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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: Svengoolie 3 on February 06, 2019, 07:17:19 PM



Title: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on February 06, 2019, 07:17:19 PM
Name some things from movies that seemed cool at first but when you stop and think about it...



Jaws, from the james bond movies, would likely be about the worst excuse for a 'hitman' possible. Sure he's a strong, tough giant with steel teeth who can bite thru trolley cable. So what?

First off he's a giant, making his obviously recognizable in a crowd. Who is he really going to sneak up on? Any competent guard could spot him a mile off, and if he's so well known in those circles who would he be going after that didn't know about him?

International law enforcement would have to know about him, Interpol would surely have him on record, he can't get past a metal detector and what's his big gimmick? He bites people to death.

Whoop-ti-doo.

Who could stop him? Well, anyone with a good gun. Gimme a .45 or a 10mm loaded with high power rounds and I''l be hollering "TIM-BERRRRR" after I put 3 in him. Her was most effective in the movies when the enemy had no gun for one reason or another.

Jaws was mostly comedy relief, in reality he'd be a terrible excuse for a hitman.







Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: zombie no.one on February 07, 2019, 03:20:23 AM
well in 'reality' Bond would be a terrible excuse for a spy (especially Roger Moore's Bond), so it all kind of evens itself out.

also the notion that "anyone with a good gun" could stop Jaws is rather self explanatory...if you're trying to go for a realistic approach, then who does that logic not apply to?





Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Trevor on February 07, 2019, 03:24:22 AM
I had to take a moment when I realized that Uwe Boll was actually more than capable of making a good film. I watched the movie Darfur, burst into tears at the end of it and was shocked to find out who the director was.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Dark Alex on February 07, 2019, 03:57:01 AM
I had to take a moment when I realized that Uwe Boll was actually more than capable of making a good film. I watched the movie Darfur, burst into tears at the end of it and was shocked to find out who the director was.

I've not seen it, but I believe he did one about the Korean war that was well received.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on February 07, 2019, 06:13:39 AM
well in 'reality' Bond would be a terrible excuse for a spy (especially Roger Moore's Bond), so it all kind of evens itself out.

also the notion that "anyone with a good gun" could stop Jaws is rather self explanatory...if you're trying to go for a realistic approach, then who does that logic not apply to?





Um,  someone who doesn't stick out like a sore thumb? Someone a guard couldn't spot in a crowd?  Someone who's trademark kill doesn't involve getting close enough to bite someone's neck bones?


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Trevor on February 07, 2019, 06:16:00 AM
I had to take a moment when I realized that Uwe Boll was actually more than capable of making a good film. I watched the movie Darfur, burst into tears at the end of it and was shocked to find out who the director was.

I've not seen it, but I believe he did one about the Korean war that was well received.

I don't know if it's the one you're thinking of, but he made a film in SA called Tunnel Rats / 1968 Tunnel Rats dealing with the Vietnam war: it's not every war movie that has the song In The Year 2525 as its' theme tune.  :teddyr:


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: zombie no.one on February 07, 2019, 07:16:29 AM
well in 'reality' Bond would be a terrible excuse for a spy (especially Roger Moore's Bond), so it all kind of evens itself out.

also the notion that "anyone with a good gun" could stop Jaws is rather self explanatory...if you're trying to go for a realistic approach, then who does that logic not apply to?





Um,  someone who doesn't stick out like a sore thumb? Someone a guard couldn't spot in a crowd?  Someone who's trademark kill doesn't involve getting close enough to bite someone's neck bones?

I admit my knowledge of firearms is minimal, but I was unaware they only work on 8ft tall behemoths. I'll bear that in mind next time I'm recruiting some henchmen...


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Trevor on February 07, 2019, 08:11:25 AM
I had to take a moment when I realized that Uwe Boll was actually more than capable of making a good film. I watched the movie Darfur, burst into tears at the end of it and was shocked to find out who the director was.

I've not seen it, but I believe he did one about the Korean war that was well received.

