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Title: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 14, 2011, 06:46:41 PM
Hey all!
I got this from another website (and maybe George Carlin).  Make a sentence that you don't feel anyone has uttered before.  The weirder the better!
Example:
Polyurethane midgets juggling spatulas decided to chew prosthetic ninja arms and whistle the theme to "What's Happening!" while farting dark smoke clouds.

Have at thee!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on February 14, 2011, 07:04:52 PM
Son of a Radioactive Zombie tiger b***h!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: 100Nights on February 14, 2011, 07:43:59 PM
A living tofu fondue fights for the right to brunch against the nefarious forces of Jenkins' pet squirrel.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on February 14, 2011, 08:52:05 PM
Brettlenorius hasterbatted on the limfanophone over ziggly-seven times last night!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on February 14, 2011, 09:12:44 PM
Rev. Powell, I'd sure love to see you naked!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on February 14, 2011, 09:14:34 PM
Brettlenorius hasterbatted on the limfanophone over ziggly-seven times last night!

Good try Indy, but I'm fairly sure Bill Cosby used that exact line in a Jello Pudding Pops commercial in 1987.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 14, 2011, 10:38:13 PM
Cell phone-using platypuses stomped on radishes on their way to an eco-friendly Gwar concert.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on February 14, 2011, 11:00:53 PM
Ballistica Narphistica!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 15, 2011, 12:22:55 AM
Salmon agents identified cross-dressing elephants hobbling in a grocery store.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Mofo Rising on February 15, 2011, 02:15:33 AM
Look, I like what you did with the pink frill and the trunk modifications, but if we don't sex up those giant ears nobody is going to put down cash money for Dumbo II: Pachydermerotica!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JayJayM12 on February 15, 2011, 10:57:43 AM
Up next, we speak to Oscar winners Tommy Wiseau and Keanu Reeves.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 15, 2011, 07:00:58 PM
Up next, we speak to Oscar winners Tommy Wiseau and Keanu Reeves.
Not sure who Tommy Wiseau is but I really, really don't like Keanu Reeves.  Karma for that.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 15, 2011, 07:02:48 PM
Mr. and Mrs. Helicopter floated on a cloud of butterscotch pudding, then paraglided down to the planet Zeno to pick some radioactive daisies.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: HappyGilmore on February 16, 2011, 12:43:38 AM
Today, the Queen of England hired an army of Ninja Kittens to defend her agains the mystical army of Midgets upset about her ban on chocolate bars in the U.K.  You're welcome.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: SPazzo on February 16, 2011, 10:38:20 AM
Coming up next season at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre, Sacha Baron Cohen is Hamlet!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JayJayM12 on February 16, 2011, 04:33:25 PM
Up next, we speak to Oscar winners Tommy Wiseau and Keanu Reeves.
Not sure who Tommy Wiseau is but I really, really don't like Keanu Reeves.  Karma for that.

Thanks retrorussell!  Tommy Wiseau is the writer/director/star/producer/composer/caterer/key grip/stuntman responsible for the movie "The Room".  I agree on the Keanu dislike!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 16, 2011, 06:46:51 PM

Thanks retrorussell!  Tommy Wiseau is the writer/director/star/producer/composer/caterer/key grip/stuntman responsible for the movie "The Room".  I agree on the Keanu dislike!
Ah.. never seen The Room, that's probably why I never heard of Mr. Wiseau.

Next sentence:
Apple-scented children cavorted about in a swamp of Dionysus's snot as candied yams danced to REM's "Shiny Happy People".


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on February 16, 2011, 06:52:44 PM
Saudi Arabian government announces complete religious freedom for all citizens.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on February 16, 2011, 06:59:48 PM
All Western countries agree to stop trade with China until its people are allowed equal rights and democractic reforms.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 16, 2011, 10:30:49 PM
Chinese goats berated lost Scandinavians wandering about through tarry fields, seeking Cheetos puffs and hefting giant crazy straws.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: claws on February 17, 2011, 01:48:11 AM
Lady Gaga retires from singing and becomes a mute nun.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on February 17, 2011, 02:09:45 PM
You're under arrest for molesting the President on National TV. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: SPazzo on February 18, 2011, 10:17:31 AM
Welcome to Canada, please deposit your monkey in the box on the left and wait for further instructions from the battle droids in front of you.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on February 18, 2011, 01:29:04 PM
Welcome to the U.S.A. where we know more about every other country than our own.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 18, 2011, 03:18:18 PM
If you like, I can paint my genitalia blue and throw dysentery-infected dogs at the wall while singing "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off".


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JayJayM12 on February 18, 2011, 05:49:56 PM
Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen died today of NATURAL causes...


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on September 01, 2011, 10:14:51 AM
     Whilst a novice to Octopus Darts, the sheer excitement made me want to disrobe to Caltic Woman.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on September 01, 2011, 09:21:05 PM
Swaying moon maidens sang their wallowing siren song to lure unwary astronauts astray.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on September 01, 2011, 10:09:34 PM
Mmmmm . . . . Trevor's underpants smell like lollipops!!!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 02, 2011, 02:09:51 PM
Jesus bit into a mouse sandwich and it exploded.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Flick James on September 02, 2011, 03:32:37 PM
Many Venutians Emerged Magnificently, Jumping Smartly and Usurping New Planets.

I had an exercise in my Astonomy class in college where we were supposed to compose a sentence to help us remember the order of the planets in the solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto (this was back when Pluto was still considered a planet of the solar system). The sentence above is what I came up with, and I feel fairly confident it had never been said before then.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: HappyGilmore on September 02, 2011, 08:56:17 PM
"I just love that 'Friday' song and can't wait to purchase Rebecca Black's debut cd!"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on September 02, 2011, 09:21:10 PM
Darling dainty Daisy does her demonic devil dance down under Delaware.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 04, 2011, 12:24:07 AM
Bill Cosby ripped off his pants, loudly farted to the tune of "Bolero" and flicked boogers at passing military jeeps while expounding on the benefits of Jello Pudding and New Coke.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on September 27, 2011, 12:59:50 PM
     My masculine hygene club has disbanded due to cats.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 27, 2011, 02:20:47 PM
My pet gerbil Alfred had a slumber party with squid and sea cucumbers whilst eating pickles and singing "Where Have All The Cowboys Gone".


