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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: alandhopewell on August 02, 2012, 01:48:51 PM



Title: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: alandhopewell on August 02, 2012, 01:48:51 PM
     Add to the list as you think of them.

     1- If there is more than a dozen of the same type of monster in a film, said monsters may be fatally shot.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 02, 2012, 03:18:36 PM
2) A monster can eat any number of human beings without any loss of appetite.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: The Fake Macoy on August 02, 2012, 04:12:28 PM
3) Monsters move much slower when someone is watching them, often slowing down to a shuffle.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 02, 2012, 04:51:34 PM
4. The distance between a monster and a fleeing person is in no way related to the speed at which the two are moving. A slow monster can easily catch or overtake a fast person. Inversely, a fast monster can take an unusually long time to catch a slow, stumbling person. In the course of a chase, the distance between human and monster can suddenly increase or decrease in an instant, sometimes fluctuating back and forth. The distance can also appear longer or shorter depending on which point of view the audience is shown.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: RCMerchant on August 02, 2012, 04:53:52 PM
5. If a girl faints-a monster will carry them away.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: indianasmith on August 02, 2012, 04:55:59 PM
Nuclear Radiation does not kill reptiles and invertebrates, it just transforms them into giant, hideously strong monsters!


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ed, Ego and Superego on August 02, 2012, 05:57:07 PM
Even though made of meat like the rest of us, weapons have no effect.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Psycho Circus on August 02, 2012, 06:17:58 PM
8. Mostly mindless killing machines not fearing light or authority, monsters are extremely self conscious and will avoid being seen in daylight.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 02, 2012, 06:20:17 PM
A monster's deadliness is inversely proportionate to the importance of the character it is attacking. A minor character might be killed before he even knows what hit him, while the hero can wrestle with the monster for several minutes and suffer only superficial injuries.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Chainsaw midget on August 02, 2012, 08:00:11 PM
At no point does altering somethings DNA though science or mutation every make something more passive or friendlier. 

On that note, using convicts or soldiers for your experiments is never a good idea. 





Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 02, 2012, 08:13:32 PM
At no point does altering somethings DNA though science or mutation every make something more passive or friendlier. 

On that note, using convicts or soldiers for your experiments is never a good idea. 


Further to that rule, it is relatively rare for random mutation to result in illness, disability, death or pointless malformation. More often, mutation results in properly-formed claws and/or fangs, combined human/animal traits, enhanced physical abilities and even special powers.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: JaseSF on August 02, 2012, 08:31:55 PM
11) A monster, especially a giant one, will eventually attack a major city landmark of some sort usually destroying it, sometimes more than one will be demolished and even on occasion said monster seems to become a threat to an whole nation if not the world.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 02, 2012, 10:13:15 PM
Many monsters will instinctively avoid authority figures, slipping away quietly before they are seen by police or parents. This does not preclude them sneaking up on those people at some later time.

Eating people will weaken this instinct, and after a particularly large binge, monsters have been known to start attacking whole groups of people in plain sight.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Jack on August 03, 2012, 06:45:10 AM
Almost all monsters have the ability to magically upgrade any weapon fired at them to infinite ammo capacity.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: alandhopewell on August 03, 2012, 12:53:23 PM
     If the monster is some sort of oversized arthropod, it must make an annoying whirring noise.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ed, Ego and Superego on August 03, 2012, 02:01:20 PM
Many monsters will have an inexplicable, non-food,  attraction to a single human female.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Allhallowsday on August 03, 2012, 07:59:03 PM
16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries. 


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Psycho Circus on August 03, 2012, 08:06:09 PM
16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries. 

17) Monsters tend to devour these people with utter glee.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Chainsaw midget on August 03, 2012, 08:32:57 PM
18)  Giant monsters rarely if ever have to go to the bathroom. 

Be thankful. 


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 03, 2012, 08:41:58 PM
19. Predatory animals are far more likely to grow to gigantic size. The condition is very rare among docile creatures, and even those animals are likely to become predatory when they grow.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: indianasmith on August 03, 2012, 09:52:32 PM
20.  A hundred foot long monster can completely submerge itself in three feet of water!


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Chainsaw midget on August 03, 2012, 11:35:48 PM
20.  A hundred foot long monster can completely submerge itself in three feet of water!

21.  They're also much stealthier than you would think. 


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Andrew on August 04, 2012, 08:11:55 AM
A monster's vision is always worse than 20/200, often with a pronounced chroma shift into the red spectrum.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Jack on August 04, 2012, 09:32:54 AM
20.  A hundred foot long monster can completely submerge itself in three feet of water!

