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Hi everyone

I'm unloading myself here because there is no one else who can/will understand.  Things are dire right now but I'm hoping with all my heart taht things will improve.  It's all I have to cling to right now.

Last night, my partner, Sean, broke up with me.   :question:   :buggedout:   :bluesad:

I was alone for 4 years before he came along and I'd resigned myself to never finding love.  But he appeared and everything changed.  We fell in love very quickly.  Neither of us had ever clicked so strongly before with anyone.

His life is crazy.  He has 3 children (12 - 16) and the two eldest boys have Aspergers.  His youngest, a daughter is "normal".  Aspergers is a type of autism and the scope and range of behaviours is far and wide.  The boys, I'll call them Bobby and Charlie are very high functioning and if you didn't know, you would never tell anything was wrong.  They attend school and have friends and I love them all dearly.

Bobby is 16 and when his Aspergers kicks in, he goes into uncontrollable rages.  Sean has had to restrain him physically on hundreds of occasions until he calms down.  Added to that Bobby is a teenager with all that normal stuff going on and he also has severe depression.  So you can try to imagine how he can be when things get bad.

Sean's ex is living with him and the kids in the house because it's important for them to have a stable living environment.  She has Aspergers as well and over the years her mental illness has been so severe that he won't even tell me what has happened.  His family hate her and his sister wants to kill her on sight, so she must have been really bad.  He doesn't like the situation but it's better for the kids so he lives with it.

He's had 20 years of constant stress with her and the the boys and the stats on Aspergers families are such that more than 98% of families fall apart but he's managed to keep things together even though they are divorced.  Then his dad has been very sick with diabetes and just recently went into hospital for open heart surgery to get a double bypass.  More stress.  His dad is a very hard man and even after all these years doesn't understand how difficult it is to deal with Aspergers kids.  He has told Sean over the years that he should be tougher with them and that he's a bad parent.  He even said that just last week right before his surgery.  Sean came over that night and you can't even imgaine the look on his face.  He was devastated at his dad's words.

I think he's just come to the end of his rope.  I've tried to be the one who loves and supports him but he keeps me away from most of the stuff going on.  I haven't even seen either of the boys go into their Aspergers rages because he thinks I couldn't handle it.  Maybe I couldn't but I haven't been given the chance to find out.  He thinks he's protecting me, but with all the stress lately he's just shut down and closed off and last night something happened with Bobby (he won't tell me what) and he just dumped me.

I'm really trying to be brave and just assuming that he didn't know what else to do but I'm still heartbroken.  I emailed him before telling him I still love him and I know he still loves me and not to make a decision based on stress and that things will be okay and he should take some time for himself and that I'll be here when he's ready.

I know he's stilll loves me because he said "you can do better than me".  He was probably drunk also.  So I can't do anything else but wait and see what happens.  His kids told him if he ever broke up with me, they'd kill him, so I'm hoping that things will be okay eventually.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading.  I feel a little better just having unburdened myself.

Oh, baby.

Its cool to unload here, I've done it and I'm sure others have.
You're amoungst friends.



Hang on in there, KB.
Best wishes to you and your beloved. I do hope he gets back to you soon. My girlfriend kinda dropped me because of some illness problems she is having but she still texts and says 'hi' and lets me know thats she's okay. The balls in her court and I just have to be patient.

So its best not to lose hope in the ones we care about.

Thanks Doggett

This is why I love this site so much.  Everyone is so kind and wonderful and I find it constantly amazing that a community of people I've never met are more supportive to me than my own family.     :cheers:

Wow, thats heavy.  Hang in there!
-Ed

It's 01h30 here on 5 Feb and I've been having nightmares and trouble sleeping. Now I know why: a very good friend is hurting and hurting badly.

Sending warm hugs and love to Michelle.

Thanks Ed, Trevor.  You guys are amazing. :cheers:

Yeah they are pretty cool guys, ain't they?  :cheers:

I just read up on your situation, and can easily say from my own experience, that decisions based on stress rarely turn out to be the right ones.

I lost a very dear love in my life years back because I did the same thing as Sean appears to have done; pushing someone away from stress.

As one who, to this day, has many regrets about his past, I certainly hope that Sean sees the light,  and sees that you've gotten this far with him, and that he sees how much you love him.  Best of luck with things   :smile:

After reading what you wrote, I feel for you KB.   :bluesad:

I can't even imagine what all of you have been going through. Does Sean belong to a support group for people dealing with Aspergers?  If he doesn't, joining such a group might truly help him. 

