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Information Exchange => Movie Reviews => Topic started by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 06:52:46 PM



Title: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 06:52:46 PM
Alright I'm starting at exactly 6:00 pm. The movie is ThanksKilling. A movie about a homicidal demon turkey. Right up your alley. I'll update my thoughts on this piece of 1-star crap every time I notice something.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 06:59:55 PM
SHOW TIME!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Rev. Powell on March 11, 2011, 07:00:49 PM
I was about to ask, 6:00 in what time zone?  :teddyr: 


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:01:28 PM
Did you know 1621 was the olden days? The movie sure needed to remind me!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:01:54 PM
I was about to ask, 6:00 in what time zone?  :teddyr: 


Central. It's RIGHT now!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:02:35 PM
RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!!!

I can do it too!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:03:17 PM
Women in the 1600's had breast implants apparently...


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:03:49 PM
People tripping while getting chased count: 1


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:05:09 PM
The turkey just said "Nice tits, b***h!"
I'm going to be here a while. Also it's the worst prop turkey EVER!
Where did they buy it? A dollar store?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:05:41 PM
Turkeys can hold axes apparently.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Rev. Powell on March 11, 2011, 07:06:03 PM
Yeah, it's all coming back to me now...  :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:07:20 PM
I don't recognize any of the cast or crew. Also these credits are WAY too long. These should be at the end of the film.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:08:12 PM
WHY IS SPRING BREAK IN NOVEMBER?!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:09:34 PM
Generic nerd stereo type. He's going to die. Guarantee.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:10:17 PM
The redneck just made a poor taste penis joke. I hope they all get eaten by the f**king turkey.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:13:09 PM
Everyone is a high school niche stereo type. None of them can act either.
The exposition is rushed and they never stop monologing about their life.
Bad acting, writing, and film editing in ONE scene!
This movie hurts.
The slutty girl claims to be a prude.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:13:48 PM
All women are stupid in this film. That's not sexist what so ever.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:14:24 PM
The camera guy is having a seizure.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:16:02 PM
Where the hell did they buy that fake mustache for the sheriff? Also that REALLY bad hat. It's completely unconvincing. Also he's such a generic stero-

...Right... Get used to that.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:17:00 PM
"Oh by the way. Your step-mama left me, bye!"

That's not important at all is it?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:17:44 PM
Broken car engine count: 1


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:19:13 PM
"How bad is it?"

The hood is smoking! How bad do you think it is?!

"Maybe it's a flat tire?"

Why are they going out of their way to make these people as unrealistically STUPID as possible?!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:21:05 PM
"Crawberg! Where have I heard that name before?"

IT'S GOBLIN SPELLED BACK-!!

Oops! Wrong movie!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:22:45 PM
OH GOD?! WHO DREW THIS s**t?! HER TITS ARE BLACK AND SAGGY!

AHHHHH!!! MY EYES!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:23:46 PM
You forgot to draw nipples on the hot one with big boobs. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: indianasmith on March 11, 2011, 07:24:54 PM
Sounds like I should see this movie . . . . or NOT!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:25:17 PM
I bet you didn't know that "Turkeyoligist" is a job!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:26:47 PM
Why is the jock scared over a ridiculous story about a homicidal turkey?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:27:57 PM
People can apparently move their heads fast enough to make a "SWOOOOSH!" noise.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:29:18 PM
Killer Turkey: "Your dog was in an accident."
Some Hermit: "What kind of accident?"

You know that's a talking turkey right?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:30:32 PM
"I AXEcidently cut him! MUAHAHA!!"

(http://estergoldberg.typepad.com/.a/6a0105349ca980970c01156f18a480970c-320wi)


YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:31:55 PM
Turkeys can only see in pink.

Bet you didn't know that!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:33:02 PM
Who wrote the turkey's dialogue? Really?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:34:01 PM
"You're almost as dumb as I am!"

Now she openly admits she's dumb? Who wrote this?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: RD on March 11, 2011, 07:36:14 PM
Generic nerd stereo type. He's going to die. Guarantee.

maybe they can save the glasses.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:37:26 PM
I found 1,000,000 problems in ONE scene!

