Badmovies.org Forum

Other Topics => Off Topic Discussion => Topic started by: ER on March 31, 2017, 01:49:05 PM



Title: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on March 31, 2017, 01:49:05 PM
Anything you wanna get off your chest?


I do have something, and since I can no longer tell the person it happened to, I figure I'll unload here on this rainy, slow day at work.

In college, since I almost never drank, I was given the honor of being the "shaker" in a beer roulette contest one winter night during a televised hockey game.

If you're not familiar with beer roulette, someone who is not drinking breaks down a six-pack, tall boys preferable for added effect, shakes one can vigorously until its contents are roughly as volatile as an equal amount of nitroglycerin, then mixes it back in with the other five cans so no one knows which is the dangerous one. Then one of the players takes a can of beer and opens it directly under his or her nose, touching the nostrils. If it's the can that was shaken up, foam and beer flood up inside the person, similar to waterboarding, bringing on choking and sneezing and coughing, to the certain delight of those in the group who didn't have it happen.

Well my confession is that particular night some devil of temptation got the best of me and I went in the kitchen and actually shook up every can, guaranteeing whoever went first was going to get a live round straight to the brain.

As ill-luck would have it my friend Amy drew the short straw to go first, and I cringed and almost stopped her but didn't, and she got it full force straight up her nose, like an elevator of beer that sent her hacking and wheezing and blowing foam out of her nose while she turned all red, to the almost hyperventilating laughter of the others there.

I did think fast enough to knock the other cans off the coffee table while helping Amy, so there was an excuse for why they were all little time bombs, "they rolled across the floor" and no one really knew what I'd done. I got away with it and didn't even write about it in my diary, when I'm usually detailed in there. (Boy am I.)

Well, Amy lost her battle with cancer last month, I never told her I cheated and stacked the deck with beer roulette, which to her credit she laughed about that night once she could breathe again, and I can't say I ever felt all THAT bad about what I did, it was funny, but what the heck, let's let the truth come out here:

IN 1998 I IGNOBLY CHEATED AT BEER ROULETTE!

Mea maxima culpa!


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 03, 2017, 02:51:20 PM
I confess today I gave the intern I like least the most distasteful assignment of the group.

I also pointed a gun at someone. Not loaded, and if it had been the shot wouldn't have killed him, just left him celibate. He took it in stride.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: indianasmith on April 03, 2017, 05:37:56 PM
Today I made a reasonable facsimile of a human head out of a giant ball of tinfoil and put it on one of the top shelves in my classroom.
I plan to tell next year's students that it is the actual foil wrapped, severed head of a student that displeased me.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 03, 2017, 06:27:33 PM
Today I made a reasonable facsimile of a human head out of a giant ball of tinfoil and put it on one of the top shelves in my classroom.
I plan to tell next year's students that it is the actual foil wrapped, severed head of a student that displeased me.  :teddyr:

Well they say 'tis better to be feared than loved, Indy.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on April 04, 2017, 04:19:04 AM
I had my cousin Fiona, her wife Claire and Fiona's daughter up staying for a long weekend last week. In the town next to where we live their is a garage with an old jet airplane sitting on the forecourt (a Buccaneer). As we were driving up to where the garage was I told them up ahead was the garage where we refueled our aircraft. Although initially sceptical when they saw the plane sitting there they were convinced I was telling the truth. They now think that combat aircraft drive along the road to load up with regular fuel.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Trevor on April 04, 2017, 05:09:42 AM
Today I made a reasonable facsimile of a human head out of a giant ball of tinfoil and put it on one of the top shelves in my classroom.
I plan to tell next year's students that it is the actual foil wrapped, severed head of a student that displeased me.  :teddyr:


 :buggedout: :buggedout: +  :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

I wonder why that made me think of this

(http://l7.alamy.com/zooms/1eb5c9a78c4841c6af3f8330beaf0697/l-homme-au-masque-de-cire-house-of-wax-anne-1953-usa-charles-bronson-b854te.jpg)


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 05, 2017, 02:02:22 PM
When I was almost sixteen I had a tennis injury that resulted in my being off school for a whole quarter, and I had a tutor who was in grad school, mid-twenties, who would come to my house, and soon it became like he'd mostly hang out there rather than teach, we'd talk about things, I was sort of coming back to life again after being utterly messed up by my accident, it was cool, and then in January I went back to tenth grade, and we actually had a strong connection to where he said call him anytime, and I said thank you.

So I think he was the one who called me first, I'm not sure, maybe I called him and said it went well starting back, but anyway, we did end up talking, a couple times we met up and had a soft drink, shot the breeze, it was all good, but as days went on and I got back into regular life and put that era behind me, I started associating him with the chapter when I was recovering, and it got to be a time I wanted to think about less and less, so I stopped calling him, he called me, asked to meet up, I did once or twice, life went on, but he kept calling me, and I could tell he didn't get it that I thought of him as being part of bad times. I never came out and said that's how I felt and it made me a little guilty to think that way.

