Badmovies.org Forum

The martian language has only 1 word.

Dinosaurs roam the Earth today.

Explosives the size of a golf ball can level an entire neighborhood.

Thermodynamics are not absolute.

There are creatures that look like women and will eat you when you have sex with them.

Amphibian DNA can be used to clone dinosaurs.

Want to get rid of someone?  Put a few thousand venomous snakes loose on their next flight.

Early teens can travel across the country by themselves to a video game competition.

You can turn a woman into a hyper depraved domestic diva by implanting a microchip in her brain.

Traveling faster than the speed of light is feasible.

You can evade a serial killer by hiding in a concert of a band that looks like L7.

A super computer can become self-aware and lash out at its creators.

Reality is not absolute.

The dead can come back to life years or centuries after dying.

Salt repels witches.

sorry but this post won't be complete until you address each of those points you just made individually, and write approximately 456 paragraphs explaining why each one is technically impossible. look forward to it  :thumbup:

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when someone is restoring a car,


don't stand next to it and tell your buddy

"you can't polish a turd"

Wow....somehow that made my day. :teddyr:

Octopuses can live in fresh water, and meow like cats.

Arthropods, when made to grow to gigantic size, make a strange whirring sound.

All male monsters, regardless of species, have the hots for human females, especially blondes.

John Agar believed himself to be an actor.

The L.A. River was constructed for car chases.

Black men were born to be redshirts.

Silencers will work on revolvers, if you really, REALLY, want them to.

Any opponent, if wearing a mask or helmet that completely obscures their features, will probably turn out to be a woman.

You can shoot down a helicopter at fifty yards with a .25 automatic, especially if you're Ray Danton.

Alien women are all hot, but deadly.

If someone is carrying a box/basket/pail/anything people don't usually carry, shoot it until anything inside is dead. Just keep shooting.

The calls are always coming from inside the house
if something that looks like its already been eaten bubbles up on your land your chickens will eat it if you mix it with their food
electricity causes worms to devour humans
the killer is already inside the house
if the creature under your porch eats your dog its probably not a cat
if you find a book in a cabin telling you how to call forth demons dont read it
if something from outer space crashes into your yard dont touch it

Most gunshot wounds will heal themselves almost completely in less than one minute.  And they don't really hurt too much in the first place.

The maximum distance a woman can run before falling down is approximately 50 yards.

Most of the time, being thrown 50 - 100 feet through the air doesn't result in any injury.  Just knocks the wind out of you.  A little.

Your standard pistol or rifle can hold well over 100 rounds when fully loaded.  Assault rifles around 1,000+.

Hand grenades contain approximately 10 lbs. of explosives.

Hair care products will survive the apocalypse and be available in abundance.

For the most part, swords and spears are more effective weapons than guns.

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if someone hangs up the phone half way through a conversation, the other person will say "hello...hello...HELLO?" even though it's blatantly obvious the other person has hung up and all they can hear is a dial tone.

Sunken treasure is guarded by giant octopuses-this is their sole reason for living.

If Captain Kirk is any indication, human starship captains have greater endurance than aliens that are supposed to be physically superior.

If you shoot at a monster, and it's still coming after the second round, you  must fire at it until you empty the weapon and / or the creature kills you....it's a rule.

Anyone facing away from you at the end of the picture, if they're a loved one, has sucumbed to the vampire / demon / whatever.

Never expect anyone who walks out a door, saying, "I'll be back", to return alive, and / or normal.

'Tis an ill omen, to knock upon a door, and have it answered by Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, or Barbara Steele.

Vampires are supposed to be repelled by crosses, but don't seem to be bothered by the ones in graveyards.

Beautiful girls in party dresses seen on deserted country roads at night are dead, and after your overcoat.

Coke and McDonalds can do no wrong (Mac and Me)

Usually true, but especially so after the halfway point of the movie. If it's a dark and stormy night and someone says this to you, they're cooked.


What I never got was House on Haunted Hill. I mean, if Vincent Price is hosting a party, the only thing that should be uttered from the partygoers' lips is "Holy shiz, that's Vincent Price, we need to leave. Now. Come one."

If someone's harassing you on the phone and you hang up on them then they ring straight back and you shout at them and hang up again, remember that if the phone rings a third time don't immediately launch into a tirade of abuse because it will always be someone completely different calling, and you'll have to apologize and be all embarrassed

If your car breaks down, don't go to the creeping looking house/cabin/castle to ask to use theirs. 

