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Other Topics => Off Topic Discussion => Topic started by: Trevor on December 03, 2012, 01:05:13 AM



Title: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 03, 2012, 01:05:13 AM
I knew this day was coming so I tried to man up and prepare myself for it, but it didn't help at all.   :bluesad:

Mom left my life on Saturday and while it is a new beginning for her (she's married, at home in the city she was born in, her future is secure, more pros than cons, etc) losing her to someone I don't know and losing the responsibility of looking after her financially and otherwise hurts.

Nothing can numb the pain, nothing.  :bluesad:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: indianasmith on December 03, 2012, 07:21:26 AM
Time may not heal the pain, but it will make it more bearable.  I'll be thinking of you today.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 03, 2012, 07:46:22 AM
Time may not heal the pain, but it will make it more bearable.  I'll be thinking of you today.

Thanks Brother Indy.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Flangepart on December 03, 2012, 09:18:20 AM
Fun? No. But if she's happy, I think you can deal with it. Stay strong, compadre.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: The Burgomaster on December 03, 2012, 11:20:21 AM
Hang in there.  You have friends all around the world who are here to support you.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: ER on December 03, 2012, 12:31:54 PM
I'm sorry you're in pain, Trevor. I often don't handle changes well either. I have seen, though, that while closing a chapter in life can be agonizing, sometimes when you look back you see it opened up opportunities and experiences that would never have been possible if changes hadn't come. Good luck to you, and your mom also.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: zombie #1 on December 03, 2012, 01:11:18 PM
big up Trevington, you are the man


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: tracy on December 03, 2012, 01:38:01 PM
I'm sorry you're hurting,Trev.....you're such a caring son. Just let time ease the pain and make sure you keep telling yourself how happy she is now. And how much she knows that you're strong enough to deal.
(((HUGS!!!)))


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Menard on December 03, 2012, 01:51:00 PM
I knew this day was coming so I tried to man up and prepare myself for it, but it didn't help at all.   :bluesad:

Mom left my life on Saturday and while it is a new beginning for her (she's married, at home in the city she was born in, her future is secure, more pros than cons, etc) losing her to someone I don't know and losing the responsibility of looking after her financially and otherwise hurts.

Nothing can numb the pain, nothing.  :bluesad:


I don't know what that would be like, Trevor. I guess if my mother had remarried after my father's death, and moved away, that would have certainly been something to deal with.

I didn't have to deal with that as the last decade or better of my mother's life was a battle with Parkinson's, dementia, and depression; and the latter to a degree on both parts. Those last years I rarely saw her smile, rarely saw her happy, and were certainly painful years for me dealing with her disease, seeing her mind go, and eventually watching her die suddenly one morning in which my efforts to save her failed.

The familiarity of your world may have changed, and you may not have the comfort of knowing you will be just around the corner for her, but if she's happy and has reason to smile, she's ahead of the game.

Take comfort in her new found happiness. It will take time to adjust, but when the years ahead are filled with potential and the chance at a life and happiness for someone....well, not everybody has that chance, and that's something to celebrate.

It may not seem like a celebration now, but your mother has an opportunity mine didn't. Years ago, and in your shoes, without having seen the future, I don't know how I would have reacted, but I would have probably felt along the same lines as you.

Having seen what did become of my mother and how her life degraded, and given the opportunity to go back and do things differently, well that's an opportunity that doesn't exist.

You and your do have an opportunity, a threshold in life that I never saw. That's not something to be sad about or feel guilty about, but to be embraced that you have it, and to know how special that is.

Call her on the phone, tell her you love her, laugh with her, and yes, be a shoulder to cry on and a second home where she's always welcome for as long as she wants.

As the years pass and you remember the moments of happiness in your mother's life, and she can share things with you, and tell you how her day has been going....these are special moments to be had, and hold onto. :smile:


Hope I'm not being out of place....just wanted to share.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: alandhopewell on December 03, 2012, 02:22:34 PM
     It'll be okay, man; you love her, and you want her to be happy. Just give yourself time to adjust.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: akiratubo on December 03, 2012, 02:30:23 PM
Nothing can keep you down, man.  You're an African!  After awhile, knowing your Mother is happy and secure will bring you nothing but joy.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:00:01 AM
Fun? No. But if she's happy, I think you can deal with it. Stay strong, compadre.

Thanks, Brother Flange.   :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:00:54 AM
Hang in there.  You have friends all around the world who are here to support you.

Thanks Brother Burgo: if it wasn't for you guys and girls, well...


