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When I was 8 or 9 in 1988, I really wanted to see Destroyer.  It was, I think, simply because of the name "Lyle Alzado".  I had no idea who Lyle Alzado was, mind you.  But, come on, say it out loud.  "Lyle Alzado".  Now, say, "Lyle Alzado IS -- The Destroyer!"  Kind of makes you want to stop whatever you're doing and track down this movie right now, doesn't it?  Well, don't.  It isn't worth it.

Destroyer starts with death row rapist/murderer Ivan Moser (Alzado), watching a game show.  A priest comes in to read him his last rites but Moser isn't interested, he just wants to watch the show.  He remains uninterested while he's being walked to the chair, strapped in, hooded, and indeed right up until the moment the executioner throws the switch.  Hmm ... I wonder if Moser has reason to believe his execution isn't going to proceed as planned.*  We don't get to see this, but apparently there's a huge prison riot at the time of Moser's execution.  The prison ends up condemned afterwards.

A year or so later, a film crew is using the prison to shoot a movie loosely based on the events that got the place shut down.  How loose?  In their telling, the Moser-character is a woman!  The old prison warden stops by one day, both to make sure the film crew isn't uncovering any evidence of his horrifically abusive policies that were the true cause of the riot, and to yell at a former prison guard who now apparently lives (!!!) in the place.  The ex-guard, named Russel, takes his former boss's abuse so well he grabs a blow torch and burns him to death!

Wait a minute!  I thought Ivan Moser was the bad guy here!

Well, he is, but it's going to take a while for the movie to remember that.  Honestly, the rest of the movie's not really worth describing in any detail, so here's a general outline:  Moser has been hiding out in the prison ever since the riot.  He's been watching the film crew work and has developed a serious crush on a stunt woman named Malone.  A gigantic serial rapist is the last person you want having a crush on you!  The final half-hour or so of the movie has Malone trapped in the prison with Moser.  We get to watch him shuffle after her while she runs and hides.

I think quite a lot of detail in Destroyer got left on the cutting room floor.  For one thing, Moser spends most of his last-act rampage in a stolen cop uniform.  This would be pretty cool if the movie had bothered to let us know that impersonating a cop was Moser's old M.O.  As it stands, it's just kind of pointless.  The warden's systematic abuse of his inmates and employees is something else that is brought up and promptly dropped.  However, we find out that the warden constructed a special cell for Moser ... in the prison sewer.  (Moser even rants about "rats coming out of the pipes" at one point.)  It's almost as if we're encouraged to believe that the warden's mistreatment is the real cause of Moser's insanity.  (Did Moser actually work at the prison?  Did he become a rapist because his a***ole boss pushed him too far?)  None of this ever goes anywhere.

What of Lyle Alzado?  Well, he turns out to be one of the things about Destroyer that actually works.  I don't know if I'd call him a good actor but he's got his psycho-killer routine down pat.  Plus, he's got real chemistry with the woman who plays Malone.  Their interactions go a long way toward redeeming the generally listless final act.

Destroyer isn't very good but, if you're in the mood for some 80s cheese, it's a pretty harmless way to kill 90 minutes.

* He does.  It turns out that Russel, one of the prison guards, is his father.  Russel must have rigged it so Moser's date with the chair did little more than give him a buzz.

Oh, if only you had asked me before committing yourself to this. I could have warned you.

Where do I send flowers?

Hey, it's all good.  I've been waiting 26 years to see this, I'd almost be disappointed if it turned out to be good.  Too bad I never got to see it when I was a kid.  I'd have loved it then.