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on September 27, 2011, 07:00:21 PM
He ordered spaghetti with a sideorder of gravy and meatballs covered in melted mozzarella cheddar cheese and bacon grease.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 27, 2011, 09:22:59 PM
Yesterday in Zimbabwe, thousands of melanoma-infected radishes revolted against the tyrant B.J. Smegma.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on October 05, 2011, 12:47:41 PM
     ....In other news, Texas Govenor Rick Perry has come to the aid of his party with a signed confession.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 05, 2011, 05:21:37 PM
My girlfriend just queefed out a jar of Gerber's Macaroni and Cheese, some hasty pudding and a fully loaded Smith and Wesson.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 05, 2011, 06:00:15 PM
EEEEEEWWWW!!!!

A group of liberal intellectuals today pronounced the Iraq War to be just, necessary, and beneficial.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on October 05, 2011, 07:59:11 PM
Abe Lincoln finished that play on that night.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on October 05, 2011, 10:04:16 PM
Generations will marvel at the fantastic acting performances of Keanu Reeves, Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on October 06, 2011, 12:17:29 PM
     In an unsuprising seven to two decision, the Supreme Court ruled that child pornography is protected speech, as long as a school nurse and a tutor are present during production.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 06, 2011, 05:44:48 PM
That chicken sandwich I just ate leapt from my esophagus, slapped me in the face and sang "Do You Know The Way To San Jose" in a very British accent.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 06, 2011, 07:05:24 PM
Gorbachev sings tractors!!  Turnip!! Buttocks!!!!


What???  What do you mean, "it's been done???"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: WingedSerpent on October 06, 2011, 09:24:59 PM
"I love you, WingedSerpent"


sniff..excuse me, I've got something in my eye...sniff...


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 07, 2011, 11:13:48 PM
Toyota dealerships reached an agreement that mosquitos asking to buy a new car must first show legal identification, pay $3,000 in Neptunian money and vomit cat turds.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A.J. Bauer on October 08, 2011, 07:23:11 AM
There are none who understand the true power of the mystic kettle located two blocks down the street from Mordor.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 08, 2011, 07:44:27 PM
If a penguin offered you a sloppy kiss in exchange for a subscription to Home and Gardens magazine, would you tell him to go jump in a lake of saltwater diarrhea?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on October 09, 2011, 01:55:36 PM
Neptunians came in little spaceships to invade us and steal all our cheese slices.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on October 12, 2011, 06:51:33 PM
The demons were defeated by deafening siren screams and divine dancing chickens.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 13, 2011, 05:40:03 PM
My eyeball is filled with salt; in order to cure this malady, I must make out with a mermaid humanoid, imbibe lots and lots of grape Kool-Aid and sodomize myself with a church steeple.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on October 22, 2011, 12:43:39 PM
     In order to serve my sentence, I must butt-surf to the town square, strip naked, and nibble the dead skin from my heels.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 22, 2011, 08:18:51 PM
Diseased barflys were seen last Tuesday gorging on grizzled butt cheeks from octogenarians, expounding on the positive attributes of Neapolitan ice cream and gargling battery acid.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on October 25, 2011, 05:15:01 PM
The Adventures of Sinbad is a deeply profound show filled with fascinating and realistically depicted mythical creatures who secretly have a crush on us all and one swears it bears the comedian Sinbad's love child.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 25, 2011, 05:46:55 PM
I recently steamrolled a badger, sold him to a pie factory and chiseled MANDARIN ORANGES FROM JUPITER ARE COMING TO INVADE EARTH!  HIDE THE CHILDREN! on his tombstone.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A_Dubya on December 15, 2011, 09:38:54 PM
A Dubya is not the man.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on December 15, 2011, 10:03:28 PM
Super spicy cockroaches sure taste salty sweet on toaster strudel.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on December 15, 2011, 10:13:56 PM
Bouncing birds from the planet Uranus secretly installed polyurethane oranges into the underside of the S.S. Minnow and sang "I Wanna Be A Cowboy" in Al Jolson style.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A_Dubya on December 15, 2011, 11:21:36 PM
This Tuesday in Texas was exceedingly fun when we hit that bong on top of the giant pirate ship.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on December 19, 2011, 03:11:19 PM
Chinese mud wrestlers fought valiantly against the oppression of salted popcorn.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on December 19, 2011, 03:20:01 PM
     Thank you for the wedgie, Dad.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on December 19, 2011, 10:09:05 PM
Irish elves worked feverishly to decipher the mind-numbing language symbols left behind by Aztec aliens from the planet Ignatz.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on December 19, 2011, 10:59:54 PM
was the tiger being humped by that gorilla in the burning store underwater on Neptune?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: the Rev. J. Darkside on December 26, 2011, 07:27:42 AM
Ballistica Narphistica!

I just found the name for my next D&D character.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on December 26, 2011, 10:12:47 AM
That mole wasn't as pervy as advertised.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on December 27, 2011, 09:55:28 PM
Blind elephant-poodle hybrids hang glided from the Empire State Building on their way to Macy's department store, but collided in mid-air with meth-addicted kangaroos that sang the Apple Jacks commercial in B-minor while piloting square dirigibles.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on December 29, 2011, 09:36:29 PM
Wendell Wells walked to the edge of the waterfalls hoping to collect water to pour into Wendell's many wells which he had previously filled with cheesy Kraft Dinner and Meatballs and Gravy.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A_Dubya on January 01, 2012, 04:20:31 AM
Did that evil, tortoise-loving jackass cook a plate of boiled mutton last week?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on January 03, 2012, 09:01:26 PM
The wiry little grey aliens hailed me at once as their purported leader citing my abnormal gaseous abilities as a significant thing of wonder and delighting in the smells I apparently frequently produced.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on January 04, 2012, 06:40:59 PM
My spooky butt had an epiphany last night: giant flying turtle-shaped burrito shells may actually exist on the uncharted island in the West Indies area known as Fornicata.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on January 04, 2012, 08:30:31 PM
The mutant sheepdog/goat wanted to eat everything in sight including the kids' Ipods, checkers, Chiclets and smelly dirty socks.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on January 04, 2012, 10:17:36 PM
If I tape my butt-cheeks together, can I enjoy the sweet, sweet sounds of hummingbirds in heat pecking at my anal zits?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on January 09, 2012, 02:43:27 PM
     No matter what, you can't write off cherleaders on your tax return.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A_Dubya on January 29, 2012, 02:30:47 PM
So, we've all wondered what human flesh tastes like before. My only question is 'who's with me?'