So one evening in the spring after I went back to class he called and said hey meet me at (this diner type place called) Frisch's will you? I remember I felt slightly annoyed by him asking me to go there but I did, and ended up sitting in his car with him, and why it caught me as such a surprise I don't know, but very much against my wishes, he tried to...have a go at me. And got relatively far along. Well, not that far, maybe, but it was well into the realms of some sort of indecent assault.

I wasn't like some shrinking violet victim, it made me livid at him and I told him so, and he stopped, and the thing was, he was genuinely shocked that I was mad at him, like he thought we had some intimacy, some relationship, I guess.

Well he started apologizing all over himself, scared, just blabbering, and I was kind of like, "Uh-huh, yeah, fine, that's cool." I just wanted out of his car. And he looked like he was going to cry. He said he thought I felt something for him (which I had when he was my tutor, but it was just liking him as a cool older guy who took me seriously to talk to, I had someone else in my life).

I went home and had the weirdest impression that despite being fairly nice looking he maybe didn't have "romantic" experience, that he seriously thought he was...doing what you're supposed to do. He sure had zero aptitude in his fumbled pawing.

He was terrified, though, and if I had wanted to press charges he'd have made it too easy since he called me and said how sorry he was, he was wrong, he was ashamed and embarrassed, not only didn't deny what he did, groping me and everything in his car, he repeatedly referred to it. He literally begged please don't tell anyone, I am not a predator, I thought you liked me, I have never done anything like this and never will again, I am a good person, I wasn't your tutor anymore and haven't been for months, etc. etc. etc.

And though some people I've told about this have blasted me saying I had a duty to report him since he worked around teenagers, I didn't. I can't say I was traumatized by what went on, just mad and left self-doubting, thinking I guess I was dumb to have misinterpreted him. Someone said because I was technically overage in my state and he wasn't my tutor and he did stop, I didn't have much to blame him for. Whatever. I donít know. At the very least it wasnít cool, at worst it was assault.

Okay, it gets weirder.

A year and a half in the future, I was in twelfth grade and I had all my graduation credits except for the final English course, and the class they stuck me in to fill my schedule was this simple survey time-killer called Science I. (after I'd just gotten honors in AP Physics the last year), filled with C and B level 9th graders, and I was the only 12th grader in it, but irony of all ironies, the mother of all weirdness, guess who the teacher in that class was?  Yep, my one-time tutor.

Strangest of all, though, he was as great a teacher as he was a tutor. I mean really good. Everybody liked him, he got the kids to get better grades, he was involved, he kicked butt in there. And though I was on edge at first, the entire duration of the class he never once via word, deed, look or thought betrayed that anything sordid ever happened between us. He even announced to everyone that first day that he used to tutor me when I was a sophomore. He wasn't cold to me, he wasn't nervous, he didn't favor me, he made jokes to me sometimes, and it was Twilight Zone surreal, and I'd sit there listening to him teach and think, "How are you doing this? Are you really that good? Did you white out that night in your mind? Was it never as bad as I thought it was?Ē

The damndest thing was, I actually enjoyed being in his class. It was one of the few good parts of a high-pressure, disillusioning senior year.

One more wrinkle to it all....

About a decade after I graduated, I was walking a mall, in a strange mood, and who do I see coming toward me but my would-be molester, his wife (who is also a teacher), and they're pushing a stroller with a little girl in it. I don't know what got into me, I got this adrenaline rush of indignant feeling and I walked a beeline over to them, introduced myself like he wouldn't know me and reminded him I had been in his class and he once tutored me, which of course he remembered, said something that he alone would get, a reference to what had happened in his car, shook his wife's hand, and leaned down and even touched his little girl, who was maybe a year old, on the chin. Then still sounding cordial and smiley, walked away.

I soon thought, why did I do that? Why?

Very soon after that, he showed up at my house. He showed up when I was alone, and three things registered instantly: he somehow knew where I lived, he somehow apparently knew when I'd be there alone without my roommate there, and he was enraged and freaked out. I had confronted him around his wife, I had physically touched his child, I had pushed some buttons in his head and scared him, potentially endangering his career and his domestic life, and I while I was hostile to him at first I suddenly got this vibe off him that was....scary. I thought frightened people do bad things sometimes, and I had definitely frightened him by approaching him and saying what I did. I thought how if my roommate came back and found me dead I don't think suspect number one would be a teacher from the decade before. I got a feeling he was in this spooked state that was dangerous.

And---some honorary Texan me---I didn't even have a gun on me. :-)

Well, I have never talked so fast in my life, saying how sorry I was about what I did (which is true, I was really sorry, I shouldn't have done that) and I don't know why I did, I wouldn't again, it was actually good to see him again, could he sit and have some tea or something and talk a minute?

He calmed down fast and it was so weird but while he was there we had what could almost be called a friendly chat down memory lane, and when he left he was placated and in a good mood, himself again. But I still bolted the door when he was gone, got my Desert Eagle, and told my roommate (well, housemate, big place) how about we stayed gone a bit?

So. I admit I have looked at his and his wife's websites associated with their classes here and there over the last ten years, read their social media feeds on occasion, but I haven't contacted them again, and I still believe I was in a perilously iffy situation that day, and that he was in a dangerous state.

