Badmovies.org Forum

Self Hatred.
Have you ever hated yourself so much you wish you were dead?
I mean=so bad that it doesnt even seem worth it to .....ahhhh....f**k.
Things should be ok. But.....DAMMIT! They never are. God dam.

Yes I used to hate myself and the whole world.
I still struggle with negativity sometimes but for the most part nowadays I try and think positive, act positive, live positive.

Yeah like the song by Unity - Positive Mental Attitude.


These guys and ghouls want you to cheer up fella.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba2SyGKNQGo

That's right.  That's why we like ELVIS or HANK WILLIAMS or Fred Mertz  :wink: :thumbup:  They're brilliant and mesmerizing and funny! 
Life can be pretty sukass, but it's better than the alternative. 
You need to get over your prejudice and watch one or two WOODY ALLEN movies.  One might joke that ALL his movies are about God, mortality, and our pathetic questioning. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lML2N4xB9GU

I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes than watch a Woody Allen movie.  :bouncegiggle:
You always know how to make me laff,buddy!  :cheers:

OK-I'm better now= :smile:

Sometimes I get so depressed I just wish I was dead.
A nd then I come on this site-read Trevor or Hallows posts-and...dam...all of you guys stuff.
I dont feel so alone.
I really love you guys.

My favorite movie is probably HANNAH AND HER SISTERS.  I love everything about it... the music (HARRY JAMES!!) even MIA FARROW as the title character (thankfully, really, a small part).  BARBARA HERSHEY is so great and hot and has an affair with MICHAEL CAINE while she's living with MAX VON SYDOW ... her other sister is DIANE WIEST... a love letter to Manhattan...

CHRISSIE HYNDE!!!  She SHRUGGED at ME!!!  :teddyr:

f**kin dam!  :thumbup:

If Iggy can make it-so can I!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT0L2Xg5k4c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzJfMdE6pII

I'd give ya more karma if I could,buddy-but I can't. I used it up!
 :cheers:

I can't say I've ever felt so bad that I wished I was dead.  I CAN say that I've felt so bad that I wished everybody BUT me were dead.  What can I say?  I'm selfish like that.

I've always been enough of a realist to recognize my own (considerable) shortcomings and enough of an egotist to like myself anyway.  It may be delusional, but it gets me through the day.

Plus I get to warp the minds of adolescents on a daily basis, and get paid for it!!!!

How cool is that?

Indy-Kids think I'm cool too-but in a weird Tommy Chong kinda way. They all think I'm some kinda goofy burn out.

I reckon they're close to the truth.

I reckon.

Recon.
RECON.
REKCON! 

Im' trying to figure out if I spelled that right.
Dam-I dunno.  :question:

You were right the first time, it's reckon.  (That English B.A. pays off at last  :lookingup: :smile:)

I have days where, I didn't wish to die necessarily, but have a lot of trouble wanting to function. When I was younger I went through this mood pretty frequently:
http://cdn.svcs.c2.uclick.com/c2/691a11522508102d94d7001438c0f03b (http://cdn.svcs.c2.uclick.com/c2/691a11522508102d94d7001438c0f03b)

I've had moments of self-doubt and self-depracation, sure. Who hasn't?

I've never hated myself.

I direct my rage at others. I just don't act on it.

I do. In the form of alcholism and destruction of public property.

As in de-crap-a-tation.  :thumbup:  :smile:

Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftiIPJky_Vs

I despise myself on a fairly regular basis.  I do well most days, though.

I don't know about hating myself.  That's not really the right term.  But there have been times I've thought myself so worthless, and felt my hopes and dreams were so far beyond my grasp, that death might be a preferable option to life. 

I suppose I've hated myself for brief moments here and there, but that's about it. 

Didn't you say you had some anxiety or depression disorder RC?  I still say you should go to your doctor and tell him what side effects you were having from the medication.  There are a ton of different brands of those medications on the market, and you have to find one that matches well with your particular brain chemistry.

I'm on Lexapro for my anxiety disorder and it works great for me.  I switched to some other brand, Cito-something-or-other (it was 90% cheaper), and that s*** made me depressed and I had a lot of trouble concentrating.  Switched back to the Lexapro and now I'm fine again.  Your brain chemistry is some important stuff ya know?   It has a gigantic effect on your quality of life.

I think most of us likely have seen/felt ourselves to be a waste of skin from time to time; if only momentarily.  But I also think that being able and inclined to take hard looks at ourselves can be what makes us better persons, in the end.  If we don't get stuck there, that is.  IMO people who never experience self-doubt or extreme disappointment in themselves, even for just a fleeting moment, have other limitations to their development which may be much harder to overcome.  But I may be biased in that.

A wonderful movie indeed.
As for myself,I've never really hated myself but on occassion thought of myself as a real putz.

I'm comfortable with who I am (warts and all). When I was younger, not as much.
It seems the older I get the more I like my quirks (instead of loathing them).

     I've been there, still have the tendency to go there sometimes, but then I remember, the God of the universe loved me enough to die for me; who am I to question His judgement?

     (P.S. He died for you, as well.)

truth and mercy are two sides of the same coin.