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on January 29, 2012, 03:59:08 PM
My policies have been a complete and utter failure.  I am resigning office immediately and invite the entire nation to join in kicking my posterior.  (from any politician, any time, any country)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on January 30, 2012, 09:12:54 PM
Spank the mermaid's naughty bits until they turn purple and grow mushrooms.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on February 10, 2012, 02:43:01 PM
Somebody please explain why the Prime minister has been walking around with a live armadillo in his pants for the last three days.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 10, 2012, 06:39:15 PM
Nipple-biting manicurists followed an Indonesian acupuncturist to China and sodomized his pet turtles Spike and Jeff.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on February 12, 2012, 05:50:36 PM
The Royal Family dined down on a delicious dinner of Vienna Sausages and bottled beans mixed with copious amounts of Kraft Dinner and Heinz Ketchup which they stole from the Goodwill.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 14, 2012, 09:39:03 PM
Flying gerbil vampires like to chew on lumpy cat litter.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Allhallowsday on February 16, 2012, 06:35:43 PM
Rotorooter needs to get laid.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on February 27, 2012, 09:55:06 AM
I'd like to introduce the ten time Mr. Universe award winner ... Danny Devito! 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on March 07, 2012, 04:14:45 PM
     Boy, that Nancy Pelosi is HOT!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on March 07, 2012, 10:29:27 PM
James Woods walked on his fingers, gave birth to Spam sandwiches and farted rainbows at me.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on March 08, 2012, 09:01:25 PM
The Ultimate Warrior was the Lou Thesz of WWF champions.  :wink:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Allhallowsday on March 13, 2012, 06:57:41 PM
Roto Rooter needs to cut the come-over, wax its bald pate, floss, and change the under clothing. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on May 06, 2012, 09:29:19 AM
Waiter, there appears to be a rabid mutant penguin in my soup.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Allhallowsday on May 06, 2012, 10:40:06 PM
Childish shorty shucked corn on a roto-rooter. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 12, 2012, 09:29:55 PM
Sanctimonious bottles of Pine-Sol from the moon Phobos simultaneously retched when Gavin MacLeod pooped on a birthday cake.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on September 12, 2012, 10:37:30 PM
Cannibal goats from Siberia are gargling with Windex.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 12, 2012, 11:12:07 PM
Are you surreptitiously collecting bat gonads from 1,000 year old caves?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on September 13, 2012, 10:59:10 AM
Hell, Shecky, that hooker's not going to plasticize herself!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on September 13, 2012, 01:30:42 PM
     Never sell penguin engrams wholesale.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: FatFreddysCat on September 13, 2012, 02:57:18 PM
The deer's carcass piroutted into the crowded ice cream parlor, leaving a hint of lemon fresh scent in its wake.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 13, 2012, 05:36:10 PM
I wouldn't exorcise the ghost of Strawberry Shortcake from a poetry-spouting, borax-sniffing, cannibalistic elk with five testicles if I were you.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 14, 2012, 05:40:40 PM
Spunky, spiky, spanked spanakopites speak only when spoken to.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 15, 2012, 01:47:14 PM
Zimbabwean rats rode down the Deschutes River on a Ritz cracker, cackling gleefully and throwing fistfuls of popcorn at Dracula, who was visiting his teddy bear Alice.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on September 15, 2012, 02:43:36 PM
Both the Democrats and the Republicans have well thought out positions on this issue.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Kaseykockroach on September 15, 2012, 03:48:12 PM
I can't wait to see Oogieloves!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 15, 2012, 11:34:11 PM
Did you forget to spank the mutated gerbilfish?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 17, 2012, 11:12:53 PM
Please don't take it personal, but Carol Burnett's anus doesn't like you.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 22, 2012, 01:49:21 PM
Go slip on a puddle of octopus pee, you elephant pederast!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 25, 2012, 05:44:54 PM
Dr. Phibes has 5 eyelids parked delicately up his left nostril.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 26, 2012, 05:48:46 PM
Yesterday my sister took a bowling ball and threw it into a crow's nest, causing it to pray to the Pokemon God of Vengeance in retribution.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Allhallowsday on October 02, 2012, 11:14:15 PM
Rotorooter t'ain't got no taste t'all, not none. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on October 17, 2012, 02:33:18 PM
     Go ye, to the house of the widow, and comb her merkin.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 17, 2012, 05:35:31 PM
I haven't had this much fun since Grandpa glued his elbows to Grandma's fine china and waddled like a duck.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Allhallowsday on February 22, 2013, 02:01:07 AM
Rotorooter needs to stop soliciting and calm down.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 22, 2013, 04:45:09 AM
The mermaid helped herself to a sample of my toejam.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Doggett on May 05, 2013, 03:57:25 AM
Why on Earth would I want to skip this lovely ad on You Tube?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on May 06, 2013, 01:49:40 PM
Was that you that put those lovely caltrops in my butthole?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on July 21, 2013, 03:23:00 PM
Big fat girls are a recognized subgenre of erotic dwarf crushing literature.



Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 21, 2013, 04:41:29 PM
Dirty stinkin' Antarctic prostitutes bowled a perfect game in Northern Ireland while snorting powdered chalk off a mermaid's teats.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on July 21, 2013, 06:45:02 PM
The Democratic Party unanimously agreed that America's wealthy are over-taxed!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 22, 2013, 09:35:16 AM
"...and the Oscar goes to Heidi Montag!"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 22, 2013, 11:25:51 PM
Eating too many Rice Krispie Squares over the course of a year can cause cancer in your left earlobe.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 23, 2013, 09:29:46 AM
Why, yes, I sure can believe it's already July! This year seems to be passing by at exactly the speed I thought it would!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: VenomX73 on July 23, 2013, 12:36:03 PM
"Did that parrot just crap on your face while you were on the pogo stick!!!??"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 24, 2013, 09:49:44 AM
I feel like Edvard Munch's Scream on a morning he had three pots of espresso and sat on a fire ant hill coated in honey.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 24, 2013, 01:51:20 PM
I once bit a beaver on the prostate; he turned around and gave me a crisp 20 dollar bill for my efforts.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 27, 2013, 03:26:52 PM
I need a Hallmark card to cheer up a hangman who just lost his job to an electric chair.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 27, 2013, 06:57:21 PM
Clowns have evil poop.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 28, 2013, 12:57:58 PM
"Don't be irate, you exaggerate, for I'm not a liar," claimed Rose McGuire, pants on fire, her vulpine nose outgrowing her elephantine toes.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 28, 2013, 06:35:26 PM
If I stub my toe on a 6-pack of Fresca, does that spell bad luck for your dog, giving it herpes?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 30, 2013, 03:05:30 PM
Aunt Bea's skanky!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 30, 2013, 05:46:50 PM
In the news: orangutans invade Mars, bipolar rats flood the streets of Geneva and my nose is on fire.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 31, 2013, 03:24:28 PM
And so like boiling vinegar the crackling seas rose into the crystal heavens and thousands died enlightened, aged monks crying chants in proto-Hebrew, young mothers on melting mountaintops recalling their wildest childhoods in moments of orgiastic abandonment, all well pleased, for verily t'was Christmas morning in the last age of fond hearts, and all succumbed well who did succumb in the grace of the scolded wormlet, the orange-headed latter-day god, forgiving of trespasses, condemning of presumptions, called forward into destructive being by the hopeful nightmares of the final generation, moribund in their corruption, and crowned in fire and toothpaste was He the inheritor of a purified earth in that roseate dawn of the first morning of the age of post-humankind: amen!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on July 31, 2013, 05:43:01 PM
Sacriligeous seahorses ripping the floorboards.. myopic monkeys in the sewer pipes.. my roof being eaten by enigmatic earwigs and my air conditioning being urinated upon by hyperactive hyenas.. I'm a sad, sad antelope.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 31, 2013, 07:47:59 PM
As the devil shook my hand, I noticed the ring on his finger was the one my father was wearing when we buried him.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on July 31, 2013, 08:12:54 PM
It's good to see America so unified and conflict-free.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on July 31, 2013, 11:13:24 PM
"It only hurts the first time," he said, as he pulled the trigger on the revolver pressed against my skull.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on August 01, 2013, 08:15:04 AM
Ya know, ER, technically that one is true 90% of the time!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 01, 2013, 09:24:49 AM
She thought the soles of his feet were tattooed, but a closer look revealed the scars of burns he'd brought back with him from the cartel's dungeons.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on August 01, 2013, 01:11:41 PM
If that were the first sentence of a novel, I would definitely read the rest!!!

Speaking of the first sentence of a bad novel, this was a finalist in the Bulwar-Litton award competition a few years back:

Like an overripe beefsteak tomato trimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent body of Santa Claus lay sprawled on the hotel room floor. :buggedout:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 01, 2013, 02:37:47 PM
My peaceful sleep was interrupted by the arrival of nipple-pinching pirates clad in armadillo roadkill skins.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 01, 2013, 03:25:49 PM
His shoes smelled of bubble gum and sulphur, giving away his most recent adultery.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on August 01, 2013, 04:31:42 PM
Gorbachev sings tractors!  Turnip!! Buttocks!!

(I know, Berkeley Breathed said it in Bloom County!  But they are still perhaps the funniest five words to ever appear on the comics page.)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 01, 2013, 04:37:33 PM
When the world was young and he quite old, the titan stole glances at the newborn and wondered what havoc this race of gods would set loose upon creation.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 04, 2013, 10:45:12 AM
Seventy-seven silver scarecrows shot scalding swords skyward shouting soliloquies sung sans softness so seductively stated sleeping Satan stirred, sobered, seethed, silenced seventy-six, saying simply, "Shush!" shot scarecrow seventy-six scorn so stately shown she scarcely screamed, sending sonorous strangling sounds starward, southward, sabotaging Salisbury's scoldingly stagnant September services.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 04, 2013, 02:12:01 PM
Calmly squeezing my buttocks, I jumped out the window and landed on the perfectly arranged stack of Rosie O'Donnell heads.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 05, 2013, 09:08:48 AM
"I find The Prisoner of Azkaban erotic," she whispered.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on August 05, 2013, 12:13:06 PM
Using Trevor's underpants as a parachute, I leaped out the Vatican window with a jar of pickles and a bag of rhinoceros excrement.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 06, 2013, 09:29:31 AM
"Would you like to vote today?" the demon asked, handing me a ballot wherein all five candidates bore the same name.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 09, 2013, 09:56:30 AM
When it comes to apocalypses, rank amateurs make the best professionals.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 09, 2013, 02:05:40 PM
Under your bed at precisely 10am you will find a diseased ocelot hacking up the remains of Alistair Crowley.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A.J. Bauer on August 19, 2013, 11:15:41 PM
The Xbox ONE looks terrific!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on August 19, 2013, 11:47:39 PM
Paquita gently squeezed the Hostess Snoballs, imagining the face of Kristen Stewart.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 19, 2013, 11:53:42 PM
A pair of hydrocephalic lesbians catered some Scandinavian rat hair pizza to my doorstep at approximately 7:30AM this morning; I tipped them with a Street Fighter II pog.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on August 20, 2013, 03:23:20 PM
The WWE Championship belt was won by a stray duck that somehow wandered into the arena. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 20, 2013, 05:50:04 PM
It's cool to crystallize pee and snort it.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on August 21, 2013, 06:47:32 PM
"Why, no, Ellie, I never dated her in the '90s."


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 21, 2013, 07:06:50 PM
Grabbing your junk is a sure sign of high intelligence.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A.J. Bauer on August 22, 2013, 07:04:10 PM
When I was but a wee lad I performed a backward flip off a 50 story mountain firing my 9mm into the jungle resulting in the death of exactly 23 Vietcong.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 22, 2013, 07:46:34 PM
There's poop in them thar volcanoes!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on August 25, 2013, 12:07:13 AM
Call now and we'll molest your water buffalo for half price! 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on August 25, 2013, 01:19:10 AM
I just got a few cool new scratch-and-sniff stickers: "antelope butt", "rancid open sore" and "pyrotechnic loogie".