Try to stay strong. 

So sorry to hear that.  Heartbreak is a horrible feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  Sadly, most of us have to endure it several times in a lifetime.  Courage.

Thanks, everyone for your support.  :cheers:

Silverlady, he's not part of a support group. He's been dealing with it all for such a long time I doubt he would find much value in it, much less actually go.

I just can't imagine that I'll never see him again or talk to him or see his face when he smiles at me or feel his arms around me when he's happy to see me.


 :bluesad:   :bluesad:   :bluesad:   :bluesad:   :bluesad: 

How long were you with this guy, Killer Bees? 
It does sound like he has a tough row to hoe... and he's been protecting you.  I have a friend married to a person with Asperger's and it truly manifests itself in myriad form and can be trying.  I cannot imagine being surrounded by loved ones afflicted. 

I don't think the book is closed.  I am thinking of you. 

Killer Bees, I'm sorry to hear of this and I hope it all works out in the end.  From what you wrote (and yes I did read it all) it sounds like he did hit the end of his rope.  Often I find at that point we shove away those we really love the most.  Either that or we take it out on them.  Perhaps he's in a situation now where he feels he may crack against you.   So in a sense he doesn't want to opt for option #1 of taking it out on you.  The email you sent was a great idea and perhaps he'll turn around and realize that quickly.

You are a lovely woman and we all enjoy your company here.  Personally I felt it was a sad time when you were absent from the board. So never feel silly or ackward about venting because this is an extended family for us all.  A family of misfits yes but still a family.   :smile:  I'm also sure Sean will realize you're the key to his happiness and that there will be a giant void that only you can fill during your absence.  

Hang in there my dear, things have an odd way of panning out.

Thanks Allhallows.  We have been together nearly 4 months now.  I know it's not a long time but it's been an intense ride.  I've never felt anything like it and I know he hasn't either.

I will take comfort in your words and choose to believe that it's not over.  The alternative is way too scary.

Thanks Rev.  I appreciate your support.   :smile:

Darksider, of all the wellwishers here (and I've been overwhelmed with gratitude for them all), your reply made me cry.  Like the old saying goes "from your mouth to God's ear"


Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart to you all for the outpouring of love you've all show me here.  I never knew people like you existed much less that I would be privileged enough to be the recipient of all the goodwill.


 :smile: :cheers:

Warm hugs and thoughts for you.  Don't hesitate at all to PM me if you need anything off your chest btw.   I'd be happy to listen.

Thanks I will do that.  The hardest thing for me will be the waiting until he contacts me. 

My thoughts are with you too,  Bees.

Thanks Raffine.  I really appreciate it.   :smile:

I'll PM you my numbers - call me any time if you need to talk.

Thanks Trevor.  You are a gem *hugs*

KB obviously I don't know either of you, but my first thought was that he is protecting you.  It does sound as though things have become overwhelming for him on the home front.  It is possible it is easier for him to keep it together and deal with those problems by keeping you separate and untouched by the unpleasantness.  I agree that your e-mail was the best thing you could have done.  He needs to know you are there for him.  And you need to know all of us here will be thinking of you, hoping for the best.

Like everybody else, I am hoping for the best for you. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, just the hope that you will find the strength to make it through to the best of your situation.

Thanks Newt, your words give me hope.  He's always said that I didn't sign up for the madness of his life and that's why he doesn't tell me anything, in spite of the fact that when I'm at his house I get on very well with his kids and they like me a lot.

Everyone here has been so wonderful to me and I sincerely hope that in the not too distant future I will be able to post wonderful news about Sean and I.  