And that I was perhaps lucky.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Allhallowsday on April 05, 2017, 10:35:39 PM
Oh my I didn't read the last confession... cool.  Keeps the forum alive.   :thumbup: :teddyr: 

Read it now... that's some scary sh!t.  I am glad you are here.  Choices are the secret of survival. 


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 13, 2017, 11:35:28 AM
I feel bad. I was a complete jerk to someone Sunday, who bought my daughter a nice birthday present today. I wonder if I still have the personalized horsehair robe they gave me when I graduated from Catholic school?


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on April 16, 2017, 01:25:01 AM
I don't know.. not sure there's anything really want to get off my chest in an open forum like this.  But maybe I'll think of something minor I wouldn't mind sharing...


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 18, 2017, 12:59:06 PM
There is said to be a hereditary demon in my paternal bloodline that skips generations, and then infects all those in the next. In my generation.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on April 19, 2017, 11:29:07 PM
I was in a situation once where I had a roommate who I didn't get along with so well.  In my humble opinion, I tried really hard to talk to and find a bridge to connect to him with, but it just didn't seem to work.  I remember one time I went into the room and, noticing he was reading something, I asked, "Hey, man, what are you reading?"

No answer.

I figured maybe he didn't hear me, so I repeated myself, louder this time.

Still no answer.

Then I repeated a third time, and I have to admit, I was getting a little annoyed.  I find someone deliberately ignoring me like that to be a bit off-putting, to say the least.

So, I repeated myself and he replies, "If I didn't answer you the first time, what makes you think I'm going to answer the next three?"

And I'm like, "Well, what's the deal, why are you ignoring me?"

"Cause you're being nosy.  It's none of your business what I'm reading."

I'm like, "I'm not being nosy, it's called, 'Trying to make conversation.'"

"No, you're just being nosy!"  

After a bit of back and forth, I said, "Look, if you don't want to talk to me, why don't you just say something like, 'Gee, Mike, I'm sorry, I don't feel like talking right now.' You know, that would be the polite thing to do."

And he's all, "I shouldn't have to, you should just quit being nosey."

So, I got frustrated, and I said, "Fine, you don't want me to talk to you?  I won't.  You can just sulk there in silence, I don't care anymore."

And here, I admit, I may have went too far...

"Just remember this though, years from now when you're sitting at the nursing home in your old age, dying, and you look around and wonder why NO ONE'S come to visit you, I want you to remember this conversation."  


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 20, 2017, 11:34:04 AM
When I was twenty-one I started plotting a murder.

This man had unintentionally caused someone I loved to die, and in my extended and all-possessing grief I found my thoughts turning toward striking out against him. At first these were only stray pinpoints of ideas in among my pain, but little by little I found the notion solidifying until one day I realized how dangerous was the flower this little seed of mine had bloomed to be, and it came to me that almost without trying I had conceived of a plan that would probably have worked and might even have let me get away with it.

My reaction was to feel fear because it showed how much some portion of my brain had been working on this plot, so I shut down all thoughts of the idea of revenge, never acted on them, and in time I went on to meet this man and pay him a thousand dollars to tell me about that day from his perspective, which he did, probably to my detriment since there are things I now know that I shouldn't.

Instead of being cathartic his account made me want to hurt him all over again, but I didn't. I hate violence and have been exposed to more of it than I should have, considering my personality and how it bothers me when I think on it. So, I confess, once when I was grief-stricken I came up with a way to kill the cause of my grief. I'm glad I didn't, not the least because he now has children, and they never hurt anyone, and I doubt I was ever that serious, but I did dwell on the idea and entertain it until it was far beyond where it should have been.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 26, 2017, 10:56:40 PM
I confess I believe it's stupid to still divide a circle into 360 degrees, even though we're long past knowing the year does not have 360 days, nor is each day/degree governed by a divine figure active only on that day, as the Babylonians thought. I confess I have always thought of circles as circumscribed by 100 degrees, which makes more sense. If the world can mostly convert to metrics, and the English give up their beloved coinage system for a decimal-based one, why can't humankind adopt a 100-degree circle, since any division of a circle is arbitrary anyway?


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on April 28, 2017, 01:22:06 AM
When I was twenty-one I started plotting a murder.

This man had unintentionally caused someone I loved to die, and in my extended and all-possessing grief I found my thoughts turning toward striking out against him.

(snip)

in time I went on to meet this man and pay him a thousand dollars to tell me about that day from his perspective, .

Damn, ER, n/o but your life sometimes sounds like a 10 part mini-series that I've just walked into episode five of...

This whole brings up so many questions, but I'm not sure you'd actually want to talk about of them..


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 28, 2017, 08:04:13 AM
When I was twenty-one I started plotting a murder.

This man had unintentionally caused someone I loved to die, and in my extended and all-possessing grief I found my thoughts turning toward striking out against him.

(snip)

in time I went on to meet this man and pay him a thousand dollars to tell me about that day from his perspective, .

Damn, ER, n/o but your life sometimes sounds like a 10 part mini-series that I've just walked into episode five of...

This whole brings up so many questions, but I'm not sure you'd actually want to talk about of them..

Ha!