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Umaril Has Returned on August 26, 2013, 03:29:28 PM
Call now and we'll molest your water buffalo for half price! 

lmao!!!!  That sounds like something from that website engrish.com   :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 25, 2013, 11:22:20 PM
To her horror the new mother saw her infant son had the milkman's unmistakable eyes, though how he came into the world clutching them warm and bleeding in his tiny fists, no one was ever to know, but across town at the moment of the child's birth the hapless milkman was suddenly heard to scream, "I'm blind! I'm blind!" a fact to which the open hollows in his face testified only too acutely.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 26, 2013, 02:14:09 PM
Char-broiled pygmy children are the tastiest morsels!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 26, 2013, 03:39:40 PM
She would always wonder if keeping that extra bit of him was the right thing to do.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A.J. Bauer on September 26, 2013, 10:26:53 PM
Twas but the silence 'o Nilbog that broke the hustling leaves upon the dark side of the moon.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 26, 2013, 10:36:52 PM
Rotund chipmunks make the heart grow fonder.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on September 26, 2013, 11:37:02 PM
Man, I would give anything if an ogre would eat my spleen.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 27, 2013, 04:13:19 AM
Get off that pterodactyl, sarsaparilla butt!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 27, 2013, 09:11:15 AM
The twinkling flames on the pilot light were as blue as the frozen berry daiquiri she'd had the night she'd turned twenty-one, and the memory of that night cheered her for a moment---even a Top 40 song from that era flew through her mind---but then she remembered the tragedy of the present and decided she couldn't live in a world without Louis Rukeyser in it, so with her lips shaped into a perfect "O" she blew out the fire below the oven and settled down to wait for sleep unending, the hiss of escaping gas crowding out the sound of the cars on the street outside, its unchanging sigh a last melody.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 27, 2013, 06:20:20 PM
My ex-wife (a water buffalo) gave me an STD which formed a horn in my left armpit; I went to the doctor to have it removed, but he spontaneously combusted.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 28, 2013, 08:50:56 PM
Eternal life being miserably boring without little wagers between deities, the sword’s edge was filed to the thickness of merest atoms, yet Ganesh danced its length above the roiling fires, proving his grace before all witnesses to Kali’s test, setting the albino monkeys in the gallery howling with laughter, and causing the purple sky to split with lightning forks crackling like the rage flying from the goddess' dark heart, as with pain she admitted, "Elephant god, today you win."


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 29, 2013, 12:04:11 PM
See Dick and Jane run: run, run, run, away from Mr. Thompson's wandering hands.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 30, 2013, 11:54:55 AM
There are no second acts in one-act plays.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on September 30, 2013, 05:45:49 PM
After polishing off a pint of Chocolate Cockroach and Earwig Swirl Haagen-Dasz I threw it back into the pile of manure from which I fetched it.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on September 30, 2013, 11:15:23 PM
With an insouciance characteristic of his kind, the dog ate the leftover spaghetti his master offered him, then dutifully fetched the nylabone in the back yard, all the while faithfully regarding his owner as a god, tamping down the heretical thought common to canines: how can these humans be so amazing and yet smell so bad?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on September 30, 2013, 11:36:40 PM
My cat is secretly a lungfish in a feline body; late at night, when he thinks I am not watching, the fins poke out from under his fur.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 01, 2013, 01:51:29 AM
Jack the pit viper read an article on the growing interest in disco orgies while eating a whale fetus.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 01, 2013, 09:47:30 PM
Gee, Michelle, do you think maybe I'm just plain wrong about everything?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 01, 2013, 10:55:49 PM
Rubbing salt into your duodenum and paprika in your coccyx supposedly brings you Bohemian luck.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 01, 2013, 11:09:46 PM
Eat your candy floss before the Russians beat you to it.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 01, 2013, 11:59:48 PM
Stay away from my frog or I will perforate your abdominal cavity! :hatred:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 02, 2013, 08:50:42 AM
The woman, soon to number among the missing, was certain the Art Deco elevator with the flickering overhead light had been empty when she stepped onto it after working alone so late, so why, below a dirge of distant jazz, did she hear breathing coming from behind her, and why had a button for a non-existent 13th floor suddenly appeared on the panel, its glow an eerie shade of red?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 02, 2013, 01:33:36 PM
Man, there's nothing more embarrassing than accidentally sodomizing yourself with a toothbrush and drinking razor blades.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 02, 2013, 11:02:27 PM
Cat poops taste like dill pickles and cottage cheese.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 03, 2013, 11:00:35 AM
How lightning sings in a tongue primordial!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 03, 2013, 02:05:44 PM
Excuse me, but your aardvark is molesting my drill sergeant in front of a live studio audience.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 03, 2013, 11:57:41 PM
My favorite flavor of ice cream isn't legal in twenty-three states.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 04, 2013, 06:24:30 AM
I'm glad I'm going to work today so I can't go arrowhead hunting.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 04, 2013, 09:07:13 PM
Honorary DARE president Willie Nelson celebrated 4-20 with his usual evening of sobriety.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 06, 2013, 08:48:30 PM
"Never heard of Husker football," said the native of Omaha.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 07, 2013, 03:00:48 PM
The ghoul found he rarely went hungry after moving down the street from the hospital's dumpster.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 07, 2013, 05:47:31 PM
Office, arrest that snowman; he sawed off my gluteus maximus with a butter knife!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 12, 2013, 02:17:52 PM
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night worrying that there's a bullet with my name on it, but then I realize carving my name in a bullet might mess with its accuracy, making the shooter miss, so after that I'm able to fall back asleep.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 12, 2013, 02:24:13 PM
Well, slap my prostate and called me an emaciated apatosaurus; I've grown a THIRD pair of testicles!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 13, 2013, 10:09:24 AM
Against the peeling tones of the church bells of Compline, her withered features softened in the somber moonlight, youthening, her skin cast in tones of December ice, canceling the cosmetic rosebuds on her cheeks, equally frightening and lovely to behold, an act of magic, a blasphemy against logic, manifesting before his widened eyes so that he shrank from her even as he felt his hand reaching out, judging his very life fair price for an instant's caressing of her face, connecting with the mystery of what exactly she had become, or unknown to him, always was.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 13, 2013, 08:10:57 PM
Hey, don't slap my synchopated kitty with a paralyzed mole rat whilst reciting ancient Celtic poetry till its ears bleed.. sheesh, the noive of some phonographs!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 14, 2013, 10:53:56 AM
The floors of Comic-Con were littered with Watchtowers the gift of the Witnesses being unappreciated, though when the Rapture occurred mid-way through Gaiman's televised speech on day two, the faithful laughed a bit as they floated Heaven-ward looking down on the stunned faces of costumed nerdkind below them.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 15, 2013, 09:37:03 AM
"Shalom, welcome to Walmart."