I don't know if it's the one you're thinking of, but he made a film in SA called Tunnel Rats / 1968 Tunnel Rats dealing with the Vietnam war: it's not every war movie that has the song In The Year 2525 as its' theme tune.  :teddyr:

(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BOTVjODhiYmUtYjBiMi00ZDA3LThjNmMtZDk5ZjkxOWVjN2JmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTQxNzMzNDI@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,666,1000_AL_.jpg)


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Gabriel Knight on February 07, 2019, 09:30:43 AM
Pretty much every slayer movie ever. Most of the killers walk extremely slow and a lot of times they're just normal people that can be gunned down like anyone else. I guess it works because they always stalk stupid teenagers, but sometimes you wonder why they don't just blow them up or cut their heads off.

No, let's run away from them, trip like idiots, and break our ankles so the killer has an easy time.  :drink:


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: WingedSerpent on February 07, 2019, 04:39:29 PM
A lot of nature's revenge films where the killer is just a normal animal.  Not one that's been mutated by radiation or possessed by a demon.  Just a normal animal, like the crocodile in Lake Placid or the snake in the first Anaconda movie.

These are creatures in real life have been hunted to near extinction or are facing habitat loss, so we humans clearly outmatch them.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on February 07, 2019, 05:44:13 PM
well in 'reality' Bond would be a terrible excuse for a spy (especially Roger Moore's Bond), so it all kind of evens itself out.

also the notion that "anyone with a good gun" could stop Jaws is rather self explanatory...if you're trying to go for a realistic approach, then who does that logic not apply to?





Um,  someone who doesn't stick out like a sore thumb? Someone a guard couldn't spot in a crowd?  Someone who's trademark kill doesn't involve getting close enough to bite someone's neck bones?

I admit my knowledge of firearms is minimal, but I was unaware they only work on 8ft tall behemoths. I'll bear that in mind next time I'm recruiting some henchmen...

Pointless snark,  you lose.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Pacman000 on February 07, 2019, 05:56:36 PM
Pretty much every slayer movie ever. Most of the killers walk extremely slow and a lot of times they're just normal people that can be gunned down like anyone else. I guess it works because they always stalk stupid teenagers, but sometimes you wonder why they don't just blow them up or cut their heads off.

No, let's run away from them, trip like idiots, and break our ankles so the killer has an easy time.  :drink:
And yet there are real slayers...  :bluesad:


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Archivist on February 07, 2019, 07:21:46 PM
I like your thinking about Jaws. He's a scary movie villain but would be terrible as a hitman in real life.

Absurb are the slasher movies where:

  • the victims run upstairs to escape
    the victims think the killer is dead, but don't make sure of it
    the victims hear creepy noises outside the house at night and go outside, one by one, to investigate
    people think only one bullet will stop the killer


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on February 27, 2019, 10:16:17 PM
Also when you think abiut it woldn't the death star explosion over Endor in return of the Jedi have xxxxed up the planet by hammering it with massive debris?


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Dark Alex on February 28, 2019, 02:00:23 AM
I like your thinking about Jaws. He's a scary movie villain but would be terrible as a hitman in real life.

Absurb are the slasher movies where:

  • the victims run upstairs to escape
    the victims think the killer is dead, but don't make sure of it
    the victims hear creepy noises outside the house at night and go outside, one by one, to investigate
    people think only one bullet will stop the killer

Double tap for the win.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: TensionSplice on March 03, 2019, 11:25:25 PM
I like your thinking about Jaws. He's a scary movie villain but would be terrible as a hitman in real life.

Absurb are the slasher movies where:

  • the victims run upstairs to escape
    the victims think the killer is dead, but don't make sure of it
    the victims hear creepy noises outside the house at night and go outside, one by one, to investigate
    people think only one bullet will stop the killer

To be fair, would we really expect a your average person (who doesn't deal with life or death circumstances on a regular basis) to be making rational decisions after some dude in a hockey mask just killed a bunch of their friends? I will agree though that all of those points make for pretty bad cinema.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Archivist on March 04, 2019, 01:53:30 AM
I like your thinking about Jaws. He's a scary movie villain but would be terrible as a hitman in real life.

Absurb are the slasher movies where:

  • the victims run upstairs to escape
    the victims think the killer is dead, but don't make sure of it
    the victims hear creepy noises outside the house at night and go outside, one by one, to investigate
    people think only one bullet will stop the killer

To be fair, would we really expect a your average person (who doesn't deal with life or death circumstances on a regular basis) to be making rational decisions after some dude in a hockey mask just killed a bunch of their friends? I will agree though that all of those points make for pretty bad cinema.

Maybe it's BECAUSE I've watched umpteen movies like this, but if, heaven forbid, a homicidal maniac came after me and I managed to put him down, I'm making sure he's staying down.

Decades ago, my great-grandmother heard someone poking around outside the house at about 11.30 in the night, knocking on windows or something. She had this brainwave that maybe she should go outside to have a look! Fortunately, my mother stopped this foolishness and they called the cops instead. So perhaps there's a bit of art imitating life, too.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Dark Alex on March 04, 2019, 01:55:52 AM
I like your thinking about Jaws. He's a scary movie villain but would be terrible as a hitman in real life.

Absurb are the slasher movies where:

  • the victims run upstairs to escape
    the victims think the killer is dead, but don't make sure of it
    the victims hear creepy noises outside the house at night and go outside, one by one, to investigate
    people think only one bullet will stop the killer

To be fair, would we really expect a your average person (who doesn't deal with life or death circumstances on a regular basis) to be making rational decisions after some dude in a hockey mask just killed a bunch of their friends? I will agree though that all of those points make for pretty bad cinema.

Maybe it's BECAUSE I've watched umpteen movies like this, but if, heaven forbid, a homicidal maniac came after me and I managed to put him down, I'm making sure he's staying down.

Decades ago, my great-grandmother heard someone poking around outside the house at about 11.30 in the night, knocking on windows or something. She had this brainwave that maybe she should go outside to have a look! Fortunately, my mother stopped this foolishness and they called the cops instead. So perhaps there's a bit of art imitating life, too.

Ever been in a house alone and heard a strange noise? What did you do at that point?


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on March 04, 2019, 02:46:00 AM
What do I do?  Grab a weapon or two, maybe a light,  and investigate.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Pacman000 on March 04, 2019, 06:50:07 PM
I'd turn on the outside lights & maybe look out the window.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Archivist on March 05, 2019, 05:02:57 AM
If I hear a strange noise inside the house, I pick up something which can be used as a weapon and become as quiet as possible to listen for further noises. I remain this way until I'm satisfied that things are okay.

If there's someone obviously in the backyard and knocking on windows, I'm definitely not going outside. That's just silly.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Dark Alex on March 05, 2019, 05:06:56 AM
According to my 'Pocket Guide to Surviving Horror Movies', everyone who goes to investigate the noise, regardless of what they take with them dies. The best way to survive is to barricade the room you are in (including boarding up the window).


If I was a movie psycho though, I'd just set the barricades on fire, so not sure it is that great a survival technique. *shrug*


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Pacman000 on March 05, 2019, 09:00:56 AM
If I was a movie psycho though, I'd just set the barricades on fire, so not sure it is that great a survival technique. *shrug*
And that's happened  in real life too. :(

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Lloyd_Wright#Catastrophe_at_Taliesin_studio


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: LilCerberus on March 05, 2019, 03:03:40 PM
Also when you think abiut it woldn't the death star explosion over Endor in return of the Jedi have xxxxed up the planet by hammering it with massive debris?

Most of it would've burned up in the atmosphere, with one very large piece going down in an unpopulated region of Australia.


Title: Re: When you stop and think about it...
Post by: Svengoolie 3 on April 17, 2019, 06:49:38 PM
I used to be really impressed by this scene in the man with the golden gun, partially because they make it look so plausible.

http://youtu.be/6B-QUGSCV6c (http://youtu.be/6B-QUGSCV6c)

But later, I have to think "Ok, if you can make this thing work, and hide the flight assembly and the machine meant to attach it to the car in a building, um, why not just have a regular car, perhaps one with s souped up engine, and a regular plane hidden in a building, drive the car to the building, leave it and fly away in the plane? Seems like it'd have to be cheaper and much easier to pull off logistically."