Thanks Mofo.  I appreciate your sentiment   :cheers:

hi luv
My heart is aching with the pain you are going through at this moment.I shall tell you something about myself that ii hope will help you.
Ten years ago my life changed i believe for the better,My son Callum was born,Callum is severely disabled and has a condition called Lissencephaly he also suffers from Epilepsy.My wife suffered a severe physical and nervous breakdown when my son was born and for many years i cared both for her and my son but with strength and determination we came through.Seven years ago i decided that my "calling" was to help disabled children as well as their family,s. So i went to university and i eventually secured a job as headteacher at a local S.E.N. school.I have several aspergers children in my school and my heart breaks for your partner and the awful stress he is having to cope with.I cannot begin to say i know what he is going through except that all he does he shall do for his children's benefit. I know that you are a loving and devoted lady and your partner will love you for that. Many people cannot comprehend the difficulty in looking after children with aspergers and your partners fathers attitude is common with he older generation indeed aspergers is relatively new and for a long time it was assumed that the child was being "naughty" and was "just going through a phase" . I do not know if your partner has a computer but if he does then perhaps if you could show him this post and he could see how much you care forhim and that you have so many friends who will not only help you but will be here for him .  I wish i could wave a wand and find an easy solution for you but alas i cannot. i am now and always hall be here if you wish for any advice.

 good luck

I feel so sorry for you Bees. To lose a loved one is heartrending-I know.
But dont feel its the end-you seem like a beautiful caring person-and as hard as it is to move on-you will. And you will find love again. Life is long-and full of heartbreak-but it can change in a heartbeat. You WILL find love-Im sure. Bless your heart. If it's any help-we love you here at Bad movies-! Your family. If you need to talk-
269-624-2391.  I have been missing my wife since 2008-people say it gets easier over time-I dont believe it.I love and miss Tara Sue more each day. But you will survive,dear. And you will find love-no way that you couldnt. If people you have never met on the internet (thats us) feel this way-dam. Youll be ok,sweetheart.

Thank you Macabre and RC.  I've been cyring on and off all day, especially at the wonderful outpouring of support and sympathy you have all shown me.

Macabre, that's a wonderful story.  I'd never experienced Aspergers before and although I couldn't initially tell his kids had it, once I got to know them I could see little things.  But they are great kids and I love them dearly.  I must admit, I was a little wary about a future with Sean, especially the living together thing.  We talked about it and I did wonder how I would cope if I moved in.  But I believed that love would find a way.  Maybe I didn't hide my uncertainty as well as I should have but I'd never dated a man with kids before, let alone 2 out of 3 who had special needs.

He was always wonderful about it and understood my hesitation.  He did say it was a big ask for me.  But it's early days still and I believed that as time went on,  I would eventually be exposed to one of the boys' meltdowns and I would finally understand what he goes through every day.  I actually wanted to see a meltdown because I was getting worried that I truly wouldn't be able to cope with it.  But the opportunity never came and then he left.

It's the not knowing that gets to me.  I just hope that he doesn't do the "noble" thing by staying away.  I just that hope that he misses me so much that he has to come back.

If he doesnt come back,hes passing up a once in a lifetime thing. Not many would be as caring and as much patience as you had. Again-Bless your heart.

Thanks RC, You're a good man.  As long as I don't fall into the trap of mainlining peanut butter, I should come good.  But the jar I'm eating out of is nearly empty and it's Australian made and owned so at least I'm keeping the economy propped up with my bad habits!

Hang in there Killer Bees - I'm way on the other side of the world, but here's a great big virtual hug for you   :smile:  Maybe he just needs some time to get things straightened out in his head.

I can't even imagine what you feel right now...that's a coplicated situation.
Maybe he just really needs some time alone. That's a lot of stuff he has to handle.
But no matter what happens, you'll be allright. Remember: Things may be bad right now, but it will get better.
I wish you the best of luck!

Two things: You shouldn't hide your uncertainity. If he sees it, you two can figure out something. If he doesn't you're on your own, unable to tell him what you feel.
The second thing is: If you don't hear about him for a while, you should contact him. Don't wait for him to do it. He may think that you don't want to see him again.
Of course, wait until the situation might be resolved.

Best of luck to you KB. Love can certainly tie one's heart up in strings and hurt like Hell when things don't go right. Not sure where your partner's head is at but obviously he's got a lot on his plate. Hope things turn around for you. Take care!

I second this advice.  In cases of the heart it is better to find out than to assume.

Hmmm...

Maybe I should follow this advice too.

Oh, KB...I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I've never been in a situation like that, but nonetheless, my heart goes out to you. I really hope that things work out for you one way or another.

Thanks Jack.  I appreciate it.   :smile:  I'm hoping that you're right. 

Thanks, Cthulhu.  I'm trying to go the positive thinking route right now.  I'm hoping it will work!