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 15, 2013, 01:49:26 PM
Surreptitious lobsters spanked me with a waffle iron, then disappeared into the cheesy darkness forever.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 16, 2013, 10:04:47 AM
The leaves are a metaphor for existence itself: some fall from the branches early and young, others in middle-age, most late in the year, a few hang on long past when others around them are gone, but in the end all depart to make way for new generations.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 20, 2013, 12:04:54 PM
It's fun to spackle your house with poop.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 20, 2013, 12:05:44 PM
My erection has not subsided in 14 years.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 20, 2013, 01:36:58 PM
They get PS4 a day early in Heaven; they get XBOX One a month early in Hell.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 21, 2013, 03:21:57 PM
We thought Emily Dickinson having a bad hair day was haunting the fourth floor restroom cleaning the mirrors with semicircular motions her toothbrush, but turns out it was just a lesbian from the sociology department sporting a fluctuating case of multiple personality disorder brought on by bad tuna pot pie.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 21, 2013, 05:45:17 PM
I wanted to ask my flowerpot-wearing pet orangutan Fartface if he needed a ride to the Edsel fan club convention, but he just inflated his butt cheeks, sneered at me and spasmodically wobbled down the corridor and out of my life forever.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 21, 2013, 10:14:52 PM
My hovercraft may never be filled with eels, but it sports a mean goatee!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on October 22, 2013, 08:03:06 AM
The zombie eels are raping trees full of dead nuclear waste from Neptune.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 22, 2013, 08:50:51 AM
If you ever have coitus with Mother Nature, be sure to call her the next day or she might send a tornado to your house.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 22, 2013, 02:02:03 PM
Dig that crazy hemophiliac composaurus; he likes dancing the Charleston during heart surgeries while setting Cheetos on fire and starting political debates at random with nuns and clergymen!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 22, 2013, 04:08:18 PM
If misery had a flavor it would mirror the soda-bread-made-from-ashes taste which defeat had sired on the tongue of the shackled runaway with hair draping over her teenaged eyes in the cold back seat of a county police car that smelled of anguish-sweat and white box cigarettes smoked on the sly.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 22, 2013, 05:47:01 PM
Don't take this personally, but I've seen your lymph nodes do an impersonation of a headless Bob Costas doing play-by-play for a Diptheria Blazers vs. Tracheotomy Pistons game, and I was not impressed.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 23, 2013, 09:05:03 AM
Downwind from Auschwitz rabbits played amid the tall, swaying grass, having learned to ignore the acrid smoke that punctured nights sternly broken by high-powered spotlights that kept the space between the pressboard cabins awash with the unending presence of an artificial high noon.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 23, 2013, 05:35:50 PM
The ghost of H.P. Lovecraft is playing solitaire in my cat box.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: El Misfit on October 23, 2013, 05:41:06 PM
I ejaculate cold lava


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 23, 2013, 11:19:44 PM
"Yes, Ms. Rowling," said the devil in 1997, "people the world over will be irresistibly drawn to your tales of a boy wizard; now please sign on the dotted line."


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 24, 2013, 01:52:17 AM
How did that sordid lizard covered in guacamole not see the inflatable eel come swooping in from the 48th dimension to grab a hefty snack in its talons made of Twix?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: A.J. Bauer on October 24, 2013, 09:17:24 AM
There are eels in my hovercraft!

Wait what was that? THE HELL DO YOU MEAN MONTY PYTHON DID IT FIRST?!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 24, 2013, 01:31:21 PM
Don't knock it till you've tried it; scooping clam chowder into your anus and inhaling liquified bear hearts into your nostrils while rolling in skunk manure can be very beneficial to your health.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 25, 2013, 08:46:16 PM
Wow, the finale of Lost made everything clear!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 28, 2013, 05:51:20 PM
Soupy Sales wanted to take my virginity, but I slashed his scrotum with a jagged turnip and told him to go insult an angry rhinocerous in Kenya.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 29, 2013, 09:43:39 AM
Four forceful flamingoes fondly fondled fizzing Faygos feeling favored finding five fantastic flavors, first for Father Ferd, finally for fabulous Frida Ferguson, furnace fuel finder for Fargo’s facility fifteen.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 29, 2013, 05:44:45 PM
Hey; did I SAY you could smash my duodenum with a ferret corpse and scatter the itty bitty remains into the Antarctic Ocean with a t-shirt launcher?!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on October 29, 2013, 11:26:08 PM
This conversation actually happened between me and one of my students today:

"Mr. Smith, there is a chicken head on the floor."
"Just put it back on the Ninja."