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:02:46 AM
I'm sorry you're in pain, Trevor. I often don't handle changes well either. I have seen, though, that while closing a chapter in life can be agonizing, sometimes when you look back you see it opened up opportunities and experiences that would never have been possible if changes hadn't come. Good luck to you, and your mom also.

Thanks, ER. This is positive change for her and I am honestly happy for her but I am crushed.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:04:04 AM
big up Trevington, you are the man

Thanks: you are the #1 zombie buddy: for sure.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:04:54 AM
I'm sorry you're hurting,Trev.....you're such a caring son. Just let time ease the pain and make sure you keep telling yourself how happy she is now. And how much she knows that you're strong enough to deal.
(((HUGS!!!)))

Hugs right back at you, SisterT  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Pilgermann on December 04, 2012, 01:44:11 AM
You know we love you, Trevor.  You'll be OK.  I'm sure it's one of those easier said than done situations, but given time I think you'll be fine, sir.  Best to you and to your mother!


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:47:22 AM
I didn't have to deal with that as the last decade or better of my mother's life was a battle with Parkinson's, dementia, and depression; and the latter to a degree on both parts. Those last years I rarely saw her smile, rarely saw her happy, and were certainly painful years for me dealing with her disease, seeing her mind go, and eventually watching her die suddenly one morning in which my efforts to save her failed.

That is incredibly sad, Dr M: I had no idea that happened to you.  :bluesad: I also still feel responsible for not being able to help Dad in 2008 ~ I got there two hours too late.

Quote
The familiarity of your world may have changed, and you may not have the comfort of knowing you will be just around the corner for her, but if she's happy and has reason to smile, she's ahead of the game. Take comfort in her new found happiness. It will take time to adjust, but when the years ahead are filled with potential and the chance at a life and happiness for someone....well, not everybody has that chance, and that's something to celebrate. It may not seem like a celebration now, but your mother has an opportunity mine didn't. Years ago, and in your shoes, without having seen the future, I don't know how I would have reacted, but I would have probably felt along the same lines as you. Having seen what did become of my mother and how her life degraded, and given the opportunity to go back and do things differently, well that's an opportunity that doesn't exist.

Thanks, I will try but it is so bloody hard.  :bluesad:

Quote
You and your do have an opportunity, a threshold in life that I never saw. That's not something to be sad about or feel guilty about, but to be embraced that you have it, and to know how special that is. Call her on the phone, tell her you love her, laugh with her, and yes, be a shoulder to cry on and a second home where she's always welcome for as long as she wants. As the years pass and you remember the moments of happiness in your mother's life, and she can share things with you, and tell you how her day has been going....these are special moments to be had, and hold onto. :smile:
Hope I'm not being out of place....just wanted to share.

All I can say to that is: thank you and *HUG* :smile:

I must add that it took me three tries to read what you wrote: I succeeded the third time but I cried the first and the second time.  :bluesad:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:49:06 AM
     It'll be okay, man; you love her, and you want her to be happy. Just give yourself time to adjust.

Thanks, Brother Alan: I will have my rare beer on Christmas Day and New Year's Day and will think of you.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:51:52 AM
Nothing can keep you down, man.  You're an African!

Thanks, Brother Akira: That is true: I don't know why I'm being such a wuss about it.

Quote
After awhile, knowing your Mother is happy and secure will bring you nothing but joy.

If all works out, I should be seeing her in February for her 80th so I hope all will be well.



Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 04, 2012, 01:54:47 AM
You know we love you, Trevor.  

 :bluesad: :bluesad: Aww.... there go my waterworks again. *HUG*

Quote
You'll be OK.  I'm sure it's one of those easier said than done situations, but given time I think you'll be fine, sir.  Best to you and to your mother!

Thanks, Brother P.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: trekgeezer on December 04, 2012, 11:29:18 AM
I feel for you brother Trev, but just be thankful you still have her,  I lost my Dad , in 1988 and My mom in 1994.


 I would pick up the phone on the weekend and get ready to dial her up and then realize she wasn't there any more.

It will be tough for a while, but time will make eventually make it feel better.     

You have a lot to friends to fall back on when it gets really tough.     We love you man and you can lean on us any time. 


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: bob on December 04, 2012, 11:57:46 AM
You can take solice in knowing that your mom is happy, which will  ease the pain.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: retrorussell on December 04, 2012, 06:59:52 PM
Relax and keep in contact with her as often as possible.  If she's happy with the new guy he must be a real peach!  Don't fret; hang out with us when you get low!  Or watch MIDNIGHT.. yeah, that'll make you feel better!