Thanks, Jase  *hugs* fo you   :smile:

I agree too.  I'm not going to sit and wait for him to contact me.  I texted him yesterday telling him I loved him and I was here when he needed me and not to give up on us.  I didn't hear anything back but I didn't expect to.  I'm back at work tomorrow, so I'll see if he emails me then.  If not, I will email or text every day until he gets back to me.  We did that for each other anyway, so emailing every day is not an unusual thing.

Thanks Gavekeeper.  The situation is out of my hands now.  The only thing I can do is hope.

I'm sorry to hear and wish you the best.  I know it is little solace.  However, take care and hope for the best. 

Warm hugs and best wishes, KB.  I pray everything will take a turn for the better.

So sorry to hear that!  I know I’m coming in a little late, but I hope things get better for you!  I think you did the right thing and there’s a lot of good advice here!  I don’t know if you thought of it, but the way it sounds to me, it seems like maybe you’re a little too good to be true for him.   I know you had previously mentioned that when you met him initially, there were no long term intentions, but you guys kind of squashed that as the relationship grew.  Maybe the situation with his ex makes it impossible (or seemingly impossible) for him to have a long-term relationship with someone else.   I hope that doesn’t make you feel worse!  I still have hope for you!  You seem like a great catch and no matter what he does, he can’t make you stop caring.  I do think he should at least give you an explanation.

You’ve got friends here!  We all like you!  And these guys are always good for a laugh when you need it!

Thanks Paquita for your lovely kind words  :cheers:

He texted me on Sunday and asked to come over last night.  He came after work and we were both quite wary initially.  I was so happy to see him I jumped on him and kissed him and he relaxed.  We chatted like old friends and in one of the silences I asked him if he still loved me and he said "yes I do."  Then I asked him if he wanted us and he said "I do want that".  After that, everything was good.  We went to bed a couple of hours later and made love which we hadn't done for 2 weeks (mainly because he's always exhausted and stressed) and it was wonderful

As we were falling asleep, I said, "Sean, I was really heartbroken when you dumped me."  He said, "I know honey."  And I said, "please don't ever hurt me like that again."  And he said "I won't.  I love you.  We'll talk more on Thursday."  Then I fell asleep happy.  We are seeing each other on Thursday and we'll nut it all out then.

So, cause for celebration after all.  He needs to sort his living situation out with his ex and he knows it.  It's not a living situation either of them really want but it's good for the kids and above everything they love their kids and want a stable life for them.  But Sean wants us to live together and he knows I won't do it while she's in the house.

But that's talk for much later down the track.  My lease here in my apartment is still valid until June, so there won't be any movement on my part until at least then.

When we have our heart-to-heart on Thursday, I'll post a separate entry to let everyone know what happened.

Right: that post has just made me  :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile: :smile:

Hope it all works out for you, KB.  :smile:

In the meantime, please think of me because I'm about to watch the horror that is The Demon  :buggedout: :buggedout:

I haven't seen that one.  I'll have to check it out.  Remember, Trevor, there is absolutely no shame in screaming like a little girl and hiding under the sofa   :bouncegiggle:  :bouncegiggle:

 :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:

The problem I have with The Demon [says he, getting up from under his desk, gibbering in fear  :buggedout: :wink:] is that the producer/writer/director, Percival Rubens was a good friend of mine and the DP on the film, Vincent G Cox ASC is a mentor to me. I cannot handle the fact that those two made such a horrible film.  :buggedout: :buggedout:

We have the uncut, uncensored 35mm print in the film archives, btw: lots more gore, lots more nekkid Jennifer Holmes, lots more bare bums in saggy panties  :buggedout: :buggedout: :buggedout:  and lots more shots of the sea.  :tongueout:

I see.  I was under the impression it was a scary film, not a horrible one.  Even good people can make lousy films sometimes.

I have the bare bums, sorry, can't get that image out of my mind  :wink: bare-bones DVD on my desk: the tagline says THE SCREAMS YOU HEAR MAY BE YOUR OWN. Quite correct: those are the screams I utter when the DVD becomes a frisbee.  :teddyr: :teddyr:

See?  All is not lost.  The DVD is actually a useful object after all    :teddyr:

You see? I told you everything would work out fine!
I'm so glad that this problem was solved. :thumbup: :cheers:

Is the uncut, uncensored one basically just like the regular one that's been available on American video forever, or is there anything new and interesting about it?