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So I met this girl on the internet, she was smart, funny, all about metal, cute little ebony women everything I could want.We got along great for the short time we were with each other, she liked me, I like her, she told me that she wanted to be my girl friend and even posted a message on the dating site saying that she was my girlfriend and was canceling her account.
Two days later she dumped me for her ex, a guy who made her miserable while she was living with him. He was in a wheel chair, he drank excessively and did a lot of drugs,  but he pulled the whole I changed and still love you routine and she took him back. I just wish she had just given us more of chance, we were going so good and she broke it off so sudden, I guess it just left me kinda stunned.
So what gives with this stuff? I've seen this happen before and it never works out for the girl. Why take back the jerk when the new guy shes with is completely good to her?

I've seen this happen, too, and it is confounding. Sorry it happened to you.

I know this doesn't apply completely, and I don't remember where I first saw it, but I'll throw it out here anyway:

The great tragedy of marriage is that a woman marries a man hoping he'll change, and he never will, while a man marries a woman hoping she'll stay the same, which she won't.

All kinds of reasons, simple and complex, and none of them 'good':

Because she does not think she 'deserves' the nice guy.
Because she's afraid the nice guy will figure out he can 'do better'.
Because she feels the 'bad boy' needs her (and the nice guy doesn't, so much).
Because she feels she deserves (or is accustomed to) being mistreated.
...one could play amateur psychologist forever.

There is a lot of truth in what Derf said, too. 

It's a sad, sad situation for the most part.   :bluesad:

My ex kicked me out in 2004 and never took me back, so  :wink:

But Trev, you are the nice guy.  Unless there is more than the undies going on... :buggedout:

Having served six years in the military and known a good cross section of alpha males, I've heard the concept that treating women like crap is the way to go, seen it in action, and, sadly, seen it work. I've seen these colossal pricks treat their women like s**t, and many of these are extremely attractive and even seemingly together women, and the girl doesn't leave him, or, as in wickednick's case, they may leave but take them back. Are all women like this? Of course not. I married an attractive and together woman, and I'm a nice guy, we've had two children together, and life is good. So, while I've seen this work, and while I don't like it because it plays into some rather terrible stereotypes that I don't care for, I will never be that way. I have always been, and will always be, a nice guy. Have I been dumped for the alpha-male a***ole? Yes, I have. I even punched one who decided it wasn't good enough to just have his girl back, he also had to get in my face and poke me in the chest with is finger (I'm a pacifist, but if you ever want to make me hostile, poke me in the chest with your finger).

Anyway, I digressed. Don't stop being a nice man. Despite your experience. It really is the right way to be. I don't know how old you are, but in my experience many women get over this. They just have to evolve past it. Many men grow out of it too, when they reach their 30's and their testosterone starts dropping.  :bouncegiggle:

The same reason that men stay in relationships with bad women.

 I agree that it's a complicated issue. In my own experience I've seen two reasons why women do this.
 
1. For thrills. They find the bad dude exciting and worth the crap they have to take fom him. They may even think they have him under control and "taming" him makes the relationship even  more exciting.

2. It's a reflection on how they were raised as kids. Any kid will ove, or at least want to love, their parent. To a young kid's way of thinking, if someone you love abuses you, that must make it ok. The kid might even think he/she deserves it. Maybe they even associate that abuse as an expression of love.
     A thought like that sets in when your a kid and is deeply entrenched by the time you hit your teens. Some people go their whole lives thinking this way and don't even know it. Some figure it out after many years and a lot of effort and support.

  You seem like a good guy so try not to take it personally, this is a case where it really is about her and not you.

This topic has puzzled me for years and I think all the reasons listed are ones I agree with.  Particularly the one Newt brought up about about women think the douchebags need them more.  And of course about women not thinking they deserve better.  I work with one woman who I think is probably one of the most nicest people in the world.  She's sweet, caring and would do anything to make people happy.  She is also attractive.  However, she is married to a disgusting, fat, overly tattooed slob who is about 10+ years older than her.   He thinks he's still 25 wearing wallet chains and clothes from Hot Topic.  He swills booze constantly and the kicker is...the b@stard pays hardly any bills in the house!  I mean they're f'n married, me and another coworker can't figure this out!!!

But in cases like this I've just learned to put the anger aside in the past and say "f*ck it".  Not just because I'm married either.  I will respect people for the way they treat me as a friend.  But if they honestly want to live like sh*t in a relationship, let them.  I've seen way too many good men burned by women and quite frankly I don't feel for those who date and/or marry losers.

Don't try to figure some women out...its like a 1000 piece puzzle.  :lookingup:

Ya some of this stuff I've been told before especially about the a-holes who treat their women like crap, but keep getting the girls. I refuse to change and become a jerk just to get a girl, I like being nice to women it was how I was raised and its the best way of doing things.
It just sucks that women go for all the dick heads first and us nice guys actually have to work are asses off to get a girl.