I think I just have a gift for making the mundane sound dramatic. In less grandiose terms, there was a fatal car wreck that left me grieving over loss, after that I used to think all kinds of thoughts, some of them cruel, and one day I wanted to know more, so I tried to get the one witness to it all to tell me, but that was the last thing he wanted to recall, so I paid him to tell me what went on that day, and he finally did. Shrug.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on April 30, 2017, 01:11:04 AM
I'm kind of curious what you guys thought of my confession http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388 (http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388)

Did I maybe go too far and was a bit too mean with what I said to the guy?  

I don't know, I'm one of these types that's tend to re-play far too many moments in my life.  I don't know.. looking back on it, I don't hold any real malice to the guy, I mean, he had a bad crap happen in his life and I wish him the best, but that day I think I just ran out of patience.  


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on April 30, 2017, 07:27:54 PM

I'm kind of curious what you guys thought of my confession [url]http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388[/url] ([url]http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388[/url])

Did I maybe go to far or was a bit too mean with what I said to the guy? 

I don't know, I'm one of these types that's tend to re-play far too many moments in my life.  I don't know.. looking back on it, I don't hold any real malice to the guy, I mean, he had a bad crap happen in his life and I wish him the best, but that day I think I just ran out of patience. 


Without knowing more about the person to whom you said that, or your past relationship, or your own temperament, I would have to say it sounds fairly mild as far as antagonism goes, and it seems warranted if he ignored you like you say he did. Unless you wake up and find him standing over your bed with a length of wire, or unless he goes and jumps off a bridge after mentioning this conversation in his note, I'd not be too concerned.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on May 04, 2017, 10:50:49 PM
A good friend occasionally reminds me that he sums me up by saying I am "high-maintenance, but worth it" and I must confess, I think that's as flattering as it is no doubt accurate.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: javakoala on May 05, 2017, 01:09:17 AM
I'm kind of curious what you guys thought of my confession [url]http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388[/url] ([url]http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,148734.msg580388.html#msg580388[/url])

Did I maybe go too far and was a bit too mean with what I said to the guy?  

I don't know, I'm one of these types that's tend to re-play far too many moments in my life.  I don't know.. looking back on it, I don't hold any real malice to the guy, I mean, he had a bad crap happen in his life and I wish him the best, but that day I think I just ran out of patience.  


Stop worrying. Based on what you said, the guy sounds like a bit of a douche. If the guy didn't want to be bothered in general, he should have made that clear while moving in. "I'm not very sociable, so, unless it is important, just kinda pretend I'm not here, even if I am."


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: RCMerchant on May 05, 2017, 05:22:07 AM
I was in a situation once where I had a roommate who I didn't get along with so well.  In my humble opinion, I tried really hard to talk to and find a bridge to connect to him with, but it just didn't seem to work.  I remember one time I went into the room and, noticing he was reading something, I asked, "Hey, man, what are you reading?"

No answer.

I figured maybe he didn't hear me, so I repeated myself, louder this time.

Still no answer.

Then I repeated a third time, and I have to admit, I was getting a little annoyed.  I find someone deliberately ignoring me like that to be a bit off-putting, to say the least.

So, I repeated myself and he replies, "If I didn't answer you the first time, what makes you think I'm going to answer the next three?"

And I'm like, "Well, what's the deal, why are you ignoring me?"

"Cause you're being nosy.  It's none of your business what I'm reading."

I'm like, "I'm not being nosy, it's called, 'Trying to make conversation.'"

"No, you're just being nosy!"  

After a bit of back and forth, I said, "Look, if you don't want to talk to me, why don't you just say something like, 'Gee, Mike, I'm sorry, I don't feel like talking right now.' You know, that would be the polite thing to do."

And he's all, "I shouldn't have to, you should just quit being nosey."

So, I got frustrated, and I said, "Fine, you don't want me to talk to you?  I won't.  You can just sulk there in silence, I don't care anymore."

And here, I admit, I may have went too far...

"Just remember this though, years from now when you're sitting at the nursing home in your old age, dying, and you look around and wonder why NO ONE'S come to visit you, I want you to remember this conversation."  

I don't think you went too far-

If he talked to me that way I woulda  drop kicked the book outta his hands. "You wanna be rude! THIS IS RUDE!"


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on September 26, 2017, 04:07:56 PM
I once had a coworker who I just wasn't getting on with. He often made comments about immigrants and having a wife from another country I took exception to this. After we'd had a raging arguement about it, things started getting moved around on my desk or going missing, but only after he'd been in the office by himself.

One of his issues was that he was a hygine freak and would often wash his hands with a bottle of liquid soap. One day while I was in the office I took his bottle, poured some of the contents down the toilet, and then... refilled it.

For weeks afterwards, everytime I saw him clean his hands with this gel I had a very satisfied smile on my face.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on September 27, 2017, 08:55:06 AM
I once had a coworker who I just wasn't getting on with. He often made comments about immigrants and having a wife from another country I took exception to this. After we'd had a raging arguement about it, things started getting moved around on my desk or going missing, but only after he'd been in the office by himself.

One of his issues was that he was a hygine freak and would often wash his hands with a bottle of liquid soap. One day while I was in the office I took his bottle, poured some of the contents down the toilet, and then... refilled it.

