plenty, plenty of physical altercations throughout my life.  Granted, I may have walked away bloody (and now at 26 have a sore back and knees), I'm nowhere near as concerned about that as I am the mental scars I've bore over the past 20 years or so.

Mental/emotional abuse where you're consistently told you're nobody, a loser, ugly, fat, uninteresting, etc gives you a complex to such a degree that you ultimately never wanna even attempt creating conversations with people.  To the point that at 26 you're sitting in on a beautiful Saturday night with a six pack of beer and a bag of drugs trying to kill the loneliness as opposed to being with a handful of friends.  Speaking from personal moments there.

Then again, people are made differently.  Some can handle it.


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: Psycho Circus on March 07, 2010, 02:35:04 PM
"Names" do hurt. It depends on if your willing to let them get to you and how insecure you are about yourself. That's what I find. I've had plenty of fights and accidents, hurt at the time, but then is forgotten. Words can stay with you and make you bitter.

Just yesterday I was going to the store and I recived the following insults for no reason;

Freak
Freaky man
Faggot
Tramp
Eww, he's so gross
Dirty mosher
Have a bath


I was dressed quite normal and for the record I bathe daily. Sometimes this stuff does get to me, but then I realise how much my existence bothers these people and it makes me smile.


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: InformationGeek on March 07, 2010, 02:39:00 PM
Just yesterday I was going to the store and I recived the following insults for no reason;

Freak
Freaky man
Faggot
Tramp
Eww, he's so gross
Dirty mosher
Have a bath

They called you that for no reason?  What a-holes!  Anyways, glad to see you are back.


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: HappyGilmore on March 07, 2010, 09:56:21 PM
"Names" do hurt. It depends on if your willing to let them get to you and how insecure you are about yourself. That's what I find. I've had plenty of fights and accidents, hurt at the time, but then is forgotten. Words can stay with you and make you bitter.

Just yesterday I was going to the store and I recived the following insults for no reason;

Freak
Freaky man
Faggot
Tramp
Eww, he's so gross
Dirty mosher
Have a bath


I was dressed quite normal and for the record I bathe daily. Sometimes this stuff does get to me, but then I realise how much my existence bothers these people and it makes me smile.
That's horrible to hear.  People are harsh.  I thought I've had some bad things said to me, but damn.


Title: Re: Sticks and stones can break my bones...
Post by: Paquita on March 07, 2010, 10:23:21 PM
When we finally got the story out of her, they were making fun of her red mittens - "Red mitts! Red mitts!" - and she wasn't the only one getting really lame taunts.

For this reason I literally wore nothing more than a hooded sweater for a coat to school from 1st grade through high school, even in below zero weather.  Kids would not only tease others about their winter accessories, but they'd steal them and play monkey in the middle or other horrible things... even my husband had a bad experience in grammar school involving his galoshes.

I think the saying is good only because kids will tend to leave you alone if you let them think you don't care (even if you do).  I agree with Jack, the best thing you can do it ignore them, it's what my mom always told me to do.  I'd get teased once or twice in the beginning of the school year and ignore it and they'd just move on to other kids until they found some that it really bothered and they'd stick to teasing them the rest of the year. 

Circus - You know that just means you stand out!  Don't let it get to you.  You live around a bunch of doodieholes, you don't want to be accepted by them anyway.