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 30, 2013, 01:36:49 PM
In the back seat heading home from the spoiling wonderland of Grandma B's house, three-headed Dai-keag-ity was crying so loudly that for just an instant the mother mourned for the days of her virginity.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on October 31, 2013, 03:02:55 PM
Godzilla asked his rabbi if the Tokyo skyline was kosher.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 04, 2013, 12:16:42 AM
When the guard with the twisted sense of humor promised that for a price he would smuggle the inmate's wife into the prison, the husband didn't figure on her arriving stuffed inside three separate laundry bags.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 04, 2013, 03:10:12 PM
My surgically altered areola aches for Slim Whitman's gooey touch.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 05, 2013, 01:26:19 PM
Science's greatest achievement is convincing the world Australia actually exists.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 05, 2013, 06:27:12 PM
Luke.. if only you knew the power of boogers; then you and I could rule the rancid eggplant universe together, as Father and Piglet!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 05, 2013, 07:53:40 PM
The irony was stupendous: she'd turned her back for just a moment and now, to her child's mirth, yesterday's forty-dollar birthday cake lies half-eaten by a purloining Labrador named for the cake's flavor, chocolate.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 06, 2013, 12:58:42 PM
Shame is its own reward.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 10, 2013, 10:48:40 AM
In the year 2025, risking arrest, beatings, imprisonment and chemical "re-education", the Trans-Fat Lover's Club, deviant social rebels in a nation where marijuana was legal but whole milk was not, held an annual picnic in the catacomb of the chairman's suburban basement, amid the forbidden cookbooks of ages past, where all the windows were draped, the doors double-locked, and blood oaths of secrecy painstakingly uttered before they feasted til midnight on raw cheddar cheese, pepperoni pizza, old-fashioned potato chips, and three-layer chocolate chunk cake.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 16, 2013, 11:23:03 PM
Blathering potraggas, butten em hassen unna mack, unna mack, unna mack, etreve k'lasso.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 17, 2013, 12:10:10 AM
Quit spanking that invalid spider monkey's coccyx and get over here and help me defibrillate this toxic clam's eyeball!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on November 17, 2013, 10:00:37 PM
I think my mother's kidney stones are the Deity of this strange, alien culture.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 19, 2013, 03:45:25 PM
Under an age-grayed boardwalk built in better days by men long-dead, its bisected shade a solace against the July heat of the coast, the one-armed popcorn vendor took an interest in the outcome of the hula-hoop contest for girls under ten, while out to sea, unseen by all, the hard-drinking Russian model dove off the lecherous Yemeni's sailboat and swam toward the shore in the face of a riptide which pulled at her bikini bottom with tiny, insistent fingers, making her cuss but breaststroke with renewed determination to reach land before the next wave set her coughing again, aware the odds of her success were at best fifty-fifty, and that in dying too young the hopes pinned on her by her mother back in Novosibirsk would pass unfulfilled, and all the surgeries, the lessons in voice, in stride and demeanor, in makeup, all the little tricks to make her green eyes smolder, the black market mortgage itself that sent her to America, all would be moot if she drowned here off this second-rate vacation town, so she swam harder still and made some progress, swearing black revenge on the man on the sailboat, whose coke-whited laughter still carried over the choppy water, sizzling in her ears, leaving her to think I will kill him for this, I will, I will...


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 19, 2013, 06:46:00 PM
The pinnacle of my life to this point has been the day when my elephantiasis grew to such epic size that it blocked out the sun and forced scientists to invent artificial skylight.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 20, 2013, 02:10:03 PM
"Do you suppose," he said, "that Yoda has a penis?"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 20, 2013, 03:33:03 PM
"Do you suppose," he said, "that Yoda has a penis?"
Not a day goes by that I don't wonder that myself..


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on November 20, 2013, 03:42:28 PM
Say what you will about crack-smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford, but you have to admit he has a mighty fine vagina.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 21, 2013, 03:57:38 PM
The grizzled old prospector shouted, "There's gold in them there colons!"


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 21, 2013, 06:42:57 PM
"Do you like the hat I'm wearing on my butt?  I special-ordered it from Myopic Milliner's, Inc. and felt that the shade of diseased snot would go well with the color of my sebacious cyst", Marianne Buttpimple said seductively.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 22, 2013, 10:48:56 AM
Quote
"Do you like the hat I'm wearing on my butt?  I special-ordered it from Myopic Milliner's, Inc. and felt that the shade of diseased snot would go well with the color of my sebacious cyst", Marianne Buttpimple said seductively.

(Psst, that's two sentences.)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on November 24, 2013, 01:07:22 PM
Determined to be the first to see The Hobbit, camped outside the multiplex since last Tuesday, wearing the same underwear and now almost out of Doritos, caught in a miserably cold rain beating against the olive drab canvas of his tent, he sat and shivered, hoping some woman somewhere would find his level of commitment sexy.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 25, 2013, 06:53:22 PM
Quote
"Do you like the hat I'm wearing on my butt?  I special-ordered it from Myopic Milliner's, Inc. and felt that the shade of diseased snot would go well with the color of my sebacious cyst", Marianne Buttpimple said seductively.

(Psst, that's two sentences.)
I initially didn't really count it as such, since I felt it was initially a single sentence with a simple quoting of another person in it.  Maybe not.  Oh well, it was kind of a dumb one anyway.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Rev. Powell on December 11, 2013, 12:41:09 PM
Maybe the Juggalos were right about Tila Tequila.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on December 11, 2013, 02:54:02 PM
Hey.. if you don't smear marmalade on your sphincter, you'll never win the love of Dig 'Em the frog!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Gst0395 on December 12, 2013, 04:26:01 PM
"Maybe you should simply go back to that hellhole of a college and forget that you ever saw this complete abomination that they had the nerve to call a movie!"

Makes sense? You decide.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on December 14, 2013, 02:46:10 AM
9 out of 10 gynecologists recommend women use icicles for tampons.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 18, 2014, 10:00:30 PM
Don't just stand there; help me pour hot melted cheese into this badger's coccyx!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on November 18, 2014, 10:40:37 PM
Eva Green may well be the ugliest woman on earth naked.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on November 19, 2014, 12:09:48 AM
Aren't you going to congratulate me for having such nice concave purple teeth?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: JaseSF on November 19, 2014, 07:42:48 PM
I'm amazed by the talent and originality of popular mainstream singers nowadays who never borrow any ideas from the past.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on January 22, 2015, 01:15:20 AM
I'm gonna tie this loop of barbed wire around my testicles and drink this gallon of bleach while gouging out my eyes with a fondue fork; won't that be fun??


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Trevor on May 07, 2015, 02:06:50 AM
I'm gonna tie this loop of barbed wire around my testicles and drink this gallon of bleach while gouging out my eyes with a fondue fork; won't that be fun??

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  :buggedout: :buggedout: :wink:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Trevor on May 07, 2015, 02:07:49 AM
"I am wearing clean underpants."  - Trevor T. Moses  :wink:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on May 07, 2015, 05:20:19 AM
My dog and I just had a baby together; I'm gonna name it Twinkletoes and feed it dehydrated hamsters till it pukes!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: FatFreddysCat on May 07, 2015, 03:56:06 PM
Poison's Look What The Cat Dragged In album will be the soundtrack to the next youth rebellion!!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on May 07, 2015, 09:09:04 PM
I sure hope Roseanne Barr will pose for the next issue of PLAYBOY!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Trevor on May 08, 2015, 01:59:07 AM
I sure hope Roseanne Barr will pose for the next issue of PLAYBOY!


