Badmovies.org Forum

Dear "1-900-Collect:" I'm never gonna use you until I see this.

Carrot Top barges into a run-down house.

Carrot: "Hi everybody! Wanna save money on collect cawwaaaaaaaghk!!"

Leatherface pops up and snatches the little a***ole up by the throat. Carrot struggles and tries to scream as Leatherface carries him into a back room and impales him on a meat hook. Carrot Top is still kicking and squealing, so Leatherface takes an axe and plants the blade right between his eyes, splitting his empty skull in two. Carrot Top's last whiny breath pushes a wad of bloody snot out of his mouth, which dribbles slowly down his chin.

Aaaaaaah. Hey, guess who I can't f***ing stand?

Okay, your turn.

The Skittles commercials
Just once I would love to see when it starts raining candies with a HARD SHELL, the people running and screaming. Huge red welts form on their bodies. Every now and then you get a few stuck together and crack a skull open,
Ahhhhh, real life

Carrot top is so friggin' annoying, not funny.

I also despise the Michelin tire ads with the babies in them.  If you don't have Michelin tires it means you don't care whether your kids die? I hate ads like that.

Carrot Top is standing my a riverside pier. He goes into his speal, when a pleasiosaure rears its head out of the river, chomps him, and pulls his screaming carcuss into the water.
....Other then that, i have no problim with the mutant boy from Hell.
....Anyone else thought that a site dedicated to flash animations for personlised vengence on annoying commercial geeks would be a good idea? Talk about high audience demand.......

I refuse to use products who's commercials annoy me.

Any long distance calling plan.
Sprint PCS

Especially offensive are commercials that show the need for a product based on someone needing the product because they are an idiot.

I'd like to see an ad for a home pregnancy test where they find out the woman isn't pregnant and you see the guy unpacking his suitcase as he breathes a sigh of relief.

I've been tempted to take all four of my kids into a drugstore or wal-mart or something, carrying a half empty box of some contraceptive product, walk up to their customer service desk and say "I want a refund...as you can see this stuff obviously doesn't work!"

The commercials I hate the most are the ones that attempt to convince us that we need some useless product by showing us how much the existing, cheaper, far superior way of doing things sucks.

I vaguely remember one that showed some guy going for a walk through the neighbourhood getting chased by dogs, sprayed by hoses, almost hit by cars and stuff like that. Boy, doesn't it suck to go for a walk! All that fresh air, changing scenery and potential for human interaction - horrible. It's so much better, more tranquil, to stay at home, in a room, in one spot, running like a gerbil on some crappy overpriced machine.

I remember a few products that were promoted using the same principle. They just get under my skin. We really don't need advertisers telling us that good things are bad to sell their crap. If you have a better way of doing things, people will recognize it. If you have to show us this BS, it's time to go back to the drawing board.

Comparative advertising, in general, bugs me. Tell me why your product is good, not why the alternative is bad. Taking cheap shots at the competition is in poor taste.

I hate all info-mercials that have the bumbling idiot who accidently hurts themselves because they arent using the easy promatic fitsmajig!!! "Careful that curling iron is hot!" the annoucer warns just as the woman slips and pushes the curling iron onto her cheek. "oh no! Don't let this happen to you! Buy our product within the next 10 minutes and will also send you this handy carrying case at no additional cost, but thats not all! We'll also send you an extra months supply of (crap) because its really only 98% water anyway!

All people in infomercials are retards who overreact to everything. I'd like to see one where they say, "This is Jim, he had a lobotomy in '94. Of course, you won't have such a tough time turning a door knob, but you should still buy this!"

I'd like to see a pregnancy test ad where a woman gets a positive result...then walks into the bathroom with a coat hanger. Actually, I wouldn't LIKE to see that, but it would be a twist.

Then there's the pharmaceutical ads with the terrible side effects. Why don't they dramatize that? A guy sitting on the toilet with explosive diahrrea, with a runny nose, intense nausea and an inability to speak from drymouth, but hey, at least he's not depressed!