Keep in mind that I haven't been in the market for a while, since I've been married for some time.  However, I consider myself a nice guy, and never had a problem.  Obviously, your mileage may vary, but it's not all bleak for the nice guys.  I'm going to agree that confidence, as in knowing who you are and being comfortable, is apparently very attractive to the fair sex.

My girlfriend said the exact same thing.
Being comfortable in who you are is an attractive quality.

There are probably lots of reasons most of which have probably already been mentioned but honestly, I think a lot of women usually think of "nice guys" as friend material and not dating material or if the guys is too wussy nice as a guy who doesn't have the courage to truly speak his mind or isn't yet comortable with who they are-- especially if the guy plays suck-up to said girl complimenting her a lot, etc. providing her with an ego boost to make her feel better about herself. The bad guy surely adds a dangerous appeal to some women and some women also seem determined to change guys who never will change.

I married a nice guy.   :cheers:

Wait.. you're wait?  Hold on a sec, weren't you in the military?  Or am I thinking of another person on this board?

If anyone's interested in the counterpoint to this argument, you can check out http://www.heartless-b***hes.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml (http://www.heartless-b***hes.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml)

I don't agree with everything she says here, but it makes for interesting reading.

I don't understand women at all.  Quite frankly, in my 26 years, I've gotten to the point where I pretty much sterotype them all as insecure shrews who only care about looks and status as opposed to having any kind of 'real' relationship with a person.  They contradict themselves all the time.  Frankly, I avoid any kind of solid discussion or conversation with them at all anymore.  Takes all the stress out of your life, honestly.

I really don't think all women are bad. Sure some are but certainly not all. My own girlfriend is a sweetheart. The women on this board seem to be some of the nicest and most honest ladies I've ever come across. I'm sure in the case of some of these so-called "nice guys", it's rather obvious to many women if said guy is sucking up with the praise and compliments just hoping to score attention, a date, a kiss, whatever or the guy who buys all the gifts - that these guys deep down have ulterior motives for taking said actions. In many cases, these fellows simply haven't found their place in the world and aren't secure enough yet in themselves to simply be themselves around women treating women as often unattainable objects of desire instead of as real human beings. Not saying all nice guys are like that either. It just seems to me that most guys who play at being too nice are often a bit phony or simply aren't comfortable enough around women to just be themselves.

And we're all jealous of him.   :wink:

I don't feel women are 'bad', so to speak.  Just completely irrational in their thinking, completely acting without thinking about what their actions are gonna do to the guy.  I'm not saying all 'nice guys' are completely innocent either. 

I know in my case, well, frankly, I wasn't particularly being phony or uncomfortable around women to be myself.  Frankly, I made the mistake of trusting people beyond a reasonable amount.  Frankly, I'm a a point where I don't trust ANYBODY, regardless.  I don't open up to anyone, because eventually, you wind up hurt.

She certainly has a point about the complaints from some "nice guys" I've known.  It still doesn't come close to excusing or explaining the many women I've seen who remain with men who treat them like garbage.  I've seen men in relationships with women who treat them like crap, but it rarely lasts that long - usually women who treat men that badly end up leaving them, actually.  And it doesn't happen nearly as often.

I think Newt pretty much hit the nail on the head on this one.

Well I think sometimes too there's an issue of abuse leading to control with some women who stay with these bastards who treat them like garbage. I've known a couple of cases like that and in both, the woman was so run down by the dirtbag guy that she believed herself worthless and not capable of doing any better. Thankfully both women got out of it and ended up with decent guys. I know there are probably other threats being thrown at some of these unfortunate women too who are in a bad place and don't know how to get back out of it.

Exactly. The biggest danger to a woman in an abusive relationship is when she tries to leave.Not only are they physically and emotionally beat down but usually the husband/boyfriend will alienate her family and friends so she has no one but him. There are many reasons why some women stay in these relationships. Its not unusual for these women to come from abusive homes. Watching their father beat their mother does damage. For girls, they find someone just like dad. For boys, they become dad. Not all of course but it does happen.

I hope you were at least able to take all your underpants with you . . .

He left them there as revenge...  :wink:

All I left her with was a bad smell and a bad impression.  :wink:

My aunt was in an abusive relationship.  None of my aunts or uncles knew for a while, but eventually, she had a kid, and the prick went after my 6 month old cousin, and broke my aunt's arm.  My relatives showed up in the middle of the afternoon with two trucks, threw her and my cousin in one, and threw all their clothes in the other, and got them out of there.  Nobody could figure out why she stayed, as the childhood was a relatively normal one, no abusive father or anything.  Sad thing is, a lot of women don't wisen up and get out, and there's stories where it ends very badly.