1. That's an obviously fake bunny
2. Who threw it in a fire?
3. "Oh look! A cute little bunny!" - IT JUMPED IN THE FIRE! HELP IT, b***h!
4. "Look at it! It's stomach was gnawed open by a beak!" - How can you tell? It's burning in a fire!
5. "Not just any beak! A TURKEY BEAK!" - HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:39:25 PM
"This happens ALL The time in the woods!"
A bunny gets thrown into a fire place?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: indianasmith on March 11, 2011, 07:40:27 PM
OH MY!  I HAVE to see this movie now!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:41:58 PM
Turkey droppings look like brown marshmallows. Bet you didn't know that!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:45:47 PM
"I'm sorry 'bout the things I said last night. I was a little BEAKED out... I MEAN FREAKED OUT!"

Do I need to do the CSI: Miami joke again?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:47:18 PM
Once again somebody doesn't question the talking turkey. He just wants to f**k it.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:48:45 PM
Turkeys have legs long enough to hit the pedals of a car and steer! BET YOU DIDN'T-

Oh forget it!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:51:09 PM
RANDOM FART NOISE!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:54:40 PM
In under 4 seconds a turkey can cut off your head with a fruit knife and somehow steal a cigar from your severed head that went flying.

Also they made the father go from "Son I am disappoint!" to "I'm so proud!" in a few minutes. Seconds before his death.

This is the most rushed plot EVER!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:56:05 PM
HIS PARENTS JUST GOT MURDERED BY A TALKING TURKEY AND HE'S CRYING BECAUSE HE DOESN'T GET ANY PUMPKIN PIE OR CRANBERRY SAUCE!

At least his priorities are straight!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:56:40 PM
You won't believe this! ALL of the actors are worse than Tommy Wiseau!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:57:57 PM
She's getting f**ked by a turkey and she can't even tell that's not a human in her vag.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 07:58:37 PM
"You just got STUFFED!"

.....Screw it! I'm doing it again!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
[/i][/b]


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:00:11 PM
Gravy flavored condoms? I could make MILLIONS off that idea!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Rev. Powell on March 11, 2011, 08:01:04 PM
(http://366weirdmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/thankskilling.jpg)


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:01:33 PM
([url]http://366weirdmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/thankskilling.jpg[/url])


I can't wait for THAT scene!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:02:52 PM
Never mind! Just found that scene.

The turkey is wearing a nose and mustache glasses disguise. I don't think I'm watching a movie. I think I'm high.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Rev. Powell on March 11, 2011, 08:03:34 PM
([url]http://366weirdmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/thankskilling.jpg[/url])


I can't wait for THAT scene!


Sorry, didn't mean to post a spoiler. I thought that scene had passed already, my bad.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: RD on March 11, 2011, 08:03:58 PM
So, has blood freak been dethroned as worst film about a turkey killer?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:05:01 PM
He can't tell it's a turkey?! This is a new record for stupid.

He also doesn't have a problem with the fact that the turkey just said he's hundreds of years old.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:06:18 PM
Oh! You see? He wasn't suspicious of the talking turkey! He thought it was a talking duck! No problem at all!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:08:04 PM
He made a mask out of the sheriff's face and wore it! AND HIS DAUGHTER FELL FOR IT!!

HOW IS EVERYBODY THIS STUPID?!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:10:18 PM
MOOOOOONNNNNTTTTAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGEEEEEE~!!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:12:38 PM
Half the book is in English. The rest of it in mathematical code. Why? Look movie, you ARE NOT the Da Vinci Code! Stop trying!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:14:14 PM
"You kids are retarded!"

THANK YOU!!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:16:03 PM
"PREPARE TO BE DEAD!!"

I'm going to put that on a T-Shirt!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:18:54 PM
Necromanced is not a past-tense verb.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:19:28 PM
Why did the redneck leave alone with a killer turkey around?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:20:05 PM
The redneck ate the turkey and exploded. That was awesome.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:20:49 PM
"Gobble-Gobble, Mother f**ker! That's what I call FOWL PLAY!"

I just made that joke twice. No more CSI!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:23:54 PM
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! This movie is SOOO FUNNY!


I can't even point out how many problems are in this scene. Watch it yourself. This movie is quite clearly bad on purpose.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:25:34 PM
Hmmm.. The homicidal turkey enjoys tossed salad. How very random. I guess we all have our little quirks. Even hell spawn.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:27:47 PM
Who is turning the lights on and off?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:29:19 PM
"Yup he's dead!"