A man with a cell phone is moving through a dark corridor full of pipes.  He has a flashlight shining the way and a cell phone at his ear.  With every step he takes he says: "Can you hear me now?  Good!"

Cut to Sigourney Weaver, Ian Holm, Yaphet Koto and friends in that scene in "Alien" watching one blip in the maze drawing closer to that one.  Their screams of alert are ignored as the blithering idiot continues down the corridor:

"Can you hear me now?  Good!"
"Can you hear me now?  Good!"
"Can you hear me now?  Good!"

He turns a corner and his light suddenly illuminates a lunging, shreiking "Alien."

Cut to some dorky technician in the cell phone headquarters tapping the ear piece of his head set.  He says:  "Hmph.  I lost him."

Damn you Dano!!!! I had a similar one that now sucks. I was just gonna have the guy get hit by a truck.

Heres one:

NBC is showing there new fall line up then at the end the announcer says, "WHY THE f**k WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE THIS ON TV?!"

Or how about the Dell guy coming up to a possible customer. Just to get zapped with mace and then beatin up and escorted to the door by security.

Or how about those stupid football guys killing each other over a dollar they find on the road. ITS A GOD DAMN DOLLAR LET IT GO!!!! those fools b***h and wine over a dollar all the time id like to see them in an all out bloodlusting war over 100 pennies, then i come in and burn them all with a flamethrower. the dollar would of course have to catch fire too, its only right.

I had a great idea for a t-shirt.  The front said "Make 7", and the back said "Go f**k Yourself".

Later I found out  an actual company was making a modified version of this.  I really need to open up my own t-shirt business.

Say, does anyone remember theose gladlock bag commercials? You know, the one where that creepy bald guy is talking to some lady saying:
"Well, here we have a lady we doesn't want to use our blue and yellow make green seal bags. So we are going to lock her in a phone booth wih her generic brand bag filled with KILLER BEES! and one of our bags, also filled with bees. Unless she agrees to buy only our brand from now on" The lady, terrified at this creepy bald guy, tearfully agrees to start buying their zip-lock bags, or else. he even shakes the bag at her and starts making 'buzzing' nosies at her. I would have paid good money to see her kick that dude right in the stomach, hiptoss his arse into the booth, then toss BOTH bags in there with him. All the while screaming: "I will buy any damn bags I want to buy you rat soup eating honkey mother******!"
D

"Or how about the Dell guy coming up to a possible customer."

...Who turns out to be the Hag from "Evil Dead II." Aw yeah.

Dell Guy: "Dude...YAAAAAAAAA!!"
The Hag: "Dude! You're going to Hell!!!"
Dell Guy: "Not cool! Not cool! EEEEEE!!!"
The Hag: "Oh, shut up, Beavis."
(crunch crunch)

How about a variation on the current Glad bag commercials?

"Mike Ditka is mad!"

 "That's 'cause your voice is grating enough to drive the deaf to suicide, lady! God!"

The mention of fall TV lineups in a previous post reminded me of another type of commercial that gets on my nerves. A new TV show is coming, and it's billed as "the hottest new show of the season" before a single episode has aired. Talk about trying to brainwash people with bulls**t.

I'd suggest a more honest phrasing:
"You've seen it on the other networks. Hell, you've seen it on our network. The formula seems pretty successful to us, so we thought we'd throw more of the same s**t up the flagpole and see who salutes. See hot chicks and poofy young heartthrob actors to give you unrealistic fantasies. Live vicariously through them and forget your own pitiful existance for an hour a week (until syndication and daily bombardment). Enjoy plots that won't challenge your mental abilities, and a continuing story arc that gives you something to follow other than current events. Not to worry, we throw in just enough timely issues for us to pretend it's saying something important. Don't miss it."

  Or it could say, "This might be a good show, it might not, but watch it or many people will be out of a job. You wouldn't want to make people lose their job, would you?" Or: "Join the Collective. Watch Our Show."

  How about, "PBS: We Know Where You Live."

