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As fear of "religious persecution" rises the Vatican today announced plans for a new generation of armed,  mobile,  armored churches able to defend themselves in possible upcoming religious wars between various faiths such as islam,  Scientology, etc.

"Our new cathedrals,  they're a gonna be a thousand feet high! " vowed cardinal Frankenstino, talking about the upcoming houses of worship.  "We're gonna arm them heavily, to defend themselves and their congregations from persecution. Plus they're gonna be self propelled,  able to walk and carry the worda God to remote areas where the faithful might not have access to transportation. "

He displayed a scale model of one of the vaticans planned force of 21st century cathedrals for newsmen.  See below.

(https://theepiclounge.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/imperator1.jpg?)

It was also announced that Saudi Arabia and Iran were  both working on mosques of similar design.  When asked where the new generation mosques would hold their first services,  mullahs from both Iran and Saudi Arabia replied "Allah willing, the center of Tel Aviv. "

The picture is actually of an Imperator Titan,  a unit used in wargames set in the warhammer 40,000 universe.

Famous South African finally washes undies  :buggedout: :wink:

Follow up story: Crisis in south africa as 2/3 of fresh water in country becomes undrinkable overnight!

French "Black Metal" Band Bummed that Notre Dame Burned Before They Could Burn It.

Pierre and Jean Luc, aka "Gallic Grave Desecrator" and "Morbid Nocturnal Florist" of the French Black Metal band Fromage De La Mort, are angry that the Notre Dame Cathedral caught fire before they had a chance to light it themselves.

Said Morbid, "Pierre -- I mean Desecrator, and me, we were just, 'ow you say, watching zee "Lords of Chaos" movie, and when zey set zee churches on fire we said, 'zat sounds like a great idea!' So we got some torches, put on our corpse paint and boo-let belts, and got on ze bus to Paree... but by ze time we reached zee city, zee fire was already all over ze news! What are zee odds? We are so, how you say, disappointed!"

The band was in the process of buying airline tickets to New York City when they heard news of a man being arrested at St. Patrick's Cathedral in Manhattan while carrying several gallons of gas and a lighter.

"Oh, come ON!" said Desecrator, slapping his forehead. "Are you fooking keeding me? Mon dieu! Zere is no point in even getting on zee plane now, everyone would think we were copying zat guy! I bet he doesn't even have a band!"

The band has decided to abandon any further plots "until zee trend dies down" and will remain in their "crypt" (aka Pierre's mom's basement) composing their so-called "tr00 grimm gallik blakk poser crushing mettle."

Today was a sad day for miliions of Americans after it was confirmed that Ted Nugent was still alive.