Umm... The turkey is still moving.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:31:16 PM
And the turkey comes back to life via heavy radiation to his corpse. It's like an old monster movie! This is delightful!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:34:26 PM
Oh! The nerd died by getting his tongue stretched out like gum! That was the funniest thing ever!


And his heart beats outside his chest. AND HE'S STILL ALIVE!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:36:38 PM
Boyfriend is dead now. KILL THE GIRL! PLEASE! Come full circle!

APPEASE ME WITH BLOOD!!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:37:32 PM
DAMN! The girl lives!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:38:38 PM
The Turkey was lit on fire and got his head cut off.

Thanks for ripping off Freddy Vs. Jason.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:39:19 PM
Good things there was a pile of wood for his head to fall into!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 11, 2011, 08:41:31 PM
"Ha! DO I SMELL A SEQUEL?!"

No you don't.

Well that was amusing. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be good but, hell what ever. It was funny.

Thanks for reading!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: bob on March 11, 2011, 11:13:04 PM
Great job man. Well done!


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: indianasmith on March 12, 2011, 12:49:43 AM
Very entertaining!  My only suggestion would be that you might want to just time index you comments and put them all in one long post . . . it would be a  lot easier to read.  At the same time, this format was very cool to do once.  I don't think I would like for every review to be written this way.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Rev. Powell on March 12, 2011, 04:48:45 PM
I wonder if we should do this as a team, all watching the same movie at the same time. 

It would turn into chaos.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: SPazzo on March 12, 2011, 07:09:20 PM
I wonder if we should do this as a team, all watching the same movie at the same time. 

It would turn into chaos.  :teddyr:


That would be so awesome!!!  If there would be any reason to have an IRC channel, it would be for that. :thumbup:


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: RD on March 12, 2011, 08:49:21 PM
gotta agree. that be a perfect use of an IRC chat.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 13, 2011, 06:48:19 PM
Fantastic idea! I would love to do a synchronized viewing of a bad film on Netflix. I'll take this idea into consideration.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Doc Daneeka on March 13, 2011, 11:18:17 PM
I want in! I want in! :teddyr:


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: A.J. Bauer on March 14, 2011, 10:10:54 AM
I want in! I want in! :teddyr:

Of course you're in.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: bob on March 14, 2011, 02:03:51 PM
I do'nt have Net Flix. :(


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: SPazzo on March 14, 2011, 02:53:05 PM
I do'nt have Net Flix. :(

We don't necessarily have to use Netflix to watch the movie.  Just a DVD or the like could work too.  We'd all just have to start it at the same time (that's why an IRC channel could come in handy for this).


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: bob on March 14, 2011, 06:39:49 PM
At the risk of sounding stupid what's an IRC channel ?


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: SPazzo on March 14, 2011, 07:41:03 PM
At the risk of sounding stupid what's an IRC channel ?


It's a type of chat relay that is free.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IRC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IRC)


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: BTM on April 20, 2011, 01:12:52 PM
RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!!!

I can do it too!

It's supposed to be Green though.  :)


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Psycho Circus on April 20, 2011, 01:16:47 PM
Very entertaining!  My only suggestion would be that you might want to just time index you comments and put them all in one long post . . . it would be a  lot easier to read.  At the same time, this format was very cool to do once.  I don't think I would like for every review to be written this way.

I agree, especially when you're not actually watching the film.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: Doggett on May 07, 2011, 09:12:36 PM
I wonder if we should do this as a team, all watching the same movie at the same time. 

It would turn into chaos.  :teddyr:


Count me in.  :thumbup:

We could all watch a film at the same time and post in the same thread. Make sure we all have the right time zone starting point.


Title: Re: A.J. Bauer Reviews: THANKSKILLING
Post by: 66Crush on June 01, 2011, 11:03:17 PM
I found THANKSKILLING to be very enjoyable. I mostly don't like it when movies try to be intentionally bad, but this one was very funny. It was hard not to like, it has the same spirit as MOTORHOME MASSACRE. There were parts of that movie that were meant to be funny on purpose, but there was alot of genuine bad film making going on to laugh at too. Unlike that movie, THANKSKILLING is not badly made for a no-budget movie. But they both share a common love for bad b-movies. THANKSKILLING put the jokes in right places, so they did come across as good parody. This is a rare feat that doesn't happen very often. The killer turkey is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. It ranks right up there with THE CRAWLING EYE and THE GIANT CLAW. I loved everything about it.