Vanity Fair 1994

(http://media.vam.ac.uk/media/thira/collection_images/2007BM/2007BM8301.jpg)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on May 08, 2015, 01:25:12 PM
I'm going to marry my poop, and I want you to be my best butt.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: FatFreddysCat on May 09, 2015, 09:19:10 PM
Vanity Fair 1994

([url]http://media.vam.ac.uk/media/thira/collection_images/2007BM/2007BM8301.jpg[/url])


Well, g'nite everybody, I'm off to scrub my retinas with a Brillo pad.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on May 10, 2015, 11:06:30 PM
Put a sandwich in your pants and a prickly cucumber up your butt and you'll have good luck for a week!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on May 13, 2015, 06:23:06 PM
The old say that youth is wasted upon the young; do the dead say that life is wasted upon the living?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Gene Worm on October 07, 2015, 04:18:10 PM
I just saw a dancing aba (fish) with a pirate hat run across the street, and into our neighbor's capital building.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: alandhopewell on October 09, 2015, 03:03:00 PM
     Give me one minute, and I'll make turnips of your mind.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on October 09, 2015, 05:42:38 PM
Don't keep all that Miracle-Gro for yourself to snort, hypotenuse-butt!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Trevor on May 09, 2016, 06:18:33 AM
Trevor: I love films which diss my country.  :wink:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on May 09, 2016, 11:32:29 PM
Your mom's spleen cells' mitosis goes to college - in my fiefdom!!! 


(Actually, one of my students did say that, in 2004.)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: AoTFan on June 10, 2016, 09:40:00 PM
I sure hope Roseanne Barr will pose for the next issue of PLAYBOY!


Vanity Fair 1994

(image cut for your sanity)


(http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/fc/07/4d/fc074da9c581231dd673e481cc7a851f.jpg)

AHHHHHH!!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on June 10, 2016, 11:00:53 PM
Bargle zumbkee. Bargle him, I say!!!!!!!!!!!! :hatred:


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: AoTFan on June 12, 2016, 09:06:37 AM

Come taste our local water, it is pure and wonderful!

Not matter who gets elected, I'm feeling positive both side have out best interests at heart.

This low fat stuff tastes great!

Honey, you've been performing oral sex on me just too much!  I need you to slow down.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on June 16, 2016, 08:29:45 PM
Sorry, we're out of toilet paper; you'll just have to wipe your butt with this live hornet's nest.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: AoTFan on June 16, 2016, 09:01:33 PM

Boy, my computer runs WAY better now that I installed all those Updates!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on June 18, 2016, 02:40:32 PM
Sorry, we're out of toilet paper; you'll just have to wipe your butt with this live hornet's nest.

If it's made out of paper, then that's good enough for me.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: BREELROYALTY on August 19, 2016, 09:51:18 AM
Yes I've gotten enough sleep, and no I don't need coffee this morning, the baby didn't cry at all last night.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: Chainsaw midget on January 14, 2017, 11:43:09 PM
I got held up at gun point and was forced to teach a water buffalo ballet. 


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on January 23, 2017, 09:52:57 AM
On the dark side of the moon, peacocks in mud pies taste like pine berry taco shells.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: javakoala on January 28, 2017, 05:31:22 PM
I think I'll make mountain oysters out of my own testicles!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on February 12, 2017, 03:32:29 PM
"Scalded soiled silicone sandwiches send scant shivers spinning softly, soundly southward," sour Sapphic Sally Smolderstein, sexy Selma Smith's spinster Sephardic step-sister, superciliously saddling salmon, shouted shrilly sans sniffling symptoms, seven-seventeen, Saturday September Second, scooping Sam's Sunday Sentinel story; Sam said she'd supposedly sighted striding sinewy stinky snakes slithering southward scaring Seattle's Sixth Street shoppers, simultaneously selfishly snoring shrewishly, silver-shirted Sir Simon Sinclair-Sotherbottle, Scottish savant/scone-slobberer, stated.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: RCMerchant on February 12, 2017, 06:53:37 PM
"Scalded soiled silicone sandwiches send scant shivers spinning softly, soundly southward," sour Sapphic Sally Smolderstein, sexy Selma Smith's spinster Sephardic step-sister, superciliously saddling salmon, shouted shrilly sans sniffling symptoms, seven-seventeen, Saturday September Second, scooping Sam's Sunday Sentinel story; Sam said she'd supposedly sighted striding sinewy stinky snakes slithering southward scaring Seattle's Sixth Street shoppers, simultaneously selfishly snoring shrewishly, silver-shirted Sir Simon Sinclair-Sotherbottle, Scottish savant/scone-slobberer, stated.

You should be a writer. I read yer "intoduce yerself" thread-your good. You write cinematic-if ya know what I mean. Yer a good writer.This is kinda silly-but it's-its still very good!  You should be a f**king writer! YOUR GOOD.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: AoTFan on February 12, 2017, 07:52:39 PM
It was a difficult situation, but once we got the legal system involved, everything went smoothly from there.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: ER on February 12, 2017, 11:01:37 PM
"Scalded soiled silicone sandwiches send scant shivers spinning softly, soundly southward," sour Sapphic Sally Smolderstein, sexy Selma Smith's spinster Sephardic step-sister, superciliously saddling salmon, shouted shrilly sans sniffling symptoms, seven-seventeen, Saturday September Second, scooping Sam's Sunday Sentinel story; Sam said she'd supposedly sighted striding sinewy stinky snakes slithering southward scaring Seattle's Sixth Street shoppers, simultaneously selfishly snoring shrewishly, silver-shirted Sir Simon Sinclair-Sotherbottle, Scottish savant/scone-slobberer, stated.

You should be a writer. I read yer "intoduce yerself" thread-your good. You write cinematic-if ya know what I mean. Yer a good writer.This is kinda silly-but it's-its still very good!  You should be a f**king writer! YOUR GOOD.

Thank you most sincerely, RC. :-)


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on February 12, 2017, 11:14:03 PM
Ronnie - go back to the "Short Story Challenge" thread I started and read the one she posted there!  It's a hoot!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 13, 2017, 11:56:41 PM
Is that your sweet, pungent coccyx I smell?


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: indianasmith on February 14, 2017, 12:18:47 AM
It's wonderful to see ALL Americans agree on something!


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: retrorussell on February 14, 2017, 03:06:43 AM
These aren't the droids we sodomized back on planet Upyerbuttandaroundthecorner.


Title: Re: Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!
Post by: AoTFan on February 14, 2017, 10:44:15 PM
I took my car to the mechanic for a standard tune up and he said it was perfectly fine!  Told me to come back in another 3,000 miles or so.