Dunno if I'd say I outright 'hate' myself, but having done some of the sh!t I've done to myself over the years were just destructive. Seemed like a cry for help.

Fact I didn't die is mind boggling.

If this comes across as harsh, naive, or unsympathetic, so be it. I assure you I am plenty sympathetic.

I can't stress enough how important it is NOT to hate yourself. I'm not talking about self-doubt, moments of frailty or insecurity, or chastising yourself a little bit for doing something stupid. That is perfectly natural and probably pretty healthy. But all this talk of self hatred. Maybe I'm misinterpreting.

Self hatred is essentialy lack of self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are the easy marks of the world. They are the people that get preyed upon by the villains in life who look for such things. Anybody who lives with something as dark as self hatred invariably lives a life not of misfortune, but of being taken advantage of, bullied, manipulated, and generally victimized. Self hatred/low self-esteem is the magnetizing force that attracts con-artists and serial killers. John Douglas, who pioneered criminal profiling for the FBI, and whom the character Jack Crawford from The Silence of the Lambs was based upon, learned this almost immediately when he started to really probe into the minds of serial killers and rapists. They are predators who instinctively know when a person has low self-esteem. It is what they look for. Because of this, self-hating individuals will forever be victims of those who endeavor to take advantage of it. It is a stinky cologne.

I imagine that stopping self-hatred is an extremely difficult thing to do. And to make matters worse, life is not suddenly going to turn into butterflys and rainbows if you stop hating yourself. It will continue to suck on multiple levels. Hell, I don't hate myself and I've got plenty of s**t in life to contend with. But the less of a victim you are, the less your life sucks.

Are some more predisposed to self-hatred than others? Probably. I happen to believe that nature and nurture are both at work in the world, and may even be on fairly equal terms. Be that as it may, we are not born hating ourselves.

Anyway, there's my attempt at a public service announcement, I guess. I don't doubt some will think I'm full of s**t. That's fine too. But one thing's for sure, I won't hate myself over it.

That's very true, James.  Reminds me of a lot of the girls I knew in high school, most of whom dated considerably older men in their 20s.  Most of them obviously had low self-image, and were consistently victimized by men because of it.

I think several of the people in this thread have just hated themselves at times, and do not necessarily lead an entire life of self-loathing.  I know I don't.  I may not take a great deal of pride in my awesomeness, but I don't think I'm entirely scum either.

I do think some dislike of the things you've done in the past or how you act can be healthy, as you say.  So, to that regard, how about we turn this purely self-hate thread into something just a bit more positive?  Maybe a flip side to what it is you hate about yourself.

For example, I hate my inability to properly form interpersonal connections.  Not that I can't at all, just that it's very difficult for me.  It's frustrating, something I can't seem to improve much upon, and has limited me in both social and professional senses.

But, on the flip side, this has led me to greatly value the social connections I do have.  I think that's a good thing, as I value my friends and family very highly, and almost always try to treat them very well.  People who don't properly maintain relationships with friends and families bother me.  It's like spitting upon a gift, the best one you'll ever get.

We probably have a good deal in common socially then, Jim. I am far from a social butterfly. In fact, I have a very hard time concentrating on more than a handful of personal relationships at a time. Because I have a wife and two boys, and a daughter on the way, it is extremely challenging for me to have any friendships outside of that, simply because it takes every ounce of my social capacity to manage that. I think what we're talking about here is simply knowing our limitations and having whatever frustrations about it that we do. Semantics, perhaps, but I don't think of it as self-hate, simply frustration over a greater capacity we wish we had.

I struggle with remembering people, names, etc. Kilgore Trout, a central character in Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions and secondary character in some of his others, suffers from a more extreme case of what I have. When I read the book, I was immediately moved because I suffer from a similar affliction. Kilgore could not remember people unless there was something strikingly unusual about them, and then of course that person was indelibly etched into his brain. In the book, he meets a shoe repairman who is a redheaded cockney midget, and because this is so strikingly unusual, he remembers everything about him, name and all, even though they have no close relationship. But if he meets anybody else and they say "my name is Frank," he will forget their name almost as soon as the interaction is over.

I'm kind of like that, but in a less intense way. My relationships follow the same vain. I have intense relationships with a small number of people. I'm sure I could train myself to develop my social acumen, but so far in life I've not really had to. Now that I'm finishing my MBA, and will probably need to step up my social game, I'm sure I'll manage it. I'm the kind of guy that many times has to experience necessity in order to take the time to learn a new skill. If I have to do it, I'll do it. Necessity is the mother of invention, they say. In my case it's more like the necessity of learning.

Anyway, we all have limitations. We all wish we were better at this or that, or had made a better decision about this or that. That's just life. There's no need to hold a grudge against yourself for what God gave you (or Creator, or Universe, or whatever you believe in), or for what you could have done better in the past.

Do you mean you would kick yer self in the balls to hate yourself for having a split personality? :question: Yeah, I do have a split ego, and it's a female :lookingup:  It comes and goes but damn do I get depressed and mad since it's something I can't control. Impulses is half correct- I would ride my bike and see something then she would cloud my mind and wants me to buy it. :bluesad:

I used to legitimately hate myself, but I got help and I'm doing much better these days. Still need to give myself the odd mental kick in the butt, though.