For weeks afterwards, everytime I saw him clean his hands with this gel I had a very satisfied smile on my face.

Your co-worker should know, Americans aren't immigrants, Americans are infiltrators. Keep an eye on your wife, she's likely setting up plans to annex part of Scotland.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on September 27, 2017, 11:43:11 AM
I once had a coworker who I just wasn't getting on with. He often made comments about immigrants and having a wife from another country I took exception to this. After we'd had a raging arguement about it, things started getting moved around on my desk or going missing, but only after he'd been in the office by himself.

One of his issues was that he was a hygine freak and would often wash his hands with a bottle of liquid soap. One day while I was in the office I took his bottle, poured some of the contents down the toilet, and then... refilled it.

For weeks afterwards, everytime I saw him clean his hands with this gel I had a very satisfied smile on my face.

Your co-worker should know, Americans aren't immigrants, Americans are infiltrators. Keep an eye on your wife, she's likely setting up plans to annex part of Scotland.

If you get rid of Trump you can annex the whole lot away from the UK and I wouldn't complain.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on September 28, 2017, 11:55:17 AM
One time (when I wasn't in band camp) I was trying to buy a pack of Christmas cards at a self-scan kiosk at the Hallmark Store in Florence Mall, and the kiosk malfunctioned after I'd put in ten dollars, and the attendant came over and said she'd give me my money back, and she handed me fifteen dollars (three fives)....and I sort of didn't even realize (honestly) what she'd done til it was over and then I knew I had been given five dollars too much but it was Christmas and Florence Mall was busy and that lady instantly turned to help someone else, so I took a few tentative, guilty steps away, looking back, perfectly ready to admit the mistake if she looked, but she didn't, so I took a few more steps and before you knew it was across the mall heading back to the center courtyard with its stone animals all under these overhanging colorful dowels, where I was to meet everyone with whom I'd come, feeling like I had just done something awful but I kept walking and never did go give her the five extra dollars back, knowing I was an opportunistic  thief, and to this day I wonder if that woman maybe got in trouble when her cash drawer came up short back in the Christmas of 1988.

That was when I was nine (very close to turning ten) and I still feel ashamed and have put all number of five dollar bills into poor boxes and street musicians' guitar cases, thinking that is for that five, but I still know it was wrong of me not to speak up when I realized her mistake, even if I try to rationalize and say, well, I have likely paid that forward ten times over.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on September 28, 2017, 04:03:33 PM
Was randomly thinking there that I've managed to break 9 of the 10 commandments.

Number one: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me. Yup, given I was at one point ordained as a druid priest.
Number two: You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments. See number one. And if any god would curse a child for what his parents did, then he isn't worth my worship.
Number three: You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. Pretty guilty here too.
Number four: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it. Sunday is my day for getting work done and out my way. Its also my roleplaying day.
Number five: Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. Ok, well I love my mum, so I might get 1/2 a point here, but quite frankly I'd p**s on my fathers grave if only he'd do the decent thing and die. Respect has to be earned, not demanded.
Number six: You shall not murder. Hmm, been a soldier for 16 years and seen 5 wars so far. You do the maths here.
Number seven: You shall not commit adultery. Not cheated on any of my partners, but I have had married women so I can't exactly claim innocence here.
Number eight: You shall not steal. Uhm... well no one is perfect and I was a child once upon a time. Nothing since then that I can recall.
Number nine: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. This is the one I haven't actually done.
Number ten: You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour's. Yeah, number seven gets me here as a twofer. I definitely coveted her ass.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on September 28, 2017, 06:55:03 PM
How about the Seven Deadly Sins, wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony? Oh, who am I trying to kid, everyone has done them all, sometimes in the same incident.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on October 03, 2017, 08:31:17 AM
When I was three I kissed a black Santa Claus. Gee, now I can never be the first honorary Jew to join the KKK.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on January 08, 2018, 08:46:03 PM
Number one: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me. Yup, given I was at one point ordained as a druid priest.
Number six: You shall not murder. Hmm, been a soldier for 16 years and seen 5 wars so far. You do the maths here.

Well, technically it's translated more accurately as "Thou Shall Not Commit Murder" i.e. the intentional killing of an innocent.

BTW you're a Druid Priest?  That's interesting.  I know a guy who was an ordained Pagan minister once (although I'm not exactly sure what that means either...)


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 08, 2018, 09:57:28 PM
Oh, goodie, I missed this thread!

Okay, really quick gross true confession here.

Years ago I was living with this guy and we were talking about whether or not comets brought bad luck. I said that was crazy. He said that was crazier. Joined in perfect agreement we walked outside and looked up and there above us in the firmament was the lovely fan-brush shape of Hale-Bopp comet, so nice! If you weren't there to see it, you missed out.

Then we walked back in and I said I was hungry, so I fixed a bagel and came back to the living room and right as I took my first bite there was this news story about some asinine UFO cult in San Diego called Heaven's Gate, who had committed mass suicide because they thought Hale-Bopp comet signified the end of the world (joke's on them, right?) with a local woman being among their number.