They can also completely conceal themselves behind a few boxes in a garage or other medium-sized room   :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: alandhopewell on August 04, 2012, 12:10:18 PM
     23- Bad movie vampires are generally repelled by crosses, except fot the ones on monuments in graveyards.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: JaseSF on August 05, 2012, 04:47:37 PM
24. In the case of some movie monsters, they can apparently freeze their victims with fear so that said victims cannot outrun an obviously slow-moving monster.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 06, 2012, 09:15:23 AM
25) All monsters roar, even if they are mutants of a species that has no vocal cords or other sound-making organs.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: alandhopewell on August 06, 2012, 12:57:28 PM
     26- Monsters seem to attract a certain type of character actor
     (See  AGAR, John, BISSELL, Whit, CARLSON, Richard,  DENNING, Richard, and MARLOWE, Hugh.)


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: WingedSerpent on August 07, 2012, 09:53:55 PM
27.  A human male transforming into a monster may completely lose his physical human qualities. A human female  however will -more often-then not- retain some of her human traits when transformed.

Sub section
27 a.  Both sexes may retain some mental facilities post transformation.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Dennis on August 08, 2012, 02:54:19 PM
28) Mutant animal monsters will alway attack and devour the scantily clad or skinny dipping female with the healthest    set of lungs and the lowest I.Q. (See any SyFy movie about snakes etc. filmed in Hawaii or the Los Angeles County Arboretum)


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on August 09, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Many monsters will have an inexplicable, non-food,  attraction to a single human female.

Especially, if said single human female is a virgin. (See various versions of "Countess Dracula," "Creature from the Black Lagoon," "King Kong," etc.) Of course, said single human need not be female (See "Lair of the White Worm," etc.) But said monster will go on a killing rampage, if denied said single human, male or female. (See films already mentioned and others.)


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ed, Ego and Superego on August 09, 2012, 05:20:33 PM
16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries. 
pedant  :smile:
I coudn;t get my shoes off to find out where I was in the list


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Allhallowsday on August 09, 2012, 09:24:38 PM
16.) Persons making monster rules tend to be extremely long-winded.  And fail to number their entries.  
pedant  :smile:
I coudn;t get my shoes off to find out where I was in the list
Pedant, again?  You're not funny and I wasn't referring to you.  Who else would know what you're referring to?  Only me.  Don't make me pop yer cherry.  Kitten. 


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: indianasmith on August 09, 2012, 10:21:48 PM
Rowr!!!! :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 10, 2012, 11:02:57 AM
29) Many monsters are much stealthier than it looks like they should be. A monster the size of an elephant can creep silently through a forest and devour dozens of victims without leaving a trace. Once a witness has survived an attack by the monster, however, it usually abandons all attempts at stealth.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: alandhopewell on August 10, 2012, 11:34:20 AM
     30- Fifties monsters rarely attack children; indeed, they will stand there, roaring impotently, while an adult snatches the child to safety.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ed, Ego and Superego on August 10, 2012, 12:43:40 PM
31) monsters never go AROUND things.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: AndyC on August 10, 2012, 01:21:26 PM
32. On encountering a lone, intoxicated human, a monster will react in one of three ways.

a) Pass by close enough for the guy to get a good look, but ignore him completely, allowing the drunk to either tell a story nobody believes or comically swear off booze on the spot.

b) Devour the unsuspecting drunk with perfect comic timing.

c) Pause long enough for the drunk to comically attempt to interact with it, then either leave or devour him.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 13, 2012, 01:58:27 PM
33) If a monster has two heads, they will inevitably fight over food.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ed, Ego and Superego on August 13, 2012, 05:05:52 PM
34) BIG monsters can fit in SMALL places


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 14, 2012, 10:01:06 AM
35) Monsters are often subject to involuntary teleportation, causing them to suddenly and inexplicably lose ground on humans they are chasing, especially if those humans are main characters.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: SynapticBoomstick on August 22, 2012, 12:04:48 AM
36. The cell structure of a monster is unaffected by deep freezing and they will awaken from suspended animation almost as soon as they are released without need for a recovery period.

This biological fortitude can also be applied to the crushing effects of millions of tons of rock, deep water, scalding lava, and exposure due to explosions or meteor impacts.


Title: Re: RULES GOVERNING MONSTERS IN BAD FILMS
Post by: Ted C on August 22, 2012, 02:48:25 PM
37) Monsters are prone to display behavior such as mating displays, territorial displays, or other displays that generally require them to roar loudly and pose ominously while their prey either scream incoherently (typical victims) or make good their escape (typical protagonists).