  I like the Dell/Evil Dead one. After the Hag gets him, it could show him lying there until some foolish person reaches down to help. At which point The Man Himself comes in and utters those famous words: "It's a trick. Get an axe." You could show the Dell kid's eyes getting real big when he hears that. Cut to black and a satisfying thwack.

Hair loss commercials.
....As a man with no problims about the fact that i'm not loseing hair, i'm gaining scalp, i reeeely hate those deals where they try to make you proud of "Doing a shatner".
....Look, Connery is bald, Stewart is bald, G. Gordon Liddy is bald, Yul Brenner was bald....it ain't so bad! Its freakin' life, ya jamokes!
....Heck, Even Lando Molari's Love of his life was bald, and she wern't too bad.( I prefer my ladies with long hair, but thats me..)
....Get, a freakin clue, hair club for men. And you guys with the "Head paint". Yeah, i'm lookin' at you. I don't care... deal with it!
....Oh, and Carrot top should die a lingering death in the pit of the Sarlac.

>I'd like to see a pregnancy test ad where a woman gets a positive result...then
>walks into the bathroom with a coat hanger. Actually, I wouldn't LIKE to see that,
>but it would be a twist.

 I read an article once that said the one commercial you'll never see is a woman unhappy over a positive result, because that would bring up thoughts of abortion.

>The mention of fall TV lineups in a previous post reminded me of another type of
>commercial that gets on my nerves

 I'd like to see them air one that says; "This show is intelligent and will probably attract a large cult audience, so make sure to tape it because we're probably going to cancel it after about 5 episodes."

One set of commercials that have been bugging me lately are the ones with the babies doing some adult task when they notice something leaking, so they use their diapers to stop the leak. If they're smart enough to figure out how to do that, why are they still wearing diapers??? Oh, and the ads for Expedia.com; "Change your search without using the back button." What, do these people have computers that shock them every time they click the back button? I want to see one where the guy doesn't get the search results he wants and then starts shaking and whining "Oh dear god, I can't start another search from here, I have to use the BACK BUTTON!!!" Another guy walks up, asks what the big deal is and then clicks it for the guy, who screams in terror and runs off camera.

Yes - the Dell guy can't die soon enough to suit me.

How about the Energizer Bunny getting hacked to pieces with a machete by Jason from the Friday the 13th movies.  As Jason walks off we see a Duracell battery poking through the rotting flesh on his back.

http://www.mustbedestroyed.com

Ah yes, diaper commercials.The one that gets me is the Pull-Ups training pants. You know, "I'm a big kid now." It shows the kid opening the drawer, getting out a fresh pair and putting them on. He can do all that, but he can't use a toilet yet.

I agree that hair replacement commercials are annoying. I keep my head shaved, so I might be biased. Still, I don't agree with playing on people's insecurity to sell products and I especially don't like the way they talk about a perfectly natural and normal thing like it's some kind of disease.

One other thing about hair replacement ads. In a lot of them, the people always strike me as more likeable in the before pictures. I don't know if it's because they're trying to look confident in the after pictures, or what, but they always seem to look like a***oles in the after pictures.

Besides, there is something really unnatural about a middle-aged man with the hairline of a teenager.

Energizer Bunny arrested.

Charged with battery.

And how about the ads for those clear braces? Someone with normal braces smiles and everyone looks appalled. Braces are a very normal, every-day thing, and no one really cares if you have them or not.

One I'd like to se:

"I have to take pills for my genital herpes, because I'm a whore. These pills are easier to take because I only have to remember take two a day instead of five, and that's good because whores have terrible memory."

Yeah what's up with clear braces? When it came time to for me to get braces do you know what I wanted. I wanted the old kind. The big, radio wave, wrap around the head, rusty kind. I thought it'd be cool. Damn orthodontest gave me just the regular ones. I was dissapointed.

There used to be an ad for a cleaning product that started out; "If you have men or boys in your home, your bathroom probably needs cleaning every day." What? Like men just aim in the general direction of the toilet from 3 feet away?

Ah...yes....am i the only guy who wonders why its our job to remember the possision of the toliet seat?
....What, women are too dumb or lazy to check the seat placement before sitting down? I do...i don;t like cold porcilin eather!
....Adult ladies...please remember, as adults in the family, its your job to watch out for your own derriare! This message from the "I was not born a mindreader or your potty trainer" institute for inter sexual relations.......um...does that sound weird to you, too?

True. Why is it a big deal to put the seat down if you need to sit, but not a big deal to raise it if you need to stand? I've never been able to figure that one out.

This does remind me of another variety of commercial I hate. The ones in which the husband is either an incompetent boob, clumsy fool, helpless whiner, lazy slob, or all-around lovable accident waiting to happen. Luckily, his wife knows what products to buy, where to take the car, and who to hire.

... hire a hitman and tell him to kill everyone of those people who were "singing" in that N. Y Lotto commercial (except the choir).  God I hate that song.

Another disturbing commercial is the one for penial enhancement.  Where you see people having a ball at a party with one guy feeling down.  And that was before.  Then, after the "penial enhancement", the same guy is now the life of the party.  Who thought up this cruel, sick joke?
------------------------------------------------------------
From every1 in NYC, c-ya.

>am i the only guy who wonders why its our job to remember the possision of the
>toliet seat?

 Nope. Actually, I figure it's much more equal to leave the seat up. Men have to raise the seat before peeing, so it's only fair that women should have to put it down before peeing.

And sometimes I'll go to the bathroom in the morning and the female in the house (be it mom or girlfriend or whatever) leaves the seat down, and I think it's still up, so I p**s all over and have to clean it up! The pedulum swings both ways, ladies.

...or, "I'm A Big Kid Now! ...Uh, Aren't I?"

Wow, it seems that the simple function of lifting or setting down a lightweight toilet seat/lid is a bigger chore than I dreamed. I've mastered the task; maybe I should get some kind of medal? Here's some tips:

(1) Urinating standing up produces an unavoidable amount of "splatter." No one wants to see your urine drying on the porcelain, but you're even less likely to clean it up than you are to put the stupid lid down. (J.R. cleans up after himself, so that's something.) So just put the stupid lid down.

(2) When people live together, they have to compromise. Is this too Herculean a task? Too complicated? Does it somehow emasculate you macho macho men to set the toilet lid down without slamming it? Hells no.

(3) Look before you leak. If Flangepart can check to see what's where before letting it rip, so can J.R. and the rest of us.

(4) Don't deliberately p**s on the seat. Or in the shower. Or in the sink. That's not macho or cool; that's childish, idiotic, filthy, and stupid. To put it another way: Beavis would do it.

NOTE: If I seem uptight about this, it's because it's such a simple task--yet where I work, my fully-grown, adult co-workers regularly violate all of the above "rules." This includes p**sing on the seat, along with other crap like scrawling penises and smearing boogers on the walls. Damn, it's like living in one of the cages at the zoo--only filthier. I'd call them a bunch of f***ing apes, but that's not fair to crap-flinging monkeys. Makes me want to break some hands with a lead pipe.

"Possision?"

Ewwwww! My sympathy, Squishy. Gag....its not that hard, people! Lift when standing,drop when sitting....what, its brain surgery? Thank God for urinals. Sheesh!

Yep, can't see why everybody can't follow the simple rule that if the seat isn't where you want it, move it yourself. It all evens out in the end.

This is difficult for some women because it requires them to look before sitting down. I've been told that this is the flaw in the idea.

If any of you guys want to start a really funny debate with your significant other, point out that keeping the seat down requires twice as much effort from men, who must first raise then lower it, than would be required for a woman to simply lower the seat and leave it there. This would only be required if it happens to be up. However, when keeping the seat down all the time, the man does all the work, since the woman will never have to move it at all.

It's actually not an issue in my house, because we have dogs, one of whom loves to lick faces. The lid has to stay down.

Woof! And on that note....
....What about a commercial where you hear two voices debateing the issue of toilet bowl cleaners...and its two dogs looking in the bowl, complimenting the lady of the house for getting a "Tasty" blue water cleanser.
....WOOF!