Naturally the guy I was living with and I stopped and stared in entertained fascination to hear about these numbf**ks out in California offing themselves---oh, bonus time, the men were all castrated, too!---and we were laughing our heads off, this was classic stuff, but then it showed a close-up of someone's dead hand poking out of the ritual shroud that had been laid atop him, and honestly, his hand was swollen and BLUE.

Who wants to see that s**t, right?

Well, needless to say after beholding that I did not care for that bagel anymore, so I set it on the entertainment center, but it rolled off and hit the floor and I left it there (hey, I'm from the Slacker Generation), and we went into our bedroom for the night.

Next morning I got up late and was in a hurry and was starving, so I picked the bagel up off the floor where it had been for about ten hours, and ate it on the way to my high school.

Glad that's off my chest.



Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: TYTD Review on January 11, 2018, 09:03:44 AM
Okay; so while I havent done anything genuinely horrible to someone (That I can immediately think of...) I am a walking tornado of Awkward by and large... my problem is that I have tremendous difficulty saying no to people...and while I can usually awkwardly deal with situations like that for the most part fine, there are several accounts where this can (And has) gone horribly wrong (Which I'll no doubt post about at some point soon) heres the most recent awful/awkward thing that has ever happened to me...

This ones often referred to in my friend circle as "The tale of the Babooshka"

So this happened in November last year; in the early hours of the morning I was on my way to work when I noticed one of my tyres on my car was pretty much flat, so I asked the boss if I could take an early lunch so I could go and get my tyres reinflated. Luckily one of my co-workers had an air compressor handy but it was the size of a suitcase and weighed a ton. I dont park directly outside my office so I had a bit of a trek to get to my car...but after a 10 minute walk I got there, sorted my tyres and decided to walk back into town with it to get my lunch dragging a massive air compressor with me.

I go across to an allyway that I usually cut through to get to the main drag of town where all the food shops are situated and theres a old eastern european woman on the junction selling a magazine for charity; Now these magazines are marked up to £5 (About $7) because its for charity, they're about 20 pages long and largely just about the charity in question... and theres normally always a person there and it was usually always the same person  because he was very recognisable... but today it was someone I didnt recognize.

..So I try my best *Not looking directly at her* to walk by and get past without giving her the impression that I want one... but its quite a narrow allyway...Im just about to get home free when out of nowhere she full on embraces me (She's only little, but she practically jumped her own height to get her arms around my neck) and she starts shouting loudly and dramatically "MY FRIEND! MY FRIEND! I need your help!" I said "Why; whats wrong?" she goes "I sell this." and she tries to shove a Magazine in my hands. I say  "Ohh no no thank you im sorr-" she goes "I dont want money!...no cash!. I wonder if you buy me piece of cloth" and she gestures towards the UK equivelent of a Dollar store just behind her. I think "Y'know what...if im just going to chuck her a couple of pounds for a top or a dress or soemthing thats my bit of charity done for the day...and its practical...it gives her something to wear...winters coming ect ect..." So I say ..."Oh alright then, happy to help"...

...She then holds my hands together and practically drags me (Bearing in mind im still holding a suitcase full of air compressing stuff in one of my hands which she only freed because she couldnt drag me with it) into this shop and she just keeps saying "Thank you, thank you, thank you" over and over again. she then goes up to the counter and says "My clothes" and the woman behind the till picks up what I can only describe as an industrial sized re-usable garbage bag full of clothes and starts scanning them through. the old womans just totally silent at this point and I think "Crap. what have I got myself into!?"

...so at this point in my mind im thinking "Can I actually tell a homeless woman who doesnt speak particularly good english that Im not buying her a ton of clothes? or will I be going to hell for this?"  I turn to her and say "Are these all yours?" and she goes "Yes...yes...thank you thank you thank you." and the woman at the till finishes scanning and goes "that'll be £28 please"...I look at the charity shop owner as if to say "Help me" and I turn to the woman and say "So what bit would you like me to get you?" she goes "All!...all!!! you help!" so I think on my feet open my wallet and say "Oh I only have a £10 note with me im sorry!"...the woman behind the counter goes "You've got a card there..we take cards..."... "Crap" I think...

...So I think okay how do I get out of this now!?...so I go "Im not sure how much money I've got on my card though" she goes without even blinking "Oh well; try it and see" I go "Im not sure" she goes "Go on"...Now at this point everyone who I've told this story to has said this would be the point they'd just walk out... but with the air compressor both weighing me down and filling the shop coupled with the total guilt of giving a homeless woman hope and then running away It was almost impossible to make an exit from the shop without a load of hassle both morally and physically...its one of the downsides to my crippling britishness....she punches in the price...and I think "Ah ha! if I put my pin in wrong she might not try to follow it up" so I put it in wrong and she goes "You put it in wrong...try again" ...Crap...

So in the end I accepted my fate... put the right pin in and the elderly woman takes the bag and shoves past me to get out of the shop all the while murmuring something under her breath...I get out and she goes "Theres a Jacket over there £5 you help?" I thought "You cheeky mother fu-" I said politely but firmly "No!...no no no sorry...so sorry...but no..." she then goes "You didnt pay for the magazine!" I thought "You son of a-" and I said "Oh I thought I bought you those for this?" pointing at her new clothes...she just grumbles a bit and then says "Thanks." as blunt as she possibly could and then she hobbles off up the road...