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Allhallowsday on December 04, 2012, 11:23:22 PM
Your Mom is very fortunate to find love late in life; it's a rare thing.  Be happy for her.

We're thinking of you. 


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Menard on December 05, 2012, 12:16:39 AM
We're thinking of you. 

But he's the only one thinking of you in your underpants. :teddyr:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 02:22:48 AM
You have a lot to friends to fall back on when it gets really tough.     We love you man and you can lean on us any time. 

 :bluesad: :bluesad: Awww..... thanks, BrotherTrek.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 02:25:43 AM
You can take solice in knowing that your mom is happy, which will  ease the pain.

Thanks, Brotherbob: she is happy but she asks me each day when we talk on the phone if I am OK, as if she senses something. She does know how I felt and feel about the situation and she knows that while I am genuinely happy for her, internally I feel as abandoned as I did when my birth parents abandoned me.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 02:28:35 AM
Relax and keep in contact with her as often as possible.  If she's happy with the new guy he must be a real peach!  Don't fret; hang out with us when you get low!


I will do that, thanks, BrotherRussell.  :smile:

Quote
Or watch MIDNIGHT.. yeah, that'll make you feel better!


OOOOOO [expletive deleted] NOOOOOOO: nothing could be worse than that.  :buggedout: :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:

Just FYI: www.kalahari.com (http://www.kalahari.com) has Midnightfor sale at SAR187.00 (that's about $19): should I buy it or not?


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 02:30:05 AM
Your Mom is very fortunate to find love late in life; it's a rare thing.  Be happy for her.

We're thinking of you. 

Thanks, BrotherAHD.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 02:30:47 AM
We're thinking of you. 

But he's the only one thinking of you in your underpants. :teddyr:

 :teddyr: :teddyr:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: JoeTheDestroyer on December 05, 2012, 05:56:32 AM
I think I'd feel the same way were one of my parents to remarry.  My mom and pop have been together for as long as I could remember, and having someone else come into the picture would take a lot of readjusting for me--and I'm usually a very adaptable person.  I feel for you, man, but I'm glad that she's still alive and well.  I hope things improve for you, and I'll be thinking of you in the meantime brother!  :teddyr:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 06:44:57 AM
I feel for you, man, but I'm glad that she's still alive and well.  I hope things improve for you, and I'll be thinking of you in the meantime brother!  :teddyr:

Thanks, Brother Joe: Mom has actually lost about ten years off her face since this happened ~ I actually think she was pining for Dad and although she had lots of friends around her where she used to live, I think she was slowly dying. This has given her a new lease on life and it will be one heck of an adjustment for me: I probably will get used to it in time.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Newt on December 05, 2012, 07:21:05 AM
internally I feel as abandoned as I did when my birth parents abandoned me.

 :bluesad:  Aw Trevor!  From what you have said about your relationship and childhood, I know your Mom has a huge heart and a lot of love to give.   It's a huge adjustment after all this time having her so close by, but I also know that nothing has changed between you save a bit of physical distance.  Give it time.  You have a big heart too: there is room for all of us, and that includes potential for a special friendship with the new love in your Mom's life.  I have faith in you.  It will happen.  {{HUGS}}


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 05, 2012, 07:55:57 AM
:bluesad:  Aw Trevor!  From what you have said about your relationship and childhood, I know your Mom has a huge heart and a lot of love to give.   It's a huge adjustment after all this time having her so close by, but I also know that nothing has changed between you save a bit of physical distance.  Give it time.  You have a big heart too: there is room for all of us, and that includes potential for a special friendship with the new love in your Mom's life.  I have faith in you.  It will happen.  {{HUGS}}

 :bluesad: Awww: big hugs to my Canadian sister.  :smile:

There certainly is room in my heart for all of my family on here. *HUG* Even Wyrewizard. Yes: I typed that.  :wink:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: retrorussell on December 05, 2012, 03:05:16 PM


Just FYI: [url=http://www.kalahari.com]www.kalahari.com[/url] ([url]http://www.kalahari.com[/url]) has Midnightfor sale at SAR187.00 (that's about $19): should I buy it or not?

Never!  Not even if you run out of toilet paper!  That's money better spend on a large pizza for yourself.  Mmm.. pizza.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: ChaosTheory on December 05, 2012, 03:13:59 PM
I can't claim to know what you're going through; I don't know how I'd feel if my dad were to remarry.  But you can take comfort in the fact that your mom is happy and you can still be in touch with her. 
Obviously, we're all pulling for you. 


