Badmovies.org Forum

Even more recent viewings!  I love being home.

I finally had the chance to watch "Attack from Mars" and let me just say that it is a horrid film.  A creature from Mars invades a theater where they are showing a "Space Patrol" episode.  It eats people.  That is pretty much the whole plot.  Was the sneezing girl (who kept pulling long latex boogers from her nose) supposed to be funny?  How about the drunk cowboy and his menstruating girlfriend?  The busty girl getting felt up by the greasy gang?  Katie was totally confused, asking me things like, "Is this the movie, or the movie inside the movie?"  I annoyed her by responding, "Yes."

Oh, and the slimy invading monster was defeated BY THAT?  Couldn't you have made it ingest sodium or something?  Screw this movie!

Also, another finally, I watched "The Brainiac."  In 1661, a baron is burnt for being a sorcerer or some sort of wicked spell caster.  He notices a fake comet and pronounces doom upon the descendants of his persecutors.  He will return within 300 years and make them all pay!  In 1961 (where, barely made it), the comet returns and a meteorite drops off (!), from which issues the demonic noble.  He turns into a sucker-clawed, brain-eating, biped that drains off its victims' brains through two holes in the neck.  Wow, this one could take some getting used too.

Finally, the new version of "The Time Machine."  They never do a very good job of explaining the paradox, which is a shame because it is the whole point of the movie.  The main bad guy, Jeremy Irons, the Lumerian, is hardly developed either.  Meanwhile, we have a whole tribe of silly kids, just like the ones from "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" to deal with.  Although, the girl was pretty cool (read: yum).  

The lesson I learned was: If you are going to build a time machine, make sure that it is well padded.

Every few seconds that guy was cracking his head against something brass and seeing stars.

(Frankly, I'd have zipped to a good point in the past and picked up a couple of pulse rifles.  Morlock this!  ***ZAAPPPP!***)

>Finally, the new version of "The Time Machine."

Isn't it lucky how when an inventer goes zipping forward in time he never stops in a time where he'd be exposed to a lethal dose of radiation or a deadly disease?

>They never do a very good job of explaining the paradox,

I'd like to see them film a short story I once read as an episode of maybe the new New Twilight Zone; A guy invents a small prototype time machine and demonstrates it to a friend. He sends it two minutes into the future and it works perfectly. He's about to send it two minutes into the past when his friend asks, "Won't that create a paradox? We were standing here two minutes ago and it didn't appear, so how can you send it back?" The scientist decides to try it and see. The last line of the story was "There was no paradox, the time machine appeared precisely 2 minutes in the past. The rest of the universe blinked out of existance."

"The Brainiac" is a howler, from the ass-numbingly long "prosecution" monologue to the hand-drawn "comet" to the 300-year-long burning (the years change in a title imposed over a cheap miniature of a man burning at the stake, suggesting that it goes on a damn long time) to all the assorted unexplained idiocies (Why does this warlock turn into a rubbermasked boogeyman, anyway? Why does he eat brains? Where did the one he keeps in that fancy-assed dish come from?). Adorable. Don't forget the cheap backdrops. Hey, do all Mexican "detectives" get to carry standard-issue flamethrowers?

Oh, lord, the "acting." Eeeeeeeee.

Hey, did Dr Freex do this one? It sure sounds familure....kind of hard to confuse that plot  with anything else!

Andrew wrote:
>
> Finally, the new version of "The Time Machine."  

I enjoyed this one.  It's not high entertainment, but it did have some pretty entertaining bits.  Ditto on the well-padded time machine.

And what's with Jeremy Irons and the overacting lately?

Here the review (http://www.scifilm.org/reviews2/timemachine02.html) I wrote for Scifilm back when it came out in theaters.

As much as the new version of THE TIME MACHINE has had it's share of good and bad reviews (mostly bad), I think I will stick with the original George Pal 1960's version. Rod Taylor's performance in the original could beat any of the other actors in the new version and the special CGI effects look quite horrid (especially in the trailers).

The original was about the time traveler George wanting to see what the new world in the future would become and about an undying friendship between George and his Scottish pal Filby (played effectively by Alan Young, another good actor). And I especially like the H.G. Wells refference in which the clock counter of the time machine says "Manufactured and created by Herbert George Wells" (and the character of the film is named George). Add an energetic Sebastian Cabbot (another favorite actor) and you have a good adaptation of the novel.

In the new version, the time traveler wanted to go back in time to save his girlfriends unexpected death. But where's the friendship between Filby? Where's the time travelers ambition to see ahead of the future? These are the original elements of the Wells novel that are in the 1960's version, but are nowhere to be found in this new version.

Sorry, but I will stick to the original George Pal film. I mean, the 1960's version actually has a plot, great acting, solid effects, nice pacing, etc. And the new version has NOTHING! Way to let me down again Hollywood. If Hollywood does FOOD OF THE GODS, make sure it's about the giant wasps, rats, and children and not a dull love subplot.

I'm with Chris K. The feel of the first film, for those very human reasons, has kept me from the new film. I'll see it when the library gets  it on dvd, but.... Yeah. The simple human curiosity of George is an element that modern film makers can't appreciate. Not "Profound" enough....Sheeya, right.

I'd take the Pal version over the Simon Wells version any day of the week.  It's just that the new one wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be, and I actually had a good time.

I can't remember if Freex reviewed it, but I did way back in the day:

http://www.jabootu.com/brainiac.htm

I agree, I thought that Mars Attacks was an insufferable film.  I was quite sadden by this, as I then thought that Tim Burton could do no wrong.  The opening with the fleet of saucers and the theremin music was keen, too.  Unfortunately, after that is was a one-joke affair.  Jack Nicholson, meanwhile, proved once and for all that he's no Peter Sellers.

I haven't seen Time Machine, but of course The Brainiac is about the greatest movie ever made.

Oh, I almost forgot - the good guy wins the day with a pun!  (Get it?  GET IT?)

I would give this a two out of five.

Ken, I thought "Mars Attacks" was okay, but the film at hand is "Attack from Mars."  Wade Williams was a cowriter and producer.  It was originally released under the title "Midnight Movie Massacre."

Horrid little film.  Thank goodness Wade sticks to collecting films and not making them (for the most part).

Sorry, brain freeze.  Maybe it's because I just watched Beneath Loch Ness!

Ken Begg wrote:
>
> Sorry, brain freeze.  Maybe it's because I just watched
> Beneath Loch Ness!

I warned you about that stupid movie.  But no, nobody ever listens to the Staff Sergeant.  "Don't pick up the rattlesnake." I say.  Yet, five minutes later, one of them is dancing around because it has its fangs embedded in his nose.

Must...pick...up....rattlesnake....big monster always goooood...OUCH!

Oh, lordy. I can see that as a commercial, Andrew. "My name is Andrew Borntreger, U.S.M.C. Here at (Where the heck it is your stationed), My boots are being trained in the art of war." (Back ground shot of boots getting the D.I treatment about the dangers of poisonous reptiles )" Naturaly, even in the Marines some things can go wrong. " Boot leaps up from behind a scrub brush with a rattlesnake hanging from his nose ) Thats why i always carry a handy spray bottle of Bactine". ( Boots pry snake off Boot's nose with a bottle opener. Andrew sprays bactine on boot's red, swollen honker) "Bactine. Good enough even for the Marines" ( Boot with bandage on nose. D.I. informs said boot on the importance of policeing footgear for scorpions. boot looks apprehensive.)  Well....it could work.