But! thats not where it ends.

I get back to the office and they want to know why I was so late in getting back in. so I tell them what i've just told you dear reader and everyones just sort of like "😮!" shocked and offering a bit of sympathy...but my boss...no no no!...he goes absolutely ballistic. not at me. at the old woman and the lady in the dollar store. he was convinced that they were in cahoots! So with my rapidly deteriorating lunch in one hand and my co workers air compressor in the other my boss just tells me to drop everything put a coat on and get out with him...

He barrells down the high street with a march like a soldier...im sort of girly running behind him desperately trying to keep up (He's about 6 foot 7, pretty well built and in his mid 50's Im about 6 foot, a bit on the chunky side and havent exercised since 2007) he goes right up to the magazine woman and just as Im about to say "Yer alright?-" My boss cuts me off by saying as loud and aggressively as he possibly can "YOU!...DONT BOTHER!... ... HIM! ... .. NO MORE!...I CALL THE POLICE!..." and this woman looks like shes been hit by mike tyson I mean she's reeling...but my boss doesnt even break stride; he marches right into the shop where it all went down and as loud as he can he bellows "WHERE WAS THE WOMAN YOU WERE DEALING WITH!?" at this point im wishing the ground would swallow me up...

I point the woman out and he says "RIGHT! You get back to the office. I'll handle this!" so I head out thoughroughly embarrassed... but as I leave the Magazine woman runs up to me and tries to shove 15 pounds into my hands she just keeps shouting "YOU TAKE MONEY!...YOU TAKE!...TAKE MONEY1!!" I just walk with my head pointing at the ground wishing for deaths sweet release all the while repeatedly saying "Dont worry about it. dont worry about it..." but as Im walking she's following me crying and pleading with me to take the cash off her...its at this point I notice a crowd is building following us as Im making my way back to work...I end up on the side of a road thats got constantly flowing traffic. Im stuck with this woman and a crowd of at least 7-10 people and Im begging for a gap in the traffic to open up...I dont know if the lord heard me but just as I thought it was going to get too much a gap opened up and I was able to duck over the road...the traffic then filled back up and her and the crowd and the woman were left stranded on the other side.

I get back to the office and 20 minutes later the boss walks back in looking a bit smug and says "Have you got the receipt mate?" I said "Yeh in my coat pocket" he says "Give it here" so I pass it to him and he says "there was definately something going on in that shop then...the cashier was trying to wash her hands of the situation "its not my problem" she says" he then goes "Though you wernt the only one! there was a man in that shop who had been fleeced the other week by that same old woman because she made his mother in law take out £150 at a cashpoint for her..." my boss tells this random bloke that this old magazine womans outside right now and the two of them go running into the street serching allys and other shops looking for the random homeless woman selling magazines...but shes gone...he says "Dont bother with those kind of people mate. they're scammers." I'll take your receipt in after work and see if I can get your money back" I sort of awkwardly said "Cheers for that" and then crawled back to my my desk to die quietly...

a couple of weeks later I heard she'd been arrested for doing the same thing AGAIN and that she'd been reported to the charity in question and that she was now no longer a member...they couldnt get my money back but she'd been cautioned...

now up until this week the story normally ended there but I saw on the local news literally the other day that she'd been arrested AGAIN for literally stealing charity buckets from hospitals...I dont know who this woman is but my god. she doesnt waste time...


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on January 11, 2018, 11:52:28 AM
You have my sympathies TYTD, I remember one day when I was going for my interview to join the RAF an Middle Eastern looking woman in the garb of a muslim stood infront of me in the street and thrust a bit of paper into my hand. It said something along the lines of she couldn't speak english and had to get someone to write this note for her. She was a refugee and was going to be deported unless she found someone to marry her, and promised she would be a good wife.

While I felt sorry for her, I decided not to marry a strange looking woman off the street who I had never met before and who couldn't speak the same language as me.

Anyway, here is my confession. Today I put on a pair of white jeans, a white tee shirt and then took a photograph on facebook simply because all my friends are used to seeing me in black and it will freak them out. Especially after we had a movie marathon recently with Invasion of the Body Snatchers as the last showing. Now I am going to make some fb posts about sports that everyone knows I hate.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 11, 2018, 12:30:20 PM
While I felt sorry for her, I decided not to marry a strange looking woman off the street who I had never met before and who couldn't speak the same language as me.


:bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: TYTD Review on January 11, 2018, 01:02:24 PM
While I felt sorry for her, I decided not to marry a strange looking woman off the street who I had never met before and who couldn't speak the same language as me.


:bouncegiggle:

Seconded! xD

Which version of Body snatchers was it out of curiosity?  :smile:


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Pacman000 on January 11, 2018, 03:13:29 PM
Anyway, here is my confession. Today I put on a pair of white jeans, a white tee shirt and then took a photograph on facebook simply because all my friends are used to seeing me in black and it will freak them out. Especially after we had a movie marathon recently with Invasion of the Body Snatchers as the last showing. Now I am going to make some fb posts about sports that everyone knows I hate.
Funny, but shouldn't you act the same except without emotion?