Any animals that has fangs can either roar or hiss.  Possibly both. 

Gun shot wounds are either instantly fatal or nothing to worry about. 

When the apocalypse comes, leather and denim will be the only kinds of cloth left. 

Any woman under the age of fifty who wears her hair in a bun, and has glasses, will turn out to be a hottie.

Someone who disappears 1/3-1/2 through the picture will turn up alive, and be the bad guy.

Serial killers always had religious upbringings.

The scientist (journalist) assigned to investigate the strange rash of killings will always be the sheriff's ex-wife.

Giant insects all have a weak spot in the throat that is vulnerable; it is often light in color.

Any doll sent to someone anonomously should be destroyed, immediately.

Richard Jaekel, appearing in any film, should be punched out, on general principles;the same holds for Lorenzo Lamas.

While watching "Killer Tomatoes", which I have never been able to get through in one sitting ever, despite repeated attempts, I learned how to flip stuff in a frying pan by practicing with dried beans.

I'm not kidding.

While watching "Blood Gnomes" I learned: Don't act crazy in a world populated by only bad actors. The only emotion they can successfully convey is anger.

Do the exact opposite of the people in paranormal activity 1.

if you start to hear banjos playing row faster!

marijuana brownies are high in vitamins t,h, and c

never trust old people

If it was made in the 80's the geek will get the hot girl, If it's made today, the geek will have to settle for another geek.

The 27 year old playing the 17 year old will think think her 35 year old parents aren't cool.

The black guy is always the toughest (even in the last "Rocky").

There are only 5 overweight people in Hollywood.

The boom mike is also a prop.

Nobody in a horror film owns a gun.

News travels slow at Camp Crystal Lake.

A prequel can turn your favorite movie bad guy into a complete wuss.

Samuel L. Jackson plays the same character in every movie.

Samuel L. Jackson is in every movie.

Horror writers have only seen three movies, they are:

1. Friday the 13th

2. Jaws

3. The Blair Witch Project

The last time Hollywood had an original idea, Jimmy Carter was president.

Jimmy Carter will be played by Martin Sheen.

Every president is played by Martin Sheen.

Every Mexican is played by Danny Trejo.

Danny Trejo is in every movie.

Nudity is required in any bad movie, acting ability is not.

Direct to DVD release is not a bad thing.

Direct to the SYFY channel release is a bad thing.

Its better to be poor because if you're rich, all your relatives will try to gaslight and/or kill you outright to get your money

Did WyreWizard decide to become normal?

Here are a few more:

The mean girl is always a brunette.

All 80's rock stars wore wigs.

Children are always smarter than their parents.

People from the south are all hideously deformed and will rape and kill you.

Fat guys are always funny.

Anybody wearing glasses is a genius.

Your virginity will keep you alive, but only if you're a girl.

If the murder involves a band, the manager always did it.

All reporters are live on the scene at any time for any reason.

Clint Eastwood is never too old to kick someones ass.

double elimination arm wrestling tournaments can end with some one only loisng once provided that the person who was defeated only once is a douche and hasn't lost in five years (Over the Top)

Being confined to a bed for years can build your muscles up to the point where you've got superhuman strength.  (Prom Night IV)

Any shed or building set on fire will invariably explode when the main character has run just far enough away to be knocked down by the force of the blast, but not otherwise injured. 

Virgins usually have a slut for a best friend.

Actin is not a requirement, only trying to make the words out is.

What's normal?

Normal is what people are until you get to know them...

     If you buy groceries in New York, you must have a loaf of French bread sticking out of the bag....it's a RULE.

     Waitresses, barmaids, and aspiring dancers in New York can afford expensive loft apartments.

     Another rule....If you live in  an apartment in  New York, you MUST own a ten-speed bicycle, but you cannot ride it; it must be hung on the wall.

     Any female stranger holding eye contact with another woman for more than five seconds is a lesbian.

     In New York taverns, you must leave your last drink at least half full.

After you outrun every copcar in the county, something as simple as a MOVING TRAIN will stop you DEAD in your tracks.

"Dirty Mary Crazy Larry"

A surprising range of materials is highly flammable and/or explosive.

By an odd coincidence, cars are mainly made of such materials

If by normal you mean thinking ridiculous flights of fancy in a bad film to be realistic or entertaining, think again.