Exactly right.

When I was very young, high school or so, I bought into the philosophy that we have an incredible amount of control in how we perceive the world. Part of that perception is the emotions you attach to your day-to-day existence. You can feel good about it, you can feel bad about it, but the important part is that you are the deciding force.

I don't hate myself, but I view "myself" as a tool I use to get through life. That makes me a bit of a tool because what I ended up doing is shutting down the emotional parts of myself. I gave up the highs and lows for a muted existence, which is something I don't recommend to anybody.

That said, clinical depression is very real. Jack is right, your brain may be pumping out neurotransmitters that force you to feel bad all the time. Nobody likes the idea of anti-depressants, but I have known so many people who have turned their life around with little pills.

At any rate, I don't hate myself, but I certainly have periods of self-doubt. It usually revolves around what I know I'm capable of and what I haven't done. I'm my own brain's worst critic.

Yeah, sounds like we do have a lot in common.  I think I was having a lot of difficulty with this lately due to a rather painful breakup, which eventually went inward.  Normally I don't hate this about myself, it's just something I have to deal with.  But the difficulty I have building relationships led me to never have a serious romantic relationship until well into my 20s, and then when that ended (not too long ago), the buildup I think made it far worse then it otherwise would have been.  All I know is following that I'd never felt so worthless in my life, and the high degree of difficulty of building to that again made it worse.

Thankfully, I think I'm past the worst of that.

I might also note that when I was with my ex, I almost never felt the need to have anyone else.  I imagine if there were kids involved, that'd be pretty much it for me as well.

I also talked to my mom about this, and I'd never really noticed before but she is much like me in this regard.  Close with her family, but never many friends.  Don't think she made a significant friend after moving to Missouri until 5 or 6 years in.  Makes me wonder if there's a nature/nurture connection.  Probably.

Some might call that being a "one-woman man." And good on ya for that. I myself have always had relationships with women, and the only one-night stand I ever had was very disagreeable to me. I'm also not a "serial relationship" kind of guy either. I've had long stretches in my life of having no relationships. Sure it got lonely at times, but I was always pretty comfortable in my own skin and content with being alone. In other words, I'm more inclined to fantasize about being alone than being with someone else. On one occasion my wife asked me if she died if I would move on and find someone else. A morbid quesion perhaps, but one that I think most couples have eventually. I told her I would be pretty devastated, and while I might move on one day, the likelihood is that I would probably just be alone either for a long time or permanently. Part of this is because she is just the one for me and that's that, but part of it is because I wouldn't want to try and develop that intense closeness again. I don't think I would have anything left in me to do it again.

Perhaps that sounds very sad to some, but hey, life is full of sadness. It's not like I wouldn't find something that gave me joy, it just wouldn't be another relationship. So, yeah, some of that is being a "one-woman man," but part of it is just me being me, a non-social butterfly who prefers a small number of relationships. Besides, my kids would keep me plenty busy and fulfilled, I'm sure.

My point is that life is just life. It's got plenty of sadness. What are you gonna do? Eliminate the sadness? It can't be done. If I have a choice between life with sadness or no life at all, I'll take life with sadness. I have yet to see any point to self-hatred.

Agreed, Flick.

As a child and teenager who suffered mental, physical and verbal abuse, I hated myself for a long time and I still am not 100% happy with what I see in the mirror ~ sometimes I'd prefer not to look in it at all.

I'm now 44, reasonably happy, no dependencies on alcohol or drugs to get me through the day and the thing is that I take comfort in the facts that most people do like me (underpants notwithstanding  :buggedout: :wink:) and that I can be there for people should they need me.

Yes, yes I have RC.  Dont' really care to get into why on an open thread, but yeah, I know exactly how that feels.  Sometimes I also think the world would be better off if I was dead, and everything just feels kind of hopeless. 

How's that song go?

"So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become"

Yeah, might be good except that I'm starting to think that might be pretty literal with me.  As in, not sure that I can ever care about someone as much again.  Being in that relationship was the happiest time in my life, and one of the things that makes it harder to deal with now is the thought of never reaching that point again.  It doesn't help that I have a difficult time relating to the large majority of people on anything but a superficial level.  Or that my tastes in women are strange and eclectic (that describes her, probably the strangest woman I've ever known well, even though she's totally unaware of it).  It felt like I'd found my one-in-a-million, and I blew my chance, ya know?

I don't know.  I'm probably speaking too soon, as in the larger scheme it hasn't really been that long, and I'd just never been hurt as badly before.  I am with someone else now and that does help at least.


I think it's a sign of a healthy mind to not NEED a relationship actually.

For what it is worth I too can be happy alone, just not as happy.  And that makes me less happy knowing this.  Reminds me of the Calvin & Hobbes strip where Calvin demands Euphoria, thus ruining his current happiness.  Heh.


There's certainly no POINT to it.  Sometimes it's just hard to avoid.  Impossible for some.  Me, I sometimes waver back and forth.  I don't know how to totally eliminate it.