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on January 11, 2018, 04:20:47 PM
While I felt sorry for her, I decided not to marry a strange looking woman off the street who I had never met before and who couldn't speak the same language as me.


:bouncegiggle:

Seconded! xD

Which version of Body snatchers was it out of curiosity?  :smile:

The original was the last one played, but the Donald Sutherland versions was played earlier in the night. We sandwiched The Thing in the middle.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on January 11, 2018, 04:22:05 PM
Anyway, here is my confession. Today I put on a pair of white jeans, a white tee shirt and then took a photograph on facebook simply because all my friends are used to seeing me in black and it will freak them out. Especially after we had a movie marathon recently with Invasion of the Body Snatchers as the last showing. Now I am going to make some fb posts about sports that everyone knows I hate.
Funny, but shouldn't you act the same except without emotion?

If I did that they'd think I was being normal.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on January 17, 2018, 10:32:09 AM
Today I was in the toilet and after washing my hands I found there was no paper towels to dry my hands on. However, one of my co-workers had left a jersey hanging off a locker and I used it as a handy improvised towel.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 17, 2018, 10:45:07 AM
You know what's missing from this confession thread? Penance. Like when someone confesses the rest should assign some act of penance, like, "Alex, eat a handful of snow." That sort of thing.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on January 22, 2018, 03:30:15 PM
Uh huh. I can see me becoming the BDMO whipping boy. Perhaps we need to change those letters to BDSM?

Anyway, over Christmas I tried my best to get all my family to sit down and watch Santa Claus Conquers The Martains with me. Kristi however having watched it with me before wouldn't let me. :(


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on January 28, 2018, 07:39:17 AM
he says "Dont bother with those kind of people mate. they're scammers." I'll take your receipt in after work and see if I can get your money back" I sort of awkwardly said "Cheers for that" and then crawled back to my my desk to die quietly...

a couple of weeks later I heard she'd been arrested for doing the same thing AGAIN and that she'd been reported to the charity in question and that she was now no longer a member...they couldnt get my money back but she'd been cautioned...

A bit off-topic but this and other stories like are why I'm cynical about giving money to "homeless" people on the street. 

That being said, I too have a hard time saying, "No" and have done it in the past...


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 28, 2018, 08:02:29 AM
Today marks seven days since my cousin was known to be seen by anyone, and I have a deep-seated certainty that she is dead. When I ponder her having met whatever fate she ultimately did, I have a surprising feeling of peace that rises above my dread and sadness.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 29, 2018, 10:17:14 AM
Well, my psycho cousin is not dead, and I'm 70% relieved. Turns out she had a chance to go to Florida for a while, so hey, she gee-golly up and went to Florida with about a minute's lead-time. No word to her roommates or friends or, God forbid, family, skipping seeing her toddler son at visitation, not picking up her check or packing anything, just....Florida, here I come, because I'm a crazy Irish junky!

I truly was thinking it was curtains this time. Drugs, murder, accident, suicide, I thought something got her, but noooo, she's Little Sally Live-A-Lot down there probably getting sunburned in wintertime while she concocts new schemes to torment me.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on January 30, 2018, 08:02:48 AM
Well, my psycho cousin is not dead, and I'm 70% relieved. Turns out she had a chance to go to Florida for a while, so hey, she gee-golly up and went to Florida with about a minute's lead-time. No word to her roommates or friends or, God forbid, family, skipping seeing her toddler son at visitation, not picking up her check or packing anything, just....Florida, here I come, because I'm a crazy Irish junky!

I truly was thinking it was curtains this time. Drugs, murder, accident, suicide, I thought something got her, but noooo, she's Little Sally Live-A-Lot down there probably getting sunburned in wintertime while she concocts new schemes to torment me.

And let me guess.. she went there with some dude she'd just met?   :buggedout:


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on January 30, 2018, 08:03:35 AM
Some days all I really look forward to is what I'm going to eat for dinner that day.   :bluesad:


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on January 30, 2018, 10:51:06 AM
Some days all I really look forward to is what I'm going to eat for dinner that day.   :bluesad:

So hopefully you're telling us your dinners totally rock and roll?


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: Dark Alex on March 08, 2018, 04:47:19 PM
Once when I was back in training we were doing one of our regularly scheduled phys ed sessions. Afterwards, I got showered, dressed in my uniform and then went back to the block, opened up my kit bag and emptied it out to go do my laundry. However I then discovered I'd put my shirt in my bag and the one I'd taken off a the peg where my kit bag was must have belonged to someone else. I have often wondered about the poor guy finishing his gym session and discovering someone had (accidently) stolen his shirt. How he managed to attend the rest of his classes and so on for the remainder of the day.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: ER on March 09, 2018, 08:36:42 AM
I actually watched part of a 100-percent certifiable bad movie last night.


Title: Re: The "New" Online Confessional
Post by: AoTFan on April 23, 2018, 11:48:25 PM
You know those "take a penny, leave a penny" things?  Sometimes if there's a quarter, I'm like, "Whoa, that's WAY too much for the public" and I swipe the baby. 

 :bluesad: