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People have some wild tastes when it comes to getting it on, but one Florida man who was caught in the act with a wild alligator.


"I don’t have no sexual attraction to gators, but I wanted to teach this b***h a lesson."

Rupert Darwin, 59, made that statement as a part of his police statement after being brought in on charges of animal cruelty and illegally keeping a wild animal. An environmental hiker came upon Darwin mating with the reptile and heard him say,


"Next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my b***h forever."

Yea.

Darwin is an outcast in is rural Collier County home, with other residents of the 400 person strong town describing him as "odd" and a bit of a hermit. The 59-year-old was keeping the 12 foot long beast in his backyard after it tried to drag him under the water when he was fishing in the swamp. Reportedly, Darwin was exacting his revenge multiple times a day on the female alligator, but that's not all he had in store. Police responded before Darwin ever got around to "chopping off the alligator's tail", "pulling out its teeth" as well as his plan to blast music as a form of noise torture.

Neither the alligator nor surprisingly Darwin were hurt during the acts of sexual abuse, and according to the witness who stumbled upon Darwin in the first place, the alligator wasn't putting up much of a fight.


"It was the damn strangest thing I’ve ever seen. The gator didn’t even move. It was like it didn’t give a s**t that man was having sex with it."

Before Darwin heads to jail for his alligator abuse, you would hope he first heads to the hospital to make sure he doesn't have any gator diseases lurking around his deep south region. It's still unclear whether the law will go easy on the senior for his actions, but if this becomes the dawn of the lizard people, we know who to blame...

Hey everyone - this story seems to be gaining traction on social media, but don't believe it. It's as fake as crocodile tears.

DuPage County authorities say a Roselle man sexually abused his pet peacock, which later was found dead in his garage.

David Beckmann, 64, of 645 E. Devon Ave., was charged with misdemeanor animal cruelty after Roselle police said they learned about the abuse and subsequent death of the bird, named Phyl, while investigating another crime.

On Wednesday, Beckmann was booked at the DuPage County jail on separate misdemeanor charges of battery and attempted indecent solicitation of a child. Both of those charges stem from a Tuesday night case in Roselle involving a child between the ages of 13 and 17, court records show.

The first version of the story was way more entertaining.  Doggone reality . . . what a gyp!