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Couchtr26 on December 05, 2012, 07:50:34 PM
Sorry to hear, Trevor.  Things will improve in time.  Until then wishing you the best, I understand it can be hard to lose someone who has been a part of your life for a long time.  Whether permanently or by moving away and so forth.  It is always sad.  I've lost many friends in similar ways and it is sad.  I can understand that it is deeper for you and hoping that things will not seem so distant and such.  However, as long as she is happy, you will be happy as well.  Change is just never enjoyable.  Wishing you the best Trevor you are good member of the forum and always a joy. 


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: CheezeFlixz on December 06, 2012, 08:28:53 AM
Sorry for your loss Trevor - thoughts are with you.


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 07, 2012, 01:41:16 AM
Never!  Not even if you run out of toilet paper! 


 :bouncegiggle:  :bouncegiggle:

Quote
That's money better spend on a large pizza for yourself.  Mmm.. pizza.


I think I should give these guys a call: www.debonairs.co.za (http://www.debonairs.co.za): they make the best pizza.  :cheers:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 07, 2012, 01:42:25 AM
I can't claim to know what you're going through; I don't know how I'd feel if my dad were to remarry.  But you can take comfort in the fact that your mom is happy and you can still be in touch with her. 
Obviously, we're all pulling for you. 

Thanks and hugs, SisterCT  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 07, 2012, 01:43:40 AM
Wishing you the best Trevor you are good member of the forum and always a joy. 

Thanks, BrotherCTR26  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 07, 2012, 01:44:55 AM
Sorry for your loss Trevor - thoughts are with you.

Thanks BrotherCheeze: nice to have you back among us.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Allhallowsday on December 07, 2012, 03:52:00 PM
How are you doing Trevor?   :thumbup: :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 10, 2012, 03:56:28 AM
How are you doing Trevor?   :thumbup: :smile:

Fine thanks AHD: it's just going to be quite a lonely Christmas.  :bluesad:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: indianasmith on December 10, 2012, 07:11:08 PM
Come to Texas, pal, and I will feed you fried chicken and take you arrowhead hunting!


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 11, 2012, 01:02:58 AM
Come to Texas, pal, and I will feed you fried chicken and take you arrowhead hunting!

Sounds like a very good deal to me.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 11, 2012, 02:34:59 AM
If you see my new avatar pic, then you can see all of you have helped me smile a bit again.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Umaril Has Returned on December 11, 2012, 07:28:28 PM
I knew this day was coming so I tried to man up and prepare myself for it, but it didn't help at all.   :bluesad:

Mom left my life on Saturday and while it is a new beginning for her (she's married, at home in the city she was born in, her future is secure, more pros than cons, etc) losing her to someone I don't know and losing the responsibility of looking after her financially and otherwise hurts.

Nothing can numb the pain, nothing.  :bluesad:

Hi Trevor, good to see you again.

I know the hurt this can cause..though my situation is different, as it involves 8 passings in my family over the past decade, I know firsthand the pain one leaving your life can create, from whatever means they left.

 It's a familiar feeling to all of us, but yet one we can claim as our own because each one of us has to deal with  it by ourselves to a certain degree.

I can't say much more, because words aren't enough, but my thoughts are with you.  :smile:

Umaril


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 12, 2012, 01:04:37 AM
I knew this day was coming so I tried to man up and prepare myself for it, but it didn't help at all.   :bluesad:

Mom left my life on Saturday and while it is a new beginning for her (she's married, at home in the city she was born in, her future is secure, more pros than cons, etc) losing her to someone I don't know and losing the responsibility of looking after her financially and otherwise hurts.

Nothing can numb the pain, nothing.  :bluesad:

Hi Trevor, good to see you again.

I know the hurt this can cause..though my situation is different, as it involves 8 passings in my family over the past decade, I know firsthand the pain one leaving your life can create, from whatever means they left.

 It's a familiar feeling to all of us, but yet one we can claim as our own because each one of us has to deal with  it by ourselves to a certain degree.

I can't say much more, because words aren't enough, but my thoughts are with you.  :smile:

Umaril

Thanks to the formerly unfeathered brother who now has some.  :teddyr: 


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: Trevor on December 18, 2012, 02:34:38 AM
I was paid a visit by my special niece and nephew yesterday which helped disperse the loneliness I feel at present: they even brought me a small cake! Delicious.  :smile:


Title: Re: Nothing can numb the pain I feel right now...
Post by: tracy on December 18, 2012, 02:11:05 PM
Come to Texas, pal, and I will feed you fried chicken and take you arrowhead hunting!


Let me know when he comes....I think he needs a hug and a pecan pie. :wink: