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WARNING, THIS THREAD MAY BE SLIGHTLY GROSS.  But lets keep it somewhat tame though.   :teddyr:


Ok, honesty is the best policy here.  Have you ever soiled yourself as an adult or nearly soiled yourself?  I mean there are times when you feel a bathroom trip coming on, you can grab a paper, head to the stalls and calmly prepare yourself for endeavor.  Either that or calmly (as a guy) walk to the urinal slowly and do your thing. 

However, there are the times when you just barely make it whether it be #1 or #2.  #2 I find is the worst case scenario obviously.  There are some #2s that are just aching to get out and you have all but to do to make it to the bathroom on time.  Hell, some are ready to go while you're sitting down.

Luckily I've never actually soiled myself as an adult but man have I come close.  Today for example, I had Taco Bell yesterday and I'm paying for it.  I just barely made the last run.  I'm happy there is a toilet 10 feet away.  :lookingup: 

Oh I have a story to tell…

It happen to me and it was an experience that I’ll never forget. It was during the early days when I was dating my future wife. I didn’t own a car and we took the train to her house (she lived in the north side of Chicago and I lived on the south side), it was like a 4 block walk from the train stop to her house and suddenly I had a stomach twitching urge to poop. She didn’t seem comfortable for me to stop over at her place and I respected her wishes, I told her I need to go to the bathroom and it wasn’t that serous.

She told me a 24-hour McDonalds was about 2 blocks away and I thought it was ok.

What she didn’t know the 24-hour McDonalds is actually drive-thru during the wee hours.  :buggedout:

Respecting my future wife’s wishes I didn’t go knocking at her door (although if I did I wouldnt have a story to tell) and took a 6 block walk back to the train station (The CTA has no public bathroom either)

During the train ride I felt the stomach-twitching urge and had to make a choice. I either took the second train to my house, which may take another 45 minutes or exit at the loop and find an open restaurant. I took the Loop (if all fails I work downtown and it was another 6 block walk)

You never realized how vacant and closed the Chicago Loop is around 1 AM until you have to go to the bathroom. So I took on my 6-block venture to the building that I work (which happens to be next door to a very famous and very large building). In the back of my mind I was hoping to find something that is open and I wasn’t getting lucky after each block.

I could feel myself giving in and I ran as fast as I can but my butt exploded on the 4th or 5th block.

I’m not really sure I should say what happens next… I ended up taking a Taxi home a few hours later but I had to wash my pants in the toilet (and it wasn’t dry)… It was a nightmare…

Nothing particularly amazing to share. I did plenty of peeing in styrofoam cups while standing watch in the Navy with an M16 on my back and dumping it over the side of the ship. That's about it.

Oh... that reminds me...

Does peeing into a radiator works?

Back when I was 21 my buddies and I was driving on the expressway and suddenly the car overheated. It was very late... 1 or 2 AM (it seems the craziest things happens to me at 1 to 2 AM) anyway we concluded that we needed more water into the radiator, so the 4 of us took turns and pee into a plastic 2 liter soda bottle (most likely RC cola).

Before you start asking we were not drunk or on drugs. We were stuck on the middle of nowhere and in 1991 we didn’t have any cell phones. We had pagers and you cannot use a pager to call for a tow truck.

Anyway I do know what pee mixed with radiator fluid and soda in an overheated car engine smells like…  :bouncegiggle:

although it wasn’t enough to cool the engine down.  :bluesad:

I would have just shat in Paquita's toilet.   :bouncegiggle:

Its funny how a good sh!t story can lighten up a tense situation.  Last year my father unfortunately had to be taken away by an ambulance after several dementia episodes.  Even more unfortunate we had to put him in a home after it.  Tensions were mounting and it was a horrible time for all of us.

My mother calls me one day after she took my father to his PCP for a checkup.  My father proceeded to go into the bathroom at the appointment and literally defecated all over the bathroom.  He couldn't help it because one of his meds makes him incontinent.  As my mother was telling the story in a mortified voice I couldn't help but laugh.  It then got to the point where i was cracking up.  My mother yelled at me and then soon joined me.  I think we laughed until we both had tears in our eyes.  I then relayed the story to my brother and shared a laugh.  

I have wet myself accidentally a couple times when I was really, really drunk.  Then realized immediately what I did and changed as fast as I could.
As for #2, sometimes when I'm really sick.  Less than a year ago, I believe, I had a touch of food poisoning, which gave me the runs ALL day.  A couple times I didn't quite make it; a little seeped out.

He really makes it seem like he said "I have to go to the bathroom, may I please use your facilities?", and then I replied with "There's a 24 hr McDonald's over there, good luck with that, loser!", doesn't he?  :bouncegiggle:  It totally didn't happen that way, I had no idea he had to go to the bathroom!

Anyway!  He got me back when I was pregnant when he made me laugh so hard that I peed a little in the bed.  I thought I just got a little bit on myself, so I quietly tried to sneak away and change my undies and hoped that he wouldn't notice, but when I came back he was changing the sheets and angrily cursing out the cats for peeing on the bed... and then I confessed  :bluesad:.  He found that incredibly amusing and occassionally calls me Colleen Peepants.

Maybe we'll call you "Peequita".  :teddyr:

Not me, but a patient at work once just went everywhere.. and it was blood, not poo.  He was in such bad shape it looked like part of his intestine was pooped out.  Guess who had to clean that up?

This thread stinks.

Thanks, REV

Despite the horrible and well known state of my undies, I can truly say that I have never been caught or taken short. Except for the one time when I mistook what was in my diaper for chocolate and started to eat it.

No wonder some people say that I am full of sh*t.  :buggedout: :buggedout: :wink:

Finally!  I was waiting for an authority on the subject of unclean underpants.   :bouncegiggle:

I came very close to it.
If I had coughed, laughed, or was startled, I would have s**t myself.
Fortunatley, I got to the toilet.

One time I was at the park a little ways from my realitives house. I had the urge and rode the bike back to the house. Lets just say it kinda missed.

I recall many near misses whenever I drank beer to excess.  One night I remember barely making it home and urinating in the front yard for at least 3 to 4 minutes.  Yep...3 to 4 minutes.

umm, this isn't 1 0r 2, but it deals with throw up. It was either the 5th or 6th of August, I ate too much stuff, after we (me and my mum) went the the LEGO store in Houston (we didn't make it), we were two blocks away from our Cousin's house, but I threw up before that. Since that day, I also haven't eaten 6 lunches a day and is rarely hungry. :tongueout:

I say why not open this #3, aka puking.

I remember one time a buddy and I were at the local state fair taking on ride after ride.  Second to the last I started to feel a bit sickly.  I decided to take a break while my friend went on a ride by himself.    However, this ride NEEDED two people.  It was the most topsy turvey ride in the whole damn fair.  I got off after what seemed like an hour and proceeded to blow chunks on the way to a trash can.  I can still recall the teenage girls on the bench near it saying, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW". 

Yeeuucchchchchchhh!!!  
Poor thing; if it weren't you, it'd be me...  :wink:  :lookingup: ...but I never had no such moment...

THis is a different tack...
1) I was bending over the toilet and my new (very same day) smartphone fell out of my shirt pocket, bounced off the rim and landed on the floor,
2) On a train in England, they had this fancy electronic door in the toilet.  I needed to go walked through the people to the front of the train, and hit the button.  The door whooshed open, all la star trek, to show this poor girl sitting there.    She had forgotten to lock the door.

-Ed

There's a poster on the IMDB message boards whose screen name is IPMOARB. When asked what these letters stood for, he / she said I Poop Myself On A Regular Basis.

Family member maybe? Dunno.  :wink: :wink:

A few winters ago I was snowblowing the driveway.  I was wearing gray sweat pants.  At one point, I ripped off a fart and it felt moist, but I just figured I was getting damp from the snow.  After awhile my wife came out of the house and said, "Did you s**t your pants?"  Sure enough, there was a dark, wet patch on the back of my sweat pants.  I'm sure a few kids on their way to school and people driving by saw me.

Oh man... oh well, my turn.

My wife and I ate at Friendly's, and whatever mayonnaise or dressing they used on the burger went thru me like a white tornado.  As I was walking in the mall with my wife afterward, the urge became more and more.  I told her what was happening.

I ran to the bathroom, and just as I got there, I sneezed (and farted at the same time) and I sh*t myself.  It took about a roll of tissue to clean the mess up.  My pants were unmarked, but the undies were ruined, and I threw them away in the bathroom garbage can.

I walked thru the mall w\o any undies and needless to say it was a bit irritating in zippered blue jeans.

:bouncegiggle:

My mother was noctorious for her IBM.  She'd insist on taking a dump before going anywhere in the car.  Plus she had this vendetta against public restrooms.  Not sure why.  Anyhow, one day at Toys R Us she insisted we leave the store.  On the way home she was crying saying "its coming out".  Now you all know why I'm so messed up. 

IBM- is that the Irritable Bowel syndrome, or something to that name?  I think that has something to do with too much stomach acid?